Cathy Lim Posted February 14, 2023 Report Share Posted February 14, 2023 Hello Everyone, Last time I submitted I sent two chapters. That seemed a bit confusing so I'm just sending one this time. I'm just looking for general reader feedback. This is a POV switch from the first three chapters. A reminder that this is book two. Sorry I didn't do a good job with reminders of what happened in the first book. Something I need to work on. Thanks everybody! I really appreciate it! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginger_reckoning Posted February 14, 2023 Report Share Posted February 14, 2023 (edited) P2 Oh, interesting, this is a view point from Z I’m interested in how the magic seems to work here. “small miniature flaming dragon” Small and miniature is a little redundant P3 “Covenant with P” so far I’m really interested in this magic system. It seems like a mixture of Biblical and Eastern traditions, which is cool to me. I also like the established cost of using the magic, which is potentially very dangerous, as well as being able to directly interact with the ancestors P4 “How to win friends…” not sure what is meant by that I’m surprised that he is this disrespectful of the ancestors, who are obviously so important to everyone else “Now Z-kneel please” I don’t think this should be a new line. K wants to get into the library, then? Not sure what to make of that at this point since I don’t have much of a bead on him other than helpful and possibly a love interest for Z. Edited February 14, 2023 by ginger_reckoning 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginger_reckoning Posted February 14, 2023 Report Share Posted February 14, 2023 Forgot to post my overall thoughts! I liked the magic system presented here, and I think it's cool that they can actually interact with the ancestors themselves. I'm not sure what the takeaway from this chapter is, other than Z being done learning magic, and meeting K. Is K wanting to get into the library supposed to be seen as something dangerous, or just something curious? Right now I'm not sure. Overall, I enjoyed this chapter! Very interesting stuff. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K. Preston Posted February 15, 2023 Report Share Posted February 15, 2023 I am liking your story and find it intriguing. I am definitely interested in knowing more about Z and R. Ok so as I read: Pg1. I understand that Z's nausea is linked somehow to his beads and training, but honestly have no idea how or why. Maybe this is just me. Pg2-5. I agree with @ginger_reckoning on the magic system. I would like to know more about it and cant wait to see it in action. Pg6. "Somehow he pulled Z to his feet." On my first read I thought K was weak and small, on my second I realized that Z is still recovering. Pg8. I am not sure if Z is leery of K or seeing something of himself in K within the second to last line. I realize that I am behind because there are characters and knowledge that I am not familiar with from your first book. I guess that puts me at a disadvantage with what is happening so far, but don't worry I am not bothered by it. I am enjoying things so far and look forward to another chapter. Good luck K.P. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little_Dagger Posted February 15, 2023 Report Share Posted February 15, 2023 As I go: P.1. confused about the significance of the beads “student’s” probably should be “students’” “inventory”? P.2/3. Is it “Ignis” or “Ingis” – both are on the page often P.3. “across his clothes soaking wet” – stumbled here P.4. – “How to win friends…” – I think I get the idea but had to pause to think about it (maybe WRS?) P.5. “bent with a few thousand years of age” – so Ancestor ghosts’ bodies change over the centuries? I assumed that like all usual ghosts they are frozen in the shape they had when they died… “Oh hello” – a very different between the first and the second intruders “Every” should not be capitalized P.7. “and then get to my lessons” – aren’t they over now? Overall: Great chapter! I enjoyed seeing a new POV and an example of the double powered magic users R was told about in the previous chapter. Is K related to the family R is researching I was a little lost in the beginning since I did not know the significance of heating beads, but that is probably something explained in book one, so likely not a problem. I love the magic system and really want to learn more! I had a few questions about the healing covenant: It is clear that if Z takes a life with his powers he also dies. But what about euthanasia? Is it possible to take a life if the person asks you to? Would the Ancestors punish him automatically, without a “trial”? (By the way, how does death happen? Do the Ancestors’ ghosts appear and kill him or the magic itself somehow does?) Also, what if Z enters a house and does not help an injured there (eg. he doesn’t have time, or the patient is the biggest baddest villain)? Is it also punishable by death? How much wiggle room is there in the Covenant? Thanks for the submission! I enjoyed it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted February 16, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 On 2/14/2023 at 1:06 PM, ginger_reckoning said: K wants to get into the library, then? Not sure what to make of that at this point since I don’t have much of a bead on him other than helpful and possibly a love interest for Z. Yes. He wants to do research on using healing magic to kill since it's forbidden knowledge. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted February 16, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 On 2/14/2023 at 1:10 PM, ginger_reckoning said: Overall, I enjoyed this chapter! Very interesting stuff. Thank you! It's still rough, but your thoughts and questions are helpful! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted February 16, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 On 2/14/2023 at 4:45 PM, K. Preston said: I realize that I am behind because there are characters and knowledge that I am not familiar with from your first book. I guess that puts me at a disadvantage with what is happening so far, but don't worry I am not bothered by it. I am enjoying things so far and look forward to another chapter. No worries, everyone is in that position. I only sent out a synopsis of book one with my first submission so it's somewhat hard to know all the foreshadowing I did in that book to set up the events in this one. Thanks for your thoughts! All of it will go into helping me revise the books! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted February 16, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 19 hours ago, Yuliya said: I had a few questions about the healing covenant: It is clear that if Z takes a life with his powers he also dies. But what about euthanasia? Is it possible to take a life if the person asks you to? Would the Ancestors punish him automatically, without a “trial”? (By the way, how does death happen? Do the Ancestors’ ghosts appear and kill him or the magic itself somehow does?) Very thought provoking questions! The answer is using healing magic to kill breaks it. If he wanted to assist in euthanasia he would have to use drugs or other means than magic. Being a Healer and having broken magic is hard to hide. The Healing council would put them on trial. (See book three for more details- ha ha! I am finished writing it!) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted February 16, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 19 hours ago, Yuliya said: Also, what if Z enters a house and does not help an injured there (eg. he doesn’t have time, or the patient is the biggest baddest villain)? Is it also punishable by death? No- but good question! Something to consider! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted February 16, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 19 hours ago, Yuliya said: How much wiggle room is there in the Covenant? Not much. Book two is where K explores the possibilities and book three is where we deal with the fallout from those choices. (Well, and book four too. We don't exactly leave the characters in a nice place at the end of book three.) Thank you for digging deeper into the lore- these are all excellent thoughts! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Little_Dagger Posted February 16, 2023 Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 6 hours ago, Cathy Lim said: Not much. Book two is where K explores the possibilities and book three is where we deal with the fallout from those choices. (Well, and book four too. We don't exactly leave the characters in a nice place at the end of book three.) Thank you for digging deeper into the lore- these are all excellent thoughts! Oh, I didn't realize there are four books! I am looking forward to them! Thanks for the clarifications - it is a fun magic system. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace of Hearts Posted February 16, 2023 Report Share Posted February 16, 2023 Excited to dig into this next chapter! Overall: I was pretty engaged throughout and I like the magic worldbuilding set up here. In general I think I feel more connected to Z than our protag (whose name I can’t remember because of WRS). That being said unless Z is a secondary protagonist I’m not sure what this does for the larger story, and I’m looking for something more distinct about K right off the bat. Right now he feels like a standard suspicious person who ends up being an antagonist and even if that doesn’t end up being the case I feel like I need to see more of what his real deal is. Another note: The pain that I think came from the oaths feels a bit glossed over. Even if it’s explained in book one it’s probably good to put a reminder as to why this is necessary / if it really is the best way As I go: Pg 1. I don’t fully understand what’s happening (I assume the first book has more context), but I like the urgency here Pg 2. Interesting limitation to dispelling fire Pg 3. I feel like I need to know why I is doing this to Z if it’s not malicious Pg 4-5. I like the hint of using healing magic to kill but I think this can be cut down a bit Pg 6. K’s visual description in a magical world gives me evil necromancer vibes (not a good or bad thing necessarily just a thought) Pg 7. Okayyy why is K backstory dumping on Z? Even if it ends up being in character it feels like the story is taking an excuse to give us exposition about him Pg 8. Hmm K really wanting to go into the library seems like a bad sign! (bad for the characters not in terms of writing) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted February 17, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2023 14 hours ago, Ace of Hearts said: That being said unless Z is a secondary protagonist Yes, he is :)3 Thanks for the feedback! I really appreciate it! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted February 17, 2023 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2023 14 hours ago, Ace of Hearts said: Hmm K really wanting to go into the library seems like a bad sign! Yes, yes it is- very bad. Lots and lots of trouble coming! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silk Posted March 17, 2023 Report Share Posted March 17, 2023 “His last magic lessons.” Was confused here. At first I wasn’t sure what the connection was between the beads and feeling sick. When the explanation comes on the next page I see I had the right idea, so maybe this isn’t an issue, but might be worth finding away to move the explanatory stuff up just a bit. P2 I like the idea of actual ancestors showing up to give lessons! Do they just show up whenever, regardless of whether it’s a good time? Because that seems like it could be entertainingly inconvenient. Or dangerous. Just saying “Cooked all his insides…” So is the ghost going to explain how you know whether you’re one of the people who can extinguish a bush or a house fire? Because otherwise this lesson seems… minimally useful. P3 I’m enjoying the process of this final lesson/graduation ceremony being kind of miserable and onerous, and you’re doing a good job of conveying that, but beyond the fact that the process itself is miserable I’m curious about how Z actually feels about hitting this milestone, which really hasn’t been addressed! “You’re not sick.” I thought this was a meditation room? Why would he need to be sick to use it? P4 “You must never learn it.” WELP this character is totally going to do that thing now. P5 “Are you prepared to face these consequences” seems like an odd question in this context, since presumably they don’t want him to do the thing for which there would be consequences (breaking the covenant) Getting the impression that we may be heading for a romance arc with Z and K. Overall: I like the magic system and the lessons. Maybe WRS, but I’m not a hundred per cent how this chapter moves things forward, because I really don’t know what’s next for Z after this. What’s his goal in getting the training, and how that he’s done with it does he feel closer or farther away? I also wasn’t quite sure how to take the thing with K about getting into the library. It’s an obvious tie-in to the plot of our other POV characters, but why is this happening now, with this character? Just based on narrative structure, I’m assuming this character has an ulterior motive, but that’s not really apparent from the actual interaction. If it’s supposed to be obvious (assuming I’m correct, of course) consider hanging a lantern on it. Alternately, maybe Z meeting K and K asking about access to the library don’t have to happen in the same chapter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cathy Lim Posted March 25, 2023 Author Report Share Posted March 25, 2023 On 3/17/2023 at 1:46 PM, Silk said: P2 I like the idea of actual ancestors showing up to give lessons! Do they just show up whenever, regardless of whether it’s a good time? Because that seems like it could be entertainingly inconvenient. Or dangerous. Just saying Yes...yes it is. Thanks for the feedback! As always very insightful! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.