nerdy writes stuff Heroes of Home Peak (The book)

[NerdyAarakocra King's Wit]

Alright! It is TIME! Let's DO THIS!

Oh, wait, you have no idea what I'm talking about.

Last year, I came up with a cool idea for a book. and I decided to write it.

And never got started.

But then I decided to really apply myself and actually write it.

Aaaaaand I never got past the prologue.

But now, on my third attempt, I finished the prologue, and the first two chapters, and I'm still going strong. So I decided to share it with the amazing and supportive Shard community.

I'm very bad at writing, so I'd appreciate feedback. I hope that you enjoy my crummy novel skills! Chapters will hopefully be posted on Thursdays. My goal is to write two chapters a week, but I might only post one due to revision and stuff. We're starting out with the (very bad) prologue, so tune in this Thursday to see the (revised) chapters One and Two.

So yes! Welcome to...

Heroes of Home Peak

By NerdyAarakocra

That blurb on the back of the book that explains stuff

Spoiler

 

For centuries, the Eldin - elves - have lived in the dormant volcano of Home Peak. After the Banishment of Fire, an event that left the volcano dormant and banished magic, the Firebloods, Stonebloods, and Moonbloods eke out a relatively safe and peaceful existence on the small volcanic island. Under the leadership of the Geldan, they survive and even thrive in their fiery home. Sure, no one knows anything about the rest of the world, but who cares? The Geldan keeps things running smoothly - even if it isn't always the kind of smooth that grants everyone freedom.

But that is about to change.

A mysterious prophecy, one deeply ingrained in Eldin culture, is about to come due. It says that a chosen one will come to defeat evil, restore magic, and all of that junk. Really, you would have thought that the Ancient Wise Elder Race would have spiced things up some more. You know, for variety.

El'nar is a Fireblood who works day and night to put food on the table. After a particularly explosive encounter with an abusive overseer, he'll need to find another job. So when agents of the Geldan show up, saying he's the chosen one, his life is turned on its head.

Canil is a licensed infiltrator, explorer, dissident, and scoundrel. When she stumbles in on a meeting of the Geldan, she realizes exactly how big the world is - and vows to leave Home Peak. Not an easy task, but certainly fitting for some sort of high fantasy story - you know, the type that Canil loves to read.

 

Prologue

Spoiler

If you look at the night sky, one of the first things you see are the stars.

You might see other things as well. A few planets, the rising sun, or maybe, if you’re lucky, some random debris entering the atmosphere and burning up. People used to think that burning debris was stars, fallen from grace and sent to be forgotten.

But I digress. Let’s focus on the stars for now. From your viewpoint, looking out at the sky, they seem like dots of light. Small and insignificant.

But if you look a little closer, with less light to crowd them out, you’ll see clouds of them, filling the sky. Most of them have worlds orbiting them. Some of those worlds have life. And if someone from one of those planets looked up, they’d see our star and dismiss it the same way we would to them. Those countless stars, each one with untold worlds. It’s a sobering thought.

Let’s focus in on one of those stars. The star in question is a shade of purple, and it’s hard to make it out. Nothing makes it look significant, though if you were looking through a telescope, you would see that its light slowly dims and brightens. This would tell you that something, maybe a planet, is orbiting that star.

But you’re not looking through a telescope, you’re reading these words. And you’ve probably gleaned something from this long and rambling introduction: this planet is relevant enough for some random author on a small blue sphere called Earth orbiting a medium-sized star called the Sun to write a prologue about it.

Zoom in, onto the star. It has a few worlds orbiting it. I could go into detail about every asteroid, comet, and planet orbiting around this star, but today the only thing we care about is one particular planet. Again, there’s no reason why anyone would choose this particular place to study. There are hordes of other worlds that are more likely to have life than this one. But this is where we’re focusing.

Focus on the planet. It’s a perfect distance away from the star to support life. It has three moons, all on different trajectories. It has six major continents, a few volcanic islands and enough subcontinents to make any geologist have a severe headache. There are vast forests, scorching deserts, and majestic mountains. But we won’t focus on any of that.

Instead, look towards the south. There’s a small, isolated volcano. It seems mundane, but a volcano connoisseur (you know, the type that we all know and love) would notice the hollow tunnels and odd crystals inside. In these tunnels lurk a nation of lifeforms that people on the small blue sphere called Earth would call elves. We’ll focus on two in particular.

They don’t have some grand destiny. But they can do some good.

And in the end, that’s all that we can really hope for.

 

Chapter One

Canil

Spoiler

The Flame of the Peaks has been imprisoned. The last hope of the world has come to pass, and the Titans are sealed away.

 

Who would have guessed that sneaking through air ducts was so hard?

In all of Canil Stoneblood’s favorite stories, the protagonists always ended up sneaking through some sort of air duct or ventilation shaft. There would always be a tense moment in which they almost got caught, trapped, or somehow killed, but they would always survive.

It seemed like Canil was about to break the cliche.

In the Home Peak, there were plenty of small caves and lava tubes to squeeze through. If you were lucky, they might actually take you somewhere. Or they might lead to dead ends, or cross pits of lava. Just because the volcano was extinct didn’t mean that it wasn’t dangerous, as this tunnel proved. Because of course space was too tight to turn around, and of course it went over a pool of magma, and of course Canil had dropped her rope earlier.

Well, it was time to use her backup plan.

Home Peak had a peculiar type of crystal. It was primarily used in machinery, making supplies hard to come by. When there was enough to sell, you could buy it at overpriced vendors as a protective charm. Not that Canil believed that. People wanted to cling to magic, now that it was gone. And sly vendors would take advantage of that desire to make themselves a tidy profit. This was a process called ‘economics’.

Now, this wasn’t to say that the crystal didn’t have its uses.

Canil held out the crystal shard. She always felt a strange sensation when touching them, as if they were forcing something inside of her away. Grasping the crystal, she reached out for the lava in her path. Rather than incinerating her hand, something that Canil found rather disagreeable, the lava shied back from the crystal. This was why crystals of this sort were so valuable: they could repel lava. They were used for all sorts of newfangled machinery.

Regardless, Canil’s crystal worked. As usual, the crystal began to dissolve. Repelling lava used the crystals up incredibly quickly. Another reason why demand for them was so high. Canil got across the lava with no trouble. While it seemed like the rock that she walked on would retain its heat, the crystal fixed that too.

Wonderfly useful, those crystals.

Canil finished crossing the lava and found herself in a large hollow. There was a small crack, and when Canil looked out, she saw the salamander signet of the Geldan, Home Peak’s government. And if she could eavesdrop on them…

Jackpot.

 

Chapter Two

El'nar

Spoiler

But it came at a cost. There is always a cost.

 

El’nar walked over to the obsidian fields, completely unaware that this would be the last time he could ever call his life ‘normal’ again.

Well, that wasn’t strictly true. He still had about five minutes.

Those five minutes encompassed the time it took to walk over from his home in the mining district over to the obsidian fields, grab a pickaxe, and start swinging.

The obsidian fields had formed a long time ago, when some ancient flow of lava had solidified with the help of water. Now, they were a perfect place to get a valued resource. Sure, the labor was back-braking and you could fall into a lava pocket if you weren’t careful, but the pay was good. Well, good enough.

El’nar made his way over to an area of obsidian that hadn’t been mined yet. Soon, this whole field would be empty, and they would have to move the mining sites. El’nar knew what that would mean: he would either have to relocate closer to the new site, or he would have to find alternative work. Seeing as neither were particularly appealing options, El’nar was looking for a way out.

Maybe I’ll be lucky. Maybe they’ll find a place near here so that I don’t have to move. Maybe someone will build a forge to try to serve the slums. Maybe I can get an apprenticeship somewhere.

Then again, probably not.

I could always start something. I can fight, maybe I can bring in bounties? Eh, who am I kidding. No one will hire a Fireblood. Maybe I could hire myself out? No, I wouldn’t be able to keep food on the table if I did that.

And so it went. El’nar kept swinging the pickaxe and chipping away at the obsidian. It would be used to make tools and some daggers. Some upper-class wealthy snobs might use it for decoration. Never mind that it was needed in the hands of surgeons and fighters; if the aristocrats could afford it, they would buy it.

Another splendid example of economics.

Soon, El’nar’s cart was full of obsidian. He wheeled it back to the overseer, a tough Stoneblood holding a barbed lash. The overseer spoke up.

“I see we have a fine haul today, now don’t we.”

El’nar hated the overseer with a burning passion. A stoneblood who considered it his solemn duty to make life into hell for his workers, he cheated them at an average of once per day. And that was to the other stonebloods. They were the lucky ones 

Now, naturally the Moonbloods who ran these mining operations loved having an officer who didn’t conform to the average moral compass. So naturally he was in charge of the entire field.

And he was responsible for payment as well.

El’nar approached the overseer. “Here’s a cart. Pay up.”

The overseer smiled, a gap-toothed grin. “Hmm. Have a token.”

The tokens were the mining company’s way of keeping their workers. They could be redeemed for cash or food, but only by employees of the companies. If you weren’t working in the fields for the entire week, they were worthless.

“A token? You know that this is worth more than that.” It was true. Official company rules stated that each cart was worth three chits, with rewards for higher quality obsidian. This should be worth at least five.

“You know the rules. What I say goes.”

“In fact, I’m starting to think that’s not so.”

“Take your little token and run along before I get angry. You want food for your table, don’t you, little Fireblood?” The overseer laughed as if he had said the funniest thing ever.

So El’nar decked him across the face.

 

Chapter Three

Canil

Spoiler

Eolkjin, the lifeblood of our people, has been banished, forged into the seal that will hold our enemies back from the world.

A moonblood aristocrat walked into the meeting room. You could always tell Moonbloods from how they walked: smug, as if they owned the world and everything else was just in their way. As the highest caste in Home Peak, that often wasn’t far off from the truth. They were the closest to the Eolkjin, the magic used by heroes in days of old. It could stop lava in its path, change basalt to opals, and fight back against the Children of Flame with the snap of the user's fingers.

Thus, a caste system emerged. Moonbloods, the closest to magic, led. Firebloods, the closest to the Great Fire, were stuck at the bottom. And stonebloods like Canil were square in the middle, avoiding the slums but rarely making a difference.

Unless, like Canil, they chose to.

Soon, more moonbloods filed in. This must be deep in Home Peak, where the Geldan held their meetings. They probably thought that it was safe, and it normally was. Nobody wandered this deep into the volcano, and the few passages that came this deep were heavily guarded. However, the Eldin had lived here for a long, long time. And so some passages were forgotten, blocked up with lava flows or simply replaced with more modern tunnels. In addition, there were the ventilation systems. Everyone took those for granted, but they would be suffocating if not for those small passages.

Most people flat-out ignored those small tunnels. But not Canil. She was the ghost in the machine, knowing every (well, maybe not every) nook and cranny in the tunnels. The ones that she didn’t know, such as this one, she explored, mapping out their every twist and turn.

If Canil had gone to one of her hideouts as usual and updated her map, she would have noticed something. The tunnels and shafts formed a pattern, one that most people would have thought was odd. If Canil had added the crystal patches that she had discovered, she would have known what the pattern was - she would have recognized it from the fictional novels that she read.

Together, the tunnels formed a seal of binding.

 

Chapter Four

El'nar

Spoiler

But it will not last. Nothing ever lasts.

El’nar walked away from the mining site dejectedly. As expected, the overseer had pulled rank and had summarily dismissed him, for, as the contract stated ‘Any reason for which the representative of the Employer may be concerned about the stability of the Employee’. And now El’nar was without a job. It was bound to happen eventually, but El’nar would have at least wanted to cash in on his tokens first. After his summary dismissal from the obsidian fields, the overseer would have sent a message to the company notifying them of their sudden labor shortage. And thus, El’nar was out of cash.

As his anger slowly turned to resentment, he began to think. 

Alright. I need to find some way of making money. Trying to apprentice myself at a forge might not actually be too far-fetched, but… they must have all kinds of applicants pouring in. Why would they accept a fireblood?

However, El’nar’s thoughts quickly shifted to other issues.

Why should I be unable to do anything but brute labor? How is it that some soft, snobby, moonblood kid from a rich family gets everything they want without having to do more than give a look, while I’m out on the streets? How is it that I’m dependent on depraved saidists? And how come nobody else notices?

Dangerous thoughts. One step down that path, and it could lead to the return of the Flame of the Peaks. El’nar shook his head.

One of the first - and some might say only - history lessons that the Eldin would quickly learn through school or folklore was about the Banishment of Flame. A great evil ravaged the land, before a hero, talented in the ways of the blade and magic, united Home Peak against the threat and defeated it. What was universally agreed upon was that the Flame of the Peaks somehow took magic away from Home Peak as its last act. They also said that eventually, it would rise again, and the hero, whose name had been lost to time, would rise again and battle the also-reincarnated form of the Flame.

Thus, it was the dream of every young elf to turn out to be the reincarnation of the Hero of Home Peak. El’nar, however, was increasingly convinced that this was a load of wurmcrap.

He arrived at his home, no more than a simple shack. And as he approached the door, he saw a flash of gold.

El’nar turned around, spotting not one but two elves in gilded armor, a stoneblood and a moonblood. And they both wore the symbol of the Geldan emblazoned on their breastplates.

El’nar looked around. Others were ducking into their homes, some peeking out of their windows or open doors. They knew what was coming, and didn’t want to be tied up in it. El’nar knew too. The company he worked for could order his possessions seized to make up for the “physical and emotional trauma” that the overseer went through as a result of El’nar punching him. El’nar could contest that claim, but could never win.

Well, if he was going down, he wouldn’t go quietly. El’nar settled into a fighting stance.

One of the soldiers spoke. “El’nar fireblood, the Geldan has-”

El’nar interrupted. “Yes, I know. I’m subject to the immediate seizure of my assets as recompense for punching an abusive overseer. Why not arrest me no- Wait. the GELDAN? They must really want my blood, if they got the Geldan involved in it. I change my mind. A quick death seems more merciful.”

The soldier gave him a glare. “If you’ll let me finish…”

“Go on. Let’s get this over with.”

“The Geldan has found something intriguing as of late. It appears that you are- let me just double check here- the prophesied savior of Home Peak.”

Well, El’nar certainly wasn’t expecting that.

What will happen to El'nar? Will Canil's plotline actually start? What about the magic system? Find out next time in NERDY WRITES BAD FANTASY!

*Outro music*

Edited January 20 by NerdyAarakocra
Adding the next two chapters right on schedule!

[The Bookwyrm Radiant Squire]

I approve of all the space. I like space too much.

The self referencing is...kind of strange....but if it's the vibe (I can't believe I just used that word) you're going for, then it's fine. It's a good prologue. Or perhaps preface...

I can't wait to see where you go with it!

[Wittles of Shinovar King's Wit]

Overall, that's a fun premise, and the writing style is one I haven't seen very much, but I do like it. If you keep that kind of narration consistent, I think the story will turn out awesome

[Lord Gregorio Misting]

Sounds like it could be good. I will return as further posts appear. *salutes and exits.

 

[NerdyAarakocra King's Wit]

The next installment is up! Here, I introduce the main characters, start inserting fragments of an ancient prophecy, and hint at the fun steampunky magic stuff that will probably come sometime in the fall! I also abandoned the writing style that I used to write the prologue, because it doesn't really work for the actual main book. Don't worry, there are still going to be weird self-referential interludes.

As always, feedback is appreciated!

Summoning people who were interested:

@The Bookwyrm @Witless of Shinovar @Gregorio and @Channelknight Fadran because it's shard law that high fantasy is within Fadran's domain.

[Channelknight Fadran Stormfather]

A H

hello ? Hi?

[xinoehp512 Rambleman]

1 hour ago, NerdyAarakocra said:

The next installment is up! Here, I introduce the main characters, start inserting fragments of an ancient prophecy, and hint at the fun steampunky magic stuff that will probably come sometime in the fall! I also abandoned the writing style that I used to write the prologue, because it doesn't really work for the actual main book. Don't worry, there are still going to be weird self-referential interludes.

As always, feedback is appreciated!

Summoning people who were interested:

@The Bookwyrm @Witless of Shinovar @Gregorio and @Channelknight Fadran because it's shard law that high fantasy is within Fadran's domain.

I find myself agreeing with the advice mentioned earlier regarding the tone of the story. I must say, both the self-referential lighthearted tone of the prologue and first chapter and the more serious tone of the second chapter are perfectly valid; either would work excellently extended throughout the length of a novel. I do think, however, that you should choose a specific tone and stick to it. Switching back and forth constantly is likely to confuse the reader.

 

[Wittles of Shinovar King's Wit]

35 minutes ago, xinoehp512 said:

I find myself agreeing with the advice mentioned earlier regarding the tone of the story. I must say, both the self-referential lighthearted tone of the prologue and first chapter and the more serious tone of the second chapter are perfectly valid; either would work excellently extended throughout the length of a novel. I do think, however, that you should choose a specific tone and stick to it. Switching back and forth constantly is likely to confuse the reader.

 

This is true, but it could work if you used a different tone for different characters or something like that

[NerdyAarakocra King's Wit]

Thank you for the feedback! I'll keep it in mind. I'm hoping to write this with a serious tone, and hopefully the next Canil chapter should accomplish that.

[Channelknight Fadran Stormfather]

I like how you just assertively summoned me to this thread and assumed I'd like your book.

Well too bad for you, 'cause I did.

[Cash67 Misting]

I love how you are letting use see what kind of characters we are dealing with right off the bat. I can see that Canil wants to do daring things to be like her heroes and the El’nar is struggling and doesn’t know how to get out of his scenario. Looking forward to the next part!!

[NerdyAarakocra King's Wit]

Next installment is up! In it, Canil's plotline still doesn't start, while fun things happen to El'nar!

Edit: @The Bookwyrm @Witless of Shinovar @Gregorio @Channelknight Fadran @xinoehp512 @Cash67

Edited January 20 by NerdyAarakocra

[NerdyAarakocra King's Wit]

No update this week, unfortunately. I've had so much stuff to do and haven't had time to write.

[NerdyAarakocra King's Wit]

Sadly, I've had very little time to work lately. Also, I'm having trouble getting this chapter specifically done. I am making progress, but it's taking a long time. After this Canil chapter, there's going to be an interlude, which I look forward to writing.