JustQuestin2004

Fanifc Idea: Feedback Requested

7 posts in this topic

So I'll be posting the story proper on Spacebattles, to hopefully introduce more people to the Cosmere, but I'll be posting the outline I have for it here for people to give feedback on.

The title of  my story is Cosmeric Tales: Mist and Ash

It will be a Self-Insert-Original-Character, which means it'll be about an OC from 'The Real World', I'll work on this as I'm reading through the Stormlight Archives. But I probably won't actually post it until after The Lost Metal comes out.

There are 4 parts to this story: The Pre-canon, The Final Empire, The Well of Ascension and The Hero of Ages

The story will follow Adrien (The OC) and his Lightspren partner, Shiner as they venture into Scadrial and try not to mess everything up.

Adrien will be a Willshaper and will be able to fuel his Surgebinding from breathing in the Mists, which he will also dub 'Mistlight'.

During the event of the story Adrien will be attempting to helpin what ways he can by evacuating Skaa into the Cognitive Realm and sending them elsehwhere by bribing Krhiss and Nazh with Atium, Adrien will also try to save more of the Terris people from the Steel Inquisitor's attack, being ganged up on by several of them. He will also reveal a few secrets of the Metallic Arts to the Crew such as Unkeyed Metalminds. His interference will also save Tinwyl's life. He will also go halfsies with a bead of Lerasium with Hoid, so he will be a powerful Allomancer.

However not everything will be perfect such as the Crew coming to distrust him due to him constantly keeping important secrets from them, which he can't tell them due to Adrien being afraid throughout the entire story of Ruin listening, which also means that Adrien won't be taking too overt actions to change the plot due to fear of having Ruin win by butterfly effect. This will come to a head when during the Well of Ascension Vin confronts Adrien about if he let Kelsier die, which he will feel as though he did and his relations with the crew will be put through hell. Plus Ruin will be trying to turn him into his 'Knight of Decay' and going sofar as to infuse some of the ash and make it become 'Ashlight' which Ruin will use to try to gain influence over Adrien.

Also during the Well of Ascension Sazed will die, leaving Adrien feeling hate for himself as he knows that Sazed would be the key to saving the world and losing a dear friend, with him knowing that it was ultimately his fault due to him interfereing.

He will also nearly break his oaths and kill Shiner.

 

At the end of Hero of Ages both Vin and Ruin are dead but there would be no one capable of taking both the powers, which is necessary to save the world and Adrien knows that he wouldn't be able to take them both up, not as he is. But he comes up with an absolutely insane plan that he has no idea would work.

He has a bag of Atium that he was saving, he also has Duralumin. He can draw Mistlight and Ashlight from both of the Vessel-less Shards. And he is aware of Surges having Spiritual applications. So he goes all in, he breathes in as much Investiture from the Shards as he can, his body almost vaporizing from the amount and he burn Duralumin and Atium together, peering into the Spiritual Realm, which will let him see what he will need to do. The he'll focus the massive amount of Light to use the Surge of Cohesion to Mold his own Spiritweb, his own Identity and Connections into being a better vessel for both of the Shards, the process will be similar to Forgery.

It will work, sort of, and he will Ascend with both Preservation and Ruin, along with burning Sazed's Copperminds, which were turned Unkeyed by Sazed before his death so that his knowledge wouldn't die with him. Adrien had the knowledge and power to save the world.

 

But something isn't quite right, he holds the powers but he can't bring them into Harmony, instead as he tries to fix the world the powers become Discord, paritally Splintering and almost killing Adrien, and while he does fix the world it isn't perfect as both the Southern and Northern continents crack into many islands and he loses control of a new Godmetal, Discordium, which will evaporate at room temperature into a toxic mist that will kill most people who breathe it in. It grows quite commonly in random locations around Scadrial making a new ecological threat.

And Adrien, now Discord can feel the gaze of other Shards.

 

But the world was saved, Spook became the Lord Mistborn and life, while not as easy as it would have been in canon, still thrives.

And slowly, a new power forms on Scadrial, a fourth Metallic Art.

And all the while Discord makes preparations to look for someone to become Harmony.

 

I have a lot more planned, like the actual details and such, but it's late and I'm tired of typing so much. So what do you think?

Edited by JustQuestin2004
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Cool! Just don't bribe me :(

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This idea sounds awesome! If you do end up writing it I'd love to read it.

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7 hours ago, Nazh said:

Cool! Just don't bribe me :(

Unfortunately, you and your friend needed some convincing to help Adrien out big time. And he couldn't think of anything else more valuable than Atium.

7 hours ago, FlowerGirl said:

This idea sounds awesome! If you do end up writing it I'd love to read it.

Thanks, I've worked pretty hard on this.

Edited by JustQuestin2004
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I actually have a Sequel ideafor this story, it takes place in what I call Era 1.5, around the time that the Lord Mistborn up and leaves, making it a time of great change and some instability.

The story will follow a Terris, as they go on an adventure thoughout the new Scadrial, which is far different from the one in the books.

 

Here are some of the changes from canon:

-The Northern and Southern Continents are shattered into many, many islands of differing sizes.

-Society is starting to get the ball rolling on the Industrial Revolution, not where it would be in Era 2, but it's a start.

-PIRATES!!! No joke.

-Allomancy is still reduced to just Mistings, no Mistborn. But there are still Full Feruchemists around, they're just really rare.

-The Set's predecessors will be one of the antagonists.

-Discord will be looking for someone who can Unify the Shards he holds to become Harmony.

-There is a new Godmetal, Discordium, which is very unstable and dangerous, it has an extremely low melting point and can become gas at room temperature. It's gas is toxic to most people, and it grows randomly throughout Scadrial.

-There is a new Magic System, a fourth Metallic Art.

 

And that's mostly all I've got for it so far.

Edited by JustQuestin2004
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These are exciting ideas! The scope is big, too - literally planet sized with hints of more. I really like what you've done in making Adrien's early purpose to travel around and free people in bondage as he comes across them. I'm wondering if Shiner has any connections with Scadrial that makes him/her interested in travelling there. I'm also wondering what you're imagining as a Willshaper Third Ideal - could it have something to do with the larger threat/opportunity that Discord presents?

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And believe it or not, I have an idea for a Sequel for the sequel, it'll take place on Roshar with the MC being the boss of a new Worldhopping organisation that focuses on meddling in a positive way, unlike most other Worldhopping organisations, though I won't be working too hard on this idea till Stormlight 5 comes out.

2 hours ago, cosmere_play said:

These are exciting ideas! The scope is big, too - literally planet sized with hints of more. I really like what you've done in making Adrien's early purpose to travel around and free people in bondage as he comes across them. I'm wondering if Shiner has any connections with Scadrial that makes him/her interested in travelling there. I'm also wondering what you're imagining as a Willshaper Third Ideal - could it have something to do with the larger threat/opportunity that Discord presents?

Yeah, I want the scope to be larger than most, I'm thinking about changing Shiner's name to something else, or maybe that'll just be wha Adrien calls him with Shiner not botheringto tell Adrien his real name until later.

As for the Willshaper Ideals, I know I want one of them to be something like 'Free them from their fates' or something along those lines, since Adrien is aware of certain catastropes happening. Haven't planned it out completely yet though and for the first story Adrien will only swear up to the Third Oath.

Interesting thing I'll be doing with Discord, his Futuresight will suck even in comparison to Ruin due to his clashing Intents, but in turn he'll be nearly unpredictable to other Shards Futurevision, which is a fairly big part as to why most of the other Shards would be rather apprehensive of him, they can't predict what he'll do.

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