08/22/2022 - Kais - Ard6 - Chapter 3+ epigraphs (L)(V) - 6711 words

[kais Scadrian Waffle Cook]

This one is a bit long, as I wanted to include the omitted epigraphs from chapters1 and 2. I’m hoping these help place the first two chapters and help with callbacks and clarity. Your thoughts on them would be much appreciated.

Onward to a rough draft of Chapter 3. This is another continuing character from the last book, who is beginning her mission (given to her last chapter of book 5). I wanted to spend a little time with her emotional ties to the love interest before upping plot stakes. As this is a rough draft, everything and anything is up for comment. New readers, old readers, I’ll take all the feedback I can get.

[That1Cellist Compounder]

Ok, this isn't really related, but just so you know, if you ever post something like this again, please be careful with titles. I almost reported this thinking it was some bot for a second before realizing that this was an actual post.

[kais Scadrian Waffle Cook]

@That1Cellist all the post headers in this part of the forum look like this. It's our format.

[Silk Svrakiss]

2 hours ago, That1Cellist said:

Ok, this isn't really related, but just so you know, if you ever post something like this again, please be careful with titles. I almost reported this thinking it was some bot for a second before realizing that this was an actual post.

 

4 minutes ago, kais said:

@That1Cellist all the post headers in this part of the forum look like this. It's our format.

Yes, we have a set format for post titles so we can easily track submissions that happen here. Thanks for flagging, but it's nothing to worry about.

Edited August 23, 2022 by Silk

[That1Cellist Compounder]

7 hours ago, Silk said:

 

Yes, we have a set format for post titles so we can easily track submissions that happen here. Thanks for flagging, but it's nothing to worry about.

oops, sorry then.

[Robinski Rambleman]

Okey-dokey, let's get... something that rhymes with 'okey'. (Pokey? Possibly. But possibly not.)

Line-by-line comments emailed, because that's how I roll. (Just checking you received the first lot okay?)

Summary/headlines here:

- The epigraphs are hard to read like that, one after another, out of context. I found them dry, and a bit confusing. Seems to me these are the main vehicles for delivering the promise of threat, and even for identifying who are the big bags in the story, and I don't think they really work for that, at the moment. I felt they were kind of anonymous and a bit hard to contextualise.

- I enjoyed Chapter 3 more than the first two. I liked where Sal was in the last book, but without the foil of Yo, and in the local context of her family, and that world she's on, I didn't enjoy that stuff. Keeping all the planes straight, and in context, and getting invested in all that twisty-turny stuff right at the start of the book, I think that's a tough ask: it is for me, anyway. Soooo, cut to Fo and Be, who are brilliant together, and it really felt for me that this is where my engagement started. The landing, the devastation, encountering the surviving locals, the starving and the kids, and then... shock the MARKINGS. The whole chapter just felt like a really nicely balanced unspooling reveal, very atmospheric, and effectively described*.

- Although, the description of the stone building is a bit of a car crash, IMO. I had no idea WTF was going on, if it was up, down, left, right. Very confusing, IMO.

- However, the addition of Ther is excellent, I really enjoyed zir as a character. Grumpy teenagers are just the best (characters), aren't they?

[Mandamon Midnight Essence]

I've sent a few very minor LBLs.

I really liked the epigraphs, and I felt they would help settle us into the story with the first few chapters and explain about the planes better.

Like @Robinski says, this is where things really take off. A few pages into this chapter and I'm much more engaged than in Chs 1 and 2. I think you could almost start with this one, because it sums up the last book well and gives us a hook with B, F, and then T. Going back to Chs 1 and 2 after this would place us with E!S and B!S better.

 

Notes while reading:

Ch 1 epigraphs: Yes! Those give a lot of light to how the planes operate.

Ch 2 epigraphs: I love the M. council arguing with itself. Please let all the pigraphs be this. It sets the book nicely following after A:BP

Ch 3:
pg 5: there are some good bits to jog the memory in here, and not too info-dumpy.

pg 9: This sets the stage well for B and F. We've got a good quest for them.

pg 10: That doesn't sound good for planet N!

pg 10: "“Your buildings were made from a., right"
--oh, oops.

pg 12: Seeing the decay here is really interesting!

pg 14: "the universe had been flipped inside out"
--indeed!

pg 16: "The tingling in F’s fingertips moved into her palms."
--is this a reaction to the planet or an effect of memory? I'm not sure.

pg 18: "relatively young, in planetary years"
--interesting.

pg 21: "This one was i-type"
--I've been wanting to know more about this gender...

pg 25: Cool. Nice start to the story.

[Minifyre Bridgeman]

p1-2: I enjoyed these parts. Not quite sure why, but perhaps the consensus & forward-thinkingness is refreshing in this day & age.
p5 B's claws, unsure if this is figurative or an alien trait.
p12: 3 building blocks--this paragraph had me quite excited[1].
p21: I like the cultural/developmental info.
p22: given the info in Ch1, I'm curious if T's destined for E-hood.

Overall & given my unfamiliarity with the series, this chapter felt much easier to follow. I like the exploration of the consequences of prior events[2] and look forward to seeing how they play out. On a side note, I am a little confused on F & A's relationship[3].

[1] I'm still unsure of how the tech works, but given the FLT mentioned on p4, things seem to be clicking.
[2] And the plot hook that seems to lend F.
[3] This is probably due to pure proximity to the last epigraph priming me.

[shatteredsmooth Son of Honor]

I had a hard time getting into the chapter on the first page. The kissing part may be a good hook for other readers but I kept sort of glazing over it at first. Didn't care about the kissing. Though that may have been different if I'd read this closer to reading book 1. But as it was, I'd kind of forgotten my investment in the relationship between these two. 

Once they started seeing the destruction left on N, then I was more intrigued. Though while I had a very clear picture of it, I'm not 100% if I have enough about how F feels about it. There is definitely some emotion, but I'm wondering if there could be more or if keeping it dialed down a little was intentional. There was one line on p. 12 that made me think it was.

I'm wondering if them giving up all their non-andal food now is going to cause problems later. 

I forget why the andal is evaporating. The void is plugged now, right? Ard is dead. Why does what's left still evaporate? A brief reminder wouldn't hurt. 

The kids developing T-markings is fascinating. 

I am very curious to see what happens next. 

Overall, I think this was a good chapter. It allowed readers to reacquaint with the two characters and showed some of the fallout of Ard being blown up.