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Shallan Stormblessed

Bridgeboy/Lightweaver/We Don't Talk About Moash (Gaston/Believer/We Don't Talk About Bruno)

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Posted (edited)

So I wrote Bridgeboy(a parody of Gaston. It's not very good.)

Spoiler

After the incident with his boots(he doesn’t hold a grudge.):

Kaladin: 

Who does she think she is? That girl has tangled with the wrong man!

All of Bridge Four: 

Darn right! No one says no to Captain!

Kaladin: Dismissed! Rejected! Publicly humiliated!

Why, it's more than I can bear

Nothing helps, I'm disgraced

Bridge Four: 

Who, you? NEVER!! Kaladin, you've got to pull yourself together.

Far later:

Adolin: 

Gosh, it disturbs me to see you, bridgeboy

Looking so down in the dumps

Every guy here'd love to be you, bridgeboy

Even when taking your lumps

Kaladin: Yeah, right, because my life is so easy...

Adolin: 

There's no man in town as admired as you

You're everyone's favorite guy

Veil/Radiant: 

Everyone's awed and inspired by you

And it's not very hard to see why

Adolin: 

No one's hard as bridgeboy

No one's scarred as bridgeboy

No one's will’s as incredibly tough as bridgeboy

Syl:

For there's no man in town half as loyal

 Perfect, a pure paragon

You can ask any Skar, Rock or Lopen

And they'll tell you whose bridge they’d prefer to be on

 

Adolin:

No one's been like bridgeboy

A Radiant like bridgeboy

No one's got some slave brands on his head like bridgeboy

As a Windrunner, yes, he’s intimidating

All:

My, what a guy, that bridgeboy

Give five hurrahs

Give twelve hip-hips

Stormblessed is the best

And the rest is all crem

Adolin:

No one fights like bridgeboy

Douses lights like bridgeboy

In a sparring match nobody fights like bridgeboy

For there's no one as burly and brawny

[Meanwhile, Kaladin is in the corner banging his head against the wall.]

As you see, he’s got biceps to spare

Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny

[Since Kaladin isn’t and never will be saying his lines, Adolin is forced to instead.]

That's right!

And every last inch of him’s covered with scars

No one hits like bridgeboy

Matches wits like bridgeboy

In a witty match nobody's wit's like bridgeboy

Syl:

He’s especially good at protectorating

Ten points for Stormblessed!

[Unless they're something negative.]

Kaladin: 

When I was a lad, I trained 23 hours

Every morning to help me protect

And now that I'm grown, I fight 24 hours

So I've protected roughly… [starts crying]

Adolin[struggling to fix the rapid downward spiral]:

 No one broods like bridgeboy

No one’s mood’s like bridgeboy

Shallan: Then goes tromping around wearing BOOTS! like bridgeboy

Kaladin: I use nothing in all of my decorating

All:

My, what a guy, that Stormblessed!

And I tried to do Lightweaver(a parody of Believer by Imagine Dragons. But it's hard. Any help?)

Spoiler

First things first

I'mma draw all the pictures in my head

I'm ready to put all my Memories on the page, oh ooh

My Memories on the page, oh ooh

Big Spoilers for RoW. I know we don't have to warn anymore, but still.

(To Mraize:)Second things second

Don't you tell me what you think that I could be

I'm the one at the reins, I'm the master of my seon, ooh

The master of my seon, ooh

 

I was broken from a young age

Spitting my wisecracks at the bridgeboy

Drawin’ my pictures for the few

That look to me, took to me, shook to me, feeling me

Hiding from heartache from the pain

Feeling my Stormlight in the veins

Drawing my ‘llusions from the brain

Seeing the beauty through the...

 

Pain!

[To Pattern:]

You made me a, you made me a Lightweaver, Lightweaver

Pain!

You break me down, you build me up, Lightweaver, Lightweaver

Pain!

Oh let the arrows fly, oh let them rain

My Veil, my Rad-i-ant, they came from...

Pain!

You made me a, you made me a Lightweaver, Lightweaver

More Big Big Spoilers!

Third things third

Send a prayer to the ones up above

All the hate that I've said has turned my Cryptic to a deadeye, ooh

My Cryptic to a dead Blade, ooh

(Yeah... not great.)

I was blocking out my mem’ries

Piling them all up in the treas’ries

Getting personas like access’ries 

Wishing my dark deeds, they would flee

(yeah I know it's bad)

But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing

Inhibited, limited

Till it broke open and rained down

It rained down, like...

 

Pain!

You made me a, you made me a Lightweaver, Lightweaver

Pain!

You break me down, you build me up, Lightweaver, Lightweaver

Pain!

Oh let the arrows fly, oh let them rain

My Veil, my Rad-i-ant, they came from...

Pain!

You made me a, you made me a Lightweaver, Lightweaver

 

Last things last

By the grace of the fire and the flames

You're the face of the future, the blood in my veins, oh ooh

The blood in my veins, oh ooh

But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing

Inhibited, limited

Till it broke open and rained down

It rained down, like...

 

Pain!

You made me a, you made me a Lightweaver, Lightweaver

Pain!

You break me down, you build me up, Lightweaver, Lightweaver

Pain!

Oh let the arrows fly, oh let them rain

My Veil, my Radiant, they came from...

Pain!

You made me a, you made me a Lightweaver, Lightweaver

I present: We Don't Talk About Moash! Any suggestions for fixing the struggling rhythm are welcome.

MAJOR RoW spoilers follow:

Spoiler

We don't talk about Moash, no, no, no!

We don't talk about Moash... but

It was a rainy day

It was a rainy day

We were getting ready, Elhokar was comple-etely safe

No guards missing in that place

Moash walks in with a dark, vengeful grin-

Please, no!

You telling this story, or am I?

I'm sorry, my captain, go on

The king’s life is his demand!

How could he do that?!

Sylphrena says, “Stretch forth thy hand!”

My readers, please get the POPCORN!

All is healed but his shash brand

What an EPIC day... but anyway

We don't talk about Moash, no, no, no!

We don't talk about Moash!

Plenty say he’s got no chance of redemption

His kills and his taunts get him much attention

I associate him with the sound of screaming fahns, (DIE! DIE! DIE!)

He’s a menace with crimes atrocious

His thirst for revenge is indeed ferocious

Always bitter to-wards those of high dahn

Do you understahnd?

An evil man

Dubious mores(I discovered this word is pronounced "mo-rayz", not mores)

Joined a singer clan

He lives to serve Rayse

Yeah, he sends you dreams

And feasts on your screams (hey!)

We don't talk about Moash, no, no, no! (We don't talk about Moash, no, no, no!)

We don't talk about Moash (we don't talk about Moash!)

He told me my friends would die

And then killed TEFT! (No, no!)

He gave up all of his pain!

Now look who is dead... (no, no!)

He said that all my hope would disappear, and just like he said… (no, no! Hey!)

Your fate is sealed when he thinks you are inept!

A Fused told him, “Hey go kill that old man” he said, “why shouldn’t I? sounds fun”

Stabbed Elhokar, even though it would unquestionably orphan his son

Oh, look! Leshwi is almost here

He told me that the people I loved would all end up dead

Don’t leave me alone!

It's like I hear him now

Hey Vyre, I want not a sound out of you (it's like I can hear him now)

I can hear him now

Um, Moash...

Yeah, about that Moash...

I really want to know about Moash...

Gimmie the truth and the whole truth, Moash

(Bridgeboy, your girlfriend's here)

Time for dinner!

An evil man (it was a rainy day, it was a rainy day)

Dubious mores (we were getting ready)

Joined a singer clan (Elhokar was completely safe)

He lives to serve Rayse (no guards missing in that place!)

Yeah, he sends you dreams (Moash walks in with a dark, vengeful grin-)

And feasts on your screams (please, no!)

You telling this story, or am I?

I'm sorry, my captain, go on (oh look! Leshwi is almost here)

The king’s life he does demand (an evil man, dubious mores)

Sylphrena says stretch forth thy hand

All is healed but his shash brand!

He's here!

Don't talk about Moash, no! (Why did I talk about Moash?)

Not a word about Moash!

I never should've brought up Moash!

Also Surface Pressure for Kaladin is one I've thought of but not started. Any takers?

Edited by Shallan Stormblessed
Adding parody
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you might want to look at the cosmere musical thread. It has some great stuff

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I have! I enjoyed it. Much.

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Or maybe We Don't Talk About Moash(No, no, no!).

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These are amazing! Doing this takes way more skill and dedication than I will ever have. Good job!
That cosmere musical thread sounds so cool but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Maybe this is just me not knowing how to do stuff, but would someone mind sending the link? 

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11 hours ago, Wandering Drow said:

These are amazing! Doing this takes way more skill and dedication than I will ever have. Good job!
That cosmere musical thread sounds so cool but I couldn’t find it anywhere. Maybe this is just me not knowing how to do stuff, but would someone mind sending the link? 

 

here ya go

 

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