Teenagers, come hither

[Elf]

You know, I made a post about this in the girls only club, but since no one is answering me, let me do this. 

There's this boy, and I seriously think he has a crush on me. He said I look nice and called me sweet and he is just so good to me. Also, he sorta gets all nervous around me. So how do I know if he actually likes me or is just trying to be a friend?  

Also if you want to vent about your love life (or a lack of one) feel free. And if you want to share something positive that you abosolutely cannot keep to yourself, also feel free.

[Quantus]

22 hours ago, Elf said:

You know, I made a post about this in the girls only club, but since no one is answering me, let me do this. 

There's this boy, and I seriously think he has a crush on me. He said I look nice and called me sweet and he is just so good to me. Also, he sorta gets all nervous around me. So how do I know if he actually likes me or is just trying to be a friend?  

Also if you want to vent about your love life (or a lack of one) feel free. And if you want to share something positive that you abosolutely cannot keep to yourself, also feel free.

Short of asking him outright (or similar but more round-about investigation) you Cant really know for sure, and you can drive yourself (and everyone around you) crazy trying to read his mind. So the question is: Do YOU Like him back or would you rather just be friends?  If you just want to be friends then you can proceed accordingly and hopefully dodge the issue (depends on how perceptive the dude is, I guess).  If you like him back, eventually one of you will have to make the Leap of Faith and broach the topic directly. Which is always tough, because it feels like you are making yourself vulnerable. It is always hard, but for what it's worth I find it far easier to do it yourself instead of expecting the other party to do it for you.  Waiting for them to come around and do the hard part becomes two people stuck holding the door for each other with nobody walking through.    

 

-advice from a 38 year old married guy

Edited February 4, 2022 by Quantus
Grammar...

[Elf]

2 minutes ago, Quantus said:

Short of asking him outright (or similar but more round-about investigation) you Cant really know for sure, and you can drive yourself (and everyone around you) crazy trying to read his mind. So the question is: Do YOU Like him back or would you rather just be friends?  If you just want to be friends then you can proceed accordingly and hopefully dodge the issue (depends on how perceptive the dude is, I guess).  If you like him back, eventually one of you will have to make the Leap of Faith and broach the topic directly. Which is always tough, because it feels like you are making yourself vulnerable. It is always hard, but for what it's worth I find it far easier to do it yourself instead of expecting the other party to do it for you.  Waiting for them to come around and do the hard part becomes too people stuck holding the door for each other with nobody walking through.    

 

-advice from a 38 year old married guy

Hmmm yeah. That's good advice. I think I do like him back, but I also think it'd be best if I wait for a few months becuase its not been that long since we've met. So saying it now would make things rather awkward. But yeah, thats solid advice. I'll take it up, thank you 

[Szeth's Facepalm]

23 minutes ago, Elf said:

There's this boy, and I seriously think he has a crush on me. He said I look nice and called me sweet and he is just so good to me. Also, he sorta gets all nervous around me. So how do I know if he actually likes me or is just trying to be a friend?  

That's how i'd act if i had a crush on someone... 

Also, you said we can vent so HERE IT GOES

There's this guy, i thought i liked him a little bit, like, three years ago (back when i thought i was pansexual and also was kinda boy crazy) but soon realized i only liked him as a friend. for a while i suspected he liked me, but that was fine. So anyway, one day something embarrassing happened that is to complicated to explain, but basically he practically said he liked me, i practically said i just liked him as a friend, he got offended (offended!). But all in a super complicated really embarrassing way. So after that thing happened, we mostly just ignored it. But ever since then he just hasn't been a nice friend anymore. He gets mad if i, say, compliment someone else in out friend group and not him, and is rude when he asks for things, and other stuff like that. And he'll bring up The Incident occasionally and be mad at me for stuff about it, like "you didn't respond fast enough" and "i can't believe you said you would block me" (it happened over text, and the blocking part was after his brother stole his phone sent some *inappropriate* stuff) and is just generally rude. I can't just cut him out, cause we're in the same friend group and that would be awkward, and he's sometimes nice, but i'm getting sick of him and idk what to do.

Thank you for listening to my venting.

[Quantus]

4 minutes ago, Elf said:

Hmmm yeah. That's good advice. I think I do like him back, but I also think it'd be best if I wait for a few months becuase its not been that long since we've met. So saying it now would make things rather awkward. But yeah, thats solid advice. I'll take it up, thank you 

Good Luck and Godspeed  

[Elf]

2 minutes ago, Szeth's Facepalm said:

That's how i'd act if i had a crush on someone... 

Also, you said we can vent so HERE IT GOES

There's this guy, i thought i liked him a little bit, like, three years ago (back when i thought i was pansexual and also was kinda boy crazy) but soon realized i only liked him as a friend. for a while i suspected he liked me, but that was fine. So anyway, one day something embarrassing happened that is to complicated to explain, but basically he practically said he liked me, i practically said i just liked him as a friend, he got offended (offended!). But all in a super complicated really embarrassing way. So after that thing happened, we mostly just ignored it. But ever since then he just hasn't been a nice friend anymore. He gets mad if i, say, compliment someone else in out friend group and not him, and is rude when he asks for things, and other stuff like that. And he'll bring up The Incident occasionally and be mad at me for stuff about it, like "you didn't respond fast enough" and "i can't believe you said you would block me" (it happened over text, and the blocking part was after his brother stole his phone sent some *inappropriate* stuff) and is just generally rude. I can't just cut him out, cause we're in the same friend group and that would be awkward, and he's sometimes nice, but i'm getting sick of him and idk what to do.

Thank you for listening to my venting.

I'll listen always. And I can give you advice, but I'm not sure if you want advice or just wanted someone to listen. Either of the two is totally ok, I'm just curious. 

7 minutes ago, Quantus said:

Good Luck and Godspeed  

Thank you. 

[Szeth's Facepalm]

1 minute ago, Elf said:

I'll listen always. And I can give you advice, but I'm not sure if you want advice or just wanted someone to listen. Either of the two is totally ok, I'm just curious. 

Advice would be great, tysm 

[Elf]

15 hours ago, Szeth's Facepalm said:

Advice would be great, tysm 

Ok then. Well...you see he is currently behaving extremely toxic. And that is something you neither need not deserve. Being sometimes nice and sometimes rude is one of the biggest signs of toxic behavior and its harmful to a person's mental health to be around such people. The fact that he gets mad at you for rejecting him is a red flag. "No" is an important word. It's ok to say no and it's ok to be told no. If he can't understand that, than he is probably not the type of friend that you'd want. I'd say cut him out of your life, you'll feel more free. If you want, you can tell the test of your friend group about how he was behaving. And if you don't want to, that's fine too, becuase you don't owe them an explanation. If you tell them, and they don't understand, then they are probably not the type of friends you want. There are billions of people in this world and everyone deserves friends that genuinely care for them.  A friendship will go through good times and bad times, but if the bad times outnumber the good or if you're constantly being put down by that person, then it's no longer a true friendship. 

Ultimately the decision is up to you. But getting rid of him would be a good idea. Hope this helps!

 

 

Edited February 4, 2022 by Elf

[Szeth's Facepalm]

Thanks! That's really helpful, thank you for taking the time to write it 

[Ookla of Colors]

13 hours ago, Szeth's Facepalm said:

That's how i'd act if i had a crush on someone... 

Also, you said we can vent so HERE IT GOES

There's this guy, i thought i liked him a little bit, like, three years ago (back when i thought i was pansexual and also was kinda boy crazy) but soon realized i only liked him as a friend. for a while i suspected he liked me, but that was fine. So anyway, one day something embarrassing happened that is to complicated to explain, but basically he practically said he liked me, i practically said i just liked him as a friend, he got offended (offended!). But all in a super complicated really embarrassing way. So after that thing happened, we mostly just ignored it. But ever since then he just hasn't been a nice friend anymore. He gets mad if i, say, compliment someone else in out friend group and not him, and is rude when he asks for things, and other stuff like that. And he'll bring up The Incident occasionally and be mad at me for stuff about it, like "you didn't respond fast enough" and "i can't believe you said you would block me" (it happened over text, and the blocking part was after his brother stole his phone sent some *inappropriate* stuff) and is just generally rude. I can't just cut him out, cause we're in the same friend group and that would be awkward, and he's sometimes nice, but i'm getting sick of him and idk what to do.

Thank you for listening to my venting.

Fair warning: I'm still a teenage small child so my advice might be worth squat.

Not sure if this will help at all, and I think it probably won't.

Spoiler

If I were in this situation (not sure how I'd get there since I'm halfway antisocial) I might yell at him to quit and see what he does. If he stops, he can still be my friend. If he doesn't stop, I'd probably yell at him (or threaten to) about it in front of our mutual friends and see which side they pick. If he corrects his behavior, it's all good. If he doesn't and the friends take my side, I'd see if peer pressure can get him to stop. If he doesn't and the friends take his side, I'd leave and go live in the library for a while find different friends. If the friends don't pick a side and he doesn't change his behavior, I might talk to some in-charge-people about it. sometimes books are just better than people.

I also might try telling him that if this doesn't stop we can't be friends.

But probably I'd get inordinately mad at him for trying to manipulate me and try to manipulate him back or threaten to block him if he didn't stop.

These might help more:

If he actually wants to be your friend, he'll at least try to stop when you ask him to.

If you make him think that bringing up The Incident doesn't work, he'll probably stop. (I have personal experience from his side of this. My sister got your side and this is what she did. It worked.)

Have you asked him why? 

 

If all else fails, punching is fun.

Edited February 4, 2022 by Tani

[Szeth's Facepalm]

Thx! I honestly would love nothing better than to find a new friend group, but i'm an extremely social person and also homeschooled and so pretty much my only regular opportunity to be with friends is through my church (where the guy is from). So unless i want, like, nooo social interaction, i kinda gotta deal with him. I do appreciate that books can be better friends though, maybe i'll start hanging out at the library more 

Just confronting him is a good idea though, i'll probably try that.

43 minutes ago, Tani said:

Fair warning: I'm still a teenage small child so my advice might be worth squat

So am i, and your advice was very helpful (and elfs, of course, you peeps on the shard are literally the best)

[Ookla of Colors]

9 hours ago, Szeth's Facepalm said:

my church (where the guy is from).

In that case you can also talk to his parents or your parents or your youth leader person.

BUT DONT TELL THEM THE INCIDENT PART JUST WHAT HES DOING

Edited February 4, 2022 by Tani

[Marukka]

@Quantus: Solid advice despite your rank! 

 

16 hours ago, Szeth's Facepalm said:

That's how i'd act if i had a crush on someone... 

Also, you said we can vent so HERE IT GOES

There's this guy, i thought i liked him a little bit, like, three years ago (back when i thought i was pansexual and also was kinda boy crazy) but soon realized i only liked him as a friend. for a while i suspected he liked me, but that was fine. So anyway, one day something embarrassing happened that is to complicated to explain, but basically he practically said he liked me, i practically said i just liked him as a friend, he got offended (offended!). But all in a super complicated really embarrassing way. So after that thing happened, we mostly just ignored it. But ever since then he just hasn't been a nice friend anymore. He gets mad if i, say, compliment someone else in out friend group and not him, and is rude when he asks for things, and other stuff like that. And he'll bring up The Incident occasionally and be mad at me for stuff about it, like "you didn't respond fast enough" and "i can't believe you said you would block me" (it happened over text, and the blocking part was after his brother stole his phone sent some *inappropriate* stuff) and is just generally rude. I can't just cut him out, cause we're in the same friend group and that would be awkward, and he's sometimes nice, but i'm getting sick of him and idk what to do.

Thank you for listening to my venting.

Additionally to what @Elf said, it seems like the guy is genuinly hurting. It is no excuse for his behavior, but it might give you a little insight. I know you are pretty open with your sexual orientation here, but I do not know if you are IRL. And even more, if the other guy is. He might be really afraid of others to know and also not being sure about everything himself. He made himself very open to you and is just terrible at handling this rejection. Of course this is his own problem and you are just suffering because it is hard for him to get through this. 

My advice would be just to distance yourself from him. Give him time and space to figure things out. If he gets mad or is rude, just ignore it and don't let yourself get dragged into discussions about The Incident. Its pretty easy to say this but I guess it might be quite a bit harder to do. In the end it is his decision: be your friend or completely break off the friendship. But all of it will take time. 

[Szeth's Facepalm]

Thx! And yeah, my church is very anti-lgbtq (basically their policy is ignore it or leave) so I'm only out to the people at church who have actively expressed acceptance of lgbtq people (he has not). And i totally get that he is hurting, but the thing was 4 months ago, and he's only gotten worse. I honestly dont even know if he realizes what he's doing. So i think if he keeps this up for while, confronting him (gently) is going to be the best option for me. Our friendship was good enough before The Incident that i feel thats thats a good thing to do. And if he's still mean, i'll just avoid him and reread alllllll the cosmere books instead of friends. Lol

(Also, sorry, elf, i basically turned ur topic into a "give facepalm friendship advice" place)

[Elf]

8 hours ago, Szeth's Facepalm said:

Thx! And yeah, my church is very anti-lgbtq (basically their policy is ignore it or leave) so I'm only out to the people at church who have actively expressed acceptance of lgbtq people (he has not). And i totally get that he is hurting, but the thing was 4 months ago, and he's only gotten worse. I honestly dont even know if he realizes what he's doing. So i think if he keeps this up for while, confronting him (gently) is going to be the best option for me. Our friendship was good enough before The Incident that i feel thats thats a good thing to do. And if he's still mean, i'll just avoid him and reread alllllll the cosmere books instead of friends. Lol

(Also, sorry, elf, i basically turned ur topic into a "give facepalm friendship advice" place)

Yeah that's sounds like a good contingency plan. Read all the cosmere books. Not always, but many times, books are better than friends anyway. 

No, don't say sorry. I"m glad you got the help you needed. If you ever need anything, I'm always here to listen 

 

[Morningtide]

This is an amazing thread! Yay! I am reeeally bad at giving advice to others, especially about romance stuff, sorry about that. I need to do a rant now. 

So there is this guy. Were just friends, and both of us know it. Were pretty good friends and we can talk about crushes and stuff to each other, which most people think is really weird. My school is pretty small, so basically everyone knows that we are close. Recently, the ENTIRE school has somehow decided that were going out. Annoying, but not too bad. Except. His mom is a teacher at the school and is hearing all of the rumors. We're both kind of young still, and so we're not allowed to date. Talking to him is getting awkward, especially at school since everyone interprets that as the wrong thing!!! I'm completely unsure what to do. Help please?

[Elf]

On 2/7/2022 at 2:19 AM, Ookla the Theoretical said:

This is an amazing thread! Yay! I am reeeally bad at giving advice to others, especially about romance stuff, sorry about that. I need to do a rant now. 

So there is this guy. Were just friends, and both of us know it. Were pretty good friends and we can talk about crushes and stuff to each other, which most people think is really weird. My school is pretty small, so basically everyone knows that we are close. Recently, the ENTIRE school has somehow decided that were going out. Annoying, but not too bad. Except. His mom is a teacher at the school and is hearing all of the rumors. We're both kind of young still, and so we're not allowed to date. Talking to him is getting awkward, especially at school since everyone interprets that as the wrong thing!!! I'm completely unsure what to do. Help please?

Oh boy. You know I'd say, first talk to the mom about the rumours and explain that they are just rumours (i know it will get awkward, but it's better than her getting the wrong idea.) And then just ignore what everybody is saying. You don't owe anybody an explanation and as long as the right people know the truth, does it really matter what everybody else thinks? I hope this helps 

Edited February 8, 2022 by Elf

[Thaidakar the Ghostblood]

On 2/6/2022 at 1:49 PM, Ookla the Theoretical said:

This is an amazing thread! Yay! I am reeeally bad at giving advice to others, especially about romance stuff, sorry about that. I need to do a rant now. 

So there is this guy. Were just friends, and both of us know it. Were pretty good friends and we can talk about crushes and stuff to each other, which most people think is really weird. My school is pretty small, so basically everyone knows that we are close. Recently, the ENTIRE school has somehow decided that were going out. Annoying, but not too bad. Except. His mom is a teacher at the school and is hearing all of the rumors. We're both kind of young still, and so we're not allowed to date. Talking to him is getting awkward, especially at school since everyone interprets that as the wrong thing!!! I'm completely unsure what to do. Help please?

I agree with elf, I am prob either way older than you or way younger than you so my advice probably sucks so I think sticking with Elf's advice should do

[Elf]

I'm flattered, Thaidakar, that you think my advice is good.

 

Edited February 8, 2022 by Elf

[Marukka]

1 hour ago, Elf said:

I'm flattered, Thaidakar, that you think my advice is good.

Don't sell yourself short! 

It is good advice and basically the only right thing to do. The more @Ookla the Theoretical fights against the rumours, the more rumours would be spread. And if the people who are directly concerned know the truth and act normally, the rumours lose their power. Eventually something more interesting will come along and ppl will care more about "the new big thing". 

[Hollow Graves]

You guys are good at this whole advice things. I could use some. 

I really like this guys but me and two other girls do as well. One of them told him and they hang out with them all of the time. I am friends with the girl who he has been hanging out with. The thing is that the other girl and I think that they both like each other. What should I do so that I don't loose their friendships.

And then there is the other problem. If a guy insults the school library but has never been and then asks you for recommendations and to go to the library during so that I can show him around, what does it mean? And he has been sitting with my friend group during lunch and with me during English and Seminary. We literally just met but we talk so much. Once he found out that I was in the D&D club, he joined (the campaign I am in even.)

HELP!

[Elf]

15 minutes ago, livingbrightness said:

You guys are good at this whole advice things. I could use some. 

I really like this guys but me and two other girls do as well. One of them told him and they hang out with them all of the time. I am friends with the girl who he has been hanging out with. The thing is that the other girl and I think that they both like each other. What should I do so that I don't loose their friendships.

And then there is the other problem. If a guy insults the school library but has never been and then asks you for recommendations and to go to the library during so that I can show him around, what does it mean? And he has been sitting with my friend group during lunch and with me during English and Seminary. We literally just met but we talk so much. Once he found out that I was in the D&D club, he joined (the campaign I am in even.)

HELP!

For the first problem...I have no idea. I'm sorry. 

And for the second one, it really sounds like the guy is trying to impress you. So he either really wants to be your friend, or he has a crush on you. 

[Morningtide]

Thank you @Elf and @Thaidakar the Ghostblood! I'll take that advice

@livingbrightness, I have absolutely no idea for the first problem. I would agree with Elf for the second one. The guy is trying to get you attention, which probably means that he has a crush on you. 

 

Edited February 8, 2022 by Ookla the Theoretical

[Medium]

Oh SCUD I need this post please scud scud scud.

So, let's say I was dating someone, and let's say that we got into some... hijinks. Let's say my guardians found out, and forced us apart. Let's say I sent her an email effectively breaking up with her, and now I regret it INSANELY. And I have no idea what's going on on her end of this so uh...

What do I do?

[Szeth's Facepalm]

8 minutes ago, Doomslug The Destroyer said:

Oh SCUD I need this post please scud scud scud.

So, let's say I was dating someone, and let's say that we got into some... hijinks. Let's say my guardians found out, and forced us apart. Let's say I sent her an email effectively breaking up with her, and now I regret it INSANELY. And I have no idea what's going on on her end of this so uh...

What do I do?

Ok so i don't know a lot of details and also have never been in a similar situation and also i am smol bean, so this may not be super helpful, but i was helped greatly by folks on here and i shall try to return the favor.

I would make sure she knows that this isn't your choice, that your guardians made you do it, and that you are really sad. Honestly that's all i can really think of to do right now, at this moment. Will you be still able to see her in person? If so, i would try to talk to her then, too, and mention the things again and maybe plan times to hang out together with other friends, so you guys can still be friends.

That's probably not super helpful, but it's all i got for the moment. If i think of anything i'll post it, and i'm really sorry that happened to you :(