Ookla the Archivist

Welcome to the Cosmere: A Cosmere Song Parody of Welcome to the Internet

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I've been working on this one for a while! Not much else to say about it I suppose, so in we go! I hope you enjoy it. 

Welcome to the cosmere: have a look around
Anything your perception shapes can and will be found
We've got hundreds of worlds, some better, some worse
I'd love to show it all off and I'm just gonna burst

Welcome to the cosmere, there's no need for fright
Would you like to hold a magic bird or else receive this spike?
There's no use in panic - this won't lead to death, haha
Just say yes, with Intent, and we'll do the rest

Welcome to the cosmere, where d'you think you are?
Of course there are no phones, no TV, certainly no cars
Be Mistborn, be Radiant, be master of sand
We've got a million ways to mess up your plans

Welcome to the cosmere, put your cares aside
Here's a tip for burning metals, here's a young skaa girl who died
We got ashmounts, murder ghosts, and deadly highstorms
And a bunch of secret societies Braize-bent on screwing it up for each other

Welcome to the cosmere, hold on to your Light
But don't let that light be fire or you'll die at night
The shades are getting red-eyed, they're attracting more
I think it's time for you to get off-world

See your men be murdered, try to protest, now it's you
who is stuck down in the slave carts, there is nothing you can do
Start a rumor, see your doom and try to take it with some humor
Or jump in a pit and duel four; death might loom, but it can't take your -

Here's Odium making an offer
You should kill your wife
Here's a brand-new wonderful spren urging you to take a life
Which Knight Radiant are you? Take this quirky quiz
The Purelake has a virus, so please vaccinate your kids

Could I interest you in Nahel bonds, all of the time
Just a couple Nahel bonds, all of the time
Nale is here to badger me, he thinks I'm doing crime
Investiture and godhood all of the time

Could I interest you in Nahel bonds, all of the time
Just a couple Nahel bonds, all of the time
Nale is here to badger me, he thinks I'm doing crime
Investiture and godhood all of the time 

You know, it wasn't always like this...
Rather a while ago - oh, it was sublime
Right before the Shattering (when is lost to time)
This was tamu keks, fainlife, a Dawnshard or two
We wove our light, and every night, waited...

And it's true, true, I'm sorry it's true
The Shards are imperfect; some are Splintered too
And they did all the things they swore they wouldn't do
Now look at you, oh look at you: you, you
You're bondable, spikable, you're magic now, people you wow, they haven't got a clue
And if Trell is Autonomy we're prob'ly screwed
It might be nothing...but Harmony's bluffing
Ahahahahahahahahaha

Could I interest you in Nahel bonds, all of the time
Just a couple Nahel bonds, all of the time
Nale is here to badger me, he thinks I'm doing crime
Investiture and godhood all of the time

Could I interest you in Nahel bonds, all of the time
Just a couple Nahel bonds, all of the time
Nale is here to badger me, he thinks I'm doing crime
Investiture and godhood and Investiture and godhood and Investiture and godhood and all of the time 

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HAHA that is amazing Ene. I love it, if anyone on the shard is a good musician they should do a cover of this.

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Ah this is awesome!! I love it! You did a great job with the meter, and it's fun to see the elements from the original song that you transformed into Cosmere meanings. 

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On 1/29/2022 at 2:15 PM, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

HAHA that is amazing Ene. I love it, if anyone on the shard is a good musician they should do a cover of this.

Thanks! I do want to maybe record myself singing it sometime, but that's nervous-making, because fast-paced songs are hard to keep up with and still sound good doing it. 

On 1/29/2022 at 2:23 PM, cosmere_play said:

Ah this is awesome!! I love it! You did a great job with the meter, and it's fun to see the elements from the original song that you transformed into Cosmere meanings. 

Thank you! :D Meter is always difficult to get just right, but it's absolutely worth the effort to do that in parodies, imo. Glad you liked things! 

On 1/29/2022 at 4:36 PM, LewsTherinTelescope said:

Lmaoooo that's awesome!

Thanks man! 

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2 minutes ago, AonEne said:

Thanks! I do want to maybe record myself singing it sometime, but that's nervous-making, because fast-paced songs are hard to keep up with and still sound good doing it. 

yessss dewit :ph34r: darn lack of emoji support

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this is amazing lol

i would probable change this part to "I think it is time for you to get off-world" since it might fit a bit better with the timings but apart from that you have reached perfection

On 29/01/2022 at 8:47 PM, AonEne said:

Welcome to the cosmere, hold on to your Light
But don't let that light be fire or you'll die at night
The shades are getting red-eyed, they're attracting more
I think it's time for you to get off-world

 

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On 2/13/2022 at 0:00 PM, Some Random Spren said:

i would probable change this part to "I think it is time for you to get off-world" since it might fit a bit better with the timings but apart from that you have reached perfection

Hmm, singing it, I think I'd disagree; you'd still need to elongate the 'get' to match "don't act surprised, you know you like it you []" because the...I don't know the proper music language, but the emphasis seems to be on the latter half of the line, and throwing 'it is' in there just trips me up and doesn't flow naturally. 

I appreciate the suggestion, though! And the compliments! :wub: 

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15 minutes ago, AonEne said:

Hmm, singing it, I think I'd disagree; you'd still need to elongate the 'get' to match "don't act surprised, you know you like it you []" because the...I don't know the proper music language, but the emphasis seems to be on the latter half of the line, and throwing 'it is' in there just trips me up and doesn't flow naturally.

thats true, i guess i was imagining the emphasis elsewhere

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11 minutes ago, Some Random Spren said:

thats true, i guess i was imagining the emphasis elsewhere

Oh yeah, it's sometimes hard to tell when it's just text on a screen! 

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