mentally ill

I wanna hear your stories

42 posts in this topic

hey so idk if anyone actually wants to but i would love to hear some stories that you have made or thought about before. they dont need to be like fully fleshed out stories or anything it can just be a cool character you've created. idk i really like hearing about things other people have made because i think its cool hearing about other people's ideas

anyways i have this super cheesy story about this crew of people (enter in found family) who are basically professional theives/mercenaries and do really big jobs for other people in like this black-market thing. I have a super specific setting and feeling I want to convey in this, mostly because im an artist and most of my ideas are in drawings not in writing. but im not even gonna go into the plot because it's so incoherent but yeah, it's more of a handful of scenes I've thought about and some characters who i would die for 

anyways I'm super excited to see what you guys have been thinking about so yeah

 

Edited by mentally ill
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This doubled, alright. Probably just a form error.

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Here's a better question: What do you want to hear? I have a bit that I never do with :pp

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I could direct you to Iconar Collective, but won't because it's terrible.

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2 minutes ago, Channelknight Fadran said:

 

I could direct you to Iconar Collective, but won't because it's terrible.

 

Thats the spirit! I read one chapter at one point, I’ll probably read the rest after my current beta read + Cradle.

 

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5 hours ago, mentally ill said:

hey so idk if anyone actually wants to but i would love to hear some stories that you have made or thought about before. they dont need to be like fully fleshed out stories or anything it can just be a cool character you've created. idk i really like hearing about things other people have made because i think its cool hearing about other peoples ideas:)

anyways i have this super cheezy story about this crew of people (enter in found family) who are basically professional theives/mercenaries and do really big jobs for other people in like this black market thing. I have a super specific setting and feeling I want to convey in this, mostly because im an artist and most of my ideas are in drawings not in writing. but im not even gonna go into the plot becuase its so incoherent but yeah its more of a handfull of scenes ive thought about and some characters who i would die for 

anyways im super excited to see what you guys have been thinking about so yeah

While a tad broad I will give it my best shot. A character I enjoyed writing was a D&D rogue swashbuckler who is basically going through a mid life crisis after his wife passed away and he sent his last child off to bard college. So he went back to adventuring to feel useful, granted after decades of indulgence and not practicing his skills he suffered some level loss. That or my lore bard who got kicked out of his magical college after being caught running a scam on noble students to pay tuition. The scam was rather simplistic involving him borrowing money from one student to pay his tuition, then borrowing from another to pay off the previous debt, then repeat. Now he goes around collecting books and such to pay off his student debt and hopefully one day graduate.  

Edited by TheWanderer
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Hmm, art? Can I see?

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My favorite MC in my book is a hopeless romantic when it comes to the sea. Ren lives on a coastal town, always within view of the sea, but forbidden to go out there. His father and his uncle both drowned when their ship sank during a storm. His mother is overprotective (and within her rights to be), and doesn’t allow Ren to join the navy, or become a sailor, or anything that would put him at the same risk. He sneaks out of the house to hang around the docks, listening to sailors chat about life on the sea. The tales of ship to ship combat and pirates excite Ren, and he waits till he’s old enough to enlist in the navy, then sneaks out of the house on his 18th birthday. Its both more exciting and more monotonous than he had thought. His first week aboard a military vessel he’s set to mopping floors, the next day their ship’s being attacked and shells are exploding near him with people dying around him at times. Fun!

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Well, I guess I got one story... well, more of an outline that I don't mind sharing, not that many people will see this post lol. Keep this in mind: This outline/story I got from a dream I had a few months back, so take this as you will; I will be adding names to characters in the future.

 

We start off walking on an overgrown railway, strolling past buildings that will soon meet the same fate in the upcoming years. The main character––calling them MC for short and till I decide on name––walks past to those locally owned convenience stores, then decides to go in for plot reasons that will most likely be come up later when I actually decide to sit down and fully write this out. As MC walks in, they give a slight nod at the cashier that greets them. They browse the shelves, picking up things that are interesting to look at or for them to buy later. There is another customer there, but they only glance at each other and go about their business like nothing ever happened.

It wasn't until another customer––they named Rambleman now––comes in, raving about something that MC doesn't understand, and also because I haven't decided which thing they should rave on about. Anyways, Cashier asks them to leave if they were going to make a ruckus or not going to browse in peace. Rambleman takes no crap from them, and pulls out weapon most likely is going to be a gun of some sort. They start shooting up the place, or whatever weapon I decide to give them, and MC was forced behind the cash register.. desk.. thingy by the aforementioned customer that MC glanced at. Now, as I have said before, this all came from a dream, but I still remember every detail about this other customer, even though I have never met someone who looks like this in any way possible: She looked to be in her later teens, almost looking like she was an adult. Her curly ginger hair fell past her shoulders. Her green eyes often showed annoyance at first, but eventually grew warm as you come to know her. Her nose crinkled as she smiled and laughed, and you could the splash of freckles better when she smiled. She wore a green t-shirt and had ripped jeans with some sneakers of some sort. Again, I have no clue why I remember this girl so well, but that's not the point.

Anyways, the other customer––uhh, gonna call her Ginger––basically pushes MC down and fights the Rambleman with her magic powers, that I haven't decided on yet was thinking something along the lines of being able to do stuff by singing a certain type of song, kinda like the sirens from mythology, except.. no seducing in this example. After finding out that Ginger has powers, Rambleman stops and then goes on about how the world is going to end and that only people like her would be able to save it. Ginger calmly sings a song that pacifies Rambleman, and they're on their merry way. Now, I dunno what I'm going to do with this part, but it's basically going to be what happened in my dream: G: "Hey. Wanna go on an adventure?" MC: "Yeah whatever, nerd."

Off they went! I don't have exact details of what's going to happen, but it'll involve adventure, character development, and friendship development; in other words, this the part of the dream that I cannot remember. They become close friends and trusting each other with basically their lives at this point. They go on to save the world with Ginger and her powers, as you do when you go on a wacky adventure with someone you met in a store. At the climax, they figure out that in order for the world to be saved or whatever stakes I'm going to have, Ginger needs to sacrifice the memories she made on the adventure or something abstract like that I might throw in having her lose her powers as well, just for funsies. She, of course, does that, knowing that it will be for the good of the world, sacrifices herself, and MC and Ginger are sent back to their normal lives before going on Wacky Adventure™.

MC remembers everything that happens, of course, then races to the store they first met Ginger, desperate to try and revive any memories they made together on Wacky Adventure™. Ginger, however, has no clue and treats MC like a normal human being, even though she's a bit weirded out that they are talking to her, because she believes that they had never met in their entire lives. MC is distraught, but still treats her like a friend, though she can't remember it. I think I'm going to have her lose her memories and powers forever and basically refriend MC all over again.

 

Y'all didn't ask for this, so I'm sorry lol. Again, most of this idea came from a dream I had a few months back, so of course there are plot holes and things that are unexplained, because it was a dream and partially because I haven't given a whole lot of thought into it.

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On 1/10/2022 at 3:02 PM, TheWanderer said:

While a tad broad I will give it my best shot. A character I enjoyed writing was a D&D rogue swashbuckler who is basically going through a mid life crisis after his wife passed away and he sent his last child off to bard college. So he went back to adventuring to feel useful, granted after decades of indulgence and not practicing his skills he suffered some level loss. That or my lore bard who got kicked out of his magical college after being caught running a scam on noble students to pay tuition. The scam was rather simplistic involving him borrowing money from one student to pay his tuition, then borrowing from another to pay off the previous debt, then repeat. Now he goes around collecting books and such to pay off his student debt and hopefully one day graduate.  

i really like this idea and its really different than other stories i normally hear about in this genre! honestly i would read or watch this so hard 

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On 1/10/2022 at 7:13 PM, #1 Taln Fan said:

My favorite MC in my book is a hopeless romantic when it comes to the sea. Ren lives on a coastal town, always within view of the sea, but forbidden to go out there. His father and his uncle both drowned when their ship sank during a storm. His mother is overprotective (and within her rights to be), and doesn’t allow Ren to join the navy, or become a sailor, or anything that would put him at the same risk. He sneaks out of the house to hang around the docks, listening to sailors chat about life on the sea. The tales of ship to ship combat and pirates excite Ren, and he waits till he’s old enough to enlist in the navy, then sneaks out of the house on his 18th birthday. Its both more exciting and more monotonous than he had thought. His first week aboard a military vessel he’s set to mopping floors, the next day their ship’s being attacked and shells are exploding near him with people dying around him at times. Fun!

honestly this is my type of story :))

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On 1/11/2022 at 8:16 PM, Mystic Syn said:

Well, I guess I got one story... well, more of an outline that I don't mind sharing, not that many people will see this post lol. Keep this in mind: This outline/story I got from a dream I had a few months back, so take this as you will; I will be adding names to characters in the future.

 

We start off walking on an overgrown railway, strolling past buildings that will soon meet the same fate in the upcoming years. The main character––calling them MC for short and till I decide on name––walks past to those locally owned convenience stores, then decides to go in for plot reasons that will most likely be come up later when I actually decide to sit down and fully write this out. As MC walks in, they give a slight nod at the cashier that greets them. They browse the shelves, picking up things that are interesting to look at or for them to buy later. There is another customer there, but they only glance at each other and go about their business like nothing ever happened.

It wasn't until another customer––they named Rambleman now––comes in, raving about something that MC doesn't understand, and also because I haven't decided which thing they should rave on about. Anyways, Cashier asks them to leave if they were going to make a ruckus or not going to browse in peace. Rambleman takes no crap from them, and pulls out weapon most likely is going to be a gun of some sort. They start shooting up the place, or whatever weapon I decide to give them, and MC was forced behind the cash register.. desk.. thingy by the aforementioned customer that MC glanced at. Now, as I have said before, this all came from a dream, but I still remember every detail about this other customer, even though I have never met someone who looks like this in any way possible: She looked to be in her later teens, almost looking like she was an adult. Her curly ginger hair fell past her shoulders. Her green eyes often showed annoyance at first, but eventually grew warm as you come to know her. Her nose crinkled as she smiled and laughed, and you could the splash of freckles better when she smiled. She wore a green t-shirt and had ripped jeans with some sneakers of some sort. Again, I have no clue why I remember this girl so well, but that's not the point.

Anyways, the other customer––uhh, gonna call her Ginger––basically pushes MC down and fights the Rambleman with her magic powers, that I haven't decided on yet was thinking something along the lines of being able to do stuff by singing a certain type of song, kinda like the sirens from mythology, except.. no seducing in this example. After finding out that Ginger has powers, Rambleman stops and then goes on about how the world is going to end and that only people like her would be able to save it. Ginger calmly sings a song that pacifies Rambleman, and they're on their merry way. Now, I dunno what I'm going to do with this part, but it's basically going to be what happened in my dream: G: "Hey. Wanna go on an adventure?" MC: "Yeah whatever, nerd."

Off they went! I don't have exact details of what's going to happen, but it'll involve adventure, character development, and friendship development; in other words, this the part of the dream that I cannot remember. They become close friends and trusting each other with basically their lives at this point. They go on to save the world with Ginger and her powers, as you do when you go on a wacky adventure with someone you met in a store. At the climax, they figure out that in order for the world to be saved or whatever stakes I'm going to have, Ginger needs to sacrifice the memories she made on the adventure or something abstract like that I might throw in having her lose her powers as well, just for funsies. She, of course, does that, knowing that it will be for the good of the world, sacrifices herself, and MC and Ginger are sent back to their normal lives before going on Wacky Adventure™.

MC remembers everything that happens, of course, then races to the store they first met Ginger, desperate to try and revive any memories they made together on Wacky Adventure™. Ginger, however, has no clue and treats MC like a normal human being, even though she's a bit weirded out that they are talking to her, because she believes that they had never met in their entire lives. MC is distraught, but still treats her like a friend, though she can't remember it. I think I'm going to have her lose her memories and powers forever and basically refriend MC all over again.

 

Y'all didn't ask for this, so I'm sorry lol. Again, most of this idea came from a dream I had a few months back, so of course there are plot holes and things that are unexplained, because it was a dream and partially because I haven't given a whole lot of thought into it.

excuse me this is exactly what I asked for and i honestly didn't expect ppl to write this much but i love hearing people talk about some story or character they've made 

 

also this is a really cool setup and i would legitimately read or watch this so hard (also it appears we like the same tropes like ride or die friendships and mmm yes)

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1 hour ago, mentally ill said:

i really like this idea and its really different than other stories i normally hear about in this genre! honestly i would read or watch this so hard 

Much obliged thank you, I have recently decided to embrace the comedic contrast in writing tabletop characters who are not even remotely edgy. Capped off by my normal guardsman fighter who became an adventurer purely cause he got talked into buying a house he can't afford. Wasn't even the toughest guardsman either, just a dude.

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3 minutes ago, TheWanderer said:

Much obliged thank you, I have recently decided to embrace the comedic contrast in writing tabletop characters who are not even remotely edgy. Capped off by my normal guardsman fighter who became an adventurer purely cause he got talked into buying a house he can't afford. Wasn't even the toughest guardsman either, just a dude.

Yeah, those kinds of characters are my favorites, not the ones who are the sugar coated relatable, just relatable.

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On 1/10/2022 at 4:11 PM, Tani said:

Character stories alright?

100% character stories! those are the most interesting lol (also sorry this is so late)

Edited by mentally ill
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Thanks for the kind words! (Also btw, we’re not supposed to double post. Instead, just edit your previous message instead of posting two in a row) :lol:

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On 1/10/2022 at 10:25 AM, Channelknight Fadran said:

I could direct you to Iconar Collective, but won't because it's terrible.

wait I'm only 1 chapter in and i really like it :))

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ok well it's like a few months later and i have a better idea of what my story looks like so here we go (also i just wanna share this with people becuase i dont know a lot of people who i can share this with face to face lol)

bear in mind that all of this is constantly changing in my mind, and most of this has never been written down and like 99% of it isn't fleshed out. 

So in short for the setup, basically there are 5 families in this world who pass down powers that were given to them by some form of god? (honestly none of them have god level powers but idk what else to call them deities i guess) and those powers can be transferred 1 of 2 ways- either by the owner deliberately passing down the power or being killed by somebody else (so the power goes to their killer). So one family/clan who has a special power wants more power to show to other people that they are superior (this does sound a little cheesy believe me ik). That family's power is basically brainwashing or mind control. So what they end up doing is brainwashing one member of another clan/royal family that has a power (our MC, vath also she is really young and ) and having her kill most of her family so that she would come into possession of the family power. Their full plan was to kidnap her and then kill her so it would be easier to obtain the power. Welp enter in Vath's brother, Dagen, who gets her to kinda snap out of the mind control thingy and he helps them escape. 

So theyre on the run at this point and are stowaways on different trade ships you know as the chiche goes. They end up both getting hired by some high end thieves who do big oceans 11 sort of jobs for people . They are sailing (i dont think i mentioned but one of the common ways of transport is by treasure planet-esk ships that can sail on oceans or fly) and trying to getaway from some people who they just stole a lot of money from and have to cut across waters that have a superstition amoung sailors about them. (some people think that if you sail into those waters a sea demon will devour you or some spooky campfire story like that) the captain of the ship discards the stories and sails straight into them. Well that wasnt a great idea becuase (as it normally goes) the stories were true and everybody on the ship got eaten but for reasons i don't know yet vath and her brother survived, but at a price. They ended up getting cursed and that basically means that they are given a clue to find some treasure to set them free. If they do not find that treasure before they die, then they have to spend eternity in hell? (again names for stuff haven't been figured out yet but its like eternal slavery? its is still very unclear.) I think when normal people die they get to see people who theyve loved that have died and then they get to rest. But a pro that comes along with getting cursed is you also get a power to help you out. So i havent decided on vath's brother's power yet but i know that vath can manipulate gravity in a certain area (not make things weightless)

anyways some time passes and vath works as a professional theif and pirate-for-hire and meets this girl her age who also got cursed named zara and they both help eachother out and decide to team up and enter in best friend and eventually found family trope.

so i think ive written way too much and this is all mostly setup and backstory. the real plot begins a little while after Vath meets Zara. Basically, this entire story is a big mess of interesting ideas and magic systems and places i can think of. i think that this isn't as fleshed out as some of my other stories because I have written down not a lot of it and i just draw all of the characters and scenarios in it a lot because as i mentioned earlier I am an "aritst" (well not professionally but eh) also im not going to go back and do spell check cuz i spelled so much wrong lol

anyways this was too long and if you made it this far then tysm and have a plesant evening

Edited by mentally ill
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I'm gonna revive this thread because I have a story I'd like to share.

Spoiler

 

The child slept soundly in his cradle.

The boy watched with wonder and amazement as his brother slept.

The mother watched her sons, and smiled.

The mother reached forwards, and rested her hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Will, do you know what this is?”

The boy looked up inquisitively at his mother.

“My brother?”

The mother smiled at her son's innocence.

“Yes. It is also more than that.”

“Your son…?”

“It is my Genesis. My creation. My great work.”

The child shifted.

The boy wondered.

The mother’s smile dwindled.

“Will…”

The boy looked up at his mother, eyes alight with childish wonder and curiosity.

“Will, I need you to promise me something. When the time is right, tell him why his mother wasn’t around. Tell him why he dreamed of a woman in black. Tell him why the woman in his dreams seemed so familiar.”

The boy cocked his head, confused.

“Tell him why his mother became a goddess.”

“You’re not a goddess, Mother.”

“Not yet. But I’m fading.”

“What do you mean?” Asked the boy.

“It means,” Said the mother, “I’m dying.”

The wonder vanished from the boy's eyes, blinked away, replaced by wordless questions. The confusion and fear in the boy’s eyes was… it was…

Heartbreaking.

The mother reached out, and hugged the boy.

The boy began to cry, although he did not know why.

The child slept on.

“Will…”

The boy looked up at his mother, sad and hurt and afraid.

“Your father has discovered a way for me to live past death.”

The boy sniffed, tears falling gently down his face, like a trickling stream.

“I will not die, I will become Death.”

“Will you be coming back?” The boy asked.

“I will try to come and see you. Your brother will be very scared and confused, but you remember what I told you, right?”

“Yes.”

“I love you, Will. I love you forever. I love you forever.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

The boy cried.

The mother cried.

The child slept on.

 

 

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Soooooo I haven't really written a story yet because I'm terrible at plot but I did kinda build an entire universe with a really epic cosmic history...?

Enjoy if you have the time to read :P

Spoiler

Before the beginning of reality, there was nothing but an energy that permeated the nothing it existed with. This energy would eventually become known as Inheritance. Inheritance created for itself from itself 3 extremely powerful beings, dividing itself evenly between them. The first was called Space, tasked with creating the plane of existence that we experience reality on. The second, called Time, was tasked with creating time, a separate plane of existence that we experience in accordance with Space. The third was given the title Arbiter of Reality, tasked with ensuring that Space and Time remained close enough to stay tethered to each other, but far enough away that they didn’t merge back together. 

Space and Time lived in harmony for an unthinkable amount of time. It was such a long time, in fact, that the Arbiter itself began to grow lax, confident in its Prime Inheritance to separate reality. In his neglect, strands of Space and Time began to cross over the barrier of separation, creating small rifts in Space and Time that allowed the opposite to leak through.

One such rift appeared in a cave in a valley on a distant planet so old that by now, its sun has almost certainly collapsed, consuming the planet in its wake. In this valley near this cave, a tribe of humans made their home in the lush foliage of the valley. A young man, ignorant to the monumental achievement he was about to make, decided in his primitive, instinct-driven mind that he wanted to explore the frightening cave near his home. As he drew near, he noticed something off. A strange green glow to the air around him. His instincts would have told him to run, but something stronger drew him in. He entered the mouth of the cave and walked towards the back, where he sensed the strange allure. As he walked, he had the strangest experience: his thoughts began to speed up, instinctual desires transforming into complex ideas, and then something clicked. He felt something he had never felt before: wonder. He was filled with awe at this strange phenomenon, and decided with his newfound logical mind, that the rest of his family needed this too.

Over the course of the millenia following the dawn of sentience, the human mind expanded to match the speed of the Inheritance it held. This was a phenomenon that the Arbiter never anticipated. The combination of Inheritance across reality caused human intelligence to be elevated to a level around 0.1% of that of the 3, a much bigger portion than would have been allowed. On top of that, the phenomenon that gave Inheritance its name began to take place: whenever a human died, its Inheritance, that held its memories, moved on to another human, creating a race of supersmart, ultra-wise beings ready to break the bonds of their home planet. They developed space-age tech that wasn’t needed for very long, as they soon made another incredible discovery: the Kronadimes. The Kronadimes were a race of sentient creatures that existed in Time’s domain. They underwent the same process of gaining sentience as humans, through exposure to opposite Inheritance. Eventually, humanity made contact with a Kronadime through the rift that the first sentient human found. The human that contacted the Kronadime ended up fusing with it, creating a joint being that spanned spacetime, allowing for free movement throughout both, with the minds of both beings merged into one immortal elevated mind. This formed the first Inheritance Bond.

Humanity fully utilized this new connection, with almost every human casting off their physical form to be elevated into a being made of Prime Inheritance. After millions of years of humanity expanding across the universe and progressing in their partnership with the Kronadimes, reality began to break. Each Inheritance Bond created a permanent bridge between Space and Time, which caused the Arbiter to lose control. Too many bonds formed, and reality started to collapse, eventually caving in on itself in a sort of “big crunch.” Right before the end of everything, however, a human absorbed the Inheritance of all humanity ever, becoming for an instant an omnipotent, omniscient being, possessing all the wisdom of humanity. This instant did not go to waste, however. He used his power to keep reality from falling apart, severing the connection between space and time, casting off the inheritance to a remote location where humanity was never supposed to find it. The Arbiter did not appreciate a human doing its job for it.

The human relinquished his power back to the Arbiter, but he didn’t die. Instead he became the universe, a powerless observer of all things that happen. He did have some influence over his domain, however, through the Arbiter. He pleaded with the Arbiter to rebuild humanity, and it agreed on one condition: they may have their former intelligence, but they won't have inheritance, lest history repeat itself. Humanity was planted on a paradise near the center of new reality (not Earth). It developed for an incredibly long time, eventually developing space age tech and creating a civilization spanning 3 star systems. However, it was only a matter of time before they discovered a way to achieve FTL travel and communication using tiny traces of Time that were left behind during the Reconception. They developed FTL ships and communicators that allowed them to expand their empire throughout a large portion of their galaxy, creating a supermassive civilization over a course of a few hundred thousand years. At that point, they started sending expeditions to other galaxies within their cluster, expanding into each of them with high-tech terraforming and life support equipment. Technology at the time had advanced far enough to lengthen the human lifespan significantly, and everyone lived at least 500 years, allowing for long-term exploration and colonization, and eventually, expansion.

Inevitably, they began to fight with each other, dividing into factions and arguing over ethical and practical issues, such as the ethics of genetically altering the body for longer life, or wiping out all life on planets in the name of expansion. Eventually, the galaxy cluster divided into two main factions: the Progressive and Limited factions, each with their own noble causes. After years of unrest, with each party ignoring the outcries of the other, all-out war began. This devastated entire star systems as the factions detonated stars and destroyed life on a massive scale. 

A group formed during the war, dedicated to the preservation of humanity but also preserving as much as they could of the planets they inhabited. They sent exploration groups to the far reaches of the known universe, planting groups of primitive humanity to be left as a fail-safe in case the two factions ended up destroying one another. But the Limited faction found the sanctuaries and destroyed them, saying that they “disrupted the balance of their planets’ nature.” The Preservers knew that humanity’s nature was to fight, and this war with this technology would spell its end. So they launched one last fleet to a new and final sanctuary, terraformed it into a paradise for humanity’s rebirth, and sent a group of voluntarily memory-wiped humans to develop and populate their paradise. At the very center of the planet, the Preservers placed a capsule containing a human to observe the progress of humanity while his body was in kronostasis, with the ability to wake himself if any world-ending events occurred. Humanity grew and developed for 10,000 years on their new home, Earth, while in the stars, it nearly came to an end, humanity scattering across the universe in small, nomadic groups.

 

 

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7 hours ago, Doomslug The Destroyer said:

I'm gonna revive this thread because I have a story I'd like to share.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

The child slept soundly in his cradle.

The boy watched with wonder and amazement as his brother slept.

The mother watched her sons, and smiled.

The mother reached forwards, and rested her hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Will, do you know what this is?”

The boy looked up inquisitively at his mother.

“My brother?”

The mother smiled at her son's innocence.

“Yes. It is also more than that.”

“Your son…?”

“It is my Genesis. My creation. My great work.”

The child shifted.

The boy wondered.

The mother’s smile dwindled.

“Will…”

The boy looked up at his mother, eyes alight with childish wonder and curiosity.

“Will, I need you to promise me something. When the time is right, tell him why his mother wasn’t around. Tell him why he dreamed of a woman in black. Tell him why the woman in his dreams seemed so familiar.”

The boy cocked his head, confused.

“Tell him why his mother became a goddess.”

“You’re not a goddess, Mother.”

“Not yet. But I’m fading.”

“What do you mean?” Asked the boy.

“It means,” Said the mother, “I’m dying.”

The wonder vanished from the boy's eyes, blinked away, replaced by wordless questions. The confusion and fear in the boy’s eyes was… it was…

Heartbreaking.

The mother reached out, and hugged the boy.

The boy began to cry, although he did not know why.

The child slept on.

“Will…”

The boy looked up at his mother, sad and hurt and afraid.

“Your father has discovered a way for me to live past death.”

The boy sniffed, tears falling gently down his face, like a trickling stream.

“I will not die, I will become Death.”

“Will you be coming back?” The boy asked.

“I will try to come and see you. Your brother will be very scared and confused, but you remember what I told you, right?”

“Yes.”

“I love you, Will. I love you forever. I love you forever.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

The boy cried.

The mother cried.

The child slept on.

 

 

Ok this is so good, not just the plot and all the suttle implications, but the fact that the way the little boy feels and acts is so realistic.

Doomie, your style is amazing, and i most certainly do not say that lightly.

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7 hours ago, Doomslug The Destroyer said:

I'm gonna revive this thread because I have a story I'd like to share.

  Reveal hidden contents

 

The child slept soundly in his cradle.

The boy watched with wonder and amazement as his brother slept.

The mother watched her sons, and smiled.

The mother reached forwards, and rested her hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“Will, do you know what this is?”

The boy looked up inquisitively at his mother.

“My brother?”

The mother smiled at her son's innocence.

“Yes. It is also more than that.”

“Your son…?”

“It is my Genesis. My creation. My great work.”

The child shifted.

The boy wondered.

The mother’s smile dwindled.

“Will…”

The boy looked up at his mother, eyes alight with childish wonder and curiosity.

“Will, I need you to promise me something. When the time is right, tell him why his mother wasn’t around. Tell him why he dreamed of a woman in black. Tell him why the woman in his dreams seemed so familiar.”

The boy cocked his head, confused.

“Tell him why his mother became a goddess.”

“You’re not a goddess, Mother.”

“Not yet. But I’m fading.”

“What do you mean?” Asked the boy.

“It means,” Said the mother, “I’m dying.”

The wonder vanished from the boy's eyes, blinked away, replaced by wordless questions. The confusion and fear in the boy’s eyes was… it was…

Heartbreaking.

The mother reached out, and hugged the boy.

The boy began to cry, although he did not know why.

The child slept on.

“Will…”

The boy looked up at his mother, sad and hurt and afraid.

“Your father has discovered a way for me to live past death.”

The boy sniffed, tears falling gently down his face, like a trickling stream.

“I will not die, I will become Death.”

“Will you be coming back?” The boy asked.

“I will try to come and see you. Your brother will be very scared and confused, but you remember what I told you, right?”

“Yes.”

“I love you, Will. I love you forever. I love you forever.”

“I love you too, Mom.”

The boy cried.

The mother cried.

The child slept on.

 

 

whoa I love that!

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9 hours ago, Szeth's Facepalm said:

Ok this is so good, not just the plot and all the suttle implications, but the fact that the way the little boy feels and acts is so realistic.

Doomie, your style is amazing, and i most certainly do not say that lightly.

thank you thank you thank you. this was written in like 10 minutes after listening to Circle Of Life by Whitesand, so it is quite rushed and not my best but thank you :>

9 hours ago, Thaidakar the Ghostblood said:

whoa I love that!

Ahhhhh thanks Thaidakar!!

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I'm bored, so I guess I'll share something here. Multiple sharders have already read the thing I'm posting, but I'll put it here just for fun. 

Basically, this is the prologue to a standalone-ish fantasy novel. I'm still working on the rest of the story, and the chapters after this might go through major changes, but I'm satisfied enough with the prologue to show it here. 

Spoiler

PROLOGUE: He Could Win

The creature came hurtling towards Nadaris and his stallion. Heart racing, Nadaris moved to urge Blackfleet further, but the horse had already started galloping across the plains. At least one of us knows what to do, Nadaris thought grimly, trembling hands struggling to keep hold of the reins. A loud screech sounded behind him, piercing the air like a discordant trumpet. His breath quickening, Nadaris was painfully aware of the creature getting closer; its flapping wings sent out a harsh wind that buffeted against his skin. 

Eldest protect me, he thought, gritting his teeth. Although Nadaris was positioned far from the intensity of the real battle, he still was forced to dodge clumps of soldiers blocking his path. The makeshift tents where his generals conversed came into view, whirring past him in a blur of brown canvas. Soldiers dressed in blue and white uniforms let out startled cries as Blackfleet thundered past them. 

“Guardians above!” one of the men swore, narrowly avoiding being trampled by the black warhorse. “Watch where you’re going, you-” 

A disgusting splatter ended that sentence. Nadaris winced. Looks like the bastard brought reinforcements. That creature’s shadow still hung over the fields of grass, but the silhouettes of more winged shapes joined the fray. Some of them circled like vultures; others swooped downwards with talons aimed at uniformed men. The screams of the soldiers were somehow worse than the unnatural screeches the Feathin made as they killed. 

Blackfleet whinnied, his eyes flitting around wildly. Spit frothed at his mouth, and he moved unsteadily as if he were losing control. Or stamina. “Easy,” Nadaris said, patting the horse’s mane. “We’re going to be alright.” 

Those words didn’t seem to match the ones in the distance. “King Nadaris!” dying men pleaded, their terrified voices aimed at a rider who was racing farther away. “Please!” 

No time to turn back, Nadaris thought, desperately trying to stay in his saddle. His only hope was to survive long enough to figure out a way to save his people. Hopefully the men on the battlefield are doing better than I am. 

They should be doing better. His soldiers were fighting the Celen, and while the Celen might know the Celegoth landscape better, Nadaris had sent Malrien’s Rainracers to help the Kluvorians. The only thing Nadaris could do was pray that it would be enough. Pray, and survive.

His eyes widened. The tall grass hid many things, but he’d barely noticed the gray forms blocking his path. Mere moments in front of him, a collection of large boulders littered the ground in a scattered heap. Nadaris knew that, in seconds, his horse would collide with the massive stones. Panicking, Blackfleet attempted to change direction. The horse shifted to the left, abandoning the path he’d been following. Nadaris yelped, the momentum forcing him to cling to his seat. “Careful!” he hissed, but somehow he sensed that it was too late.

Distracted by the boulders, Blackfleet had wasted a few precious seconds. Sweat beaded on Nadaris’s forehead. He took a deep breath, hesitantly turning his head to look behind him. The talons aimed straight at his face, and the first thing he saw was the monster’s black gaze shining hungrily in the sunlight. Reacting without time to think, Nadaris leapt out of his saddle. For a second, he was flying through the air, his black hair whipping around his head. Then he was rolling through the grass, a sickening crunch coming from his ribcage. Gasping, the wind knocked out of his lungs, he put a hand to his chest. Pain flared instantly, pulsating in waves. Everything seemed darker. Struggling to see through the darkness creeping over his vision, he watched the blurry form of the Feathin. Something black and red hung from its mouth, dripping a liquid that Nadaris had seen many times before. Clutching his fractured ribs, he let out an anguished whimper. “Blackfleet…” he sobbed, barely able to see what was now left of his horse. “Please.” 

All he saw before losing consciousness was a flash of white light.

***

Malrien threw himself at the creature. He slammed into its feathered body, knocking it away from the unconscious king sprawled on the ground. Screeching, it clawed at him frantically. One of its talons sliced through his navy uniform, reaching the skin beneath and drawing a crimson line of blood. The cut stung against Malrien’s left arm. Smirking, Malrien allowed glowing Essence to crawl near the wound. This variant of the newfound substance, white and foggy, enveloped his whole body and illuminated him like a bonfire. Within seconds, it entered the cut and began reknitting the wound. He didn’t look, but he knew that if he did, he would find clear skin that seemed untouched. It was almost like he’d never been hurt.

The Feathin’s mouth twisted into a snarl. It pulled away, breaking free of his grasp. But it didn’t advance; it just stared at him, inhuman features contorted with rage. Everything about these things disgusted Malrien. Its slender form could have maybe passed for human, but the feathers along its body and the talons in place of fingers made him sick. The wings on its back flapped harshly, imitating that of a bird’s. “Guardian,” it hissed, words coming out in a thick drawl. 

“Rainracer,” Malrien corrected, still hovering midair. “We’re different from the rest.”

The Feathin’s black eyes flashed dangerously. “Different?” it mocked, letting out a succession of chirps from the back of its throat. Malrien couldn’t guess what it meant; the monsters apparently had a whole language composed of strange chirps and whistles set in different patterns. “Worse. Men should not fly.”

Malrien scoffed. “You’re the one who just ate a horse alive. You’re the savage.”

“You not know. You play with gods’ deaths.” Malrien frowned. The language barrier often made it difficult to understand the Feathin. It would be even more impossible to come to a peace agreement. The Celen did it, though, a voice in the back of his head whispered. The Feathin are only fighting us because we threatened their human allies first. He shook his head. He couldn’t allow himself to feel sympathy for these beasts.

Refusing to continue the conversation, Malrien focused on controlling the Essence that clung to his skin. He flew straight at the Feathin, ignoring its protests. He thought he could see sadness momentarily flashing across its face, but he knew that he was probably imagining things. Surely the only emotion they ever showed was hatred. 

The Feathin decided to move upwards and avoid the attack, soaring with its wings outstretched. Malrien grinned. Finally a good chase. He followed, clothes rippling as he flew higher. The creature kept glancing back at him, then quickening its pace. They went on like that for minutes. Man and monster challenging each other, nothing but the sky and the summer heat to distract them. Malrien had plenty of Essence, too. If he didn’t push his limits too much, the mist would allow him to keep flying for hours. 

Glowing forms settled into formation next to him. Exhilarated, Malrien turned to smile at the group of Rainracers who’d joined him. Wearing the same blue clothes as him, they would have appeared to be the perfect Kluvorian soldiers. Their faces told a different story. They looked upwards, following the Feathin, but their expressions were dazed. Gazes unfocused. Lips drawn into tight lines. They shone gloriously like him, Essence trailing behind them as they flew, but something was wrong. They…weren’t laughing like they normally did. His grin faded. 

Those grim faces were a reminder of the orders he’d given moments before. The once happy faces of his friends had now become a constant reminder of the sins he had been forced to commit. Eldest help the others understand.

***

Nadaris awoke with a groan. His head pounded, and trying to think proved difficult. His thoughts formed as a groggy mess of words. Trying to glance around the room, he became dimly aware of where he was. People gathered near his bedside, eyebrows creased and voices low with worry. Others scurried around the room, grabbing items and frantically carrying them outside. He caught a glimpse of a girl wearing a white apron and heading out the room, a pile of bandages and bottles gathered in her arms. The medic tent, Nadaris guessed. 

He tried to sit up. Pushing upwards with weak arms, he whimpered as the pain in his side flared up again. A man sitting on the ground nearby frowned. Quickly, the man gasped and leapt to his feet. “He’s awake!” he announced. “Everyone get over here.” 

Men and women came rushing at Nadaris, asking panicked questions. 

“Are you alright, Your Majesty?” one person said.

“What happened out there?” another demanded. 

Nadaris could barely think. Whenever they asked a question, he just croaked out the same word. “Water,” he begged, his throat dry as if he hadn’t drunk anything for weeks.

A woman pressed a cup of cold water against his lips, and he desperately drank it. As fast as he could, at least. He closed his eyes against the pain. His breaths were ragged, but the medics kept assuring him that he would be fine. His ribs were the only thing that had been damaged. Sure feels like death, though. 

Still forcing water down his throat, Nadaris heard the rustle of cloth as someone entered the tent. He squinted, struggling to see clearly, but he recognized that tall man immediately. Nadaris himself had appointed that man to be the leader of the Rainracers. Standing straight-backed, proudly wearing a blue uniform that he’d designed himself, Malrien Rogulous demanded attention. His tanned Kluvorian skin gleamed with sweat, but glowing Essence clung to him as curling wisps. Both hair and short-trimmed beard were wild after he’d been flying, but somehow he still found a way to appear dignified. Nadaris was suddenly aware of how he looked; he was the king of Kluvoria, and here he was sitting in a sickbed with grass sticking to his clammy skin. 

Something in the room changed. Nadaris tilted his head to the side, watching everything speculatively. The same people who had been rushing about paused, now barely moving. The low voices trickled to occasional whispers. Nadaris thought it was awe. Their hero is here. Maybe they’ve stopped working because they want to admire him. But the tensed shoulders and hardened expressions didn’t belong to people who were standing before someone who better belonged in legends. The near silence that blanketed the room was dangerous, and it was something that Nadaris had seen before. It was the moment of quiet before two men started attacking each other in a cold rage.

“Malrien?” Nadaris asked, propping himself up with agonizing effort. “What’s going on here? Are your Rainracers still with my soldiers?” 

The Guardian stared at him, saying nothing. The man resembled a sculpture. Everything about him was what the Kluvorians admired. Still, the nauseous dread in Nadaris’s stomach told him that something was terribly, horribly wrong. 

“Malrien,” Nadaris repeated, “where are the rest of the Rainracers?”

“Not here,” the other man said stiffly. 

“Well, then, where are they? And how are my soldiers?”

Malrien paused for a moment, watching Nadaris with a gaze as intense as a hawk’s. “The Rainracers have retreated,” he declared. “They’re already flying back to Kluvoria.”

Nadaris felt a cold realization creeping down his spine. If the Rainracers had left… “You’re saying we lost the war. You’re saying we weren’t able to take control of Celegoth. How… how many soldiers did we lose?”

The medics in the room shifted, refusing to look at Nadaris. He could see the pain on their faces. Some fought back tears. Others had balled their hands into fists. The dangerous silence had returned. This time, Malrien was the one to break it. “Your soldiers still fight, Nadaris,” he spat, raising his chin stubbornly. “The Rainracers have just chosen to leave early.”

“You left them alone out there to die!” Nadaris roared, ignoring the jolts of pain it sent through his chest. “Your people were our greatest advantage. You said you could win the war for us!”

Malrien stared at his king’s outraged face. Nadaris sat in his bed, trembling with the shock of the betrayal. The images of men left alone against a stronger army flashed through his mind. He didn’t know if Malrien even had the humanity to imagine those terrified faces. When the Rainracer finally spoke, all he responded with was, “I said I could win. That never meant I intended to.”

The Kluvorians in the room gasped, and this time, their silence completely shattered. Some of them rushed towards Malrien, screaming out, calling him a bastard and a traitor. Women let out tears of anger, their voices telling frantic stories about brothers and husbands abandoned to fight to their deaths in that grassy field. Malrien let it all wash over him, doing nothing to stop the screaming and wailing. Nadaris could make out the faint image of Malrien summoning glowing Essence to protect himself in case the people turned violent. If he wasn’t bedridden, Nadaris would have turned violent seconds ago. 

Someone else entered the tent, eyes widening at the sight of the chaos. He wore a blue uniform similar to the one Malrien wore, but his frame was considerably slimmer. More frail. His brown hair was a curled mess on his head, and he anxiously pushed his spectacles back up his nose. “Father,” he said, struggling to make his voice loud enough to be heard in the noise. “I’m staying behind. I’m going back to the battlefield. Tempest says he thinks this is wrong.”

Nadaris’s jaw dropped. Everyone in the room turned to stare at the boy. Some of them even snickered. And for the first time, Malrien’s cool composure erupted. “Evanmir!” he shouted, growing redder by the second. “Quit acting like a useless child and get back with the other Rainracers! You of all people should know that what I did was necessary, so don’t start pretending like you believe I’m a traitor too.”

  The boy’s lip trembled. His skin glowed softly like his father’s, but Nadaris didn’t think it looked threatening on him. Despite the pain and anguish on his face, Nadaris could see that the boy still held a measure of respect for his father. He desperately wanted to please him, and maybe a part of him still believed that Malrien was a good man. Saying nothing, Evanmir Rogulous, scholar and son of the most powerful Guardian in the world, solemnly exited the tent, not even trying to hide his shaking hands.

After that, Malrien left too, and Nadaris was left to figure out a plan. In the next few hours, he brought every general he had with him into the medic tent, working with them to find a way to save the men left behind. They plotted and they planned. In the end, the Kluvorians were forced to surrender and head home with an army five times smaller than the one they’d arrived with. The surviving soldiers complained about having to go back to the world of storms and rifts that they’d left behind.

Days later, Nadaris sat in the saddle of an unfamiliar mare, doing his best to ignore the searing pain in his side and the thoughts about the black stallion he’d left lying in a grassy field. At the front of the procession, he could hear the people following him whispering among themselves, claiming he had shown tremendous bravery in the face of betrayal. In their eyes, Nadaris was regal and courageous. A hero. 

No one saw the tears rolling down his face. 

Also, here's an epigraph(?) thing I put after the prologue. It has spoilers for the prologue, so read it afterwards.

Spoiler

The first page of an untitled journal found left at the Rift:

I wish I could say this story has a happy ending. I’ve had centuries to think about my past, and the seemingly never-ending days have been spent haunted by the same memories. For hundreds of years, I’ve thought about what might have happened if we’d stayed and fought. I’m certain you have asked those same questions too. 

Some of you may be wondering if we ever really were the heroes everyone believed us to be. The honest, plain truth is this: I’m not sure. Maybe our intentions were honorable in the very beginning. Another possibility is that our ranks have been corrupt since our founding. 

I will never be able to know the full truth, since my birth was nearly two decades before we abandoned you. In the days of the final battles, I was still a young man. But I was, understandably, a fool. I had unlimited knowledge at my fingertips; I could ask any question and search freely for an answer. I didn’t realize how much I had been given until that power had been stripped away from me. 

After we were banished into the Rift, every book we had once been given access to was taken from us. My father, Malrien, destroyed all our written records. No one really knows why he did it. Most of my people say he had gone mad, but others have a more dangerous theory. These few claim my father was trying to hide something dark; something that should have been left, undiscovered, in the shadows. 

Even I, Malrien’s own son, risk my life by writing down these words. I’m not sure if the rumors about my father are true, but I know that I must be cautious. If the speculations do turn out to be correct, then it is proof that Malrien is no longer the righteous man he used to be. Once he does not have the Eldest’s reasoning guiding his decisions, then surely the side of him that is cruel and reckless will be able to take control. When it comes to this, my father will, undoubtedly, be willing to destroy everyone, and anything, that stands in his way. And that includes me. 

As I sit at my desk, tightly clutching my quill in fear, know that I do this because I feel like I have no other choice. I may not completely understand why our leaders commanded us to retreat, but I have ideas. And the Kluvorians deserve to be given a reason as to why their heroes abandoned them. They deserve to know why they are trapped in the world of tempests and slavery that we put them in. 

Through my words, you will be able to find a few answers to your questions. Be warned, however; along with these answers comes some very uncomfortable truths. And, like I mentioned before, this story does not have a happy ending. 

-E. Rogulous 

Okay. Yes. I will go hide now.

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