C_Vallion

1.10.2022 - C_Vallion - Price of Peace- Chapter 19.5 (Interlude) - RevA - L,G - 3627 Words

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Hello, All!

Hope 2022 is treating everyone well so far!  
 
We've reached the end of Part 2. Hooray!
 
Content Warnings: Language and gore
 
Questions:
1. Does the second half of this chapter feel too repetitive after Is-'s previous chapter? I tried to shift the focus and trim it back to just the details that are making him misinterpret events, but I'm not sure how it comes across. 
2. Anything confusing?
3. How are the characters coming across? Does getting into G's head work with his previous character setup?  I do think I want to make him more clearly suspicious of magic from the start in the next round of revisions as well, to make his discomfort with the magic here more evident (and to add more weight to his and Is-'s frustrations with one another through Part 2).
4. Specific points of engagement?
5. Any thoughts on the rough arc of Part 2 (starting with Is- arriving in Mal-)? Anything that seemed to be missing? Anything that seemed to get too much focus? I realize this is a tricky question since Chapter 10 was submitted back at the beginning of August, but I figure it doesn't hurt to check.

Thanks!

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As I go:

pg 2. I'm interested by the oathband thing, though I don't feel like I have enough to work with for it to be a point of engagement for now

pg 4. What does G think that this guy did? I can believe the burst of anger but insisting that he deserves worse than death for finding a horse seems really strange

pg 5-6. O is the most interesting character to me so far. I'm worried she's not going to show up much more though so idk if I should get invested

pg 6. Seems like G's anger is what he's using to cover guilt but tbh knowing that doesn't make me like him any more--or be any more engaged with his story. It doesn't seem like he's supposed to be fun to hate either

pg 7. Damned mages for healing him? I know he was raised in a culture that isn't comfortable with magic but come on dude 

-uhh should I know C?

pg 8. Is there a reason why she's shortening the names? It's not like other words are being shortened for efficiency's sake and it's not exactly a cover code either. 

pg 12. We make good progress with G finding traces of Is, but I'm not sure what this actually advances in the story. Partially because I don't know how close he is, since for all we know this could be days after Is did the ritual. What should we take away from this chapter? Right now I need a bit more help seeing it. 

On 1/10/2022 at 11:31 AM, C_Vallion said:
1. Does the second half of this chapter feel too repetitive after Is-'s previous chapter? I tried to shift the focus and trim it back to just the details that are making him misinterpret events, but I'm not sure how it comes across. 
2. Anything confusing?
3. How are the characters coming across? Does getting into G's head work with his previous character setup?  I do think I want to make him more clearly suspicious of magic from the start in the next round of revisions as well, to make his discomfort with the magic here more evident (and to add more weight to his and Is-'s frustrations with one another through Part 2).
4. Specific points of engagement?
5. Any thoughts on the rough arc of Part 2 (starting with Is- arriving in Mal-)? Anything that seemed to be missing? Anything that seemed to get too much focus? I realize this is a tricky question since Chapter 10 was submitted back at the beginning of August, but I figure it doesn't hurt to check.

1. Nope and partially because I didn't remember all of the details about how the dude died so I was right there with G lol... which means it might have felt repetitive to someone with a better memory. But my instinct is to say it's fine.

2. Nope! 

3. As you can see in my LbLs G is uh not my favorite part of this. I think part of it's personal preference, since I rarely like the stern loyal trainer figure even though there are a lot of beloved ones in fiction. What I will say about G here is that he makes too much sense to the point of not feeling distinct. It's natural that he feels guilty about losing Is since that's his duty, it's natural that he covers that with rage, and it's natural that he hates magic since he was raised in a culture that does. Which means his actions here don't give us a ton of insight into who he is. If you want to hammer home being suspicious about magic I think it has to feel personal to him for it to stand out. Not that it has to be a stereotypical "my parents died to magic" or whatever but I think there needs to be something that actively weaves his personal dynamics with magic into the story. 

O I do like a lot because unlike G she is in a distinct position of straddling two civilizations, and her opinions on what's going on interest me more because of that. 

4. Mostly O and the cultural exchange between Gil and M. Which I wasn't sure was the main point so I actively held myself back from focusing heavily on. 

5. Hmm for me the main thing is that it doesn't feel like Is' arc has been advanced much and we're just watching her try to survive instead. Like I said before I'm biased against those kinds of stories but I do think there's a lot of that for a character whose arcs are are set up around magic and politics. I'm also still not sure why Ala really matters to the main plot, though I guess I could say that about a lot of PoV characters in epic fantasy. 

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Yay landmarks!

I have to say I did find the tracking scene of G retracing I's steps a little repetitive. I liked the scene overall, especially there it gave G a chance to show off some expertise. I know you said you have already done pruning on that section, by my 'ear' it needs just a bit more. 

I didn't find any parts confusing. In fact, I think seeing the communication box working here was much clearer than the previous section's descriptions with R and the sister. Perhaps not so much is needed back there since as the reader we can see it play out in this chapter?

I don't know if this was an intentional plant or just a fun idea you threw in, but I found the concept of an oathband potentially being escaped by severing an arm intriguing. Especially in a world with magic healing, this seems like a potentially useful device if an oathband became burdensome or dangerous. Not to be gory, but would removing the skin under it remove the oath band? Or is it deeper in the tissue?

This is the most I have liked G so far. In general, I like gruff protector characters so I am an easy mark for this one. 

Arcs:

I can definetly see both I and R going somewhere. This is the first chapter I really got a sense of anything deeper going on for G. I missed a big chunk in the middle, so I can't really speak with any authority. 

It feels like the plotline back at the starting point is taking a backseat now. Based on how things are moving, I am expecting the MC to travel further into new territory and learn more about magic and her new marks from the judge. As a reader, I am intrigued to see more of what the world is like outside of the MC's home kingdom. 

Thanks for sharing!

Edited by Sarah B
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