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Found 70 results

  1. ok so, I have a character (his name is Sage Myllen) who has powers of summoning and vanishing, and there is (almost) no limit to what his magic can summon/vanish (yes, he does magic like, 'is this your card, etc'). I've added a weakness, but it still feels a bit to OP (probably because of the fact the weakness hinges on one of his character traits). If Sage uses too much of his powers, it seriously injures and possibly kills every living thing in a five-foot radius, excluding himself, things too small to see, and anyone he's touching (and no, you can't make a human chain. It needs to be direct contact), this is a problem to him because he's a pacifist, and literally refuses to hurt a fly. I know the amount of magic he has to use to "turn on" the murder magic, but he doesn't, and it (figuratively) drives him crazy the whole story. I'm just wondering if there is anything I should add/subtract to make it so that if he's still not too OP, or if there are any critiques you have of the character.
  2. So this game is pretty simple. The first person (me) provides the first writing prompt. Whoever is next responds to the prompt and then provides the next one. There is no minimum length, but at least a paragraph would be nice , and there definitely isn’t a maximum. If multiple people respond at once, then you can just pick a prompt to respond to. You also don’t have to have a prompt of your own. If you do not want to add a prompt, simply write “I Defer” in bold and someone else can write a prompt. In regards to formatting, please bold your writing prompt, so that people can easily see the prompts. With all that out of the way, here’s prompt number 1: You just got fired from your job. Unfortunately for your former boss, you are actually a super villain, who’s about to do what ever it takes to get revenge.
  3. Some of you may know of this character, but now I wish to publicize him. Borio Singaldi is a character I randomly made up one day in school when the name popped into my head out of nowhere. I was just minding my own business when the name "Borio Singaldi and the Death of a Prospect" came out of the blue. I was so intrigued by this ridiculous thought that I had to write it down. Once I did, I shared this idea with my fellow Knights of the Cosmere and decided to do something about it. So we started a mini writing group about the character of Borio Singaldi, our stories about him often based on a variation of the title "Death of a Prospect" (such as Death of a Perspective, Death of a Prospector, Prospect of Death, Perspective of Death, Prospector of Death, etc). But they don't need to be limited to that. The story can be about anything, so long as one sticks to the character. So I guess you should all get a full description of the guy from which to base your thoughts on him. Character description: He is a large and portly man, overweight but not quite obese. He is often fashionably dressed in a sort of foppish way. He has brown eyes, black hair, and light tan skin. I'd almost say he's entirely white, but he has a bit of Greco-Italian blood in him. His strongest defining characteristics are his mustache and his cane. He has a long, elegent, twirling mustache that often seems to move on its own. It is very important to him that he maintain its appearance. His cane is made of a fancy and valuable type of wood (that I haven't fully decided yet) and has a diamond tip. It is extremely valuable to him and he never goes anywhere without it. As for his personality, he is not the brightest bulb in the box, but he's prone to bouts of cleverness and spontaneity sometimes (due to the writers having fun with him ). He is very blunt, not very witty, quite often annoying, and has a very domineering presence. He is never intentionally mean and he has a good heart to him, but he's just not good at understanding other people and their feelings, so he's insensitive but not rude. For some, he's extremely annoying, for others he's simply charming and maybe even amusing. What does he do with his life? Well, that's up to the people who write him. It's also been made canon that he lives in a fancy mansion in Des Moines, Iowa, with his butler Earnestwise Tomatopatch and maid Clemendine Tomatopatch (a running joke is that he's never been able to figure out how they are related; he thinks they are either siblings or spouses, but has never really known). He has a strange relationship with the supernatural entity that is Death, and he has gone on many fantastical misadventures. I usually come up with a story and then have to make characters for it, but this is a reversal in which I have made the character and try to write stories about him. Because of this, they are obviously very character-driven. My mentality with writing him calls to mind Chef Gustaeu's line from the Pixar movie Ratatouille: "Anyone can cook." Or in this case, "Anyone can write a Borio Storio." It can be about literally anything you want, so long as you stay true to the character. I now invite my fellow writers who have already contributed to the creation of these Storios in our private PM to now share them here. Or if you want, I can share them for you. Whichever you prefer. @[email protected]@[email protected]@[email protected]@Sherlock [email protected]@Stormblessed Dolphin Yes. We had a PM of our own prior to this in which we shared them. I want to share this character and his stories with the rest of the Shard, and eventually the rest of the world. But baby steps, Fire. Baby steps. I now invite you all to join in me in continuing to build a universe of ridiculous stories about this guy. They can be any genre and can be any length. Genres we've done so far include realistic fiction, light fantasy, and science fiction, all in a comedic aspect. The longest one so far has been maybe two pages long and the shortest one so far was just a couple paragraphs. Keep in mind that while all of the stories we've done so far are intentionally comedic (and laugh out loud hilarious if I do say so myself), you are NOT REQUIRED to do comedy when writing him. Comedic stories are generally expected and quite welcome, but I'd like to maybe see a serious or dramatic rendition of the character. But again: you can write the story about ANYTHING. Of course, I ask that you keep them clean and don't have inappropriate content (no foul language, no overt or discreet sexual content, violence is allowed to a degree). But please, my fellow Sharders... the most important thing I ask of you when writing these Storios is... HAVE FUN. Please have fun writing this, it's meant to bring out the weird and playful writing side of you. I started this Borio Writing Anthology so we could have fun. And now, I will share a few that I have written with all of you as examples of what they are typically like. Hopefully my current fellow writer will share theirs too. Borio Singaldi and the Borio Singaldi and the Death Borio Singaldi and the Death of a Prospector Borio Singaldi and the Seventeenth Shard Borio Singaldi and a Kind Act Borio Singaldi and Procrastination And here is a Borio Singaldi Mad Lib I made: Enjoy, fellow writers.
  4. Hey all, I've been trying to write some music and I just don't know...any advice???
  5. Hey everyone! I'm hoping for some assistance for myself and hopefully many others in the future. As many of you may know I (and my cousin) am now a self-published author through Amazon. If you're interested in what I've written please visit my website at Anyway, The reason for this post is to ask all of you to help me find a real publisher for my book. In that, I'm hoping everyone can look at their favorite fantasy/sci-fi novels and tell me the name of the publishing company as I'm not the best in the world at finding a good list of publishers. Obviously I know of TOR and Tom Doherty as some of the major publishers, but I was hoping you guys could help out with additional ones. Let me know if you have any other possibilities. And I want it to be known that we won't turn down a "small town" publisher if there is one that's willing to take up the cause of my book. Thanks in advance everyone!
  6. Hey guys! I'm trying to create a magic system for my book and keep bumping into the same problem when I work on the source: Magic is power bigger than mankind, and thus implies that either a deity must exist in the book or a Force, like in Star Wars. Does anyone have any ideas on how to avoid gods and also avoid having magic be a well of power like the Force?
  7. I'm trying to experiment with my writing. Widening my voice so to speak. I mostly read Sanderson due to limited time but I worry that might limit what I think is good writing. Among people with wide tastes I generally hear that Brandon has good ideas, plotting, world building and characters but his prose is very utilitarian. What authors would be an example of good prose, like the kind of thing that is a pleasure to read just because of the wording and flow. How would tolkien or jim butcher compare on your personal scale or prose? Feel free to info dump, I'm mostly looking for a large chunk of knowledge to look at and digest.
  8. Hey everyone, Long time reader, first time contributor. Just kidding. I've always wanted to say those words. Anyway, my cousin and I have written a novel and decided to post something here for everyone to look at and let us know what you think. As a side note, this novel is ready for publishing and we're currently awaiting cover art to self publish on Amazon (so if you know a good artist who's willing to work on commission or just for prestige, please let us know as our last attempt fell through). Please enjoy the below copy of our prologue to our book. If you like what you see, please let me know and I can give you the information for our website (since my account is so new that it won't let me post links). Prologue It had been thirteen years since the wizard's order had left their library in Illyria. Those were brighter, more peaceful days for magicians; with the high wizard and his counsel living at the library, no outside force dared to attack them. No force but Xardan Ta’Caran, Faelhart's Knight of the Black Era. A pleasant summer breeze blew past a lone man as he made his way back to the once great city of the magi. The last time he had been in Illyria was the fateful day of Xardan's attack. The nightmares of that day haunted him waking and sleeping, but the need for rare knowledge had become too great for him to put off the inevitable any longer. As the man approached the city, he accelerated his horse as though running from the memories that would soon overtake him. He was at a full gallop when the images of that horrific day invaded his thoughts. Dark bolts of Shadow Lightning announced the Knight's arrival as they extracted the heavy gate from its hinges. Dozens of soldiers passed through the gate on Xardan's heels, cutting down any mages that came within arm's reach. The wizards at the library at the top of the city sent great flaming spheres screaming toward the intruders at the gate, but the Knight reacted faster. Walls of shadow surrounded and extinguished each and every one of them as his soldiers formed into columns and pressed into the city. Rows of mighty oak trees rose to either side of the road to greet any visitors. Suspicious of a potential ambush from the many pillagers and looters seeking magical artifacts, the man slowed his tall warhorse to a walk before he cautiously approached the rubble that was once the proud gate. The city beyond was a mere shadow of its former glory. Large blocks of white granite had been used to construct the walls and buildings, with magical bonds causing the blocks to fuse together giving each building the appearance that it had been carved of a single slab of the stone. Never the less, the tall buildings and towers rose up to shattered walls and rooftops wherever the magi had made futile attempts to defend their city from the Knight of the Black Era. The man followed the destruction to the library in the center of the city; while Xardan was ruthless in his massacre of the mages, he hadn't needed to go out seeking them as they fought to defend their home. The main street from the gate to the center square was ruined, but the rest of the city was surprisingly intact. A wide staircase led from the center square to the library's front door. He dismounted and tied his horse to a fallen beam before he ascended the stairs with the practiced calm his nightmares had forced him to master. Xardan had wasted no time in the city. His Shadow Lightning carved a path through the ranks of mages and his soldiers jumped into them before the Illyrians could close their lines. He rallied his men in the center square and led them up the stairs in perfect, practiced formation. Lightning and fire lashed out at the column, only to clash uselessly against Xardan's shadowy defenses. Xardan moved mercilessly as his shadow magic both protected his men and leveled the entrance. The library had never been set right after Xardan's attack, and the man had to resist the urge to straighten the various toppled tables and bookshelves. With the door blasted from its hinges and one of the far glass walls shattered, the valuable contents of the library had become victim to the unpredictable weather that the ocean threw onto the mainland. A thin layer of dirt and dust that the wind had allowed to settle revealed a dozen pairs of footprints that would have led the man to what the other visitors had come here for, but he only paid them enough mind to determine that none were fresh enough to be less than a week old and went straight toward the central courtyard. In the brighter days, the wizards had used the stone floored courtyard to facilitate their cauldron fires as they experimented with various potions and brews. The open roof allowed the smoke to drift harmlessly upward, while the glass doors and walls surrounding the courtyard protected the books inside from the weather while still brightening the interior of the building with natural sunshine. Xardan arched his blade around to slay another wizard before he finally turned toward the courtyard. Several wizards smirked through the glass they had reinforced with their magic. The Knight of the Black Era tapped the enchanted glass walls with the tip of his blade before turning to walk deeper into the library. Cheers and shouts rose up from the wizards at the Knight's apparent defeat. One by one the cheers silenced as the nearby shadows thickened, darkened and twisted obediently onto Xardan's blade; the gleaming steel turned to a dark, forbidding black. The Knight of the Black Era shifted his foot back, turned, and threw the black blade. Shattered glass lay strewn around the courtyard among the various skeletal remains of dead wizards that scavenging animals had left alone for whatever reason, proving undeniably that Xardan's attack had scattered the wizards too quickly for them to clean their former shrine. Preparing for long hours he was planning to spend in the library, the man dropped his saddlebags, pulled various supplies from them and lit a small fire. Various ingredients and spices made their way into a pot followed by several strips of dried meat and within minutes the man had a stew simmering nicely over the flames. Pulling a torch from its wall sconce, the man lit it from his fire and turned into the deeper reaches of the library. He knew the tome he wanted was rare and powerful and could only be found in the high wizard's collection; if it was here at all. The high wizard's fire landed harmlessly against Xardan's Shadow Shield as he stormed into the office. Xardan passed the wizard a wicked grin as he spun his blade mockingly. The high wizard started casting a spell that Xardan knew he would never finish as the wizard’s shadow started rising up his legs. The Knight of the Black Era had placed dark wards of deep shadows across the door leading into the high wizard's quarters. After careful examination, the man saw that none of the wizards had even attempted dispelling them, and used his own magic to lift them. The high wizard's skeleton still lay slumped against the glass wall where Xardan had left him all those years ago. Out of the corner of his vision, the man saw a shadow run through his camp in the courtyard below. The man's blade flashed from its scabbard and the shadows bent to block his torchlight from passing beyond the windows, though he knew it was likely too late already. Cautiously, the man continued back into the high wizard's personal collection of books and shelves. Before he could react, a firm hand pressed against his back and a small blade rested against his neck. Binding spells restricted his knees, ankles, and wrists and forced him to drop down to the floor. "No gag?" the man asked. "I can't get answers from you if you can't talk," a female voice replied. "You got up here fast. You Traveled, I assume?" "Why would you assume that?" "I saw you running through the light of my camp only seconds ago." "And how do you know it was me? It could have easily been a companion of mine while I was up here all along." "A companion!? You? I would sooner believe the Trelain had left Talar!" The blade lifted from the man's throat and the Binds released his hands and legs. "You know me too well, Xardan Ta'Caran; but times are changing. Faelhart’s war is escalating uncontrollably! I have to travel with companions and you are going to have to let others help you." “So you do have a companion then?” The woman scoffed as she replied, “Not yet.” A brief moment of silence passed over the room as Xardan stood and brushed the dust from his pants. "Why are you here, Ilays?" Xardan asked. "The same reason you are, though I only stayed this long to save you time." Ilays replied, "The tome you seek isn't here, but the high wizard had notes on some of its last known locations." "And where are those?" “One is an old Lythrain city, buried in an earthquake ages ago; it is my intent to search there.” “And the others?” Xardan pressed. "There is only one other location listed: Ealthen’s Monastery." Ilays answered. "I see…” Xardan muttered, “So that’s their secret…”
  9. Hello everyone! For a little while now, I've been planning to make a fun project. It is (Drumroll) a guide to investiture! Wait, it said that in the title? Whatever. Basically, I've searched many a time for things similar to this, and have found no results. I am going to change that, and have been planning for a little while now, so here it is! Click this link and you can comment, if you want full editing powers, PM me and ask! Please note it is nowhere near completion, so I would really appreciate anyone's help!
  10. I was wondering if anyone could provide some input on the magic system in my novel. It's not fully fleshed out yet and I need some help developing it. The wizards in my novel have certain types of magic that they are born good at, and others that can be developed over time. There are also aspects of it that they can never master (example: A character who is born exceptional at influencing the elements. They struggle with telepathy, but they can still perform it to some degree. However, they are never able to shapeshift). My question is: What could be a determining factor of the magic they can and can't do? My friend had the idea that it could depend on genetics and ancestry, say someone who's ancestors were from Antarctica had power over heat and fire. Or we had an idea that maybe wizards with different powers came together in clans a long time ago and they all migrated to different places, meaning that where you're from could determine your power set. I'm just trying to come up with a better plan for my magic system, since it's not very together at the moment. Any help would be greatly appreciated!!
  11. Okay. So, I came up with this amazing first line three-ish years ago. (I don't know what woke me. The gunshot, the screaming, or the pain). This amazing story started forming. But my pacing was terrible, and i couldn't figure out why. Finally, after listening to several episodes of WE, I figured out that i had two problems. One: not enough bad stuff was happening. Easy enough to fix. Two: I needed to get rid of two of my characters. The ones i named after my cousins. Those two characters are in over half of what i have, and removing them will result in me basically having to rewrite the whole thing. (It's only around 23000 words, but it's the longest (and best) thing I've ever written). So i was wondering if anyone has any tips for getting rid of these characters, or anything. (Oh, and does anyone have any idea how to saddle a horse)?
  12. Brandon was a guest on The Legendarium podcast last week discussing The Truth by Terry Pratchett, as well as other Discworld novels. Check it out! It’s always really interesting listening to him talk about other authors’ works. What are some other podcasts he’s appeared on?
  13. Hey guys so I'll be hosting a Weekly writing competition over on the SE creativity server Thor Ragnarok is released in one month here in Australia. For this week’s Prompt- Pick a fable, an epic, myth, an old play, any of those archaic texts (if you’re unsure PM me) and adapt it for the modern era. Beowulf is a young businessman saving his corporation from a lawsuit by Grendel Incorporated. Zeus is a young child exiled from the family business, and returns one day to wrest control of the business from his father and become head of the family. The Ride of Asgard is a stock market undertaking which through underground contacts and manipulation wroughts calamity upon the stock market. (I use wrought archaically). Anyway you get the point….why does everything to do with the modern world have to do with business or something A question for another day, I’m sure you all will find your own creative ways to adapt those musty old tales. Submissions and details are over in the channel.
  14. If anyone has thoughts about how to handle writing information starved scenes, such as anything from the perspective of a newborn or a less than sentient animal (especially a newborn animal), that's the nut I'm trying to crack right now. It's hard to explain things if the point of view character lacks the needed context to understand, so it's been an interesting challenge.
  15. Hey all, just a hobby author interested in the Writing Excuses forums. If anyone has thoughts about how to handle writing information starved scenes, such as anything from the perspective of a newborn or a less than sentient animal (especially a newborn animal), that's the nut I'm trying to crack right now. It's hard to explain things if the point of view character lacks the needed context to understand, so it's been an interesting challenge.
  16. Hey there! After my binge of Cosmere books this year, I figured to try my hand at creating my own magic system somewhat in the same vein as Brandon's works. Here is a quick overview of what I've come up with so far: The three categories: The magic is basically subdivided into three essential categories from which abilities stem. These categories are the Expansive, the Compressive, and the Distributive category. Expansive here means that, by spreading something of your own being into the outside world you bring about magic effects. Opposite to that, Compressive abilities work based on drawing something of the outside world into yourself to perform the spell. Finally the Distributive category is neutral in this sense and works just through, well, re-distributing things within yourself or your surroundings. Now, each category supplies three basic abilities, resulting in nine basic arts. These nine arts are then distributed to nine classes of magic wielders in pairs of twos. Thus, each class can access two basic abilities, and each ability is used by two different classes. In some cases, the basic abilities bring forth class-specific sub-abilities. The nine abilities and classes: Expansive abilities: Ruin: Matter is aged or broken by touch, which accelerates decomposition or straight up breaks material bonds. Used by Cometflingers and Tyrants. Aura: One's own presence is spread out into the surroundings and amplified to intimidate/terrify others or inspire loyalty/awe in them. Used by Tyrants and Strongholds. Suppression: A thick mist is created which suppresses sight, hearing and smell. Used by Strongholds and Mistwalkers. Pneuma: Additionally, Strongholds can combine Suppression with Aura and use the mist to raise and control the dead. They themselves, however, will be unable to move while doing this. Compressive abilities: Perception: Gives enhanced awareness to other people's presence and furthermore enables one to recognize the patterns of their emotions, resulting in an indirect sort of mind reading. Used by Mistwalkers and Gutthinkers. Mimicry: Eating lifeless matter and digesting it allows one to take on a property of that matter, i. e. digesting glass could make you translucent. Only works once digestion has begun, and you usually wanna use up all of your material as to not poison or harm yourself. Used by Gutthinkers and Starchewers. Convergence: Events in the immediate future, which have already become inevitable, can be foreseen. Used by Starchewers and Dancers. Dancers can furthermore use Convergence to slow down time around themselves, resulting in more precise and quicker movement. The ability lasts only briefly, however, as it requires stopping your own heart for the duration of it. Distributive abilities: Polarization: Objects are polarized by touch to magnetically attract or repulse each other. It's possible to use this ability in fractions and on yourself. Used by Dancers and Shifters Shiftminds. Focus: Reflexes can be enhanced significantly, but only at the expense of your cognitive abilities. Used by Shifters Shiftminds and Changeminds Couriers. Regeneration: Changeminds Couriers can significantly accelerate and amplify healing functions of their bodies by entering a trance. Arsenal: Objects that the wielder can hold in their hands can be stored away in a pocket dimension and be retrieved from there. The latter requires some concentration, however. Used by Changeminds Couriers and Cometflingers. Eye Colour, Asheyes, and the Iridescent Elixir The fuel required to use any of the nine abilities is Eye Colour, directly corresponding to a person's irises. Eye Colour is consumed when utilizing the abilities and cannot be retrieved or restored by humans. When a human runs out of Eye Colour, they become what is known as an Asheyes. The name stems from the white-grey colouring of their irises and the little red and orange specks therein, looking like dying embers. Eye Colour can be replenished or even stored beyond normal humans' capacity through use of the Iridescent Elixir, a colorless liquid that someone else's Eye Colour has been stored in. Applying it like you would eye drops, Eye Colour is absorbed by your body. The eye's actual colour is not linked to what Eye Colour was stored in the Elixir and instead depends only on the person receiving Eye Colour. The process of making Iridescent Elixir and putting Eye Colour in it is called Extraction and is jealously guarded by an order of monks. Since generally anyone could Extract Eye Colour from other people, the monks have made it their duty to keep the details of Extraction a secret and to manage and guard all Eye Colour economy so Eye Colour is only Extracted with consent of its owner. They have set up countless stations across the country to Extract and sell Eye Colour to armies or noble families or rich wielders. Selling your Eye Colour is somewhat of a last resort way to get quick money during hard times. Alright, that's about all that I've worked out so far. Some things that I am still developping: How does Extraction actually work? What do the monks do to people, and how is the Iridescnt Elixir made? Is there only a select few people who can even use the nine abilities to begin with? How are they distinguished from others? How do you find out you can use the magic? What criteria decides which of the nine magic wielding categories a person falls into? How quickly is Eye Colour drained? How much do the different abilities consume, and does it happen instantaneous or at a fixed rate over time? What other changes could come with becoming an Asheyes? Now, I would be thrilled to read your feedback on all this! I personally am a little worried if some of this hits too close to Surgebinding and BioChromatic Breath. I also haven't been able to come up with a nice name for the system, and some of the categories and abilities probably aren't quite up to par yet either. Anyhow, looking forward to comments, suggestions, critique, questions, anything. :>
  17. I'm writing a series of Shakespearean sonnets derived from the powers and personalities of the 16 shards. Check them out!
  18. Hey guys, I'm not sure if I should post this here on in the Writing Excuses forum, but I'll just post it here and you can let me know if it needs to be moved. Anyway, I'm working on this story right now, and I've been wracking my brain for months trying to come up with tests of skill for a fantasy world. All of the ideas I've had either just don't work, or they don't fit into the world. I've submitted parts of this story before, so some of you might remember it. But basically, it's a massive desert world, with only 1 city, which is sustained by a kind of sand magic. And this test is used to sort through the younger population of the city to find which ones should be allowed to learn the magic. The test basically needs to test intelligence, strength, creativity, agility, etc. It can also be multiple different tests. I'm really struggling with ideas and would really appreciate some help if anyone has any ideas.
  19. I am starting a rough draft for a book and would appreciate feedback. What I have now is about half a prologue.
  20. Heyo, I don't talk much around here but I've got a lot of writing going on in the background... checking out my site ( would be great and I'd love someone to give me some feedback on the worldbuilding I've done for the book I'm finishing planning... The works that I would really like feedback for are Unkown Cultures and maybe Sanctuary. See my site for details; I hope it's not too confusing... Thanks for paying attention this long! Edit: Here's the links for the ones I need, I've realized it's a lot easier this way. The Forgotten Sanctuary: Unknown Cultures:
  21. This basically is exactly what it sounds like. I’ve got the start of a story, but I need someone to just read it and write a list of everything they now know about the few characters they meet and the world. It does sound overwhelming, but no one in my life really works because they’ve seen the previous attempts at this story and would infer things. So if anyone has lots of time on their hands and is willing to read 4 pages, just let me know. Edit: I added a small section, so now it’s at 8 pages.
  22. The AlleyPlanet. Home to dozens of powerful Cosmere organizations, and millions of other, non-magical humans. The metaphysical bonds that separated the three realms were strained here, put into tension by the massive weight of Investiture on the planet. That just made it easier for the Dauntless to carve a hole through the fabric of reality, transitioning from the Spiritual Realm (Warp?) to realspace. On the planet below, it was as if a second sun had flared into existence, then been devoured again by the dark void of the night sky. The Dauntless, now fully out of the glowing miasma, was a blunt-nosed vessel of war, with twin-linked point defense guns, interlocking fields of flak cannons, plasma lances decorating her stern, and a massive railgun set along her top. She was a battleship, the mightiest vessel in the Imperium’s arsenal, and more ancient than even the Astartes on board her. At least, that’s what Drako thought. In reality, she had been a plastic mini until a month ago, when Imperator had awakened the massive ship and sent her through the strange portal that had brought Drako here. The Reckoners had killed him moments later. Drako had found the Dauntless only days ago, fleeing from the planet Scadrial after a disastrous attempt to assassinate Mace. To his joy and gratitude, Imperator had sent one more gift- an army of space marines from the Salamanders Chapter. He’d found them confused and frightened, and about ready to start obliterating each planet they came across. It had taken a long time to dissuade them, but he'd finally succeeded. A little too well, actually. He'd been unanimously voted into the office of chapter master, the other marines convinced of his wisdom and experience. Drako couldn’t deny that a part of him wanted this- the power, the relics, the glory. The other part sighed, reminded himself that he had barely lived longer than these Astartes, and started to tackle the logistical problems facing his Salamanders. Everything boiled down to them being homeless. Without a base of power, the Salamanders had nowhere to rest, recruit new initiates, or resupply. They would become trapped on the Dauntless, their most powerful weapon becoming their prison. All that would have to wait, unfortunately. First, the Salamanders had a grudge to settle. ------------------------------- End story. First things first: this is an utterly awful piece of writing thrown together in less than half an hour. I need y'all's help to make it halfway readable. It's intended to be posted into the roleplaying section on the Shard, if that helps. First problem- the description of the battleship. Since this comes from Warhammer 40k, it's big and covered with guns. I'm struggling to convey the massive scale of this beast in my writing. Any suggestions are welcome. A picture of the battleship is attached below. Second problem- Drako's transition to leadership. It's rushed, sloppy, and doesn't make sense. Suggestions are welcome there, too. Third problem- a general lack of detail. This piece feels... empty. It fails to immerse the reader, to really bring the scene of a moon-sized spaceship ripping its way through reality, letting raw and unbound Investiture spill out of the Spiritual Realm. I've attached below a picture of what I think the scene should bring to mind.
  23. I need names. Names for cities, people, animals, landmarks. Really anything associated with worldbuilding. I am working on a novel and am in the process of worldbuilding. On this planet, there are two separate continents separated by a river so deep that they are considered separate continents. The river is almost wide enough to be called a channel. On one continent, the land is all taken up and split into Kingdoms. The other continent is almost completely open and lived on by Clans. The Seventeen kingdoms are patrons to the largest seventeen clans. There is frequent trade between the two. Both continents are nearly symmetrical to one another. There are eighteen basic regions that are associated with the main magic system on this planet. Seventeen regions have semi-magical (Geography is involved to an extent.) borders that keep everything the same. The last region is mixed and variable. On the kingdoms continent, there is a capital of each kingdom and the kingdoms' borders are nearly identical to the magic/natural borders. I want the name of each capital and king/queen to be blatantly or loosely associated to the corresponding element. The elements are in the chart below. Clan leaders the same. I also need names for characters. The cultures are based on the cultures associated with the romance languages (plus a bit of Gaelic and Germanic). By this point in the timeline, nearly everyone has one, two, or all the elements. Holidays would be great too. The only major event is sponsored by the kingdoms and performed by the Clans. The Sterling Star Ceremony. This event contains the ceremony just after sunset and the games and carnival-like celebrations continue on until morning. Most things there cost between an Imus and a Primus. Some selective and experimental things cost more. (See chart below). Things like activities would be great as well. The only major activity I have is four-way capture the flag. The only experimental activity I have set up is a group that specializes in hover technology and magnetism. They have all sorts of playground and skatepark equipment. Important things to know: Seventeen Kingdoms, Seventeen main clans (as well as many other small clans), Each kingdom has a capital, they are in a time period like after medieval but before guns. Canons do exist though. As well as basic mechanical machines. Their time system is different. Their monetary system is different. They are associated with the elements. Culture backgrounds are a mix of Latin, French, Gaelic, Germanic, Spanish, Tribal, and the element they identify with. Also one question. Should I change Bug to something more along the lines of Animal? Any other worldbuilding Ideas would be great. The channel referred to at the beginning is actually a river of power. There is one in every world in the series. This river is the river of Guidance. It bestows symbols of guidance to some. It considered sacred to those who follow the Paths.
  24. Hi all, So I have a question I'm curious to know different perspectives on. How do you Brainstorm? I'm a prose writer so I don't know how different it would be for other mediums, but I imagine every creative person has to brainstorm in some way. If not brainstorming, then where do you garner inspiration. I'm talking about something other than the basics like music and other works. When you're trying to create something new is there any place (website, physical location, ect.) you go to in order to get new ideas. Originality does not exist in a conventional sense right, its mixing and reinventing, but where do you get your foundation?
  25. Heya writerly types! I had an idea recently for a thread for us writers who are working on the first lines and early hooks in our novels. Basically I think it would be cool to have this thread be a place where we can get real reader feedback on the beginnings of our novels. In this day and age I think it is important to hook a reader early and keep them hooked so hopefully this will be helpful. The way I envision this working is that a writer posts the first line of their novel, followed by the first paragraph and first scene in spoiler tags. If a reader likes the first line and wants to keep reading they can open the spoiler tag for the next paragraph and so on, then they can give some overall feedback to the writer. It would be good to get honest feedback about whether our first lines/paragraphs are hooking readers so even if you don't like it, try to give honest and polite feedback to help us improve. It can be nerve-wracking for us writerly types to put our work on the line for potentially harsh feedback, so please be gentle. I'll go first. This is from my current work in progress, tentatively titled "The Whistler", my attempt at a fantasy/crime thriller: Dorian mopped up his brothers’ blood in silence. There you go. Thanks for reading, if you did. I look forward to some feedback. All you other writerly types, don't be shy about contributing! I hope this thread will be a helpful tool to all of us.