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So, a scifi roleplay the elements of which are in the spoiler for size and other such annoyances.

Hello All! This is a short story I've been agonizing over and I welcome your feedback. It's scifi short story, stand alone, with creature feature emements. I don't think it needs much of a content warning but I'll put a mild violence warning just in case. Nothing graphic. I really near to bring this story down another 700 words in order to submit it where I would like to. Any ideas and tips on where to cut the fat would be greatly appriciated. I've carved off over 1,000 words already (I overwrote the crap out of it apparently) but need to find a few more places to cut. In addition, other critiques welcome. What did you like? Not like? What's boring? What's confusing? Where am I asking too much of the reader? Typo and spelling checks always welcome This is my first submission to the group and I look forward to your feedback! Sarah B.

Hello! I'm Sarah B I started listening to writing excuses two months ago and 9 seasons and 1 NaNoWriMo later I would love to get some peer feedback. I have been a hobbyist writer for years but have leaned on friends and family as alpha and beta readers in the past. I think getting feedback from fellow writers who don't know my ideas and old stories is a great oppertunity. I read and write scifi primarily, short and long fiction. In terms of expertise, I am a registered nurse and am happy to help out with plausibility and terminology checking for medical/first aid scenes. I'm also happy to help brainstorm in Biology, psychology and nerdism in general. Sarah B

I am writing one of my first science fiction stories, and have benefited greatly from brainstorming groups before. I would be awesome if we started a thread where we just throw around ideas for advancements that could be found in a futuristic world. It's incredible how starting a discussion about something sparks ideas and opens roads that you had never noticed before. Recently, I've been playing around with the idea of weapons that target the nervous system. This technology could be expanded in thousands of different ways, but I'm focusing more on pain enhancement aspect. Think about it, if we had guns that activated pain nerves, we could quickly incapacitate people, without doing any real physical harm. This would be a great help to the police and really any other enforcement agency. It could also be used in a couple of negative ways... What do you guys think?

I am writing one of my first science fiction stories, and have benefited greatly from brainstorming groups before. I would be awesome if we started a thread where we just throw around ideas for advancements that could be found in a futuristic world. It's incredible how starting a discussion about something sparks ideas and opens roads that you had never noticed before. Recently, I've been playing around with the idea of weapons that target the nervous system. This technology could be expanded in thousands of different ways, but I'm focusing more on pain enhancement aspect. Think about it, if we had guns that activated pain nerves, we could quickly incapacitate people, without doing any real physical harm. This would be a great help to the police and really any other enforcement agency. It could also be used in a couple of negative ways... What do you guys think?