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shatteredsmooth posted a topic in Reading ExcusesTW mention of animal (duck) death This chapter has been revised a few times already, but could still use more feedback from people who haven't seen the old version of it and I'm concerned some of my latest changes resulted in some clunky-ness. I'm open to whatever feedback you have, but I do have some questions. 1. Does this hook you into the story? 2. Does the character sound like a kid? Is the voice strong enough? 3. What about world-building? Too much? Too little? Just right? 4. Based on this opening, what do you expect the book to be about? What promises is the narrative making? Thank you!! P. S. If you want some background about the story, it is science fantasy. Part sports story, part Beowulf re-imagining.