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Found 18 results

  1. Just for fun, if Shadesmar were Shadesmart, what kind of things do you think they'd sell? And even better, what kind of advertisements and sales would they run? Tuesday Two-For-One Shardblades. Get 'em while they're hot! Rent-An-Elsecaller for all your transportation needs.
  2. The jester makes fun of YOU!
  3. Dalinar: You could be fire!!! Evi: But I’m not a stick!!! post your bad stormlight jokes
  4. Hey guys. So I recently made what I thought would be just a lame joke post on the Stormlight Archive Facebook group, but to my surprise it pretty much went viral in terms of liked. So I can’t resist posting it here too; please don’t think I’m TOO much of a nerd. Here’s how the confrontation between Hoid and Odium would go: "Can you hear them? All these people who’ve lived in terror of you and your hatred. All these people who have devoted themselves, sacrificed themselves against you... can you hear their defiance? Oh, you like to think you're a god, but you're not a god, you're just a parasite eaten out with jealousy and envy and longing for the lives of others - you feed on them! On the memories of guilt and loss and fear and death and pain and sorrow, so... so, come on then. Take mine. Take my pain! But I hope you have a big appetite, because I have lived a long life and I have seen a few things. I walked away from the the last great Shattering. I marked the passing of Adonalsium. I saw the birth of the Cosmere and I watched as time ran out, moment by moment until nothing remained - no humans, no spren, just me! I walked on worlds where the laws of magic were devised by the mind of a mad Shard! I’ve watched Shardworlds freeze and creations burn! I have seen things you wouldn't believe! I have lost things you will never understand! And I know things: secrets that must never be told, knowledge that must never be spoken! Knowledge that will make parasite Shards blaze! So come ooooonnn then! Take it! Take it all! Have it! You have it all!!!" *Odium implodes* The end. Oh come on, someone had to do it someday. lol.
  5. joke

    Last week I was switching radio stations, and I caught a glimpse of Shake it off by Taylor Swift. I heard the line "It's like I got this music in my mind saying it's gonna be alright" She hears the rythms, at least the rythm of peace. Taylor Swift is decended from a singer or humans learn to hear the rythms. (pun intended.) What does this mean for the cosmere? This means that humans will learn and grow (new development) This means Earth is cosmere, Brandon lied to us. (not really) Hope you like my crackpot theory.
  6. Because 16 people deicided to kill him.
  7. I've recently gotten back into playing Yu-gi-oh after binge-watching Littlekuriboh's abridged series, and thought it would be fun to assign decks/archetypes to some of the various characters in the Stormlight Archive (I tried doing this with Game of Thrones, but freaked out after giving the White Walkers Ice Barrier decks). Except for trains. No character is worthy of having trains. Anyways, I'll start with a couple: Taravangian: After a bit of thinking, I've decided that Taravangian should play monarchs (with their new support, and the domain version). First, Taravangian is seeking to become the ruler of everything, suiting the name and playstyle (locking your opponents out of their extra deck) very well. In addition, the 2 boss monsters of the deck are Erebus and Aether, which suits Taravangian's intelligence swings really well if we subscribe to the popular "dumb Taravangian is more compassionate than smart Taravangian" theory. Also, Taravangian not using an extra deck (due to the domain lock) is important because it reflects how his small kingdom has less material resources than other kingdoms. Sadeas: This scumbag's playing nurse or chain burn, thank god he's been banished to the shadow realm But when he doesn't, he's probably using lawnmowing infernoids. This deck revolves around having 60 cards and using Lawnmowing Next Door to dumb the top of the deck into the graveyard, which compliments the infernoids very well and reflects how Sadeas was willing to sacrifice thousands of bridgemen as arrow fodder. Anyways, I'll stop at those two, I just wanted to have some laughs as we wait for Oathbringer to come out. Any other Yu-gi-oh fans out there?
  8. Warbreaker spoilers follow. Gather members, and hear the tale of Darkbinder. Here is the tale of an living object, devoted singularly to its task for ages and ages. Here is its tale of life, woe, and ultimate defeat. Many know of how the Manywar came to an end. Man fought man and Lifeless fought Lifeless, and at the Battle of Twilight Falls, a new and devastating weapon was unveiled. Nightblood, a sword seemingly forged out of shadow and death itself. The carnage it wrought was unspeakable. The war ended shortly thereafter, as none could hope to oppose the awesome might of the Awakened blade. Few know, however, that in the last days before the final truce was decided, a team of Pahn Kahl Awakeners labored to counteract the might of Nightblood. Using their own cunning and knowledge of Awakening, they endowed a rope with a thousand Breaths and gave it a single command: "Bind our enemies." Thus Darkbinder was born. A fair and golden as Nightblood was black, his sole purpose in soul and spirit was to bind and captivate the enemies of the Pahn Kahl. Any who might work against them was to be ensnared. Even after the treaty ended, Darkbinder continued to work on his purpose. His mind coiled around a single target: Vasher. The man who wielded the dark sword. The man whose weapons had devastated the Pahn Kahl. The man who even now worked against them. For years, Darkbinder slithered like a serpent in pursuit of his prey. Across kingdoms and continents he hunted, always staying just out of sight. Like an anaconda spun from flax, he waited for the perfect time to strike. That opportunity came in T'Telir, where he found his ancient foe engaged in a mysterious task. The Awakened rope rose like a harvest-colored cobra from a dark alley, prepared to vanquish his long-hunted quarry. "Are you the one they called Darkbinder?" Vasher asked solemnly. "I am," the rope replied. "And I am here at long last to bind you and your soulsucking travesty forevermore!" "I cannot allow that," Vasher said, his voice saddened and weary. "Flee, rope, and find new purpose in your artificial life." "Never!" Darkbinder declared. "It's you or me, now or never!" "Very well," Vasher intoned. "I regret what I must now do." And with those words, he unsheathed the shadowed sword Nightblood, which giggled in unnatural glee at the forthcoming destruction of evil. Their fight waged on and on. Darkbinder would coil over his bitter enemy, only for the Awakener to slip out of his hold and press onwards offensively. The rope dodged swing after swing of the abominable sword. But over time, Darkbinder made the slightest mistake. His dodge was too slow, and Nightblood cleaved through his head. Like a python with its head sliced through the front, the rope writhed and hissed in agony. In a moment Vasher had his hands on its golden coils, and tied the rope into a thick and unbearably tight knot. Seeing that the rope would not live much longer, Vasher tossed it aside into the street. "I am sorry, one they called Darkbinder," Vasher called over his shoulder as he turned his back. "You left me no choice. The Manywar is over." And he strode away from the site of their duel. Darkbinder lay in the street for quite some time, the Breaths leaking from his form. His color became steadily less golden; no longer was he flax but a sickly grey. All he could think of was that he had failed. His lifelong purpose was shattered. The enemies of the Pahn Kahl were unbound and free to roam. And now he himself lay in an undecipherable tangle, his front end torn apart by the dark sword. In time, the steward Bluefingers happened to come this way. Knowing much of esoteric Pahn Kahl history, he recognized the shaking and trembling rope on sight. "Are you the one they called Darkbinder?" Bluefingers inquired, his voice soft and reverent. A cracking realization struck the Awakened rope straight through his soul. No longer was he Darkbinder. Now... he was nothing. Had he a human face, tears would streamed down from his eyes. "No," he croaked in response. "I'm... a frayed knot." And with those parting words, the final Breath passed from his mangled form. Thus ends the tale of Darkbinder, the living rope.
  9. Hey Sharders. Time for a copy-pasted round of grain-adjacent Hurt and Heal, this time with colorful bits of sugar! The rules (for the newbies) are: On your turn say what you're hurting and what you're healing. Each charm will start with five points. Add one point to the name you're healing, and detract one point from the name you're hurting. Bold both names. You have to wait at least two seconds to post again. You must also wait ten minutes before ten minutes have passed. Threads like these... full of leprechauns. You can try to get people to vote for the same thing again using upvotes, but I don't care and will not really be moderating. Bribing is a gerund but punishing also is. Extra rule for later: When there are only two contestants left, lolwut. Let the games begin! I'll start. Heal Horseshoes and hurt Blue Moons. 1. Hearts - 5 2. Shooting Stars - 5 3. Horseshoes - 6 4. Clovers - 5 5. Blue Moons - 4 6. Rainbows - 5 7. Balloons - 5 8. Hourglasses - 5 9. The Whale one from '86 - 5 10. The Pine Tree from '90 - 5 11. The Diamonds from '15 - 5
  10. Many of the more dedicated comsmerologists will have heard of the Mistborn Llama. Those of you who follow Brandon on twitter or reddit will see it as his profile pic. But no-one has ever sought to ask the question, what is the Mistborn Llama? Clearly, it is a creature of much secrecy. There has not been even the smallest whisper of it in the cosmere. But what form of dark force is so powerful, that it can keep even the 17th Shard from discovering it's true nature? I bring to you a revelation. The Mistborn Llama is, in fact, one of the most important hidden powers in the cosmere. It is even suspected that The Mistborn Llama may have been the holder of Adonalsium prior to it's shattering. In fact, new news has even suggested that the Mistborn Llama, resorting to desperate measures, has formed an alliance with another, almost as powerful as the Mistborn Llama itself. It is a name spoken fearfully throughout the cosmere. The name of Stick. Together, it is suspected that the Mistborn Llama and the Stick may have plans for revenge. The Mistborn Llama, for the distance it has fallen. And the Stick has a pathological desire to destroy the Cosmere to show his supreme stickliness. Their plan, if unwatched, will be an even greater threat to the cosmere than Odium himself, drowning out the entire universe in nuclear Llamageddon. Join me in this fight, and save the cosmere! We must fight against the odds, face much grave peril, to fight this foe. We may not survive this journey. We have only this picture of our foe to help us. Our plan, as it stands, is this. It is believed that the Mistborn Llama will release the Llamastorm, turning every llama into an ultra powerful weapon of death: the Llamabringer. Once this happens, the Mistborn Llama and the Stick will have us at their mercy. I intend to launch a pre-emptive strike, obliterating all llamas before Llamageddon. Who's with me?
  11. alleyverse

    Welcome to the Highway! For those who have finally managed to crawl through all those alleys, let me tell that there is only one rule on the highway. DON'T ASK ME HOW STORMING BRIGHT IT IS!! Members of the Highway: Customs Official and Founder - Young Bard
  12. I'm not sure whether this should go in the Creator's Corner or Role-Playing, as I haven't got firmly established rules yet, but I'll just roll with it anyway. Basically, this is like a regular RP, with one twist. The entire thing is being told in memes. They can be whatever memes you like, even *shudder* MLP memes, and I really have no idea what else to say. I'm not going to bog this down with rules, as I don't want to destroy the spirit of the project. So, I'll start with 3 base rules, and I can add more if necessary. The 3 Laws of The Young Bard (a.k.a. The Rules): Now to the fun part. The worldbuilding and actual in-world goodies. Here's everything I've planned out so far. Absolutely nothing. Is that all clear? Let's go! Other paraphernalia:
  13. Has anyone noticed that many of the top posters in the community seem to have MLP pictures? I fail to understand why this is. Personally, (and I get the feeling that this post might hate me for this) I find MLP to be simply uninteresting and childish. I was forced to endure a few episodes when taking care of a friend's daughter, and found it the most dull experience of my life. Pictures of kittens and puppies can be cute. Pictures of babies (so long as you don't go near the baby itself) can be adorable. But endless hours of ponies frolicking around talking about the power of friendship? In case you don't see my point, I bring to you Exhibit A. People with top reputation points in the 17th Shard: 1 - Kobold King. A steampunk themed pony image. 2 - TwiLyghtSansSparkles. A MLP image. 3 - Brandon Sanderson himself. (Thankfully, with a distinct lack of ponies) 4/5 - Both MLP images. 8 - MLP image 10/13 - MLP images. OK. Maybe I'm going overboard with the title. I like melodrama. So shoot me. But still, I find it strange that the same people who are some of Brandon's biggest fans, reading 1000 page long epic fantasies, can then just sit there and listen to what in my opinion is mindless drivel. If you are an MLP fan, feel free to comment on why you think differently. But personally, from my little experience with it, I find it has a lack of a decent plot structure, no development in characters, lots of deux ex machina, (that one, I can forgive. Doctor Who cheats on this one a lot, too.) and next to nothing by way of complications. Questions? Comments?
  14. I thought a few of you wouldn't mind a pick-me-up.
  15. So, here we go again. Q: What does Pattern say when Shallan's hair becomes infested with small bugs? A: Mmmmmm...... Lice! Q: What do you call a pleasant chasmfiend? A: A chasmfriend. Sorry.
  16. I have developed a new theory, one accounting for the purple chart in Way of Kings that is so similar to the Radiant chart. I call it: The Knights Absorbent The Voidbinding equivalent of the Knights Radiant Premise The Way of Kings comes with two similar chart illustrations included within. One is a chart detailing the ten Surges, and the glyphs for the ten orders of Knights Radiant, who are Surgebinders. It is highly likely the purple chart corresponds to the Voidbinders. On the chart (seen below), we have ten corresponding icons to the Surges, and ten corresponding Glyphs for the Orders. Thus, there must be equivalents to the Surges and the Knights Radiant - enter the Knights Absorbent. Logic The term given to the users of Surges are called Surgebinders. Why are they called Surges? When a Surgebinder activates their abilities, they begin by concentrating Stormlight and gathering power. This high concentration of power leaks from them, and they can release it through Surgebinding. The Surge in Surgebinding is this concentration of power release - the power is Surging. We know that the opposing force is called Voidbinding. It stands to reason then, that the opposite of the ten Surges would be the ten Voids. Indeed, we can see that the glyphs for the Voids are oppositely symmetrical as compared to the Surges. If Surges are an increased concentration, it makes sense that Voids are the opposite - a lack, an area of decreased concentration. We can logically see then that Voidbinding creates a low density area where Surgebinding created a high density area. The Knights Radiant earned their name by their Radiance. Nothing is more sensible. They Radiate light and power, because of how a concentration works - it wants to diffuse into areas of lower concentration (e.g. everything else in this case) Voidbinding then, would have the opposite effect. Nearby concentrations of power would seem to be drawn into the Voidbinder, it would seem that instead of Radiating, they Absorb. The ten Glyphs of the Knights Radiant demand an equal and opposing order of Knights from the Voidbinders ten glyphs. If the Knights Radiant are termed such because they radiate, then we must call this opposing order the Knights Absorbent. But without the Heralds to model themselves after, any spren with which they bonded would have no shape on which to base their Shardblade, no form on which to base their Shardplate. No, they could not have made Shardplate or Blade at all - they must look to the weaponry which defines their order. The Knights Absorbent and then spren then, must be equipped with a deadly weapon, well known to many, which comes from an item with an absorbency like no other: The cardboard tube sword taken from a roll of paper towels. This weapon has a long history, of being used both in mighty wars and conflicts, and by some of the most renowned duelists in history. It is truly a weapon with an unimpeachable past, with a Bounty of techniques passed down from father to son through the ages. But what of Shardplate? The Knights Absorbent must have armor as well, but not hard armor to stop a blow - no, they must have armor that absorbs all impacts, armor that can take any punishment given to them, armor which has been associated with cardboard tube swords for eons. Yes, it must be pillow armor. There is no other option, and the evidence is clear. Below, we display an artist's rendition of the fearsome Knights Absorbent, which we will likely not see for several books. Beware of spoilers! And beware of nightmares, for their depiction is truly the stuff of terror. Radiants be warned, your doom is at hand! Sources: All Evidence comes directly from the purest of Logic and the Gospel of Brandon, may the Everstorm Reign forever.
  17. I've discovered a new metal! It is called procrastinum, and by burning it, you gain the ability to do things tomorrow! By being a procrastinum twinborn like myself, I store my ability to do stuff today, and compound it to be able to do even more things tomorrow. However, when you stop burning, you lose the ability, and if you keep burning, you always do stuff tomorrow, so nothing ever really gets done. A twinborn of this type is called a Procrastinat.
  18. Dragonsteel is a rare and super valuable metal, which starts as a liquid form of ink, distilling in small pockets within the Pits of BYU. When used in feruchemy, it stores canonicity. While filling a dragonsteelmind, you and the rest of the world around you become less real, and subject to large amounts of change without affecting anything outside the bubble. By properly tapping a large number of charges, it's possible for you to become canon in a different work entirely. However, you need more charges to create a lasting impact; a small number of charges gets you only a cameo appearance, which is hardly canon at all. Hoid initially was unable to tap more than the smallest amount of canonicity, as he was a feruchemist and had limited reserves to draw upon. However, having stolen the lerasium beads from the Well of Ascension, he has gained the powers of a mistborn as well. Hoid is now, therefore, a dragonsteel compounder. And free to become canon and create changes in any story he wishes. At least, that's my theory. I think it explains all available evidence about Hoid. For instance, his origin story and all possible sources of dragonsteel are, like Dragonsteel, now noncanon. Hoid is becoming canon in more and more novels, as well - and he always shows up in vaguely the right place because you can't become canon unless there's a novel to be canon in. All known reserves of Dragonsteel have, on multiple documented occasions, vanished mysteriously, and we know that Hoid loves to steal important things. As I have not read Dragonsteel myself, I neither have - nor wish to have - any evidence against this theory. It is therefore impossible to disprove, and thus perfect in every way. Well, unless dragonsteel is, in fact, Dragon's Teel, the sesame oil of dragons. Which sounds like some sort of delicious hot pepper coating for bagels. I want some