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  1. Come pun come all, all you of Wit. We shall Unite under a Shard banner of Whimsy. Our goal is clear: to Cos but mere disruptions in the flow of conversations, to interject with a quick quip and to bring Ire to those compound us. This Path was Awakened in me by @Justice_Magician, who I was Fortunate enough to bump into. Without her words Snapping me into motion, I might not have decided to Cultivate this thread. So, all are welcome in this Journey to Destine those around us to endure a living Hell. Our Discordant Harmonies will spike the eyes of those Wit-nessing our tuneful Threnodies. Together, we can Roshare this Chaos with those around us, and write with Intent to cause mischief. You are free to stay in damnation with me, but know this: it might lead to your Ruin. Through the Spirit of fun, we shall employ our Cognitive prowess to cause nearly Physical pain to those around us. Cett the Dunn beVin!
  2. Just started another re-read/listen to the Way of Kings, kind of as prep for SA 5 later this year. I noticed something that caused me to pause in thought, and wonder about life on Roshar, and laugh a little bit. In chapter 15, Dalinar uses the metaphor “like a pat of butter sliding off a too-hot knife” to describe his memories of his wife. And I suddenly thought “where are they getting milk for butter?” The only “common” mammals outside of Shinovar are horses/Ryshadium, minks, and they mention swine being used as bait in the greatshell hunt. My guess is that they use horse milk, just because that would be most similar to cultures on earth (nomadic Mongolian people often use horse milk) and my Wikipedia research says that while pig milk is similar to cow milk, pigs don’t tolerate milking well, lactating sows are too aggressive. My partner insists that mink milk must be the answer, but how do you milk a mink?!?! They’ve got to be too small. I guess people milk is an option as well? But using either people or Ryshadium for milk would be odd, humans don’t tend to like using other sentient beings as food sources. Shallan specifically mentions enjoying jam imported from Shinovar, but I would think that dairy products would be too delicate to ship very far for trade on Roshar. Even though I suppose that fabrials would enable refrigeration. Am I forgetting some part where they talk about obtaining dairy products? Anybody know of a “word of Brandon” on this?
  3. You know you're a nerd when you and your friend's drama chat gets overrun by you and one other person geeking out about PCs....
  4. Ok, who would win in an all out fight? Hoid, with all his powers, all restrictions removed? Or Chuck Norris? What would happen? Where would they fight? Who wins? You create your own story.
  5. Context~ Sometimes in my mind/conversations/things I write I randomly come up savage or funny one liners. I wanted a virtual place to write these down rather that just my physical notebook. Kind of like a quote book but just the highlights. There will probably be no context provided for them. Sometimes there is no context.
  6. Context~ Sometimes in my mind/conversations/things I write I randomly come up savage or funny one liners. I wanted a virtual place to write these down rather that just my physical notebook. Kind of like a quote book but just the highlights.
  7. I may not start the game knowing how to do hemalurgy. Playing an albino skaa mistborn from the remote dominance is okay. Having him be raised by koloss is not. Even after we've thrown the Final Empire into chaos and learned how to control koloss via allomancy, koloss blades still cannot be props for player characters. I am no longer allowed to have more than ten nudges. Terrisman Drizzt Do'Urden is NOT a valid character concept. This issue is closed. Canon defilement is fun. Using Straff Venture's skull as a bowl for anachronistic tortilla chips is not. If Kelsier stabs his eye out with a spike, he is god. If my character stabs his eye out with a spike, the next scene will involve a steel inquisitor chopping his head off. I cannot play a koloss. Character concepts that look like they were taken directly from a metal album cover are okay. Character concepts that look like they were taken directly from a "Weird Al" Yankovic album cover are not. Even though the above rule is in operation, playing blood-crazed servants of Ruin is generally frowned upon by my fellow players. Kandra canot be made using spikes taken from koloss. "Homicidal Maniac" is NOT a Drive, Profession, Specialty, Feature, or Personality trait. If I say my latest character concept is "extremely awesome", I am not allowed to play it. My character's drive can NOT be "Destroy Everything". This issue is also closed. Again. No more homicidal maniacs unless we're playing an evil campaign. Genocidal maniacs, omnicidal maniacs, fratricidal maniacs, and suicidal maniacs are also forever closed to me as character options. Tyrranicidal maniacs are okay, though. Lockpicks are not a valid torture implement. Arson is NOT the solution to all problems. When it's my turn to GM (or narrate or whatever), I will not treat everything the players say as their characters' actions in game. We are NOT playing Normality. Kandra women are not "the hottest women on Scadrial". Period. Any campaign where I become the holder of the shard of Ruin will end as soon as I become holder of the shard of Ruin. Even if the rest of the story isn't even close to complete. The same is true of the shard of Preservation. No matter how high my physique score is, I am not allowed to carry around a catapult. I am the reason we can't have nice things. Or massive stockpiles of Lerasium. (End of part 1 of the list.) A 73-year old skaa beggar cannot have a physique score of 6. I will not attack every character with piercings that we meet. The battle cry of servants of Ruin is not "Blood for the blood god"! There are no such things as koloss allomancers. I will not mock the steel inquisitors. "I just got this feeling." is an acceptable in-universe excuse for the metagamer to use his knowledge from the books to discover new allomantic metals, but "I hated him." is not an acceptable in-universe excuse to kill the metagamer. I will stop trying to convert random Extras to Cthulhu Mythos cults. Noblemen do not taste like chicken. I do not worship plants. I cannot kill an army all by myself. Even if I say please. I cannot base my skaa tineye off of Negan from the Walking Dead. Twinborn do not exist until the second age. If I light Rashek on fire, it will just piss him off. If my character has the "sniveling coward" burden, he cannot charge an army of several thousand koloss with no armor or weapons except for a table leg. No more starting death cults. My kandra cannot be the source of more than three werewolf legends per campaign. I cannot play a terrisman for the sole purpose of mocking my teammates in ancient languages they do not understand. When talking about skaa while pretending to be a nobleman, I cannot say that "They're like people, but there are more of them". I am not allowed to have five obsidian daggers as my only props at the start of the campaign. When given a list of mental illnesses for my insane character and told to choose one, I cannot pick "all of the above". I cannot violate the first contract over a game of shelldry. My character's name can't be Human. I am no longer allowed to play mentally ill characters unless the GM (or Narrator, as the game calls him) says otherwise. When we run out of supplies on the road, I will not suggest we resort to attacking and eating a nearby band of koloss. Especially if they outnumber us 50:1. My scholarly noble mistborn will not speak in eastern street slang. (End of part 2 of the list.) Any campaign where my kandra becomes the god of the afterlife not only never happened, but will never ever happen ever again. Period. Quellion the Citizen's flag does not include any swastikas. Kandra are not edible. I will not base characters off of Pink Floyd songs. Or Led Zeppelin songs. Or Judas Priest songs (this goes double if they're off the Jugulator album). Koloss swords are generally not considered acceptable dueling weapons. I will not solve every social conflict by turning it into a physical conflict. I cannot bribe the Lord Ruler, no matter how many duraluminmind charges I'm tapping. I will not burn duralumin and aluminum at the same time. The same goes for nicrosil and chromium. "Nobody expects the canton of inquisition!" is a really bad pun. Skaa are not good eating. Despite what word of god says on the matter, kanda can't burn lerasium. This issue is closed. I will not play "One Second" by Paradise Lost when I tap a huge amount of (feruchemical) zinc charges. I may not threaten to eat the steel inquisitor, even if I mean it. Especially if I mean it. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot start the game as Lord Prelan. After the thermite-napalm incident, I may no longer play mad scientists, inventors, or pyromaniacs. Especially if my character is all three. I will not be surprised or offended that "terrisman stew" does not contain actual terrismen, nor will I attempt to remedy the situation. We may not make "ash angels" in the fallen ash. Even if we say please. My leather armor cannot be made of koloss skin. We cannot quote Shakespeare when the Lord Ruler dies. Mistwraiths do not taste like jellyfish. Nor does my character know what jellyfish taste like. Or even what jellyfish are. No matter how insane my character is, he is not allowed to respond to interrogation by just saying "I am a stick"! I cannot kill every single female character in the crew that has a male player just because I find that sort of thing kind of creepy. I am no longer allowed to be the crew's primary fighter if I have "Chef" as my profession trait. If I ever deal more than 20 damage, my character will become the favored servant of Ruin. I am no longer allowed to have a steel, iron, or pewter rating of 10. This issue is closed. (End of part 3 of the list.) I may not have "god" as my profession trait. Even if the game says I have to have two negative circumstances to lose even one die on any roll, I automatically lose 3 if I try to start a physical conflict in a tornado. Southern Scadrians are not "Pre-cooked meat". My character's name is not Randy and he does not speak fluent German. We may no longer combine the "Create Guns" and "Malwish Technologist" stunts. The same is true for attempting to combine the "Create Custom Ammo", "Create Hazekiller Ammo", or "Customize Guns" stunts with the "Malwish Technologist" stunt. Even though there is no maximum encumbrance, I can't carry around 20 compressed kandra in my backpack. I may not play a worldhopper. I may not eat the koloss-blooded bandit we just killed unless I'm a kandra. I am not allowed to convince everyone in the crew base their characters off of characters from The Order of the Stick. "Elder Thing" is not an acceptable race selection. No more cannibalism unless I'm a kandra. I may not execute 50,000 random people every week just because it's Monday. I may not cuss NPCs out in foreign languages. Especially Finnish. I may no longer take the "Scrounger" stunt if I'm a chromium compounder. Or capable of using feruchemical chromium at all, for that matter. "Misthammer 40k" is a horrible idea. My character may not invent tabletop roleplaying games during his downtime. My character's name cannot be "Nyarlhotep", "Outer God" is not an acceptable race selection, "Messenger of the Outer Gods" is not an acceptable profession, and "Crawling Chaos" is not an acceptable specialty. I cannot play a Malwish character just so I can claim that, in my culture, it is polite to punch people in the face for no reason. Even if nothing in the rules forbids me from doing so, I may not dual wield koloss swords. Especially with a physique score of two. The definition of "cannibalism" in the context in which it was forbidden includes all sentient creatures, regardless of race. My character cannot start the game with an all-consuming hatred of masks and the people who wear them. Neither "Alcoholic" nor "Hobo" are acceptable profession traits. This is, of course, doubly true of "Alcoholic Hobo". I may not create a Rube Goldberg Device at all, but especially to do any of the following: Pour me more beer, put my clean clothes away, punch people in the face, disturb the peace, destroy Malwish masks, kill things I don't like, or be an abomination against nature. "Chaotic Stupid" is not an acceptable personality trait for a lawman. Or anyone, for that matter, but especially a lawman. My character's destiny cannot be "Find Ironeyes and cuss him out". (End of part 4 of the list.) If, at any point, my brass compounder takes on the mannerisms of Obliteration, he dies. If the responsibility of executing an outlaw falls upon our group, the people expect us to choose hanging or firing squad as our method, not blood eagle. "Hypnosis" is not an acceptable specialty for my roughs lawman. I do not put the "riot" in "rioter". I may not use my duralumin compounding to get laid. The Words of Founding say nothing about the Cthulhu Mythos. My character was born in Elendel, not New Orleans. If I have an influence score of 2, I may not start the game with the "Legendary Gun" stunt. I cannot choose more targets using the salvo option of my Terringul Ripper than there are bullets in it, even if, technically, the rules allow it. I may not use my contract with a kandra to make her take the form of an attractive woman for any reason. This issue is closed. I may not play an A-Copper/F-Duralumin twinborn with the "Face in the Crowd" stunt just to troll my crewmates by disappearing when they need me. "Bulletproof sunglasses" are not a real item and may not be taken as a prop during any era. "Drink beer and watch sports" cannot be my drive and it sure as hell can't be my destiny. If I take willpower damage, I can't roll for a bout of madness using the Call of Cthulhu Keeper Rulebook. I cannot usher in the apocalypse. I may not call random extras "Dirty, dirty communists". I may not select "Arousal" as my focused emotion for rioting. Nicrosil is not a toy. I may not start with a resources score of 8 and the "Filthy Rich" stunt just so I can take 11 soonie pups as my props. The "Point Blank" stunt does not apply to rotary guns. After Kelsier says "I am hope!" I can't say "And I'm despair"! There are no albino girls in the brothel, no matter how high my spirit roll is. I cannot play a steelrunner just so I can "get the hell outta here" whenever something dangerous happens. Kandra do not have feeding frenzies. Rotary guns are not acceptable dueling weapons. (End of part 5 of the list.) My character may not invent fascism. Especially if the reason for doing so in-universe it "because I'm bored". My character may not kickstart a chain of events that lead to the world looking like an alternate history novel written by a Scadrian Harry Turtledove. I may not attempt to cause a Mistborn/Holy Grail crossover. Even if it would be hilariously awesome AND awesomely hilarious at the same time. I may not attempt to kickstart a chain of events that lead to a shootout between the main characters of the Alloy of Law books and the iconic characters of my homebrew Weird West Dark Fantasy RPG in post-apocalyptic Hallandren. I may not throw my potato chips at the guy that accidentally got my character killed. My new character my not throw knives at the character of the guy who got my character killed. If my character is a blatant expy of Roland Deschain from Stephen King's Dark Tower books with tacked-on twinborn powers, I may not play said character. My character may not attempt an exorcism for any reason. My character cannot start the game convinced that he's a werewolf. I cannot play a sentient, gun-slinging potato chip. Much like arson, knives are not the solution to all of life's problems. Although I am not only allowed but encouraged to play a perfectly sane and well-adjusted character, I must have a better reason for doing so than just to incite irrationality and paranoia in my fellow players. Our plot for dethroning the Lord Ruler cannot hinge on inventing driveable lawnmowers. I cannot spend all my free time gaslighting Edwarn Ladrian. I cannot use my status as a constable to start an investigation into who is gaslighting Edwarn Ladrian when I know damnation well who it is. Plan B cannot be "Like plan A, but with more pewter". Even if the premise of the campaign is that something happened different than it did it canon, my character's last words can't be "This is Cody of AlternateHistoryHub". It would be kind of redundant to have my character start the game with 16 minutes to live, since that's usually about how long my characters last anyways. Everything bad that happens is always my character's fault until proven otherwise. No matter how bad an idea is, comparing said idea to German nationalism is harsh. Scratch that last one. Comparing an idea to German nationalism is okay so long as I absolutely positively DO NOT compare said idea to Highlander II: The Quickening. My character cannot invent heavy metal. If my character turns the campaign into a Mind Screw, his brain will come alive and kill his arm, which will come back for its revenge and redeem all of the damned souls of beers that sinned. Oh, and my character will die. I cannot create an adorable but deadly kandra minion, and I most certainly cannot name him "Lil' Snapper" My character cannot have Donald Trump hair. (End of part 6 of the list.) If you want more, just ask in the post replies/comment section thingy. Thank you.
  8. So i'm re-reading Stormlight an stumbled across this beautiful scene: This joke flew right over my head the first time. Last week I was reading that scene during my break at work and that one got me off guard. I literally start laughing and then had to explain to my coworkers what was so funny in my book. I just didn't remember that Pattern is the centre of such good jokes. On the other hand, it has been a while since i last read these books. Just wanted to share this memorable moment with you. That said, i hope you all have a nice day
  9. Hi I'm new here, watch this funny animals. They are cute though. Like you mate. But dropping a link is prohibited. Too bad
  10. Me and my brother were talking about the Lord Ruler and how much foresight and effort it would have been to build the storage caches. Caning all that food, hiding it in caves, and repeating every few years. All the time keeping it secret from everyone but the workers.... At which point my brother asked in a confused voice: "the Lord Ruler didn't do it all himself?" "No" l said, now confused myself. "You thought the Lord Ruler, god emperor of the Final Empire, was canning food in his basement?" " Well... I thought that was why he looked so tired in book one. " Now I can't get the image of the Lord Ruler stocking shelves in a Wal-Mart uniform out of my head
  11. So what started out as a typo (talking about how long inquisitors love live) nearly a year ago has brought me to this. Just in time for the Holiday, enjoy these Mistborn Valentines Day Cards! See all of my Valentine's Day Cards here. See a PDF of printable, foldable versions of these cards here. It was a lot of fun making these, and I will probably do some more in the future. Maybe some Stormlight Archives Valentines? We'll see! If you have any ideas, please send me an email and let me know.

    © Bowen Jacobs

  12. Here is a fun little PSA video I made for RoW. I hope you all enjoy it!
  13. Anyone listen to the JRWI podcast? I personally love it, even though I don’t play DnD myself. I highly recommend it, it is super funny even when it is supposed to be serious. If you don’t know about it I do have to give out a strong language warning, and quite a bit of it. It is well worth the cussing though. Each person separately is also great, especially Charlie. Anyways, here's the YouTube channel. If you want to try a random one that isn’t involved in the rest of the story I recommend one of the one-offs, my personal favorite is the superhero one (I believe it's called Uh oh, we’re superheros!) but they aren’t in YouTube. You can find them on Spotify, podbean, iTunes, yada yada. Anyways, watch JRWI.
  14. Is it just me or does Shallan's character concept seem to be a real one from out world. Specifically the Idea of "Fake it Till you Make it" Would be quite hilarious if that was her Final Ideal. I realize her ideals are truths about herself but I'm re-listening to the Graphic Audio version of these again in anticipation of Book 4. Super Excited for this one guys! Anyway what do you guys think of the whole idea?
  15. Heh heh heh, poor all the other authors.
  16. Inspired by @TwiLyghtSansSparkles's wildly popular thread Memefying Books, I present... Memefying What Happened in Portland! Same premise as Twi's thread, but for the Reckoners RPG. I know many Sharders (myself among them) are a little wary of diving into this subforum because of how MUCH there is to read in here, so I'm hoping this thread will get more people interested in the amazing storytelling going on in here. To get the ball rolling, I have made a few memes from the first page of posts in the Portland thread. Enforcement officers outside Fortuity's penthouse in the OP: CorpseMaker at the end of The Only Joe's 2nd post: Nathan after spending a few hours with Doctor Funtimes:
  17. Here at Kane's, we sell all sorts of canes! Dueling canes, walking canes, gun canes! Come get your canes! 2 for 1 deal!
  18. The Alleyverse Zoo was now open. The Sentinel zookeepers had spent weeks gathering chasmfiends, chulls, santhids, whitespines, spren, koloss, aviar, nightmaws, meekers, cremlings, Rysahdium, horses, seons, chickens, and animals from all over the place for a brand new zoo. A Sentinel wearing a purple coat cut the ribbon with a Shardblade, cause heck why not.
  19. As my friend and I read about Urithiru and learned it was the home of what were essentially a bunch of gods in human form, we realized how hard it would be to manage that many people. Therefore we created our patented: List of Urithiru PSAs That Must Have Happened: Original set: -To the lightweaver who put an illusion of a chasmfiend in the oathgate entrance, a foreign emissary was coming on a diplomatic mission, and suffice to say relations are now…strained. -Windrunners, while sticking someone to the ceiling might be an excellent way to stop a fight, please remember to let the participants down gently afterward, particularly in rooms with high ceilings. -We understand that the hallways might be twisted and confusing to many, but please refrain from soul casting the walls, even if you are quote “late for a meeting.” Particularly do not soulcast any walls into blood. What is wrong with you? There were children nearby! -Edgedancers, slicking the floor for a “fun prank” is not acceptable, particularly in public hallways. We have a laundress with a broken hip, and she’s threatening to sue. -This is a general reminder to those of you with a gravitation surge, please keep track of your altitude and stormlight. We’ve had three accidents already this month. -This is a general notice to all knights radiant. We ask that you use the stairs to get down from the top floor and refrain from jumping off the balcony. The ground is full of cracks and the bondsmith are getting irritated. -Please remember that there are people here who are not knights radiant and therefore possess no special abilities or healing factor. There are currently eight people in the hospital due to negligence in this area. -Since there are still many of you who refuse to refer to the Dustbringers by their preferred name, Releasers, mandatory sensitivity training will be held within the week. Please check the notice board for your order’s scheduled date and time. There it is. Feel free to add more. Some of the other good ones from my tumblr post on this: - Stonewards, please refrain from creating handholds and staircases in the walls. The city planning committee is in an uproar and the traffic congestion is immense. - Lightweavers, please remember to remove your illusions after you’re done practicing. We have multiple falling injuries from people assuming that the holes in the floor are illusions and not actually scheduled maintenance. - To whomever Lashed the barracks doorway shut, we understand you are not on speaking terms with other members of your order. However, they do have a right to be able to sleep in their own bed. And no, you can’t Lash them to the ceiling as a substitute. from aspiringwindrunner - Skybreakers, we know you’re all about the rules, but covertly rerolling a saving throw doesn’t warrant an out-of-character death penalty. - Windrunners, please stop going up to visiting dignitaries and offering to “show them the world”. - Stonewards, we know your herald is the best, please stop getting in shouting matches with the skybreakers in the hallways. - Edgedancers, please stop talking the skybreakers in circles. Their Highspren have filed complaints. - Lightweavers, while your practice is certainly important, please stop sending images screaming salacious rumors through the halls. On a similar note, please stop making fake dead ends, the ambassador was lost for nearly two days. from kyerinell
  20. People really seemed to enjoy the Mistborn Valentine's Day Cards I made last year, and I had a lot of fun making them, so this year I'm back with 3 more for you. Enjoy! See all of my Valentine's Day Cards here. See a PDF of printable, foldable versions of these cards here.

    © Bowen Jacobs

  21. - NO MATING! - Adolin's safehouse in Kholinar being... his tailor. - "Monstrous terrors from the mythological past, enemies of all that was right and good. Destroyers who had laid waste to civilization countless times. They were playing cards" - Every time Kaladin accepts a challenge just for his Stormlight to run off is funny to me for some reason. - Shallan's conversation with Hoid.
  22. Herowannabe

    MV6 Vin And Elend

    So what started out as a typo (talking about how long inquisitors love live) nearly a year ago has brought me to this. Just in time for the Holiday, enjoy these Mistborn Valentines Day Cards! See all of my Valentine's Day Cards here. See a PDF of printable, foldable versions of these cards here. It was a lot of fun making these, and I will probably do some more in the future. Maybe some Stormlight Archives Valentines? We'll see! If you have any ideas, please send me an email and let me know.

    © Bowen Jacobs

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