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Found 14 results

  1. Dear all, Hopefully the weeks I've missed to get this novella finished will not cause too much in the way of Weekly Reader Syndrome (WRS)! Finished it is, finally, in First Draft form. Please feel free to keep that in mind, but comment on whatever you fancy. All feedback very much appreciated. Please note the tags. I thought twice about the 'G', but I guess there is one moment in particular. Best regards, Robinski
  2. Finally getting this out after a difficult week, writing-wise. The first 2/3rds got a bit of an edit, but the last bit is fresh onto the page, so perhaps rougher! Anyway, by way of update, the burglary has somewhat gone south with Ch becoming Lord P's quarry. He sends J to find her, but J rebels against the instruction and sets fire to the manor as a distraction to his pursuers. He finds Ch and they argue (somewhat, updated since previous submission!). By that time the building is engulfed in fire, and getting out is the main order of business. J and Ch exit, but Lord P's retainers are waiting for them. At the end of the last submission, J is climbing down a drainpipe when Ch leaps from an upper floor window. L is for a swear here and there; V for some sword swinging and physical blows; G is for burning and wounding of people, but also for an animal issue, which is why there is an 'A' also. To animal lovers (looking at you in particular, SC), I apologise. Nature is a mother. I blame Richard Adams and the rough awakening I got when I read Watership Down at a young age. All the usual stuff. Any comments hugely appreciated. Best, Robinski p.s. I reckon this is the penultimate submission, for what that's worth.
  3. Hey all, Okay, here is what is either the penultimate or third-last part. I'm rapidly storing up some major issues to tackle in the edit. These will not all be perfectly dealt with and solutions assimilated into this latest part, so please bear with me as a I start to pre-think about how to tackle them. You might notice some groundwork here, but I know I still have much to do in this and preceding submissions. Since there's been a week in between, a short recap. J and Ch are in Lord P's mansion carrying out the robbery. Pen and Kris are lurking around, and Gar has been sighted by J, who wonders what is going on there, and if they have been betrayed. Lord P has caught J and revealed the book to him, and that all the names are victims who he extracted power from by eating their marrow. Lord P believes he is fighting for good against a week king, to make Wen great again (ahem). He has tried to turn J against Ch, and attempted to demonise her and her people. J is conflicted since his bust up with Ch (which I need to develop better in previous parts). At the end of the last sub, Lord P sends J off to find and subdue Ch. Oh, and I've changed Pen-ack's name to Per-ack, as it was even closer to Pen-nice before. Don't know if that's better or not, or if it was an issue before. Best, Robinski
  4. Phew, so this has been a real toil, in part due to some bad personal stuff, and in part due to my general struggle with nearing the end. By the time I get to the last 20%(?) of a story, I've changed enough, and departed from enough initial ideas, introduced enough new stuff that it feels terribly untidy. I apologise for that. Hopefully there is enough good here to build tension / conflict and push the story towards a 'big/rousing/satisfying' conclusion. It won't pay off as well in this first draft, I'm sure, than a second, third or fourth version, but I'm hoping the bones are here (lol). This one is real short too, for reasons that probably will be obvious. Many thanks for your consideration!! Best, Robinski
  5. I am so very sorry for how horribly late this is, and I really only submit it now because there is only one other sub this week. If you are still willing to read it, any comments would be very much appreciated. I know there are issues here, but I need to hear them, so fire away Kind regards, Robinski
  6. Hiya, hiya, hiya!! Here is Submission 7, which is Part 6, because of the time I went back a step. This certainly progresses events (I feel that is certain), but does it hold the interest, unfold the background, add to the tension, and does it entertain? Does it progress events quickly enough? As ever, any and all comments will be most welcome. Thank for the encouragement to date from all who have critiqued. Best, Robinski p.s. This submission is brought to you by the letters 'L' for naughty language; 'S' for sexual situation(s); and 'E', which is for erotic content, because I thought maybe it was a touch steamier than my usual fare. You have been warned...
  7. Sorry for putting this up before I have responded to the critiques from last week, but I am trying hard to keep on track and push myself to put words on the board. L for the usual reasons; D because I feel there are certain themes and actions that evoke drug-taking; and G which perhaps is more for gross, than gore, but there is still some icky stuff in there to do with bones. As always, any and all comments are very much appreciated. <R> p.s. Apologies if there is anything in this that was commented on last week, but I haven't read yet in the Part 4 comments.
  8. Bon soir, mes amis, Here is another episode of this fantasy novella of mine, the seventh to be precise, and we are getting on towards the endgame. Thus, I hope you find this more exciting, stimulating, pacy, etc., and that the stakes are ramping up. Any and all comments gratefully received. You've done so much to get me to this point, and I am hoping your excellent observations will push me over the line so I can go back to the beginning again Kind regards, Robinski
  9. There are elements of background set up that I have retconned for the purpose of ongoing submissions. These actually matter little from now to the end (I think), but for what it's worth: - J's family have not yet lost their home or their boat, but are under threat of that. Interest is accumulating on the loan, keeping the pressure on J to get (a lot of) money to clear it. - For avoidance of doubt, I made some comments about Chari being unusual in this setting as a woman of colour. Clearly, there is no good reason for that, this setting is not as multi-cultural as the UK is now, but it is not so much of a 'stand-out' issue in what is after all a seafaring nation. I'll deal with that in edits for the first submissions, but also hope to call it out (subtly), as appropriate, going forward. - I seem to have written a submission without any swearing, sex references or violence, sorry about that , I hope it's not boring. Any and all comments welcomed and responded to. <R>
  10. Here is Part 3. Any and all comments much appreciated. I trust that my fading out the earlier text is working alright when you open the doc? It's just easier to submit that way, but let me know if it's bugging you, as I certainly don't want you to feel that you need to read anything earlier, if it's coming through as 'black' text. Kind regards, Robinski
  11. Hi all, So, with your forbearance, I'm sending the first two sections of the story again, which are fairly extensively updated, although the bones are the same (pardon the pun). I'm hoping I've rectified or at least mitigated the main issues from before, and perhaps softened some of the others. Also, I'm hoping that clarify is improved in those areas where it was problematic. I'm not intending to trawl back and forth over the same material, hopefully, as the plot gets going, I'll be able to motor through to the end then edit and put out an alpha readers request. Many thanks to all readers. <R>
  12. Hi everyone, I hope this finds you well. Part the second of DH. All the usual stuff, anything you love, everything you hate. Let me have it and I will do my best to make amends Best, Robinski
  13. Dear all, I can only apologise for how appalling late this is, but on the up side, it really is quite short, and I'm hoping you can find it in your heart to have read in the few days remaining of this week. As usual, absolutely anything that you feel worthy of comment is fine by me. As ever, please do abbreviate the names. I've tagged for language because, well, it's me. I've tagged sex more for implied liaison and some of the language, and violence... not much and fairly tame. Again, my apologies, I'm off to do all my critiquing, which is also very late!! Robinski
  14. Okay, so, something different this week. Also, something incredibly late, I am so sorry. On the plus side, I hope, it is pretty short and only in note form, as it is an outline for a novella that I am going to write for the July submission window. Some of you will have read these characters before in the short story that I submitted in September 2017 (called Open Their Eyes--involved robbing a coach), and I think they were pretty well received at the time. The point I am going for here is of course to stand out, but also be compelling. Also, I am trying to be much less in discovery (pants-ing) mode, and have a much more tightly-plotted story, as that is very much (I think) my biggest weakness at the moment, ending up letting things spiral out of control in terms of complexity, and therefore confusion (see the last eight weeks' submissions!!). Any and all comments welcomed. Please slaughter me if this sounds like anything else you've read, or is close to anything anywhere