Search the Community
Showing results for tags 'waifs and strays'.
-
This is another longish submission, apologies for that. I'll try and keep chapters intact, but there are a couple coming up that are more than 5,000 so, if I keep submitting, I'll certainly break those up. If you have the time to read, I will be very grateful for any comments that you have. Cheers, Robinski
-
So, seeing as there are no other submissions this week, I’ve cheekily gone a bit long. As it’s the first submission, I’ve left the index in, and the map, which contribute to the word count, but it’s still 5,900 odd words of story – apologies for that, it (probably) won’t happen again! I hope that you enjoy the first section of the story, but I would appreciate your thoughts on the usual things, such as: - Promises to the reader? - Style, does it read well and make you want to keep reading? - Pacing, are events interesting, what do you feel about the story going forward? - Characters on view, are they engaging? Any comments very much appreciated. Cheers, Robinski
-
Okay, so last week did not go at all as planned. I thought I would start by just jotting down the revised prologue, before going on to finishing Chapter 6. That way I could just flag some point up, and try and get the tone that I was looking for in the new opening. 10 days and 2,400 words later, I’ve got a prologue that would choke a horse (longer than I wanted, shorter than 65 page WoT efforts), and I haven’t even started finishing Chapter 6. I wasn’t even planning on submitting this prologue, but if I don’t, I’ve got nothing to put up. So, without further ado, here is a new prologue to Waifs and Strays, and I’ll say not more about it. Comments very much appreciated. Cheers, Robinski.
-
Robinski - Waifs and Strays - Submission 9 (V) 2727 words
Robinski posted a topic in Reading Excuses
To recap; Benam is still in Lufmatho jail, accused of killing a handful of kingsmen, which he does not deny. Ahma has returned to her work after the invasion of inn. Covelle and Dyllis broke into Ghintor (the harbourmaster)’s office, seeking trade intelligence. They disturbed a group of disguised kingsmen apparently lying in wait for Ghintor, who engaged them in combat while Covelle and Dyllis escaped. Covelle uncovered that Dyllis lied to him, and she reveals her manipulation of his emotions through casting. Dyllis revealed the existence of a casters’ group (The Sphere) and its leader (The Modus). They argued over Dyllis’s plan to manipulate Covelle’s father, and things between them became tense. Latterly Dyllis revealed her discovery of the kingsmen’s camp and Covelle reached a conclusion that they are not kingsmen. This submission is hot off the press and I didn’t have time to give it a once over, which I normally would, so please excuse the anomalies. Delighted to receive any comment – many thanks for reading. -
To recap; Covelle and Dyllis broke into Ghintor’s office, Covelle was searching for details of his father’s shipments and, perhaps, his own. He finds some of his smuggled tobacco, which leads him to think Ghintor may be a thief. Ghintor and some of his men discover them and they try escape upstairs, blundering into a room of armed men who attack them. Covelle is injured and disoriented. The battle is joined between Ghintor and the men in the room, who Covelle discovers appear to be disguised kingsmen, like those at The Crowded Inn. All comment gratefully received. Manny thanks for reading. Best, Robinski
-
Benam is residing in Lufmatho Jail with a bleak view of his future. Meanwhile, Covelle and Dyllis have had a heart-to-heart about various things. She has learned that he is the estranged third son of the Duke of Lufmatho, whereas he now knows that casters use parts of themselves as catalysts for releasing or focusing magical energy. They are now heading out into the town again. A leading apology, I'm conscious of how few weeks remain for the Write About Dragons group, and I'm trying to maximise the length of submissions, so I wanted to push into Chapter 5 – I know means a cliffhanger for this submission, and I apologise for that. Your comments are very valuable, and very much appreciated. Thank you for reading if you have the time. Kind regards, Robinski
-
[#6] I’ve revised the chapter titles so far, which means this one pops up again in the submission. I'm also toying with the idea of putting a date stamp in to mark the progression of days. I'm particularly interested in your reaction to that. In the last submission, having escaped the inn and the kingsmen pursuing her, Covelle and Dyllis discussed their situation. She has learned that he is the estranged third son of the Duke of Lufmatho, whereas he now knows that casters use parts of themselves as catalysts for releasing or focusing magical energy. Attention now reverts to Benam, who was taken into custody by the Duke’s Guard. Thank you for reading - comments always very much appreciated. Cheers, Robinski
-
I don't like being too specific about character age, but would hope to convey it through behaviour, description, etc., but I'm very interested to know your impressions on the characters ages in Waifs and Strays. I would have included Ahma, but I ran out of questions. Feel free to have a random guess at her age too, if you are interested. Correct answers get a reputation point!! (*After voting is concluded.) Cheers, Robinski
-
Robinski - Waifs and Strays - Submission 5 (-) 1819 words
Robinski posted a topic in Reading Excuses
A shorter submission this week, since the end of Chapter 3 offers a good break point. The potential down side of that is a dearth of action (welcome to another Robinski submission!). What you get here is a challenge for me, exposition dealt with largely through dialogue or personal monologue. You’re comments will be greatly appreciated. Covelle and Dyllis escaped from The Crowded Inn as the Duke’s Guard arrived, taking Benam into custody. Dyllis is a fugitive, so hopefully it doesn’t need stating that she goes with Covelle since he aided her in escaping her pursuers. He had led her through dark backstreets to a cottage in a quiet area of town on the hill above the port. Comments gratefully received. Thanks for reading. Cheers, Robinski -
Robinski - Waifs and Strays - Submission 4 (L) 2060 words
Robinski posted a topic in Reading Excuses
No overlaps with previous material this week, I promise. Previously on ‘Waifs and Strays’: In a chance encounter at another tavern, Benam aroused Covelle’s suspicions. Covelle followed Benam to the Crowded Inn, gripped by a need to learn if Benam was onto him. Before Covelle had a chance to discover what’s what, a group of menacing riders pursuing a young woman, who turned out to be a caster, invaded the inn. Reasoning failed and the riders attacked. Covelle, who has long been fascinated by tales and rumours of casters, attempted to escape with Dyllis in tow, but was turned back. As always, your comments will be greatly appreciated. Cheers, Robinski -
Once again great comments on Submission 2 across both Write About Dragons and Reading Excuses – super helpful. I feel like you guys are really testing me (yes you, Manaheim) which is excellent, thank you. At the risk of pushing my luck, I have again overlapped my submissions, as there was concern over Covelle’s pov in Submission 2, and lack of clarity over the time-line, so I’ve started with the re-write of that part. This continues into the Covelle pov scene, which was going to continue. The story so far: Ahma, Benam and Covelle live in the port town of Lufmatho, leading generally separate lives. Ahma looks after her mother and works towards her goal of buying a horse and seeing the country. Benam exists by working at the harbour and living on former glory. He bemoans his worsening health and is a solitary man. Covelle is a career criminal with an eye for opportunity and bettering his lot at the expense of others. Benam drinks at the inn where Ahma works, and has a soft spot for her. Ahma has little patience for men at all. Covelle (incognito) has encountered Benam recently but, by chance, their paths cross again, raising Covelle’s suspicions. He follows Benam to the inn where Ahma works. A young girl fleeing pursuers bursts in on Covelle gauging the risk from Benam. All comments greatly appreciated.
-
Well, it feels like a while since I submitted something, can't remember the last time my palms were sweating (oh, wait, Chapter 8 of Without Honour...). Anyway, this is the Prologue and Chapter 1 of my latest project, 'Waifs and Strays', which is planned as a 30,000 word novella, which I'm writing as part going through Brandon's 'Write About Dragons' on-line writing course, which a group of about six of us on RE are doing between now and October. All comments gratefully received. I feel bound to say that this is a very first draft. I've already slated some problems and enhancements to go back and fix/do, so apologies if there are any bloopers in there. Cheers, Robinski [Okay, so it's 23:11 on Sunday - so sue me.]