Robinski

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About Robinski

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    Fighting unnecessary capitalisation since June 2013

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    Glasgow, Scotland

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  1. I like Tom I like Kevin, but it makes me think about 'We Need To Talk About Kevin', and since the character is potentially psychopathic, maybe too close. I like Carl. That speaks of a certain unhingedness to me. Thank you, so many good suggestions!! Ooh, I like these too. Thanks so much @industrialistDragon, @kais and @Mandamon - very helpful.
  2. Suggestions wanted!! Heya, folks. So, I need a fairly straight up, short boy's name for the second Q_&_M story. I started with Ben, but I actually need that for something else, and can't change the other thing. I'm using Sam as a placeholder, but I'm not entirely happy with that (possible because of Facets!!). Dan? - Ach, association with WE is strong in that one, although it might be strangely apposite in a twisted way (of course!); John? - Nope, I've got a Johnny in the story now. Any suggestions will be thoroughly well considered, and much appreciated
  3. Interesting slice of journalism there, suggesting that the ladies were not 'to the front' in the first place!! P.S. Maybe you have or maybe you will one day come across Emma Kade in your travels. She and my daughter became friends and hung out a lot when Ash was in Canada for a year. Dunno, suspect maybe not exactly in the same wheelhouse, musically, but still.
  4. Yeah, right up until I'm the one sitting at the table surrounded by a 'U' shape of faces
  5. Proud to announce that I am now a member of the Glasgow Science Fiction Writers Circle, illustrious members of which include Neil Williamson, Cameron Moffat (first novel recently came out from Angry Robot) and 'absentee member' Amal El-Mohtar. Went to my first meeting yesterday and it was awesome. In-person critique of 'poor' Brian's 4,700 word short story was just fascinating, and he had to sit there and listen (and take notes) on 9 critiques before getting a chance to rebut. Everyone was so invested and enthusiastic, but did not give him an easy ride. They had me the minute someone pointed out there were typos of 'its' versus 'it's'
  6. Gotcha. File received.
  7. Count me in. You say you don't need LBLs, but would they help? Or even if they wouldn't help, would you tolerate them?
  8. Lol, @Mandamon is the Aaron Sorkin of RE! (I'd take that ).
  9. Chapter 7 - (pg.1) - It's nice to be reunited with the Gr, however I thought that the chapter title was rather bland, and the epigram does not exactly wow and drag me into the chapter. It's a very gentle a passingly interesting introduction. - (pg.1) - "he couldn’t be sure they’d walked down any of the same ones as when he came before" - Wordy and hard to follow, I thought. - (pg.2) - The conversation about the expedition is a wee bit maid-and-butler, on the edge, I thought. I sounds a bit staid, slightly forced. - (pg.2) - I like the suggestion of straying into emotional territory when E puts her hand in S's, but then it seems to be a moment still born, certainly in S's mind. But, E steers the conversation back there, but again, rather than answering from the heart, or revealing anything meaningful and an emotional level, S pushes the idea away, it seemed to me. I'm not expecting grand romance on MRK levels (I just finished Shades of M&H, after it sitting on my list for years, so my thinking might be coloured by that!), but it's an area which is pretty much completely shunned in the Nthr stories, it seems to me. I feel I can pretty much count the instances where such things are 'dealt with' on the fingers of one hand. There is a potentially very intriguing dynamic at work between the three young people, and it's something I occasionally wish was given a wee bit more space to grow. - (pg.3) - Ooh, ahh. Now then. This cut to the other side of the encounter with the Gr is super awkward. Surely there are going to be a substantial number of readers who did not read Journey, or not by the time they read this, who are going to be left all at sea by this. There is a very exciting showdown scene, packed with tension and action, and we just left past it to more introspection. I think this is problematic tonally. - (pg.4) - "as the anxiety welled up in him" - He's just so weak, so needy. It's not engaging in a main character, and I think it's almost worse when we see him from the POV of others, especially E, because it accentuates his weakness. We just passed a scene with the meeting where (I think, I don't remember all that well) S saved the day, used his initiative and was proactive, wasn't he? I would seriously consider trying a version of this story where you incorporate the same scene from Journey here. Maybe you could use a different POV, or look to trim the one you have. An interesting exercise is nothing else, but more than that, I think it would really add to S's character. It's not exactly that I'm disappointed by how little he's moved on; I can see he's consistent with latter stages of Seeds, but he's starting from such a low base. I'm getting frustrated with him again. - (pg.4) - "Z would welcome her back" - Ah, bit confused about the context, the why. - (pg.4) - Hah, as if calling my bluff, the tender moment comes out at the end of the section. That's good, but I don't think the romantic (feels odd even using that word, given that we never really see the extent of S's feelings for E, even in his POV) tension points at that moment happening, and we are in her POV as well. I think it's a tuning issue, maybe. I mean he seems so blasé about it. It's not that I want him to be all nervous and awkward, but his reaction to the kiss seems out of tune with his baseline state. - (pg.5) - Hmm, and we've jumped again. I'm feeling this chapter very disjointed. - (pg.6) - I'm not clear what they're searching for here. Is it still I's location, or is E registered missing now and they're searching for her? - (pg.6) - "he one that had such a vastly more complex progression of chords that than the other materials" - Suggested for flow (and a typo). Kinda wordy, I thought. - (pg.6) - "And the iron" - With each bar that he finds, locating the next one is a decreasingly difficult achievement, by simple probability. It would be a more interesting and worthy test if the rods were rearranged each time. - (pg.6) - "Bu I can't do" - Typo. - (pg.7) - "a repeated trio of notes " - (pg.7) - "Like someone jerking a chair" - This is great. I'm really enjoying this discovery scene. It moved S forward as a character every bit as effectively as all his nervous vacillation holds him back. - (pg.8) - "white an olive" - Typo. - (pg.9) - "one hand reaching out to take it" - Suggested for clarity and flow. - (pg.9) - "backwards" - Very cool and effective analogy. - (pg.10) - "The m were staring at him, wide-eyed, gaping" - Hypen required; compound adjective. Also, I think this moment deserves a bigger impact. It's huge!! - (pg.10) - As the titles of particular people, I do believe that M C and M A, maj should be capitalised. - (pg.10) - The discovery in the end is a little underwhelming. A new house!!! And only one proponent of it, but there must be others. And it's a hole new type of house, is it not? So how many other houses might there be that no one knows about? A whole new set of houses?!?! - (pg.11) - Another POV hop. This chapter is very disjointed. - (pg.11) - "...the day before. It would ring again..." - Part of same sentence, First sentence not complete. - (pg.11) - "some errand to corner R" - Typo. - (pg.12) - "He's falling apart" - I really don't get that from S. He doesn't seem any worse than at the end of Seeds to me. Certainly not on the edge, I think. - (pg.12) - "didn't know whether most of them were true" - Something awkward about this 'whether any of them were true' is clearer, I think. - (pg.13) - "Letting her know she was no longer welcome near him" - I'm really quite confused about R's emotions / position now. I didn't get this sense from him really. Overall There's lots of good stuff in this chapter, but also quite a bit that felt disjointed. I enjoyed it, but could have enjoyed it a good deal more. Uneven is a word that springs to mind. There are momentous moments like discovering a new house, but it seems lost among other moments that feel shoehorned in. The plot is progressed, but the POVs feel scattered. Might they not sit together or one or two be combined somehow? I don't know. Plus the big gaping hole around the Gr encounter. I hope this helps. <R>
  10. Well, I wouldn't say it's a dominant thing. I think it's in the weave.
  11. Yes, hopefully we can be about the RE panel too, as I have no other qualifications!!
  12. And listen, I am happy to read more of it, in a critiquing capacity. I've got to assume the 'fantastical' elements will come into the story. As a first chapter of Book 2, I can totally see the need to reestablish all the characters from Book 1 before starting up the plot. So, I would keep reading at this point, but if Chapter 2 didn't kickstart the action, that's probably where I would start becoming dissatisfied. But I do enjoy your direct style, which leads me to the comment about enjoying reading, possibly in spite of a potential lack of engagement with the content.
  13. Awesome! I did see on Titter or Famebook that they were just starting in earnest on the programme, so I'm really hoping that the RE panel comes to pass still.