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Asmodemon last won the day on December 28 2012

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  1. Overall: Nice character driven chapter, with characters I like and sympathize with a lot more than the ones in chapter one. Awesome: Characters: I liked the new characters that were introduced this chapter, a lot more than the ones in the previous chapter. Rising tension: There were two points where I felt the tension rising. First was when Fr. got a request for stuff the awakened crew wanted, but he didn’t want to give to them until he was ordered by the higher ups. Second was near the end when they get thrown out of the room. Boring: Still early: Not quite bored, but I want something to actually start happening and right now it seems the countdown is two months away, and with the difference in time between chapters one and two being about a week’s time in the story, it feels like it’s going to be a while before we get to the action on the planet. Confusing: Time: I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but I’m going to state it again, I don’t like the time system. I did the calculations with the difference between chapter 1 and chapter 2 and it’s almost a week. I didn’t get that impression at all just from looking at the time indication. Waking up: From what I gathered in the first chapter, despite all the mishaps with the other targets, the fleet is still run very methodically. Waking everyone up before even a cursory exploration of the planet seems oddly premature. Further travel to go: I’m really getting hung up on the travel speed. Thanks to Ag and Fr’s perspectives, I know it took five days from the start of entering the system for the probe to reach the planet and sent back the information it gathered. Why is it taking the fleet around two months to do what the probe did in less than a week? Miscellaneous: their early teens: Everything the crew does is given in the other time system, where they don’t use years. However for ages they still use the old terminology for teenage years? Wouldn’t they also have a different terminology for that, since 10 years old would be closer to 315 mega seconds, in which ‘teens’ would have no meaning. Ag. has to mentally calculate what her age would be in years from mega seconds as well, to realize she’d have been 10 years old. Children doing complex work: I was a little surprised that at 10 years old the child crewmembers would already be doing complex work, like system analysis. Training is one thing, but I got the impression they were doing the actual work already. Last night: So things like years, months, days, get scrapped from the common vernacular, but ‘last night’, in space, remains? Generational conflict: While I liked the rising tension it seems the awakened crew is intentionally giving rise to a conflict with the people running the fleet, by using a deprecated mailing list (they should have known it was deprecated by the fact the last memo was sent hundreds of years ago), smoking, overcrowding. Makes me wonder if that was always the plan, get rid of the space-born riffraff once a good planet is reached. Would be a cool twist, but also a confusing one to enact before fully validating the planet is habitable. “Yeah, we pissed off all our caretakers, but let’s go back to sleep now, I’m sure it will be fine.” My two cents: She hadn’t fit the biology she’d been born with: I mostly glossed over this sentence, and I didn’t really connect it to trans until I saw the remarks others have made and checked the dramatic personae again. The way I read it was that she’s unhappy with being stuck in a certain type of duty because of her familial lineage, and not having a choice in the matter. So her not fitting her biology I thought meant that the person she felt she actually is did not align with what is expected of her due to her family/genealogy.
  2. Overall: Only five chapters behind, I think I can catch up. Interesting start to the story, I have some concerns that things are going to take a long time to really get going, but we’ll see. Also some things about the time scale you’re using are confusing to me. Awesome: Planet: I like the perspective of the alien entity on the planet. Looking forward to see more of that. Generation ship: I also like the idea of a generational ship finally reaching a planet, with multiple generations of people, including one that is in suspended animation for hundreds of years and is completely out of touch with what the rest has gone through. That’s an interesting hotbed of potential issues and conflicts and I’m here for that. Sci-fi: I don’t read a lot of sci-fi, and when I do it’s more space opera, but I do enjoy some hard sci-fi every now and then. I’m looking forward to reading more in that regard too. Boring: In too early: Not really boring, and depending on the next chapter, maybe you’re not in too early, but I have the feeling that things aren’t really going to start happening until they are actually in orbit or landing on the planet, but that’s still two months away. Passiveness: Nothing is really happening overall, the ships are still two months away from when, I think, the story is going to pick up. Confusing: Telling time: I find the separate time system to be very confusing, from the explanation of it (which I’m never going to remember) and the first usage of it. What’s wrong with just using seconds / minutes/ hours, etc.? Archaic Earth timeframes might not apply 1-to-1 on a generational space ship, but for me as the reader it feels more understandable. The numbers also don’t round out very well, which grates on me a little to be honest. I didn’t get the first usage of it until you said it was two months. All other instances I just skim over, with the idea that kilo and under is a short time span and mega is a long time span. Probe: Are there time jumps in the chapter? Because with the time given at the start of the chapter, I assume the whole chapter is basically set in that specific time frame / day. Given that assumption I was confused at how the fleet has entered the system, is slowing down (with two more months to go to reach the planet), manages to launch a probe to the planet, gather data, and return that data, all at roughly the same time. Muux: is this a title or something? One or two administrators: When J is awoken you use only her first name, so when you used her last name I thought this was a different character speaking. I didn’t catch that they’d only woken one administrator until the end of the chapter. Maybe when you introduce J, do it with her last name too. Miscellaneous stuff: “filling the sky”: They’re still in space, calling space sky feels weird. “Then A shivered. He had nightmares”: This came completely out of nowhere for me. At one point he is thinking about allowing an infraction of protocol, the next he’s afraid of something that is not even in the scene. I take it that this is a reaction to his own thoughts of allowing a breach of protocol? Lida: A’s perspective flip-flops on this planet’s name, going from the official designation, to the nickname. He has a reaction to the nickname, he corrects himself, on page 6, but on page 7 it’s back to Lida. Four hundred years: Ah, so they still use that terminology with the leadership. Makes a lot more sense to me than the other way of telling time. Question, would I keep reading: To be honest, the chapter starts a little slow and passive, so if I saw this book in a store I’m not sure I’d pick this one over another. The mega seconds and conversion table at the start are also a turn-off for me, because the numbers don’t line up neatly and I know I’ll never remember any of it.
  3. Like the others have said, I wouldn't worry about it while you're making the first draft. I work from an outline, but I don't think that much about pacing until I'm done with the first draft and start revising. What you can perhaps try is to make a scene list when you're done drafting (or while drafting, whenever you're done with a scene you put it in the scene list) and note for each scene if it's a proactive or reactive scene, if it's slow or fast paced, and other things you might want to know about the scenes. Then if you see that you have several slow scenes in a row (for example) you'll know you need to spice it up in the edits.
  4. Could be. I'm not really a noir reader, so I don't know if a slower start is more expected, but like I said, for my tastes I want something to actually happen rather than reminisce about past cases and the state of her office. Thinking about it, I don't think I have a problem with Y being a complicated lady as part of the noir trope. From the few PI novels I've read (The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, and the Garrett P.I. novels by Glen Cook) I know this is a popular trope and one I usually like - anything to give the protagonist more issues to deal with. I think the problem for me here is that D's thoughts and subsequent actions make her seem wishy washy and a pushover. As the reader I don't know D yet and so far I've seen two interactions of her with other characters. The first was with a client and the conversation started very flustered on the part of D and for most of it the client seemed in charge of the conversation, not D, including forcing D to stay at her office to receive a package by way of a note. Then we get Y coming along to exacerbate that impression.
  5. I’m conflicted about this chapter. There were some things I liked, but on the whole I didn’t care as much about this one as I did the first one. Awesome: Two of the things I liked are the fire that hints that Y is indeed a psychopath as well as the creepy warehouse and the creepy warehouse guy. Something felt like it was happening there. These are also two things I’m confused about, in the sense that I don’t understand why they’re in this chapter in the first place (more on that later). Boring: Like the previous chapter I wasn’t really interested in the first 2.5 pages of this chapter. It felt like a maid-butler conversation, as they both D and Y know the details of the previous case. Knowing the details about the previous case, the part at the house with the granny lacked any mystery to it and with it tension. Didn’t really care about the two partners or the granny, as I expect that these characters won’t be showing up anytime soon anyway. Confusing: Feels odd that someone who so easily forgets her stuff is a PI. Why is D. going after the dildo business herself? The case is done, the clients won’t pay her for this and isn’t this more of a police matter (they’re selling poisonous stuff) or some other government or consumer agency? Later on an explanation is given, but it’s pretty late in the chapter and the explanation is settlement money. I’m not really versed in US law about this, but why would D. be eligible for settlement money? She’s not a victim in any of this. My confusion about the interaction between Y and D from the previous chapter remains and I’m getting more confused. Y is not just a stalker, but might be a psychopath who set her old place of work on fire. And this doesn’t seem to bother D. at all. The mixed signals are still there as well, D internally knows she shouldn’t keep Y close, but the first words out of her mouth following those thoughts are always invitations to Y to come along and do stuff together. This is a weird relationship. Why go for a six month follow-up of a case that’s already solved? There’s no more money in it, in fact going to the victims only costs money. The cases are embarrassing enough as they are, why would they want the PI to come visit them? I can understand it if D somehow feels emotionally involved with the victims, like she helped on a years long case to figure out the murder of their child or something. But this is a simple case of wood-poisoning where the culprit quickly confessed. D also doesn’t seem to particularly care about these people either. Why did Y drive past her old place of work if she knows it has just burned down (because she set it on fire?). Is the town really that small that she had no way of avoiding it? Even saying something as simple as that she doesn’t want to be seen near it because she fears she’ll get dragged into working a shift would have made sense – and you could foreshadow that the place burned down by the news on the radio maybe? Why even go to the warehouse if they don’t have an appointment and only have 15 minutes before they have to go back? That’s not enough time to do anything or really talk to anyone. One traffic jam or something and they wouldn’t have had any time at all. What is the point of the trip, other than show the fire at Y’s workplace and the weird warehouse to the reader? So Y’s stalking saved D from falling for a money transfer scam. So we have a PI in a field where there are virtually no cases, who forgets her important belongings, who gets pushed around by a psycho-stalker ex. What is D doing with her life? It doesn’t really make sense to me. Don’t believe: I don’t believe it when Y. says D. is assertive (“verbally flagellate a sixteen year old”) at all. This is very much tell, not show, because from the first two chapters, especially the interaction between Y. and D. I would say D. is a pushover. Miscellaneous Stuff D’s name: Am I the only one whose brain is constantly trying to change D’s name to Delilah? Small mistakes: Page 4: “You parent is old”à “Your parent is old”, missing r Page 9: the medical bill, à the medical bill,” missing quotation Page 13: desk wasthe oldest à desk was the oldest, missing space Page 13: appearance not helped à appearance wasn’t helped
  6. It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these. I’ll start with the ABCs. Awesome: On occasion I like a PI novels and this one has a weird enough subject matter to get my attention. “Who did you call…”, great sentence, got a chuckle out of me. Boring: The first 2.5 pages weren’t that interesting to me, after the initial paragraph that shows D. is not a typical PI. I started to lose my attention going through her background, the cabinet, and the various dildos she keeps in them. I just wanted something to actually start happening. Confusing: Little confused about the interaction with Y at the end of the chapter. From D.’s point of view she seems like a stalker and thus best avoided and while D. tells her several times to leave, she doesn’t really follow through and eventually goes with Y. That’s probably the same mixed signals that keep Y coming back. Miscellaneous Stuff Tone: Since you asked, tone-wise the first chapter felt to me like a PI novel. Not sure if that’s what you’re going with, with ‘lesbian science noir’, but so far it works for me. Inciting incident: I think the inciting incidents works, though as I said, after the first paragraph it felt a little slow to me, going over minutiae that I don’t really care about knowing at the start. I want to know what the case is. You don’t dwell on that too long, so that’s good. I also like that after the initial talk with the client D. almost dies from allergies/reaction to whatever is on the dildo. That’s a good hook to make me want to keep reading. Phone number: A recent show I really like is Squid Game, but what I remember most from it is the fact that the phone number they used in the show is an actual, existing, phone number, and the guy who owns that number got many calls from fans of the show. I was reminded of this when I saw the phone number at the start of the chapter, which looked real to me. A Google search revealed that the first six digits are for phone numbers in Multnomah, Portland, Oregon. With the last four digits I found an address through a reverse lookup site, not sure if it’s actually real, but even if no one uses it now the number might be used later. Perhaps you can make an actual fake number. With this site you can generate a fake number based on state and city: Small mistakes: Page 5: You sister --> Your sister Page 5: and snapped it shut. She’s been --> Is missing a quotation mark Page 7: She kept an account Illinois State --> kept an account with Illinois State
  7. A slight snag, but nothing that you can't find a workaround for. Maybe N can only 'get online' through network signals that reach him. He's far underground in a facility in the middle of nowhere in northern Canada. If there even is internet/network coverage in the area, it might not reach him underground, so he instead has to piggyback on the facility's internal network to reach the wider internet to be able to operate digitally across the world. Perhaps his captors think their network secure against him, or that if he's able to reach out that his influence is limited. They and DM wouldn't know how far his influence has spread until the end. The failsafe could be something like a NEMP that knocks out the technology of the facility, so there's nothing close for him to interface with. It doesn't even originally have to be a failsafe against N - it might be just be a digital self-destruct of the facility should they have to cover up what they've been doing there. Regardless, with such as failsafe N would have to get out of the facility to be able to reach another network, like say that of a military cordon around the facility. Looking forward to reading what you're going to go with
  8. I've been saying that you get used to it, but now that I haven't had to do it for a while I've realized I didn't get used to it as much as I just got tired all the time. Well, the project contract is only until the end of the year, after that I'm going to find something closer to home. That's some fortuitous timing right there
  9. I also like this idea. Not just that Q. would be forced to work with DM, but that DM would also be forced to work with Q., showing even more clearly that there is a hidden villain pulling the strings and that DM has lost control I'm not sure, I do like the physical threat he poses. I think I'd want him to feel more dangerous, not less. Just spitballing off your idea of having Q and DM work together. What if there was another failsafe on N? Say that the enclosure was for his physical form, but what if TOM installed a failsafe for his digital influence as well, like a great Faraday cage - and Q and DM need to activate it? The reason why such a thing would be a failsafe and not permanently active could be because it would terminate all electronics and network connectivity in quite a large area, and that would mean no one could work at the facility. If they succeed at that (and DM loses his life in the process), N. would still want to die, but not while in the Faraday cage because he wouldn't be able to spirit away into the internet and he would just die. You could have a situation where N is trying to get out of the facility and out of the Faraday cage, with the crew trying to stop him before he manages to do so - by either killing him or just holding him back long enough for the airstrike to do the work. His physical presence could be a great threat to them, and the threat of N also regaining his digital prowess would be another motivator to stop him. They could all be hindered by all the electronic technology no longer working too. The final confrontation might be near the edge of the failsafe effect, so Q. would be hesitant to kill N there, N would also not be sure what was going to happen, and M would still end up shooting N trying to save Q because she doesn't want to lose him too. I think that would work a lot better than introducing D. He was an interesting character, but you could easily give his background to K (before he joined the police) as a way of making him a little more 3-D I like this suggestion of merging D and K into one character.
  10. Fortunately I am very well, and so are my loved ones. Only two people I know (two colleagues from work) have had Covid-19 so far, and they've both mostly recovered from it. So I count myself quite lucky. And paradoxically, though the situation is of course quite horrible, I haven't felt this good in years. I've been working from home for a few weeks now and not having to get up at 4:45 in the morning, and travelling to and from work for 3 hours every day, is doing me a lot of good. I only now realize how tired I've been these last few years. It's a little thing, and I agree they were all swept up by the events top-side, but once they went down the elevator and had the whole discussion about leaving the dinos behind, it felt like the pressure was off, at least for a bit. And sneaking into a place covered in rust might be a give away if there are people around to smell it. Bears?! That's hilarious, and a disaster just waiting to happen if they were to go through with it. I'm all for wildlife preservation, but there haven't been wild bears in the UK for centuries. Sorry about that You're very welcome
  11. Bonding time: I quite like the bonding M.’s doing with the dinos. As hard as she seems to be able to bond with people (and with her backstory, who can blame her) it’s interesting to see that she’s able to do it more easily with non-humans, like the dinos and androids. And let’s face it, dinos are cool. Onesie: She’s still wearing the poop-covered onesie? I would have thought she’d have dropped that already. M. doesn’t seem like the type to keep wearing something like that. Avoid the front door: Tactically sound I suppose, but I don’t know/remember enough about the facility to know why floor six would be a better access route than, say, floor four. And if floor five is so secure, why would there be another access way from floor six? Abandonment issues: I really feel sorry for M. at having to abandon the dinos in a place where they can only get bombed. First her android, now the dinos, she’s really getting hit in her abandonment issues. I’ll miss them too, they were cool. Probably for the best though, having dinos walk free in northern Canada probably would be a bad thing. Nickname: I liked the reveal of where M.’s name came from, and the bonding moment with Q. when she revealed it. It really tugs at the heartstrings, but at the same time it did strike me as very Anglocentric. She’s Italian, and I was under the impression that the Italian language was still being used in your setting (I think I remember her using ‘Jesu Christi’ at some point, or is that just a remnant and has English fully taken over mainland Europe?). So if her native language is Italian, and she’d be calling for her mother, wouldn’t she do it in Italian? And the Italian translation for mother is quite different than the translation for her nickname. Mor dead: On the one hand it felt anti-climactic having him just kick the bucket offscreen, but it did raise the stakes for me in revealing that there had to be a greater villain lurking in the shadows, controlling those androids, and we know who's been controlling technology for a while. Strange how N. could do that while trapped in the enclosure, meaning he was never as trapped as we thought.
  12. I’m a bit conflicted about this chapter – I like the reveal of N., and that he’s been behind everything from the start, but in terms of the ‘final boss fight’ it feels drawn out with dialogue and a little anti-climactic. I’m also trying to wrap my head around the reveals, but I have more questions now than answers. N. reveal: I like that we finally get to see N. and what’s in the enclosure. And boy is it a chimeric piece of work. I do have to wonder though what the goal of the experiments was, because there seem to be a lot – create a humanoid monster from a human, as well as create some kind of lawnmower man. Seems weird to do both things, which are so different, to one being. Not bothered that he’s not wearing clothes – what would he be able to wear anyway? TOM’s plan: From N.’s perspective, which may be flawed, it really seems like TOM meant for his daughter to create a clone so he didn’t have to, which seems both unnecessarily cruel to his daughter, and more trouble than it’s worth. I mean, the experiments are illegal anyway, so would adding the additional step of creating a clone, so he wouldn’t have to put his own daughter in an asylum, be that much of a hassle? Alternatively, as TOM is not above having people killed, why even use a clone, why not a disgruntled employee or an enemy, or some homeless people that no one is going to miss? The researchers might have more of a problem working on a person than on cloned meat, but still, all he’d need are some sociopathic researchers and he’d be all set. The experiments also seem quite complex, so getting things right (depending on how you look at it) the very first time would be quite unlikely. Yet that’s what seems to have happened. There was one clone, and the experiments were only done on that one clone. I would expect there to have been more to experiment on, and if that’s the case, why use his ‘grandson’ at all? Or maybe he did create more, and they all think they're TOM's grandson... Metaphors have rights: Maybe it’s just me, but the joke felt a little out of place in the face of N.. Feels like something M. might say though. D. Dies: And just like that D. dies. I’m still not fully sold on his character, the way he showed up with E. way back when never felt right – it felt like a character with too many useful skills and connections to just show up. And now he’s dead, and I don’t really feel anything one way or the other that he’s gone. Exposition: N. really wants to explain everything, but his motivations are a bit confusing to read, and that’s partly because he’s trying misdirection to manipulate Q.. Every reveal seemed to contradict the one that came before. On the one hand he hates his father for leaving him and his mother, and wants his father to suffer before he kills him. But he also wants to be killed by his father so he can become something more powerful. He hates the ones responsible for making him a monster, but he also seems to relish his monstrous form and the powers he has. Speaking of those powers, he’s suffering because he can’t turn off the digital signals, but he wants to become digital too, so how would things be silent then? Pacing: Pacing started off as slow, because of all the back and forth between N. and Q. and E.. I don’t mind it all that much, because we finally get to the reason why all this is happening, if the reasons weren’t so confusing. It did feel like everyone was just standing around, chatting with the monstrous villain, as if N. wasn’t some genetic monstrosity – I remember how uncomfortable E. was in the early chapters even thinking about what was in the last enclosure, but there seems to be none of that now. Dancing to monster’s tune for months: Q. thinks that he’s been dancing to the monster’s tune for months, but the events taking place in the book are spread over a couple of days, not months. I also don’t remember anything that would make me think that the previous job that got them to Canada in the first place, with the art thief, was instigated by N.. We smell like poop: Wasn’t it only M. who went into the sewer and got covered in excrement, and that only in the coveralls she’d been wearing – which she also discarded right? So why would the others smell so much like rust that the V. wouldn’t notice them all smelling like humans? Darkness: While the lights were out I didn’t have a good sense of everyone’s positioning, which on the one hand makes sense, since it’s full darkness, but I’d like to have a sense of N.’s proximity to Q.. Q. seems to want to get some distance from N., and I had the feeling that N. would want to stalk closer to Q. instead. But in the darkness it all reads like talking heads. Failed the test: Not really sure what the test was, to be honest. N’s motivations seem to be all over the place so it’s hard to make sense of it. NEMP: Felt convenient that they still had one around that they could use to disable the droids and N., and use it twice. Confrontation: Even though Q. got thrown around a little, and D. got shot, it didn’t feel like N. was that much of a threat. He went down relatively easy, getting what he wanted all along. It was a little anti-climactic.
  13. Short chapter, not much to say on this one. Something else: Maybe it’s because I don’t want the story to be over yet, but I was really expecting a resurgence of N., from the internet, like the lawnmower man. Freezing progeny off: That was a little dark. I love it Reunion: Would have liked to have seen a bit more of a reunion between E. and T., but it seems T. has been carted off by the feds pretty quickly. Quote: Like the quote at the end, and the remark from Q. that M. actually studied.
  14. First off, I’m sorry to see the story end, it was a lot of fun. Looking forward to reading the next one. Message from N: I found it interesting how Q. caught all those subtle hints and drew the conclusion that the broadcast was a message from N.. I caught on that it might just be from N. due to the device suddenly spouting the message without any users nearby, and the use of Q.’s name, but I didn’t get the reference of their home from the mention of H. until it was mentioned again later in context – I’m trying to remember if H. was ever named in this book, but I can’t recall. Five years: This made me pause for a moment, because in my headspace I thought it was closer to twenty years ago that Q. bailed. The N. we saw in the past few chapters was quite bit older than a five year old (mentally, if not physically) after all. Thinking about it that might be because of the experiments, or perhaps being a c. caused him to mature faster, but I remember N. saying he remembered his mother, remembered Q. leaving, and looking to TOM for love before being experimented on and getting stuck in a cell. That’s a lot to have happened in just five years. Deputy: I must admit, I didn’t see it coming that E. was going to stay around in Y. and be a deputy there for a bit. But it makes sense that she’d want to take step back from what she’d been doing and maybe make a little amends. Project involvement: Back when Mor. blackmailed T. into doing his bidding all those chapters ago he used her relationship with E. to motivate her, which I thought at the time was a little weak, since that might cost her, her marriage only. Whereas if he (also) threatened to leak hints of her involvement with the experiments on N., that could lead to serious jailtime, loss of any licenses she had, as well as her marriage. Nat: Oh, yeah, I kind of forgot about her. Nice to see them paying her back for the plane they broke, though really she only has herself to blame, because she should have known that was a possibility when she lend it to two fugitives. Probably why she’s so angry, not just at Q. but at herself too. It does bring me to my next point. Trust fund: How much money is there in the trust fund, because they spend quite a lot of it throughout the book to replace some very expensive things they stole and/or broke over the course of the story. Makes me wonder why they keep working these jobs. With that kind of money they could be living a comfortable life somewhere. Banter: Still loving the banter between Q. and M., though the sudden way M. called Q. Quack in the narration made me wonder if that was a typo at first, because I don’t remember her doing that in the rest of the book. Sheriff in absentia: He’s not really absent though, is he, when he’s right there in the office? I thought that was a little strange, since he was hurt and needs to recover.
  15. I am with the others on this one, I don’t really like the sudden direction this chapter took at the end, when the MC basically cut the adventure short and pointed the crew towards the final confrontation. Feels a waste of all the build-up so far. Phone call to sheriff: I really wonder why Kr suddenly felt the need to call the local sheriff at the start of the chapter, and what he thought that would do – he was never going to turn Q&M in, which would absolutely be what the sheriff would demand because they escaped from jail. So why is procedure so important all of a sudden? Nothing has really changed, all that has changed is that Q spouted some hairbrained theories that may or may not be true, with far reaching consequences if they are, but that’s not as pressing as the business they were already in, namely saving the two women from Mor and dealing with the creatures roaming the landscape. Plumber with weapons: While I do like D. as a character, and his interactions with the rest of the crew, he’s starting to feel more and more as a plot convenience and I’m suddenly reminded of the fact that I don’t really know where he came from. At some point E. takes a boat, then the next we see of her she’s with D.. Aurora: Nice. Raptors: I’ve liked the raptors so far, especially a few chapters back when E. was in a room with them, putting their programming to the test. But seeing as they really don’t attack people they are kind of becoming boring at this point. I’m just waiting for them to get over their programming and become a threat. Bratty: Is it me, or is the MC getting ever more like a petulant child? Not sure I quite like it. Wasted effort: I’m a bit disappointed that the build-up towards finding the women before Mor does is cut to such an abrupt end. The last we saw Mor he had no idea where the women were, now barely a night’s rest later and he suddenly has them, has decided to let them live (convenient) and all the effort in getting prepared to finding the women is wasted.