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The Isochronism

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About The Isochronism

  • Birthday December 11

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  • Member Title
    Love is the difference between what's perfect and what's real
  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    My parents' basement
  • Interests
    Reading, Writing, Speaking, Board Games, Chess, Card Magic, Tying Ties, etc.

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  1. Dear... Hypothetical.

    I wish I still cared, about... well anything. I used to love this forum, although maybe it was just my need for validation from people who don't know me well enough to reject me. 

    I used to love writing, books, speeches, essays... letters. And now I can barely even type. 

    I broke 5 in my last mile race, which just a year ago would have made me so happy, and now I barely care. 

    Now there's only one thing I care about, but eventually I know I'll lose her too. 

    If I was sad, or stressed, I'd be okay, because I would care. I know how that feels. But this apathy is terrifying.

     

    I've wanted to ask the few followers who still read these, what's the point? What's the point of these status updates, of these conversations, of these games and five-paragraph theories. What's the point of having friends here? We all spend our nights telling ourselves stories about each other, who the others might be in relation to us. But the truth is, we all live in our own universe. Completely isolated. All this beauty might as well be fake, right? Even this status update looks show-offy on a page, because these words are meant to be spoken. And not to just anyone, but to someone who loves me, cares about me, or even just knows me. So why am I writing to you? Dear, Hypothetical reader? Because it's easy. It's easy to complain to one or two people I'll never meet. It's easier to make you feel my burden, because nobody 'real' deserves to carry it. Neither do you, really. But you won't. Because I'm one name, one profile, and one status update among thousands.

    I've been gone for weeks, and I come back to see I got four reputation points. And... that made me way happier than it should have. The happiness immediately turned into guilt when I realized how much weight I put in that online number, that should be meaningless. I'm addicted to the feeling that someone cares. And so I become more preformative, I start saying things to get reputation instead of saying them to make this space happier. It's all so fake. You're all so hypothetical. 

    Even this. I want those replies, those points, that feeling that someone is watching. But it'll never be enough. So please, just this once, don't love this update. I need this to be for something more than reputation, and that's the only way to prove this letter is different. 

    What's the point? I don't deserve to be remembered, but I just want to stop feeling alone. I turn here to this fictional, preformative profile, because reality isn't enough for me. What's the point of staying in either reality? We're all alone. And I don't deserve to be here. You don't want to know... me. 

    Thank you for making me feel real.

    1. ΨιτιsτηεΒέsτ

      ΨιτιsτηεΒέsτ

      Before I type up my second essay of this week, can I ask what it means to be “real” to you?

    2. Edema Rue

      Edema Rue

      I think…being addicted to being cared about is like being addicted to eating. Or sleeping. Too much of it will certainly hurt, but you need it to survive. Maybe in a different way, but it is human to need to be loved. 

      And…I can’t promise answers, or explain away the loneliness, but I think we turn here because it’s easier. It’s easier to see a like and tell ourselves it means we matter. It’s easier to interact without obligation. It’s easier than in the real world. 

      And while I don’t know much else, I do know that no matter what else happens with ‘real’ people or ‘hypothetical’ people or anything at all, there is a God who loves you. Who won’t forget you. Who cares for you and can help you care, if you turn to Him. I know religion is laughable to a lot of people, but…I believe it. And it helps.

    3. Slowswift

      Slowswift

      Well, that's terrifyingly relatable. 

  2. In the rain, I don't walk alone

    It matters not if I'm far from home

    Because I can't see

    and do not know

    In the greyness of the storm.

     

    In the mist

    or in the fog

    the whole world fades

    and I just jog.

     

    When rain clouds smother

    what I can see

    then I'm not alone, 

    because next to me

    Are a hundred spirits,

    a hundred eyes

    Guiding me

    watching me

    through the pines.

     

    When the sun shines bright I cannot hide

    I can be seen by passers by

     

    I can be seen

    but not quite seen...

    but they can tell I walk alone.

     

    But it's not just them, it's me who sees

    The vacant path, through empty trees.

    know the path, and can't get lost

    and I know I can't continue this walk.

     

    Because when the fog fades,

    and the illusion is gone

    it's just me who walks

    -so lonely- along.

     

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. The Isochronism

      The Isochronism

      Thanks Eddie, that means a lot coming from a poet like yourself.

    3. Edema Rue

      Edema Rue

      :wub:

      Well…I felt it a lot, and it was very well written. You’ve got talent, dude <333

    4. Silver Phantom
  3. There are good places and bad places to go for help when you need emotional support. 

    You're not wrong for feeling hurt, or broken, or useless, or lonely, or like a burden, but don't take my word for it. The internet is not where you should go for support because you won't leave feeling fulfilled like you would after talking to real people. 

    Go talk to someone, like I did. It's worth it so you can feel the way I do right now. Lifted, light, meaningful, and confident.

    It's worth it.

  4. Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?
  5. Happy birthday :D

    1. The Isochronism

      The Isochronism

      Thanks Robin, you're the best!

  6. hap birth, cool person!

    1. The Isochronism

      The Isochronism

      'Preciate it, you're one of the coolest guys on the shard I hope you know!

  7. I finally finished another essay, if you have a minute please read it and let me know what you think. 

    In case any of you didn't know, I occasionally write essays about great stories that I feel like have changed my life for the better, and Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse is one such story. I would love to hear if you have thoughts! And if you haven't, you're also welcome to check out my other two essays, link in the "About Me" or in my signature.

    Love you guys.

     

  8. "I don't know how to fix this." Let's do things differently this time. Like, so differently. Every good story starts with a question. It's a simple question really, but in recent years hollywood has done a terrible job of asking this one question. In fact it just might be the one thing that could save the hundreds of mediocre movies that are released and forgotten every year. It's a question I ask myself every time I start a story, and it's a question I keep asking myself until I finish it. It's the only thing that makes writing worth it. That question is: Why do I care? It always starts with the storyteller, asking himself "Why do I care about this story?" If you're an author --or even just a reader-- you may understand the type of commitment it takes to write a story, but a film like Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse is much harder to produce even than a book. So why did the creators decide to tell this story when they could have told any other. Why did they invest a hundred million dollars on these characters? But this question has two sides, and the other side of the question is on us, the viewers. Whether we like it or not, from the second a movie begins every viewer is unconsciously asking themselves the exact same question. "Why do I care?" Why should this fictional story matter to me? These are characters that don't exist, so why should I care what happens to them? Ultimately, that is the question that decides who likes a movie. Marvel movies have been suffering lately because nobody quite remembers why they should care. Marvel expects us to care about these characters because they had a cameo in a previous movie, or because they're related to characters we do love. They expect it's enough that we recognize the character's name, and they forget to give us any reason to care. And so many people don't. "Superhero fatigue" is getting worse all across the world as people get tired of seeing generic characters that they can't relate to, and seeing recycled plots that barely matter. And so for months I've sat down in movie theaters, asking myself why do I care? And the sad answer is... I don't. I no longer care about the MCU. I no longer care about the Star Wars universe. And my apathy comes from those writing the stories. If they knew why they were telling those stories, maybe they could convince me to care too. But I almost feel like Marvel barely cares about their stories anymore, only caring about their algorithm and their box-office numbers. And that is why Across the Spider-Verse surprised me so much. For the first time in a long time, I care. In fact, I care deeply. The characters in this beautiful movie are characters I'd follow forever. So what made this movie different? Why do I care so much, and relate so deeply to characters that won't ever exist in reality? Across The Spider-Verse starts differently from the very beginning, and the opening scene of the movie is only a hair's breadth away from perfect. We're introduced to a character we thought we knew. It turns out... We didn't. Gwen isn't the girl we thought she was. But this movie does something absolutely brilliant. It doesn't introduce us to Gwen by talking about her, the movie starts with her talking about someone else entirely. His name is Miles Morales. He was bitten by a radioactive spider. And... He's not the only one. That phrase, "He's not the only one," becomes a theme that follows every sentence Gwen uses to describe her best friend. But even at the very beginning of the movie she's telling his story, instead of her own. That's when the movie hooked me. Because I think we can all relate. Every day starts with the same question. I ask myself this question at the beginning of my day, and I keep asking myself until I get to the end. Why do I care? Why does it matter if I get out of bed, who would notice if I just lay here forever? Why should I go to school, or work, when it'd be so much easier to just give up? Every day the answer to that question is different, and some days we don't have an answer at all. Some days we don't even care enough to get out of bed, and I know I've felt the weight of my own mistakes, or inability to do the most simple things, and in my head I cry out I can't do this alone. Or like Gwen Stacy, at the end of the opening scene in Across the Spider-Verse, I find myself whispering I don't know how to fix this. I think that's what Across the Spider-Verse is really about. The first movie's theme was "anyone can wear the mask" but the sequel asks the question "why would you want to?" Being Spider-Man costs everything. So why is it worth it? What are you fighting for? Miguel O'Hara gives Gwen Stacy something to care about, tossing her a watch and muttering "Join the club." But even more importantly, he gives her something to believe in, because she can no longer believe in herself. That cause --the preservation of the multiverse-- is enough for Miguel. But... it's not enough for Miles. For some reason, he's different. He begins the movie by telling his story, and concluding with the statement sometimes I just wish I wasn't the only one. Miles is also searching for a reason to fight, for something to believe in, but he's not like the others. He doesn't find that in the spider society, or in the preservation of the multiverse. He finds it in his dad. And also in himself. This place isn't what I thought it was. [...] People keep telling me how my story is supposed to go. But nah, I'm gonna do my own thing. Gwen is too scared to tell her own story, so even at the beginning of the movie all she believes in is Miles. But Miles is different. At the climactic moment of the movie, Miles realizes who should be telling his story. And the strangest thing... others begin to follow him. My first time watching, I found it a little annoying how everyone around Miles was perfectly happy to forsake the fate of the multiverse to help him, but I think I understand now exactly what they were feeling. They were tired of telling their own tragic stories of failure. They were all thinking I don't know how to fix this. So it only took one person who was willing to stand anyway, to give them something to believe in. Suddenly they all found themselves believing that it was possible to change the cannon. For the first time ever, they started to hope they could write their own stories. I've wondered before how we can care so deeply about characters that aren't real. They shouldn't matter to us, but for some reason they do. I think Miles is the answer to that question. We care because characters like miles show us hope we don't have in ourselves. They give us something to believe in. They're another story we can tell when we're too scared to tell our own stories of failure over and over and over again. They make us believe that we can change the cannon, be someone different. Someone better. But... You can't tell someone else's story forever. You can't spend your life only believing in other people. And the best part of Across the Spider-Verse, is that even Gwen realizes that. At the end she says that she always wanted to join a band, but never found the right one. And so she made her own. Stories give us something to believe in when we feel like we can't believe in ourselves. But I want to tell you that you can believe in yourself. You write your story. I truly believe that. I know how it feels to fail over and over and over again. I know how it feels to not even care enough about your life to get out of bed. So if you can't believe in yourself yet, I'll just say that I believe in you too. And when I get frustrated trying to write my story, I'll believe in yours. It's been a while since I've posted an essay, and this is an essay I meant to finish a lot earlier, but for an essay about finding something to care about and believe in, I found I cared very little about it for the longest time. After seeing this movie for the fourth time, I finally feel like I was ready to write this. It's still a little all over the place compared to my other essays, but I hope you can tell that this is something that matters to me. And so, thank you. I love knowing you guys care about my thoughts. It inspires me every day. I know these are long, so thanks again for taking the time to read the ramblings of another absurdly busy author. I hope to hear your thoughts too!
  9. So you could say I missed a few status updates... I'm sure it looked like I just gave up. But nah, my work just... stalled. I've still gotten a lot done, just nowhere near as much as I would have liked to get done. Alas. I'll survive though. I stopped posting constant status updates for other reasons, which I'll maybe get into at the conclusion of NaNoWriMo.

    Anyway, you may have noticed the late name change. Do I have any idea what the whole "Ookla" thing is about? No.

    Am I going to let that stop me from conforming to online trends that are popular and perceived as cool by my peers, based on no evidence and without reason, despite name changing being a limited privilege? Heck no.

    There's a life lesson in here somewhere, but I refuse to learn it.

    Total W count: 27,462

    1. Edema Rue

      Edema Rue

      Ookla season is fun!! I think you made the right choice :)))

  10. I did it. Day 16 was split up a lot because I've been traveling, but at least I got it done. Hopefully I'll be able to do the same tomorrow. Only a quick update today, because I need sleep, but thank you guys for reading these.

    Tomorrow I'll also have to do lots of revision to these words, because I don't love lots of it. But hey, you gotta just keep moving forward.

    Today's W Count: 2157

    Total W Count: 24,358

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