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The Isochronism's Achievements
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Dear... Hypothetical.
I wish I still cared, about... well anything. I used to love this forum, although maybe it was just my need for validation from people who don't know me well enough to reject me.
I used to love writing, books, speeches, essays... letters. And now I can barely even type.
I broke 5 in my last mile race, which just a year ago would have made me so happy, and now I barely care.
Now there's only one thing I care about, but eventually I know I'll lose her too.
If I was sad, or stressed, I'd be okay, because I would care. I know how that feels. But this apathy is terrifying.
I've wanted to ask the few followers who still read these, what's the point? What's the point of these status updates, of these conversations, of these games and five-paragraph theories. What's the point of having friends here? We all spend our nights telling ourselves stories about each other, who the others might be in relation to us. But the truth is, we all live in our own universe. Completely isolated. All this beauty might as well be fake, right? Even this status update looks show-offy on a page, because these words are meant to be spoken. And not to just anyone, but to someone who loves me, cares about me, or even just knows me. So why am I writing to you? Dear, Hypothetical reader? Because it's easy. It's easy to complain to one or two people I'll never meet. It's easier to make you feel my burden, because nobody 'real' deserves to carry it. Neither do you, really. But you won't. Because I'm one name, one profile, and one status update among thousands.
I've been gone for weeks, and I come back to see I got four reputation points. And... that made me way happier than it should have. The happiness immediately turned into guilt when I realized how much weight I put in that online number, that should be meaningless. I'm addicted to the feeling that someone cares. And so I become more preformative, I start saying things to get reputation instead of saying them to make this space happier. It's all so fake. You're all so hypothetical.
Even this. I want those replies, those points, that feeling that someone is watching. But it'll never be enough. So please, just this once, don't love this update. I need this to be for something more than reputation, and that's the only way to prove this letter is different.
What's the point? I don't deserve to be remembered, but I just want to stop feeling alone. I turn here to this fictional, preformative profile, because reality isn't enough for me. What's the point of staying in either reality? We're all alone. And I don't deserve to be here. You don't want to know... me.
Thank you for making me feel real.
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Before I type up my second essay of this week, can I ask what it means to be “real” to you?
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I think…being addicted to being cared about is like being addicted to eating. Or sleeping. Too much of it will certainly hurt, but you need it to survive. Maybe in a different way, but it is human to need to be loved.
And…I can’t promise answers, or explain away the loneliness, but I think we turn here because it’s easier. It’s easier to see a like and tell ourselves it means we matter. It’s easier to interact without obligation. It’s easier than in the real world.
And while I don’t know much else, I do know that no matter what else happens with ‘real’ people or ‘hypothetical’ people or anything at all, there is a God who loves you. Who won’t forget you. Who cares for you and can help you care, if you turn to Him. I know religion is laughable to a lot of people, but…I believe it. And it helps.
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Well, that's terrifyingly relatable.
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In the rain, I don't walk alone
It matters not if I'm far from home
Because I can't see
and do not know
In the greyness of the storm.
In the mist
or in the fog
the whole world fades
and I just jog.
When rain clouds smother
what I can see
then I'm not alone,
because next to me
Are a hundred spirits,
a hundred eyes
Guiding me
watching me
through the pines.
When the sun shines bright I cannot hide
I can be seen by passers by
I can be seen
but not quite seen...
but they can tell I walk alone.
But it's not just them, it's me who sees
The vacant path, through empty trees.
I know the path, and can't get lost
and I know I can't continue this walk.
Because when the fog fades,
and the illusion is gone
it's just me who walks
-so lonely- along.
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Thanks Eddie, that means a lot coming from a poet like yourself.
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Well…I felt it a lot, and it was very well written. You’ve got talent, dude <333
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Great
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There are good places and bad places to go for help when you need emotional support.
You're not wrong for feeling hurt, or broken, or useless, or lonely, or like a burden, but don't take my word for it. The internet is not where you should go for support because you won't leave feeling fulfilled like you would after talking to real people.
Go talk to someone, like I did. It's worth it so you can feel the way I do right now. Lifted, light, meaningful, and confident.
It's worth it.
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hap birth, cool person!
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'Preciate it, you're one of the coolest guys on the shard I hope you know!
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I finally finished another essay, if you have a minute please read it and let me know what you think.
In case any of you didn't know, I occasionally write essays about great stories that I feel like have changed my life for the better, and Spider-Man Across the Spider-Verse is one such story. I would love to hear if you have thoughts! And if you haven't, you're also welcome to check out my other two essays, link in the "About Me" or in my signature.
Love you guys.
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So you could say I missed a few status updates... I'm sure it looked like I just gave up. But nah, my work just... stalled. I've still gotten a lot done, just nowhere near as much as I would have liked to get done. Alas. I'll survive though. I stopped posting constant status updates for other reasons, which I'll maybe get into at the conclusion of NaNoWriMo.
Anyway, you may have noticed the late name change. Do I have any idea what the whole "Ookla" thing is about? No.
Am I going to let that stop me from conforming to online trends that are popular and perceived as cool by my peers, based on no evidence and without reason, despite name changing being a limited privilege? Heck no.
There's a life lesson in here somewhere, but I refuse to learn it.
Total W count: 27,462
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Ookla season is fun!! I think you made the right choice :)))
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I did it. Day 16 was split up a lot because I've been traveling, but at least I got it done. Hopefully I'll be able to do the same tomorrow. Only a quick update today, because I need sleep, but thank you guys for reading these.
Tomorrow I'll also have to do lots of revision to these words, because I don't love lots of it. But hey, you gotta just keep moving forward.
Today's W Count: 2157
Total W Count: 24,358