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Elf

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Everything posted by Elf

  1. I I thoughts things were getting better. And they were. Things were going so so good. And then it all started going so bad, so fast. Living in this house, with this family i...I've been fighting my whole life. Surviving my whole life. It was the one thing I was proud of in myself. That I survived. But I had the biggest panic attack I've ever had tonight and I feel a little like I've been pushed past my breaking point. And i have finals coming up in a little less than a month and I am so so behind. Even if I didn't know where I was going or what I was doing, I've always got up. Always headed on. Always kept going. These days I dont want to even get out bed. My heart literally hurts. I've never, ever felt safe in this house. Not once in all my 17 years. Right now all that is keeping me going is the dream of my own house. No matter how small or dingy. Just somewhere i can feel safe. And not so lonely.
  2. So...I'm applying to the New York Film Academy next year. As part of the admission requirements, I've got to make a 10 minute short film as part of my portfolio. After I finish the script, will any of you be willing to review it? I trust you guys to give me constructive criticism on pacing, structure, and whether it would be feasible to shoot for a bunch of students or not. 

    Thanks :D

  3. Dude...If the birthday in your bio is real, we were born on the same day?? November 30th?
  4. I will be leaving this group in november of this year Absolutely no clue how to feel about that
  5. Elf

    Ask me anything!

    definitely eggs with orange juice and i like all kinds of eggs except the one with a runny yolk
  6. Elf

    Ask me anything!

    yess one of the only books ive cried over
  7. Hi guys! 

    Seems i only communicate through status updates now. 

    If I may update- I am really really happy with my life right now and the person I am becoming. I have good irl friends who i am very grateful for, 

    I've been eating healthy and regularly and i even joined a gym! I have also been getting 8-9 hours of sleep per night. I've been journaling as regularly as I can and reading upwards of 1 or 2 books a week and watching an average of 2 movies a week. Which is great because it means I dont spend my energy in negative stuff anymore. I mean its hard but im trying and i seem to be mostly succeeding.

    Plus, my grades are...you know what they are average and that is perfectly fine because they are still better than what they used to be and i can see the fruits of my efforts. 

    I feel very happy. Because I'm learning and growing everyday. I'm learning how to deal with the bad times in a healthy way and to be kind to myself. I have a better relationship with myself and my parents. 

    I am proud of myself and the direction my life is going in and I just know I couldnt have done it without you guys. 

    Much love to all of you 💞 

    1. Thaidakar the Ghostblood

      Thaidakar the Ghostblood

      I'm glad things are doing great, Elf! All of that isa awesome! What books have you been reading lately?

    2. Edema Rue

      Edema Rue

      HI ELF!!!

      That’s wonderful. Ooo yes what books?

    3. Elf

      Elf

      So recently I've read these books 

      Convenience Store Woman 

      The Complete Horror Stories of Ray Russel (fabulous, ten out of ten reccomend) 

      Frankenstein

      The Trees Grew Because I Bled There 

      And now I'm reading Animal Farm and next up is The Phantom of the Opera

  8. Elf

    Ask me anything!

    half a year late but red one month late but sure! if you still want to
  9. It's 30C 

    I am wearing two sweaters 

    I am still freezing

    1. The Storming Stormfather

      The Storming Stormfather

      Bruh it only gets that warm here for like three weeks a year. This planet is awesome

  10. New Year's Resolutions 

    • Cut out all the drama and toxicity 
    • Focus on yourself 
    • Focus on grades, on health, and on being a better friend overall 
    • Focus more on your hobbies and develop them further 
    • Read a 100 books 
    • Watch 150 movies 
    • Watch 20 shows 
    • Less useless screen time (such as Pinterest, Instagram, etc)

    An ode to my younger self

    Yes, you've made a lot of mistakes. Yes, there are instances where you wish you had done better, people you should have known to stay away from. But its okay. Its part of the very human condition to make mistakes and you did great for a 17 year old. You did good. 

    I'm not going to say that you couldn't have done better, because you could have. But that's how you live and that is how you learn. 

    I choose to be kind to you. Because inspite of all the bad stuff that happened last year, there was so much good. Because you broke out of your shell, because you made actually good friends, because every time you fell, you always got up again. 

    And I'm proud of us. 

     

    Here's to a great 2024, everyone!

    1. Edema Rue

      Edema Rue

      ❤️

      Thank you for sharing that, it’s such a beautiful way to look at life.

      Good luck with your resolutions!!

  11. Happy new year!!

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Edema Rue

      Edema Rue

      Happy new year Elf!! I hope it's a good one!!

    3. The Paradoxical Phenomenon
    4. Slowswift

      Slowswift

      Happy New Year!

  12. hello! so ive been really getting into the whole gothic literature/television lately. And i mean gothic as in Edgar Allen Poe, Ray Russell, Haunting of Bly Manor, etc. Problem is I cant really find any gothic shows or movies. I would love some reccs
  13. Merry Christmas folks!!

    1. Show previous comments  1 more
    2. Edema Rue

      Edema Rue

      Merry Christmas Elf!! Love you!!

    3. The Bookwyrm

      The Bookwyrm

      Merry Christmas! Good to see you!

    4. Thaidakar the Ghostblood

      Thaidakar the Ghostblood

      Merry Christmas, elf! I hope you're doing well!

  14. So it's been my 17th birthday for about ten minutes now and my elder sister who I completely adored and trusted for nearly all of these 17 years didnt even wish me. We share a room btw. And i. I don't know. Recently I've been realising that though I loved her, she's been absolutely toxic to me and because I trusted her so blindly has stopped me from achieving quite a lot of what I wanted to. It hurts when you realise that the love was fake all along. And yeah she has her trauma but there's always a choice. Always. I've also been feeling kind of lonely lately. Cause like, I have friends but I am no one's favourite person. There is no one who is excited by my text, there's no one who initiates a hang out with me, there's no one who wants to tell me al their gossip. I'm just...there. i just exist.
    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. Robin Sedai

      Robin Sedai

      She wants to steal our email addresses and send us Six of Crows spam

    3. Thaidakar the Ghostblood
    4. Elf

      Elf

      hahahaha 

      noo 

      i have a project 

      also im not collecting email adresses, i disabled that 🤣

  15. Heyyyy guys 

    A little update 

    Things have been going well 

    Very very well 

    I got into the college of my dreams and though there have been tough times I would not give this place up for the world. I have learnt so so much, had so many experiences. Some good and some bad but all of them have taught me something and I am very grateful for them 

    I have good friends, I have broken free of the my mould. I am happy 

    I am no longer as upset or lonely as I used to be and my mental health has improved leaps and bounds

    But the reason I came here was to ask this 

    I have a wonderful, wonderful boyfriend and I'm pretty sure I'm in love 

    And it's beautiful. It's what all the romance books talked about

    But I'm scared he's gonna break my heart or I'm gonna do something stupid and it's gonna end 

    And I don't know what to do

    1. Show previous comments  9 more
    2. Robin Sedai

      Robin Sedai

      Ellllffff I missed you and I'm so glad you're doing well <3

    3. Sequence

      Sequence

      Glad to hear you're doing well! Calano gives good advice, dear lord- Anyways, i wish you the best of luck in what you choose to pursue, it sounds like things are going great and I have every confidence that they'll continue to go great. You're strong! 

    4. Ixthos

      Ixthos

      I'm almost a week late, but first off Congrats! The advice the others have given here is generally good, so above all else in this, just relax and let things progress as they will. Wishing you all the best!

  16. I look in the mirror and and I think 

    i am beautiful 

    i am beautiful for all my scars; i am beautiful for the broken in me. I am beautiful for all my efforts at healing.

    I am beautiful with my dyed hair and my nose ring and my tattoos.

    I am beautiful for my dark tastes and my moments of idiocracy. I am beautiful for my opinions and my writing and my passion. 

    I am beautiful for my trauma. It does not make me any lesser and never will. 

    And slowly, slowly there will come a day when i look back on it with indifference. Because i refuse to give it power over me; because i have a life and i will move on.

    Its been a ride, ya'll. But this site...its a relic from my past; from a person I no longer am. I will forever cherish the friendships i have made here and i will be forver grateful for all the times you acted as a therapist and led me through all the confusion. 

    Buy i also do not think being on here is good for my mental health anymore. You know I've gotta move on, into the real, big bad world. Gotta find my place in it. gotta make irl friendships and focus on the things in front of me. 

    I don't think I'll on here too much, if at all. 

    Thank you. I know i haven't always been the easiest person to talk to and ive been pretty indecisive. But i can surely say the two years here made me a better person. 

    1. Show previous comments  3 more
    2. The Storming Stormfather

      The Storming Stormfather

      So long, Elf! It was great to have you here! Best of luck out in the world!

    3. Slowswift

      Slowswift

      Goodbye, and good luck with whatever comes next!

    4. Thaidakar the Ghostblood

      Thaidakar the Ghostblood

      How did I not see this- 

      Well, I'm here now.

      ELF! MY FRIEND! MY GOOD FRIEND!

      I wish you luck with everything and I hope you can make all those friendships, I hope you can become who you want to be and can do what you want to be!

      You are a wonderful person and probably won't see this post, but that does not mean I don't need to post it. I'm sad to see you go, but it's wonderful that you're taking initiative for your own mental health! If you ever return, it will be glorious and I would love that to happen!

      Go, enter the best of worlds that you will create!

      And... farewell, my friend. *Raises glass* to tomorrow!

  17. Elf

    Ask me anything!

    Lana del rey, Penelope Scott, Lorde (our queen and saviour), Arctic Monkeys, Mother Mother I've never played DnD All of them, duh
  18. Also I'm not saying that it is a bad book but i found it (personally) bland and with tiresome characters I gave up on it halfway through And obviously there's strong female characters and whatnot like that braid lady but the objectification and misuse of women in general just left a bad taste in my mouth. I get that its true to the times its trying to portray but i honestly couldn't handle it. So here you have two very different opinions so i think maybe it might be worthwhile to search up the trigger warnings I would say its definitely grittier than the Kingkiller chronicles with way more triggering stuff. And honestly its kinda depressing at times. And for me it wasn't in a way that makes you think differently about the world around you or the things some people go through but depressing just for the sake of it. Then again Cheesman obviously seems to enjoy it a lot and its all definitely subjective. Its not a bad book, probably, its just not for me.
  19. Got a question for ya'll 

    If you had to use anyone character (from any fiction: books, movie, tv, whatever) to describe yourself, who would it be? 

    Which fictional character are you most like? 

    Mine is most definitely Maeve Wiley

    1. Show previous comments  5 more
    2. The cheeseman

      The cheeseman

      No idea. Maybe Tùrin from Tolkien's book The Children of Húrin.

    3. Morningtide

      Morningtide

      Hmmmmm. I'm a bit of Gansey from TRC. I get obsessed very easily. 

      I also relate a lot to navani. 

    4. 2EmLee2

      2EmLee2

      I’ve never encountered a character who I’m like, “WOAH THATS ME!!” to pretty much any extent. So myself :P

  20. I have decided something. 

    No longer will I let outside problems and drama impeach on my personal peace. I will not let toxic people (family members, usually in my case) suck up my energy. 

    What I do with my day does not have to depend on other people's whims. 

    I once read somewhere: Imagine the highest possible version of yourself...and then start showing up as her. 

    That is exactly what I will do. I am going to start showing up as the person I want to be; I am going protect my peace and start being the best possible version of myself. 

    That means sleeping every single night at 11pm and waking up every single day at 7am. It means going for an early morning run and eating a healthy breakfast afterwards. It means spending time on my skincare routine. lighting a candle and studying the best I can so I can get ahead and understand the syllabus better. reading like 4 books a week again and watching all the ghibli movies which I've been wanting to do for a long time. Reading all of Shakespeare and Poe.

    It means breaking free of the shackles of the past and of the shackles of other's people expectations. Forgiving myself and being kind to myself. 

    I've done bad things. I have made mistakes, numerous ones. But i can no longer beat myself up over it. 

    Despite the negativity surrounding me, i will thrive. 

    Waiting around for the kind of life i want to have will never get me anywhere. It is time to start building it. 

    Wish me luck :))

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. The Storming Stormfather

      The Storming Stormfather

      Good luck, Elf! You storming deserve it!

    3. Elf

      Elf

      thank you all so much, for the support. I could never imagine a better community than this one and better friends than the ones I have here 

      lots of love <3

    4. Morningtide

      Morningtide

      How are you so composed and cool!?! Good luck! 

  21. I have no idea what the plotline is im just going from the above five words The ages are very long.
  22. Someone asked me today why I want to be a Professor of English Literature when it doesn't pay that well and I could make more money off of being a writer. 

    And well, lets get the obvious things away first. A Professor is a title with a bit of prestige to it and its a steady income, unlike the job of a writer. 

    Now apart from that, there are two reasons i think. Firstly, Academia is somewhere I've always felt belonging. To spend ny life surrounded by books and research and copious amounts of caffeine is a dream to me. Literature...literature saved me. When all the colours were black, books were a source of light. I don't know anyone in my life who's been there for me as much as Kaz Brekker, Vin, Kelsier, Elend, Geralt of Rivia, Harry, Hermione and Ron and so many countless others.

    Books gave me hope and wonder. They taught me ambition and that when the world owed you nothing, you demanded something of it anyway. They gave me yearning for new ideas, perspectives, and places. Faith that there are no limits to possibility. That the sun will always shine again.

    And if I can teach young minds the power of the written word? Can you imagine anything better than that? To incite in someone else a lifelong love for reading?

    Secondly...I want to help people. 

    All the teachers I have had have berated me and belittled me and put me down. Ignored my cries for help. Been indifferent to my suffering. 

    I don't want to do that.

    In my opinion, teaching is a privileged position because you get the honour of connecting with young minds.

    I want to be the kind of teacher whose classes you look forward to. I want to use humour and intelligence to teach: things everyone can aspire to. I would never berate or put someone down.

    I want to be the kind of teacher who you know will help you, no matter what kind of trouble you're in. Who you can look to for absolutely anything.

    If I can help one person, just one other? Then I think the reason I was put on this earth will be fulfilled. 

    I read somewhere that eventually you become the person you needed when you were suffering, but no one was there for you. And i fervently hope I can be that.

    1. Show previous comments  2 more
    2. Lotus Blossom

      Lotus Blossom

      I know you will become a Professor. I know because you've already set your mind to it, and with that much ambition, it will happen.

    3. Szeth_Pancakes

      Szeth_Pancakes

      YES. THIS. SO MUCH THIS.

      Spoiler

      words are hard ok

       

    4. Morningtide

      Morningtide

      That's amazing! It's so cool that you have such a clear path of where you want your life to go. You can absolutely do it :D

  23. Does anyone else feel like we're entering more and more into the worlds of 1984 and The Handmaid's Tale everyday? 

    1. Morningtide

      Morningtide

      Ya. It's not great

    2. Elf
    3. Thaidakar the Ghostblood

      Thaidakar the Ghostblood

      Yeah... it's getting worse and worse.

  24. im getting dizzy spells 

    like you know that sensation you get when you're in a car and it goes up and then down a slope 

    that what i feel everytime i stand up or sit down 

    and like actually right now im feeling a sort of general lightheadedness (if that's a word) i kinda just find myself swaying a bit 

    my mum said its cause from acidity cause i drink too much tea which, pardon me, i dont exactly believe. 

    1. Lotus Blossom

      Lotus Blossom

      OH NO

      this happens to me sometimes, and usually if i drink a lot of water it helps bc sometimes it can be caused by dehydration

      also, if you lie down for a bit in a dark room, close your eyes, and rest, the dizziness might lessen... and try to move slowly without harsh abrupt movements

      keep drinking tea! i love tea, and the fluids will if anything help the dizziness

    2. Elf

      Elf

      Thank you for the advice! Im feeling loads better now 

    3. Lotus Blossom
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