DramaQueen

Okay so. I have two options. 

1: live in my college town for the summer, it would be $775 plus utilities (about $25/month) for the full summer. I'd have to pay for my own gas and buy my own food. I would continue working my current job, which doesn't have very regular hours, but it pays pretty well. I would also want to get a more regular job, maybe at a thrift store or a coffee/drink shop or a cute little local restaurant. I would be near a lot of my college friends, so I could do things with them and continue wearing my less "modest" outfits and going by a more gender-neutral nickname sometimes and using multiple pronoun sets and just in general continue figuring myself out in that way.

2: move back in with my parents. Free housing, free food, they'd probably even pay for my gas, I'd already have a regular, well-paying job that I mostly enjoy lined up, and I could try out for a production of Aida that would also pay. But I would either have to act like the version of me that my parents knew from when I was in high school, or let them meet this version of me when I'm not even sure I like this version of me and I'm actively trying new things to figure myself out. I know everyone is always a "rough draft" of themselves, but my current draft feels especially rough, and I don't feel ready for my parents to see it. There have already been times just over phone calls where it's felt like my parents and I are on the brink of a breaking point regarding my identity, and if I live with them over the summer it'll be even more difficult. 

However, my program is also next year incorporating travel opportunities, so next year I could travel with a faculty mentor to New York, and the following year to London. I would, however, have to pay my own way. So, saving money by going home would be really helpful for that. But is it worth it if I would be living a lie all summer??

Oh and I need to decide by Tuesday, because the girl whose lease I'd be buying if I stay needs to know by then.

Any input/advice is welcome, lmk if you have any questions lol

:))

Hi! 

What's going on in your lives? 

Feel free to answer that however you want, if you want more of a prompt you can tell me one thing that's been hard and two things that are good! 

One thing that's been hard for me is figuring out if I'm going to stay in my college town for the summer or move back home with my parents. 

Good things: one is that I got on depression medication! Wooooo! Another is that my run of The Tempest is going well, we close tomorrow (which is sad but good!)

Hey guys you should read the Webtoon Realta, it's what the bird in my new pfp is from and it's incredible.

I'm really proud of this one and I'll love you all forever if you check it out :))

psssst I write stuff sometimes (basically the only stuff I post anymore lol)

Anyone else just...blame everything about you on one aspect of yourself?

Like, sometimes I'll be like "oh yeah I'm obsessed with such-and-such thing, it's just cuz I'm gay" and sometimes it's something that makes sense, but sometimes it's just like "oh yeah I'm obsessed with mozzarella sticks, it's just cuz I'm gay"

Which, to me, still makes sense. Somehow. 

Or something like "ouch I just stubbed my toe dangit, it's cuz I'm gay" (and, therefore, cannot walk straight I guess??)

Another frequent excuse of mine is "it's cuz I'm a theatre kid" but that one usually does make perfect sense.

.....and tbh I'm a theatre kid because I'm gay, and also I'm gay because I'm a theatre kid, it's like the chicken and the egg dilemma. Which came first, the theatre or the gay? no one knows.

(Oh and btw I'm using "gay" as an umbrella term here, I currently identify as a panromantic asexual demigirl lol she/they/neopronouns)