Sarah B

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About Sarah B

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    Pacific Northwest
  • Interests
    Scifi, hard sciences, medical science, boats and sailing, most things hand crafted and or nerdy.

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  1. Off topic but perhaps relevant, I have been hunting Con news to see what is happening this year: Gen Con is online and FREE this year for anyone who wants to register. World con will also be online, not free though.
  2. Late to the party again! I just wanted to add something to the 'said' vs creative dialogue tag conversation. 'Said' is invisible to read but can get obnoxious in audiobook form. I've heard that some authors make an audiobook revision for that and other reasons (ie data lists, series of numbers).
  3. @shatteredsmooth If you're still looking for readers I'd be happy to give it a go. I just noticed this thread again after forgetting it existed so I'm late to the party :-)
  4. I am very much on the amateur side of things but also a big fan of Brandon Sanderson's lectures on youtube :-) I took the description of emotional beats to be something like stepping stones along a path. In the podcast they discussed (I think season 13) about progressions of character change, something like; denial, considering, accepting, acting on change. Here the moment where each step occurs would be an emotional beat if its internal and a plot beat if it's mainly external. Or both if you do it right. That's how I've been using that piece of advice anyways :-) I don't tend to write very emotive characters so most of my emotional beats are burried in POV thought stream and decision making.
  5. @Mandamon Thank you! I'm a ways off from actually publishing still but I want to start researching and learning the ropes now so I am familiar when it's time. I still have a few chapters and then massive editing to do but it seemed like knowing how to edit to suit the program would be a good idea. I keep seeing scrivner listed amoung the best epublishers and they have a ton of advertising on different podcasts, nanowrimo, etc. I haven't been tempted so far because I write on my phone with a Bluetooth keyboard most days. Can I ask if you have tried scrivner and/or what you didn't like about it? If not, no worries! Thanks again!
  6. Awesome! Thank you! I've heard good things about Vellum but it's not PC compatable and costs quite a bit.
  7. This might be off topic for this thread but does anyone have an epub publishing/formatting program that they use and like? Preferably that works with windows?
  8. A pleasant read but a bit confusing. I took this story as a 'big fish' or labyrinth type where the supernatural elements were stand ins for the issues and themes of real life. 'We can all bit a troll sometimes' seemed like the explaination for why her tantrum let her to a troll. It felt like there was something about the repeated elements of 'colors' and 'story' and particularly the story being a leaf. I felt like I was missing the pay off for them. The line: "Smooth rock slipped between her fingers." Did not explain to me how she fell, I assumed after reading further that her land slipped on the rock when she tried to sit down. I did not understand why the Troll would present as a busybody who threatens with child services. It seems like an odd departure for a person/troll who wasn't using full sentences for most of the story. Overall the story had a very nice dream like quality to it. I liked the warm visuals and your characters.
  9. I really liked how quickly you set the context and genre of the story in the 1st chapter. The reader knows that this is scifi, possibly military scifi, set inter-solar system. I did find the prologue a bit confusing, mainly the lack of viewpoint character name combined with another 'her' made it hard to tell who was who. I wasn't sure if the MC had stabbed herself or someone else. Also in sentences like, "... when she closed her eyes, she would see her..." Your characters very personable and vivid right off the bat, which is no easy feat! I liked both viewpoint versions on their own, but I agree that you need one or the other. I got a bit of 'groundhog's day sydrome' realizing I was seeing the same time frame twice. Using one sister to introduce the other was a nice touch and I could easily see switching viewpoints to the other sister and picking up where the other leaves off. You might consider imbeding the information in a sentence rather than parenthesis to avoid breaking the narrative. Ie, "...Graduate of the University of Venus Vulcan, one of the underground cities, with..." but that's just a preference thing. :-) Over all I enjoyed it, thanks for sharing!
  10. This draft is certainly an easier read! I miss some of the depth and texture from the last version though. Iron being reflective: bronze can also be very reflective when polished. I would have thought the value of iron over bronze would be its strength. A couple POV breaks: "Hence the goggles." And the explaination of the term 'glint' both seem to address the reader directly. Ivd stroked his hilt. "Yes," he said, "R." He paused, "Why..." This read very choppy for me for coming from one speaker. I think either the said or the pause could be cut out without any loss. "The prefect" I'm not an expert on titles but it seems like Prefect may need to be capitalized, especially when it comes with 'The.' This version seems completely different, I'm interested to see if or how it intersects with characters from the previous version.
  11. I didn't get this chapter via email. I know t-mobile/Sprint has been glitchy today so that might be part of it. Would you mind resending it?
  12. Wow, that was a lot of ground to cover! Nice work! The beginning time skip was a bit confusing. It seemed like starting in the present, rewinding and then catching up without a clear, 'first, then, now' "Two fingered ward." Sorry, I have no idea what this is. About 25% "I will not betray my compatriots to you..." This sentence gets a little tangled for me with the speaker's verbal ticks. Maybe two simpler sentences? War beasts: very cool Time skip: the jump after the Ari meet up with everyone seems strange. As @Robinski commented, it really reduced the sense of tension for me. "We'll need to hold off the Ev a little longer." I didn't get the impression that this is what they were doing. It seemed like they were just running raids and trying to figure out how to remove all of them. Are they aware of what S and WW are doing at this point? Around 45%: "We've got you, "I said, and S found his scaley snout..." Dang pronouns! To my knowledge 'his' always refers back to the most recent person so this reads as S's scaley snout. A other noob question but just in case this is relevant: does closing the gaps in the Sym cost notes? Because I thought S was already tapped out but he's closing a lot of gaps. Epilogue; Paragraph starting, "The Sphere's design..." "What happened her" 'here' instead. Satisfaction level: very high I can't speak to promises made in earlier books but this one seems wrapped up nicely with an ominous villain, a shadowy organization and massive rebuild waiting for future books. And a wedding! Although I really thought for a moment that the wedding is what we were seeing through R's eyes until S wasn't there. Both feet firmly sticking the landing! Well done
  13. Can definetly feel things wrapping up! I must have been too into the narrative because I didn't notice very many things to point out :-) "Opening an old box of rice and roaches pouring out..." wait, there are roaches here?! Very evocative but I find myself wondering if S brought roaches with him somehow. I was very unclear about what S was doing at the end. It seems like there was a jump from "I'm going to fix everything," to "I'm going to whack things with a bat, run away, and see what happens." Part of my problem might have been that I was a bit bogged down in some of the world terminology. Good tension though. Can't wait to read the end next week!
  14. Great fast paced chapter! My only hang up was that the fight between I and E and the assassin seemed rushed over. I didn't really get a chance to be concerned for them or really picture what was going on before it was over. Maybe this wasn't an essential part but it felt like the fight was the pinch to Re's plot line. N and Re had some great dialogue together, I really liked their interactions. Great chapter overall!
  15. I really enjoyed this chapter, it seemed to flow well and the visuals of the Place were good grounding for what I assume is a major setting in the story. A few little things I noticed: 2nd paragraph; word order feels odd, maybe "The Griffin, who bearly came up to her waist, gave a..." "Like all Th...." This statement seems out of character voice, like a narrator stepping in suddenly. Same paragraph: "black rich cotton..." might change to "rich black cotton." Its one of those weird English things that the color is usually last in the list of descriptive words. (Ie: big black dog, pretty red shoes) I really liked the description of P when "her large ears focused on I." Great bovine body language. On a similar note, a cow serving cheese made me giggle :-) "Ir watched from her hands..." this visual took me a minute to sort out. I have to agree with this comment; Perhaps 'blight' or mold instead of plague? I really liked this chapter over all, excited to read the next one!