NameIess

Thanks. Here's my water bottle that's been dropped so many times that it has a sharp piece of metal sticking out of it. I have a hemalurgic spike charged with the ability to drop things.

I reveal that the sandwich you all have stolen is an almost-convincing fake created using quantum engineering. Then I run away with the real sandwich in a box with a cat that might be dead.

I can't think of a reason, other than that Brandon normally has at least one character death in his series finales, and I guess people think Adolin's arc is complete enough that his death wouldn't matter too much in the grand scale of things? I don't buy it personally. I think that among the main cast a Dalinar death is the most likely, followed by Syl and/or Kaladin.

"That code only applies for crimes committed in TLT. Nameless no longer resides within TLT, and as such you cannot punish him using that code."

Nameless' lawyer cleared his throat. "My client is unable to show up, as he is dead. Furthermore, his estate owns no assets other than a trust fund intended solely to pay for lawyers, as specified in his will. That trust fund is secure against all legal recrimination in accordance with the High Ghanderflaffle legal codes. Everything else either went to his successor, Subversion, or to his friends or avatar. As they have committed no crime, none of them can be punished. Because of this, unless you want to go to the afterlife to claim compensation, I think we should adjourn this case."

Nameless' lawyer pointed out that because Nameless was dead and hadn't spread any copies outside of the afterlife, there was no damage to Hacob, especially since Nameless' fanfiction didn't even include Hacob at all.

Nameless' lawyer pointed out that the court had absolutely no jurisdiction over what happened in the afterlife, unless they could, in accordance with Article XVI subsection LIV of the interthread legal code, prove it by reviving someone from the dead.

This lawsuit went Nowhere.

Subversion’s lawyer pointed out that it would harm Subversion’s business, which depended greatly on the royalties from Nameless’ books. Subversion wondered how anyone could be real, pondering the mysteries of narration.

I throw a grenade to trip you up and then grab the sandwich and seal it into an everything-proof box so that no one can have it.

Nameless’ lawyer disagreed vehemently with this, pointing out that Nameless’ likeness was currently owned by Subversion, not Nameless, and Subversion couldn’t be punished for Nameless’ crimes. It was in fact a real twin, and Subversion hadn’t made him.

In order to enact this revenge, he began researching the quickest way to die.

Nameless didn't show up to court, surprisingly. He figured that it was unlikely that the courts would figure out how to actually punish him for his crimes.

He was right in the middle of a tearful reunion with his wife and ten children who'd died ten years ago in a freak accident when a train had derailed and hit his car when the book dropped onto his head.

Nameless made sure that the series was fully distributed throughout the entirety of the afterlife, so that anyone who died would receive a copy within ten minutes of their death.

Nameless then wrote a greatly improved version of Thaidakar's story and published it.

Nameless, in the afterlife, burned Thaidakar’s fanfiction.

Subversion of course considered herself more of a wise mentor figure to Hacob than a parental figure.

And neither did the Kandra spy that was using connection to impersonate Hacob’s as-yet nonexistent father.

The in-book camera switched off, but the hired spy gremlin didn’t.

The author was of course completely aware of Hacob's confusion, given that they were currently spying on him via the use of an in-book camera.

(In Hacob's case, the author (who was not Nowhere) had requested information from Moni, the one person who had responded in the affirmative to an interview. (and also the only person whom the Author had, after suitable investigation, decided was safe to interview openly) Moni had given the author a lengthy interview and many tips for digging up backstories, and thanks to her cooperation the eventual book had been several times longer than the author had originally envisioned.)

(The author had used a variety of strategies, the therapist guise merely being the most effective)

Never tried it. Do you think human rights are a good thing?

But one day, probably before the heat death of the universe, they probably would be. And Plot would be waiting*. Meanwhile... I wonder where that Plot went. Oh well, Guess I'll have to go with the backup. In TLT, there are many strange things and many strange people. But today, this plot does not focus on anything out of the ordinary. No indeed, it focuses on something-sorry, someone-entirely ordinary. His name is Timothy. Timothy has always been an ordinary person, and his number one goal in life is living a long one that is as free of extra suffering as possible. To accomplish this goal, he does his utmost to avoid drawing a Narrators attention. To name a few of the precautions he has taken, he has carefully removed any latent desire to go on an adventure**, he has moved to a city that is extremely boring and has never even been mentioned in TLT, and he has resolved to avoid falling in love with anyone, as that only ever leads to eventual heartbreak. Although some would call his life "boring" or "in dire need of more explosions" Tim is actually quite happy in his normality. In fact, the only odd thing about him is the lengths to which he goes to hide from abnormalities. Well, that all might change today. Or it might not. I guess that's up to you. Tim heard a knock at his door. I wonder what that could be. I didn't think I had any company coming over. *Like the you-know-what **He accomplished this great feat by reading Trauma: An In-depth Study of the Great Heroes of TLT. (The author of this book had spent a great deal of time obtaining interviews by pretending to be a therapist, and had written a chapter on basically every significant figure in the past fifteen-hundred pages.