The Kraken's Daughter

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29 Pahn Kahl

About The Kraken's Daughter

  • Birthday February 10

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  1. Finished TWOK on Thursday. What a ride! Before diving into WOR, I'm reading something different: The Girl in the Tower, which is the second book in Katherine Arden's Winternight Trilogy.
  2. @Robinski That Millennium Falcon looks like it's coming along nicely. I just finished TWOK! I got up to Part Five on the commute home and things were moving so fast that I just had to finish it. (I was supposed to be prepping material for my DnD game.) My awesome theory for how the ending would go was completely wrong. Now I have new theories.
  3. Hey, @hawkedup! I'm catching up on your story. I enjoyed this a lot more than the first chapter (more on that below) and I'm looking forward to reading the next one. Page 3 “There was nothing worse than accidentally rubbing your eye after peeling fresh chile.” My mother-in-law makes hot pepper jelly, and she has learned this the hard way. More generally, I love your descriptions of the food and the joy Z takes in preparing it with her father. My grandfather was an Italian immigrant, and cooking and enjoying food together has always been a big part of our family traditions as well. These descriptions gave me a nice thrill of nostalgia, and I imagine they’ll do the same for a lot of other readers. Page 4 “Señora E was unmarried” It’s been roughly a billion years since I took Spanish classes, so I could be wrong, but wouldn’t an unmarried woman be Señorita? Page 5 “Meet in thirty?” This feels like an oddly modern phrasing. Page 14 “He didn’t raise his voice, but the silence that followed was tantamount.” I don’t think “tantamount” is the right word here. It usually means “equivalent,” like if someone said “Questioning an order from the G-K’s general was tantamount to treason.” I like Z a lot more than I liked L in the first chapter. I remember finding L’s immaturity a little annoying, because it seemed so out-of-step with her role as a spy. Z doesn’t provoke that reaction, even though she’s acting believably for a 14-year-old, and I think that’s because (so far) she hasn’t been set up as anything more than that. Her behavior fits her role in the story, if that makes sense. I think this chapter also makes a better introduction to the world. You’ve given us a good feel for the culture, with the food and the festival and some discussion of how local government is structured. At first, the G-K seems to be a benevolent figure, defending humanity from these vicious demons…and then a possible crack in that image shows up when we find out that two mostly defenseless kids have been hanging around a demon and not been devoured yet. This would lead nicely into L’s chapters and her organization’s quest to kill the G-K.
  4. Hi all, This is the comment/critique thread for Part 1 of "The Oneirophage," a heroic fantasy novelette. There will be two parts in total.
  5. I'd like a slot too, if possible.
  6. There's a trope in a lot of fantasy stories of technological stagnation. A civilization might have been around for hundreds or even thousands of years but will be using mostly the same technology for all that time. But in TWOK, we see an elderly ardent couple make a discovery about spren, and the armorsmiths of Jah Keved made those half-shard shields that can stop a Shardblade. Even with the upheaval caused by the Recreance, the fall of the Hierocracy, and various wars, the people of Roshar are discovering and inventing new things. There's a sense of progress, and I really like seeing that in a fantasy novel.
  7. Thanks for the answers, everyone! I wasn't sure if I was just missing a clue, especially with the first one.
  8. Just about to start Part 4 of TWOK. But I'm looking at the names of the characters to be featured in this part Shallan?!
  9. No worries about the length. It didn't feel that long while reading it, which is a good thing! Page 2 “it was considered peculiar if someone wasn’t bled at least once a week” I’m not sure exactly what this means. You’ve already specified that fights aren’t uncommon, and adding this right after implies it’s talking about something different. Do you mean bleeding as in bloodletting to treat an illness? Or death, as in “bleeding out”? Page 12 “Wooden stakes jutted out of the face of the hill in no particular pattern, human and hound skeletons impaled upon them.” The description of the town in this paragraph is great. I can picture what it looks like, and I appreciate that you’ve included other sensory details, such as the smell, as well. Page 19 “G knew it was too dangerous to perform life-saving maneuvers on a man with a stab wound.” I mean, I don’t see how it could possibly make N any worse… Page 20 “one of them carrying the knife that had been used to stab N, still dripping with blood” Back on page 5, you mentioned that the blood had been “carefully” wiped off the blade, so it shouldn’t be dripping here. You mentioned keeping the third scene here instead of moving it to Chapter 3 because it made a stronger ending for this chapter. I think that was the right choice. The ending as it stands is quite suspenseful. I imagine L is going to swoop in to save G and P, but I want to keep reading to know how it happens. I also like the character of G. To be honest, I feel more emotionally invested in him than I do in L. Based on the hints you’ve shown us of her history, I can understand why she’d close herself off from other people, and I appreciate that you don’t want to give away everything about her at once. But I feel like she’s a bit too mysterious and unapproachable. It’s harder to like her than it is to like G and P.
  10. So, I'm about two-thirds of the way through TWOK. (Kaladin has formed a plan to escape the warcamp with Bridge Four, and Shallan has switched out her broken Soulcaster for Jasnah's functional one.) Obviously, I have a bunch of questions, but two feel more like inconsistencies or things I'm missing, rather than just "the plot hasn't gotten to the answer yet." 1. What is the nature of the Stormfather in Roshar's cosmology? I had been assuming he was a sort of Satan-figure, since variants on the word "storm" are used as expletives. But when Kaladin sees him during the highstorm, he doesn't try to do Kaladin any harm. And later, when Kaladin "rides the storm" and sees him again, he doesn't seem menacing or hostile. He almost sounds wistful when he talks about how people don't ride the storms anymore, and he warns Kal about Odium. I also think it might be his voice that Dalinar hears during his visions, and telling him to unite the squabbling highprinces doesn't seem like the kind of thing a malicious being would do. So it doesn't look like the Stormfather is the ultimate evil of the setting after all. But he doesn't seem to be identified with the Almighty, either, and the Vorin faith appears to be monotheistic. So who/what exactly is the Stormfather? Is he some kind of genius loci for Roshar? Are the Vorin faithful wrong about Roshar having only one god? 2. I'm pretty sure that Syl's attachment to Kal and her having a greater degree of sapience than other spren is tied to Kal being able to use Stormlight. So why doesn't Szeth, who also uses Stormlight, have a spren following him around?
  11. @Silk Congrats on getting the chance to present at a conference! If Kelly Robson and A.M. Dellamonica were there, I'm guessing it was a literature/literary conference?
  12. Thank you all for your critiques. I'm honestly blown away by how detailed and thoughtful all the responses were. I've loved sci-fi for a long time--as many of you guessed, Star Trek was my formative influence, but I'm also a big fan of Babylon 5, Firefly, Ray Bradbury, and Tim Pratt's Axiom novels--but I haven't really written any before. Reading through the draft myself, I felt like it needed a substantial amount of work, but couldn't pin down how, so I really appreciate everything you've given me to think about.
  13. I loved it. David Tennant was perfect as Crowley, and they did a great job of keeping it true to the book while making it work for a visual medium. The part at the end with fit in well with the rest of the story. Even though it wasn't part of the book, it felt like it belonged.
  14. Hi there, @hawkedup! I like the setting you've created for your story, and some of the details you put in made me want to know more. I especially like the concept of the soul lantern, and I find it interesting that people's soul lantern seems to be linked to their social class. So is this a caste system where a person's status is determined from birth based on the form their lantern takes? What happens in the (presumably rare) case where someone manages to change their status, say by "marrying up"? And is it possible to attack/destroy someone's soul lantern? Your premise implies some interesting questions, and I find myself wanting to read more to learn the answers. That said, I found it hard to sympathize with your main character, largely because some of her behavior in this chapter came off as quite immature. I can understand teenage protagonists acting like teenagers--for example, Ron and Hermione getting into a fight because Hermione went to the Yule Ball with Krum. But L in this story doesn't really come off as someone who would be hand-picked for a critical intelligence-gathering mission to bring down a tyrant. Here are some more specific thoughts, which I hope you find helpful:
  15. Hi everyone! This is the comment/critique thread for my very first Reading Excuses submission, "Star Light, Star Bright."