Turin Turambar

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  1. Hi! I'm going avoid doing a line by line critique as I'm really bad at it and I find it rather tedious, all things considered. I liked the beginning of the story the first time around from what I remember and now it just feels cleaner. Several things: I'm really curious about M's non-relationship with N. It's kind of like a benign big brother? Also, the whole thing debating birds and bandits seems rather stupid of C and N. One thing that bugged me a bit was when M was describing the continent, it seemed a bit uncalled far, though I can understand that you want to add world building, and when you say that Y is small, right now I'm under the impression that it's a lone continent in their known world, so it feels like a break from reality when you say that. I'm looking forward to the rest of the story though!
  2. Of Author and Agents (a riff on "of mice and men") I hope that makes sense for a thread name.
  3. I don't think it's ever revealed entirely how the magic system works. There are tidbits sprinkled throughout the series, though.
  4. Even so, she's got several centuries to figure it out, if she can buy herself that long. And worst case scenario, they fortify Far Madding or a Stedding with or without a dreamspike. Have some paralis nets to set up any necessary channeling defenses, and some walls (especially when made of cuendillar) should do something against most armies.
  5. OK, this is going to be a full spoiler post. So a couple of days ago I was considering how the "known world" (basically the whole mainland MINUS the Seanchan) would fight off the Seanchan, given that just about everyone considers it an inevitability. The Seanchan have a number of advantages, including huge numbers of channelers, and the ability to steal opponents channelers. With this in mind, it's possible for the rest of the world to prevent any invasion at all from the Seanchan. First, remove Mat. you could even wait for him to die, if you can stall the conflict long enough. You probably can use the time before the conflict to prepare, anyways. Mat with all of his memories would probably be enough to skew the whole conflict though, and that's an advantage that cannot be left alone. Second, get Elayne LOTS of angreal. Very specific ones. She would need to create a fixed dreamspike, focused on wherever (let's assume that we're only trying the defend Caemlyn for the moment). Next, have Elayne build a series of guardians around Caemlyn like there is around Far Madding, which now neutralizes channeling entirely. If you want, you could build in little passes to ignore the system. I know that that's possible, because the person who is bonded to the dreamspike can still make gateways. Instead of having a person bond the dreamspikes, perhaps create little amulet angreal that if they are bonded to aes sedai or asha'man like warders, they let a person ignore the effects of the guardians and dreamspikes. For basic physical deterrants, just beef up the wall, perhaps turning large swathes of it into cuendillar Next, for offensive capability, create a series of tied off gates that can be moved via a series of levers. Put these gateways outside, but make sure that they are portable, like deathgates except maneuverable. The side in Caemlyn should be locked in size and mostly in place. Back the ground underneath and directly behind in Cuendillar so nothing can get in. Then, position rows of archers behind the portal on the Caemlyn side. With these innovations, you've taken control of channeling, and created a series of highly mobile strike forces that can't really be touched by anything. Tell me what you think.
  6. Sorry about that! I didn't realize it would be a problem.
  7. Pg.5 - He spent many long nights ... in equal measure Pg. 7 - The prince looked at his loves, (plural) Pg. 8 - And if, occasionally, the prince’s favorite horse ... the way he doted on it? Pg. 8 - two mares... with a stallion None of this is hard proof, but it does seem an indication.
  8. I could have misread it, but I got the impression that the Prince knew what was going on.
  9. Now that Aes Sedai and Asha'man know (or at least Pevara and Androl do) that bonding each other leads to heightened warder bonds, control of the opposite saidar/saidin without a circle and telepathy, will it become common? What are the practical applications? Will the Aes Sedai and Asha'man be able to overcome their natural prejudice?
  10. Interesting stoy. I'm not going to critique much, as I'm not fluent enough in fairy tale to do so, but I liked it. Did your dream come from a rather literal take on Animal-Groom (Whatever the actual term is)?
  11. After thinking a bit, I was wondering: what's the reason for the love triangle? I couldn't think of one, especially because he doesn't even "resolve" it. They just all agree to "share" him? J
  12. The word count requirement was 750-1k words.
  13. Ok, people are usually done critiquing by now? If you haven't posted yet, then ignore this post. Sort of in order of people: Ventriloquism. About half of you have figured it out. It is foreshadowed (the book he's holding is a book on ventriloquism) rather poorly, as it requires whoever to either know about the book or look it up. The Bullies are superstitious, which is why the were so fascinated by the cat. He's selectively mute. The fact that he's willing to talk (albeit through a cat) is an improvement. Also, I don't think that speaking then, even if he could make himself do so, wouldn't do anything. The Bullies were too intent on harassing MC. At that point, he needed something that would keep the two of them occupied long enough to escape. I chose the name of the story after; It's called "When Cat's Intercede" because I couldn't think of anything better. Thank you to everyone who pointed the lack of an emotional response, I definitely need to fix that. The reason the second is called Deputy and not Beta is because the first wasn't named Alpha because MC was counting them in greek. When he called him Alpha, it was because MC saw him as the "Alpha male" of that pack. Lastly, the two bullies are in (about) eighth grade. Thanks again to everyone who critiqued this.
  14. No problem! I want to answer everyone eventually just to clear up what I was thinking. It's all very helpful feedback.
  15. I'm sorry, I know this is a waste of a post, but I have to agree. Min is awesome.