But the slaughter of a single potato could do nothing to stop the massive slaughter that was coming. Far away (yet not far enough) a massive army began to rise in the sugar cane fields of the horrible land of Dextrosia. Legion upon legion of sugary beasts surfaced from bubbling pools of artificial flavorings. At first they appeared to be nothing more than little globs of food coloring, writhing pitifully upon the ground of used silver wrappers. But as they were exposed to the steaming clouds of chemicals that filled the atmosphere, sucking them into their gelatinous bodies with an awful squelching sound, they began to change shape. They crystalized, became more solid. Some grew outer shells so sour that just a single breath of their toxic fumes could leave even the nastiest zucchini immobilized, gasping for breath. Those would be the Warheads. Nasty things. Even their fellow fighters made sure to stay away from them. They had a tendency to... explode when they got upset. Or angry. Or sad. Or mildly perturbed. Other blobs grew into smaller forms. Not a single one was the same color as the next, different patterns covering their skins, but somehow they all managed to keep the same shape. Despite their differences, it was near impossible to tell them apart. The powdery white tattoos on their sides- reading the ever fearsome words “Jelly Belly”- certainly didn’t help matters. These warriors none could predict, for each had a different taste and way of destruction. Each, however, was equally lethal. A third group of sludge piles began to transform into massive, perfectly round balls of a material stronger than steel and heavier than the feeling of dropping ones ice cream cone into a gutter. They varied in size, the biggest brushing the cotton candy clouds which drifted high above. They rolled to and fro at random, occasionally crushing any unfortunate piece of candy that happened to be in their path. They either didn’t know or didn’t care. Such things were below them- both figuratively and literally. There were many more sorts of confections stalking about in the great crowd, but to simply list them all would take years. All that needs to be said is that they were dangerous. They were cruel. They were evil. And they were coming.
I’ve got no clue where that came from.