Zephrun’s Imperium

Hi, all,

Not sure how often any of you guys think of me, but I like to think I at least matter somewhat around here, so I guess I should say something. I'm not very eloquent right now, unfortunately - haven't been for the last month for whatever reason - but I'm going to try to express what's appropriate.

I was just discharged from the ER. Another brush with suicide unfortunately. But I am still here. 

For the last month, I’ve slowly been sinking into the depths of my own mental health. There are some things I’ve realized about myself that have gone unnoticed for years and there are things that I cling to for dear life that it’s about time I let go of. I've missed so much school that I've had to drop two classes and start doing things online. It's been very strange not being the kid who doesn't need any help and understands everything. 

I guess the biggest thing for me is that I need to stop pretending. It’s okay to not be okay; we’ve heard that a million times but I’ve never internalized it. I've really been pushing people away recently and let my anger get the best of me... for anyone that I've hurt, I'm sorry. I'm an angry person, yeah, but that's no excuse. I've been pushing people away when I should be holding on to them for dear life. 

That's all I really have to say... thanks for everything, everyone.