Guess who just bought The Lost Metal?!
And I also bought a blue leather purse, which makes me happy. Lord knows I need more things that make me happy right now.
I just had the greatest dream about Mistborn that involved Kelsier, and breakdancing, and Walmart and Cheetos, and trampolines, and very large boats, and large scale musicals, and references to drag queens. What’s funny is that it actually started out very dark an and then just turned into Kelsier VS the government and Christianity. That’s something I can get behind.
Not sure how often any of you guys think of me, but I like to think I at least matter somewhat around here, so I guess I should say something. I'm not very eloquent right now, unfortunately - haven't been for the last month for whatever reason - but I'm going to try to express what's appropriate.
I was just discharged from the ER. Another brush with suicide unfortunately. But I am still here.
For the last month, I’ve slowly been sinking into the depths of my own mental health. There are some things I’ve realized about myself that have gone unnoticed for years and there are things that I cling to for dear life that it’s about time I let go of. I've missed so much school that I've had to drop two classes and start doing things online. It's been very strange not being the kid who doesn't need any help and understands everything.
I guess the biggest thing for me is that I need to stop pretending. It’s okay to not be okay; we’ve heard that a million times but I’ve never internalized it. I've really been pushing people away recently and let my anger get the best of me... for anyone that I've hurt, I'm sorry. I'm an angry person, yeah, but that's no excuse. I've been pushing people away when I should be holding on to them for dear life.
That's all I really have to say... thanks for everything, everyone.
- Show previous comments 2 more
Star, you're right. It's okay to not be okay- it really is.
You matter to us. You're important. And you're stronger than you thinkQuote
“Sometimes, life will kick you around, but sooner or later, you realize you’re not just a survivor. You’re a warrior, and you’re stronger than anything life throws your way." —Brooke Davis
If you need anything we're here.
Thinking about a song I sang for an honors choir in 5th grade. There's a reason these lyrics have stayed with me all of eight years.
The water is wide,
I cannot cross o'er
Neither have I
The wings to fly
Build me a boat
That can carry two
And both shall row
My true love and I
A ship there is
And she sails the seas
She's laiden deep
As deep can be
But not so deep
As the love I'm in
And I know not if
I sink or swim
I leaned by back
Against a young oak
Thinking it were
A trusty tree
But first it bended
And then it broke
Thus did my love
Prove false to me
Oh love is splendid
And love is kind
Bright as a jewel
When first it's new
But love grows old
And waxes cold
And fades away
Like the morning dew
I have... a lot of not-so-nice things to say about the LDS church. (I grew up in it, and the more I look back on things, the more disturbed I am) But I will just touch on one thing I find important: It is not a choice to be queer. (I personally don't find the word "queer" offensive at all - in fact I love it because it's very inclusive and it's not a mouthful - so I will use it in this post. Check out this video from gay YouTuber James Somerton "Reclaiming the Q Word" for a more in-depth analysis. He's an incredible creator.) I was talking to one of my LDS friends about the queer community and we seemed to be on the same track until I said, "What I don't understand is why God would make people queer and then proceed to preach love and acceptance while also claiming that it's wrong to love people of the same gender." She responded, "I don't think God makes people queer." Well, that's an oof, isn't it? And, like... man. If I believed that it was a choice to be gay, I would totally get it. But you don't have to dig deep to realize... it is not a choice. You don't choose to be straight, do ya? I recently had a talk with my out gay friend who explained that if he had a choice, he would rather not be gay. In his own words, "men are disgusting" and beyond that, why would anyone choose to be so discriminated against? I'm sure my trans friends would rather not spend so much money on surgeries just to feel comfortable in their own bodies. It's just... *sighs in defeat* The society we live in is messed up. I can wear suspenders and no one bats an eye, but anyone more masculine presenting wears a dress and all of a sudden they're c r i n g e to the heteros. I could go on a tangent about how blived up it is that femininity is seen as lesser and weak, but I will refrain for now. I'm not sure how to wrap this up, so I will just say this: y'all deserve love. I don't doubt that some of you don't get enough of it. But, honey, you are perfect the way you are. Go have a nap, a treat, a break; you deserve it. May you have peace and rest.
Me: what are you dressing up as for Halloween?
My ninth grade friend Kyle: The hottest man alive. I won’t even have to change.
Heck yes there is! Here’s the link to the third draft; it’s a work in progress, but let me know what you think of it! https://docs.google.com/document/d/1PqDHrpR74ITTl2bFeC3Z7MsSR2fm5f5d06gh2Xw74zQ/edit