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About shatteredsmooth

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    Recovering Grammar Anarchist
  • Birthday 02/28/1988

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    Lake Attitash
  • Interests
    I love speculative fiction, dogs, and cats. Aside from writing, swimming, hiking, biking, and kayaking are my favorite activities. Sometimes, I get ideas about triathlons and never follow through with them. I like growing my own food, but fertilizer feeds the toxic algae I want to keep out of the lake, so my garden doesn't always do that well.

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  1. agree. There was a lot I didn't get about the police behavior in this scene.
  2. I haven't read the other comments yet, except for the first line of a few. I love the imagery early in the chapter. In the eating scene, when Q kept thinking we need to go soon, I knew that any minute, all hell was about to break loose. i'm not sure if i completely misread the last chapter, but this was not what i was expecting k's next move to be. For some reason, I thought he was almost intentionally waiting to get closer to yellow knife to catch up with Q. Considering what that chapter said about someone corrupting images of Q & M, it seems like one of the sheriffs would've had to spot Q personally to realize he was there, and then, if K rwas thinking Q didn't kill those people, why go through all the drama with guns blazing? Something between didn't quite add up with the last chapter. When the mystery helper took over the E, it's voice seemed very different than the last times. I'm not sure if this is intentional or not. It was nice to have an action scene, but I did get confused in it, especially with the little bit of a flashback rolled in. And I don't understand what the point of shooting Q was. It really seemed off from what K had been like in his solo chapter. As I read: p. 2 "busy trying to kill M Ro and" Were there two R's? For some reason I thought they were both dead. Probably wrs. p. 10 "Quirk with the intention of serving xir" I'm for nonbinary characters and these kinds of pronouns, but this seems out of nowhere. Why does the one and so far, only character with a nonbinary pronoun have to be someone DM is trying to kill? Unless this is referring to a character from a previous book, maybe it not the best time to toss in a different pronoun. if you want to include a nonbinary character, make it one that actually is a character with a little depth, not some random target from a flash back that is there for less than half a page. P. 11 "clown clothes layers padded somewhat him against" This is where the blocking started to confuse me. Also, something is off about the syntax.
  3. I was thinking I was finally going to be on time with crits and then I fell down the NaNoWriMo rabbit hole a few days before it technically started... So, my biggest complaint about this chapter was there seemed to be italics random places and I didn't understand why most of them were there. I did like getting little snippets of everyone, various pieces in the puzzle. I agree with @Mandamon that they are more about people moving to places, but I didn't really have a problem with it because it wasn't Q & M. I liked the sheriff POV, though I kind of wanted a little more, almost, to help me fully understand what was going on with the other sheriff's he was talking to. DM 's part raised more questions than it answered. It sort of clarified his motives -- the questions it raised were more about the OM, Q's backstory with his wife and son, and the mystery sealed level I have SO MANY THEORIES about that are all probably wrong. I liked the E chapter and the emotion in it. However, I was struggling with the geography a little. I couldn't quite picture her surroundings once she got into the town. I wasn't sure about the significance of where she was going and where that was in relation to everything else. I was completely oblivious to the flirting. I didn't know there was flirting until I read this comment. Granted, I do tend to be kind of slow to pick up on things like that IRL...but still... Overall, I was pretty engaged throughout, but I do feel like I'm missing something -- some connection that I hope to be getting soon.
  4. Good to know. Thank you! I did three cons and handful of smaller events like author expos and craft fairs. I didn't do very good at any of them. At the last one I did, I think it had something to with placement because I was between two visual arts with very catchy art, and an author with books in the same genre as me, who was not surrounded by visual art work, did very well. My spouse keeps talking about bringing art work to some of the comic cons next year (not the one I'm paneling at because those are more literary), and I'm really hoping he actually does, not just to draw more people to the table but also because he's super talented when it comes to drawing and painting, but never really does anything with his work.
  5. I am doing NaNoWriMo, and it is going to be chaos and grammatical anarchy because there isn't time for full stops and standard spelling when I have so much to write and so little time. There will be red lines all over my word doc. OK, but seriously, I keep having all these false starts for my Evanstar Chronicles 3 and I know NaNo is really the only way I'm going to make progress on this thing. That is awesome, but I'm glad I don't live there. Granted, in another month or two, the lake will be frozen and I'll spend three or four months feeling like I'm living in some frozen wasteland. Join me in nano-scale NaNo. 45 words in a month! 1.5 words a day! nano NaNo is better than no NaNo!! So, I have a question for those of you who do cons. Do you find that being on a panel draws more people to your table? Would you table at the same con two years in a row even if you were bringing mostly the same books? I'm asking because I was just accepted to panel at a con I tabled at last year. I initially wasn't going to table there again because last year I lost money. The tables themselves aren't super expensive ($70), but then add the con membership for me and whoever is helping, and parking, and it triples. However, if I'm going to be a program participant, I get a free membership. I have to pay for parking whether I get a table or not. The a table and membership for my spouse would come $120. Last year, at this con, my net sales were about $128. I'm trying to decide if it is worth it. I've published short stories in few new anthologies since then, but the sequel to my novel probably won't be out yet. It's scheduled for Feb. but I don't have edits yet, so I'm thinking it might get delayed. Last year, I sold more copies of anthologies and zines than I did of my novel. I'm thinking it might be worth would be if I had someone to split a table with, but I don't really know other authors IRL well enough to do that.
  6. After all the slow paced Q & M chapters, this one felt rushed. I was a little confused by the scene with E's lawyer. I felt like I was supposed to know who he was, but I didn't. WRS? Like @Mandamon, I didn't quite understand DMs plan. I'm guessing the VRs were a deception and the cgs were the real threat, but why wouldn't the vrs just kill the cgs as soon as they got there. After reading your responses, it looks like you've already revised / fixed some of the things I might have commented on. Sorry I'm so behind and only leaving minimal comments. Hopefully I'll get to next week's in a more timely manner.
  7. Something like this. The two finally connecting seemed anticlimactic. I think this is the first time she has done it in this book. I had flagged it as a typo too. Overall, I won't say a whole lot because it looks like you already revised or are planning to revise a lot. I wasn't a fan of how Q was judging women by their appearances in this one. I liked the way the politics were woven in, though WRS had be kind of half forgetting about them. I liked the news feed in general. Q did seem to take a little more action in the diner. Had a little more agency. But I do want something to happen soon.
  8. So I just finished reading this...almost a month after you sent it. Oddly enough, I liked it. However, it's been a few weeks since I read the other chapters, so perhaps I was as disconnected as the chapter. I found myself not minding that nothing happened aside from nice imagery punctuated by M swearing. I might have felt different had I not had such a big break in reading. The comments the others made make sense in hindsight, but they weren't what was going through my head when I was reading. On to 13...
  9. Congratulations!!!
  10. Content Warning: Violence (fight: kid versus ghost) Hi Everyone, I know I'm not going to really have time to look at this tomorrow, so I'm sending it now. The things M says when talking to the kids will seem like they come out of nowhere, but were set up in a newer revised version of that chapter that had the book cyclone that you haven't read. I'm open to whatever feedback you offer, though I am curious if you can picture where things are and/or follow the action. I'm sure there are typos because my brain and eyes are more tired than usual. Don't worry about finding or marking those. I know I'm behind on subs, so I won't be offended if you skip this one. Thanks! Sara Last time: Ch. 1-2: E's mom gets turned into a mannequin in an antique shop. A haunted doll helps E's and the shop dog escape the same fate. Ch. 3-4: E gathers supplies from Junk Junction and does research in a library. Then they venture out to find food and a psychic. They meet D, a 13-year-old psychic whose mom is missing. They think D's mom's disappears is related to E's mom and Mx.R getting turned into mannequins. Ch. 5-6: E & D do research in D's mom's office. D tells E more about the circumstances surrounding her mom's disappearance. In the morning, the two kids return to the shop, only to find the mannequins gone and the phrase "come find me" spelled out with teacups. Ch. 7: E & D return to Junk Junction, only to find the mannequins missing along with an assortment of other items. They go to D's house, and find some of the missing items are there along with another message from M. Ch. 8-9: E & D get back to the office safe. A makes a mess throwing books around and finds an journal that leads them to believe M is trying to come back to life as something more powerful than a human. E learns how to more clearly sense ghosts and their energy. The next morning, E, D, and A leave for the mill. On the way, they discover a river full of bones presumably stolen from their graves by M in an attempt to find A's bones. Chapter 10: The group gets to the mill. A disappears. The moms aren't there. E and D are ambushed by a group of mannequins that M is controlling like puppets. They defeat the mannequins and escape. Ch. 11: The kids hideout in the woods. We learn that M isn't 100% evil and that A was absent from the fight because he was caught in a memory loop. Kids camp out in a barn (this may get cut) and learn ghosts can't cross poison ivy unless they are in an object. Ch. 12: E, D, and A go to the house that M lived in when she was alive. She is angry. Objects go flying. M makes the kids fall through a floor to a basement where they fight off a possessed Santa decoration.
  11. For some reason I can't find the thread for Chapter 10, so I'm just going to put my comments for both chapters here. Something about the voice seemed a little off in both. E's voice felt rushed. Her whole part of the chapter seemed a little rushed. I also felt like the gaps between here and when we last read from her POV were big. I kept feeling like I was missing information about her standing with the sheriff and her finding out M over exaggerated his authority to suspend her. "But that was not going to happen. She could retrieve this." Retrieve what? Q saying M was griping about being on the move right before M gripes with very similar wording to what Q used felt a little repetitive. The strange message raises a lot of questions and makes me think that there is someone else playing that we haven't met. I'm almost wondering if this is the person or thing that is in the mystery room T and E had been near in one chapter. Granted, it's been a while since I read that so I could be remembering it wrong. I did like getting the little snippet from K's point of view. It made me curious to see what his involvement will look like in the end. Regarding Chapter 11, I was thinking the same thing as @Mandamon and @industrialistDragon. Q & M are very passive. They are driving, around, sleeping, and reacting to things. I am guessing the unusual animal behavior is because of the MTs, but even with that, it still just seemed a little random, like an unnecessary obstacle that is keeping them from getting to the good stuff. I was also trying and failing to figure out how the history lesson played into the plot and why it was important. M's POV was interesting. Talking about wanting "out" seemed a little out of nowhere though it definitely added some depth to his character. However, I'm having a hard time with how he seems to think everything is going wrong. He says it is, but the narrative seems to be showing things going more or less in his favor. Even though these chapters stumbled a little, I still invested in the story and am looking forward to reading more.
  12. I didn't send mine this week, but I will send it next week.
  13. Sounds good. If I don't get it done today, I will save it for next week.
  14. I have another chapter almost done. It's a little messy, but I still think feedback will help me focus my revision of it. It will be between 2500 and 3000 words. If you guys are okay with me submitting even though I am behind, I can send it today or maybe tomorrow. If not, it can wait. I've given up on the initial deadline I had set myself.
  15. Oh no! I hope you feel better soon!