shatteredsmooth

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About shatteredsmooth

  • Birthday 02/28/1988

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    https://saracodair.com/

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    I love speculative fiction, dogs, and cats. Aside from writing, swimming, hiking, biking, and kayaking are my favorite activities. Sometimes, I get ideas about triathlons and never follow through with them. I like growing my own food, but fertilizer feeds the toxic algae I want to keep out of the lake, so my garden doesn't always do that well.

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  1. @TheDwarfyOne Your art is fantastic!
  2. @Snakenapsone more middle grade rec! Anya and the Dragon by Sofiya Pasternack is historical mg fantasy with a Jewish heroine. This was a great story!
  3. And I'm late to reading responses to my own post. I'd be happy for you to read it if you are still interested. And if you have any stories you want me to look at, let me know.
  4. @Turambar I'd be happy to take a look, but when I read a whole draft straight through, I tend to focus more on big picture or overall things. I could give you feedback on things like world building, plot, character or pacing, but when reading the whole thing, I'm not good at focusing on smaller things, like commenting on individual scenes or style. I've been neglecting this thread, but I saw you had offered to read my short story. If you're still interested in reading that, let me know and I'll send it to you.
  5. One of my recs, A Song Below Water, could be considered political because it delves very deeply into how racism affects Black women. However, I don't think that would be a reason to exclude it.
  6. Ghost Squad by Claribel Ortega is great if you are looking for something middle grade. The mc is a hispanic girl. Her family is from Dominican Republic. A Song Below Water by Bethany Morrow is a new YA contemporary fantasy with a black female lead. A Blade So Black by L. L. McKinney is a black urban fantasy retelling of Alice in Wonderland. I also loved Once and Future by Amy Rose Capetta and Cori McCarthy. There is a lot of LGBTQIA rep in this book. It's a YA science fantasy King Arthur retelling, where King Arthur is a girl. Edit: Some of the chapters in Once and Future are told through Merlin's POV, and he is a guy. Katherine Arden (white author) great at writing strong heroines, both YA and MG. I liked her Winternight Trilogy, a YA historical fantasy that drew on Russian history and folklore. My only complaint was that I kept thinking a cishet character was queer and then getting disappointed when I realized she was straight and cis. Any of Holly Black's (white author) female led books are awesome. However, the lead in her newest YA series, Folk of Air, is probably one of the toughest ladies she's written
  7. Hi Everyone, Here is my next submission! Chapter 1-6 have had some significant revisions, but I'm still thinking about what to do with 7-9. If you've given me feedback and I haven't replied, it's because I'm still contemplating it and haven't figured out what I'm doing. After this week, I might take a week or two off from submitting this book. I have multiple versions of Ch. 11, and I think I'll need to revise the earlier chapters before I figure out what to do with it. I have no specific questions about this chapter. Whatever feedback you have to offer will be appreciated. Thank you!! Recap: Ch. 1 The night before classes start, M saves a guy from a Demon. Next day, she meets a cute girl in class and realizes the guy-she-saved is the TA (Mi). Ch. 2 (revised) M follows Mi, chats with him, reads his mind to find out he doesn't recognize her and talks to him way more than she planed. Later, she goes to a LGBTQIA mixer with her roommate, A, and the girl she met in class. Ch. 3 (revised) M meets Mi on a rooftop. Tasha has a skateboarding accident and breaks her arm. M and T almost kiss. M heals Tasha's arm, but messes up and uses too much energy. M flees to her room, but Ally has company. Ch. 4 (revised) M missed the masquerade because Mi's ghost hunter friends went missing. Turns out they summoned some demons. M almost died fighting them. Ch. 5 (Revised): Mike said the ghost hunters are alive. M goes out for pizza with Ally and Tasha, where there is lots of flirting. Mi shows up and begs her to go with him to meet the ghost hunters. Fearing he's in danger, she goes, but their office was empty, and then a possessed driver tried to run Mi over with a car. Ch. 6 (Revised). M was alone with Mi. They cuddle and talk a little about feelings and a lot about the paranormal. Ch. 7 (revision in-progress): A sparring match with T turned spicy. M's mental shields and telepathy malfunctioned at a very inconvenient time. Ch. 8 (revision in-progress): M had dinner plans with Mi, but she gets called away to hunt a demon. There was a telepathic battle. She got some information from the demon and her head got messed up. Ch. 9: (last time / revision in-progress) M's telepathy and shielding weren't working right after the demon fight. She was a mess, and sought out T, but T was a sleep, so she went looking for Mi and ended up staying over at his house. Ch. 10: (This time): M has a hangover. Mi fixes her phone and reads messages M should have deleted.
  8. I have a chapter ready I'd like to submit Monday if there is room. However, if it fills, I can wait a week. After this , you might get a week or two off from this WIP while I finish up something else and get caught up on feedback I already have.
  9. No rush! I haven't closely read through the feedback yet from the past few weeks any, and will most likely be waiting a couple more weeks before I actually revise. I'm taking a little break to finally apply beta reader feedback to the middle grade book after procrastinating since March...hopefully this is my last round of content changes before querying.
  10. @Snakenaps Juniper is beautiful! Cats are usually very good critique buddies. Thank you for getting caught up on my submissions.
  11. I think something might not be clear in the wording of the conversation they had about boundaries. It's supposed to specify that hugging, cuddling and certain kinds of touching is allowed, just no making out or sex. The only time it goes beyond the original physical boundaries set is the kiss. I did redo a lot of the dialogue from the chapter where they first spent a night together, so hopefully I fixed the issue already, but I'll take another look at it just in case. I'll need to clarify in the previous chapter. Blueboard. Spelled it wrong. I was setting up for something that I'm thinking of taking out, so I might go and cut back a lot of this. She never said this or implied this as far as I know. So in general, M making a lot of bad decisions in this chapter was intentional and a side effect of the Demon messing with her head. I realize from some of the comments that the previous chapter did not accurately convey how much damage she took. She's not fully aware of it herself. As I revise, I'll try to find a way to show that she isn't quite thinking clearly before she starts drinking. I've toned down the mind reading in some of the earlier chapters, but when I do another pass over all the previous chapters, I'll spend some time on the arc of their relationship. Hmm okay, it obviously wasn't on the page, but she went to T first because this was exactly what she wanted to do, but T was already asleep, and she didn't want to wake her up. I was also considering that her reading T's dreams were her head all tainted with Demon energy actually caused the dream to turn into a nightmare. Of course, logically, there might be some issues with her running to Mi if she was aware of that. But this whole arc with T still definitely needs a lot of work. In a previous draft, when Mel got back to the dorm, A & T were together, in the middle of something, and Mel almost walked in on it. Glad to hear this. I mean, it's not actually in the chapter. Maybe it wasn't really the right word to use in the description, either. I just meant that Mel gets a sort of payback for all her mind-reading / invading Mi's privacy. She'd been taking the train home and being driven by other people. I'll clarify. I think it's a valid criticism. Thank you @kais @Mandamon and @Turin Turambar for the feedback!
  12. Sorry I'm a little late! Overall, I like the world you've created and your characters definitely seem interesting, but I'm getting the impression you're starting the story a little too soon. Not a whole lot happened and there was a lot of repeated information. The line about taking on a new identity would be a good hook / opening line. Take my comment about the starting point with a grain of salt, because you know the book. I've only read this chapter. At first I was a little confused about the prologue. I got that the character was very depressed, and it wasn't until almost the end that I figured out she was in her own barracks or bunk, but just too depressed to leave, and not in a prison or hospital. It was a little unclear about how the dead person died. Had the mc killed her? Or found her dead? Based on the first chapter, it was clear why the prologue needed to be there, so I'm thinking maybe it can go. There seems to be an anti prologue trend going in traditional publishing, but if you self-publish, then you can do what you want. I'm not sure if using Vulcan as a last name is a good idea because of Star Trek. By the time you were getting to describing C's fake identity, I was feeling overloaded with everything you had been telling me about her. "...know can't just come..." You are missing a word in this sentence. "...should have been paying better attention to her surroundings..." I hadn't realized she wasn't paying attention. I liked N's thoughts about her name, and the rhyme she made. When we switched to N's point of view, I was assuming it was after the seen from C's point of view and then was confused when she got the note. I didn't like seeing the last scene repeated from N's point of view. I didn't get any new information from it that I didn't already know. I am curious to see where this goes next.
  13. Content Warnings: Alcohol use and maybe some swears. Hi Everyone, I'm still processing some of the feedback from the last two weeks, so I haven't made any major changes yet. However, I'm sending the next chapter anyway. Sometimes I find it easier to revise when I have feedback on a chunk of chapters instead of just one or two. I'm not sure if this one starts in the right place, and am wondering if it has some excess backstory, but otherwise, I don't have any specific questions, just the usual sense that something is off and can't place what it is. I'm open to whatever feedback you have. Thanks! Sara Recap: Ch. 1 The night before classes start, M saves a guy from a Demon. Next day, she meets a cute girl in class and realizes the guy-she-saved is the TA (Mi). Ch. 2 (revised) M follows Mi, chats with him, reads his mind to find out he doesn't recognize her and talks to him way more than she planed. Later, she goes to a LGBTQIA mixer with her roommate, A, and the girl she met in class. Ch. 3 (revised) M meets Mi on a rooftop. Tasha has a skateboarding accident and breaks her arm. M and T almost kiss. M heals Tasha's arm, but messes up and uses too much energy. M flees to her room, but Ally has company. Ch. 4 (revised) M missed the masquerade because Mi's ghost hunter friends went missing. Turns out they summoned some demons. M almost died fighting them. Ch. 5 (Revised): Mike said the ghost hunters are alive. M goes out for pizza with Ally and Tasha, where there is lots of flirting. Mi shows up and begs her to go with him to meet the ghost hunters. Fearing he's in danger, she goes, but their office was empty, and then a possessed driver tried to run Mi over with a car. Ch. 6 (Revised). M was alone with Mi. They cuddle and talk a little about feelings and a lot about the paranormal. Ch. 7 (revision in-progress): A sparring match with T turned spicy. M's mental shields and telepathy malfunctioned at a very inconvenient time. Ch. 8 (last time / revision in-progress): M had dinner plans with Mi, but she gets called away to hunt a demon. There was a telepathic battle. She got some information from the demonand her head got messed up. Ch. 9: This time: M's telepathy and shielding are working right, her phone is broken, and she has an extremely low tolerance for alcohol. Ch. 10: Next time: M has a hangover. Mi fixes her phone. Karma.
  14. That is very exciting! But fires and round up sound horrifying! Jumping back to the weather conversation, because I like weather, humidity is 94%, but its only 71F/21.6 C. I'm out on my screen porch, and everything (including myself) feels cold and damp. The good news is we got over an inch of rain yesterday, so my rain barrels are full again.
  15. Oh, you have the humidity AND the heat. I will stay here in New England, thank you. I'm a little over 10 degrees cooler right now.