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QuirkyGrandpa

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Everything posted by QuirkyGrandpa

  1. Two Mountains Speakback to back on the range
    The Mountain to the West insists that where they stand is a forest lush and beautiful.
    --"We need more sunlight for all my tree's! How will my forest grow without it!?"
    The mountain to the East insists that where they stand is a dessert, large and vast.
    --"Any more sun and what little grows will be burnt away to nothing but sand! Better to rid us of all but the morning and evening light!"

    Both sides are factually correct. Neither are right in their solutions. Neither, however, are wrong in their desires to make things better. 

    This is why different cultures and people sometimes have difficulty understanding each other. Life is different on the other side of the mountain range. 

    1. QuirkyGrandpa

      QuirkyGrandpa

      Some Helpful Links:

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cultural_conflict

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock

      While these are far more broad, reading them can give you insight on why sometimes we as people and individuals can bonk heads. Consider them, micro cultural conflicts, or shocks that someone can be so incredibly different from our own perceptions.

  2. Hmm, perhaps I should clarify, that all quarrelling is silly, and it seems I always come back when it comes up. However, there is no limit on kindness, love and understanding <3. Let's all take a deep breath and keep open hearts, and open minds. ______________________________________________________ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ______________________________________________ ((((EDITING to add some helpful tips to get everyone back on track and feeling ready to both give and receive amazing critiques)))) This might be an amazing time for everyone to take a moment to reread the 'Critiquing Guidelines'. Both how to critique, and how to receive them :). My favorite line for how to give is: 'Be Willing'. Sometimes, you have to adjust your wording to be helpful for the particular artist/writer you are helping :). That willingness to reach out and embrace their story, and give them the words they need to improve is some of the most important writing of all. It's not always easy to focus wholeheartedly on the -writers- needs <3. However, it is also extremely rewarding. When you learn to adapt your approach, you expand your ability to write and connect with people (while also making new friends from all walks of life). And, as time goes by you will find that your approach, much like that beloved honey, is so much sweeter than vinegar. Remember, you are helping tell -their- story, not rephrasing it to be more like yours. My favorite line for how to receive is: 'Listen' It's so difficult, especially when, like now, there is conflict. Try and take a deep breath, and consider taking a day to respond (or not respond if you feel it is too confrontational, simply thank them for their time instead). Take what others have to say with a grain of salt, but remember that their feedback is still useful for its diversity alone. As someone reads your story they are going to miss things that you feel are obvious, or infer things you know are incorrect. It can be difficult not to try and point out these miscommunications :). Instead, make a note of what they missed, and consider that perhaps that is a spot where you can add detail, change your wording, or pull your reader in for a more immersive experience. Some other amazing resources on how to give and receive critique can be found on Deviantart! I'm part of a group called Project Comment, and I've found their amazing ability to both tell someone something doesn't look 'nice' while still giving the artist the tools they need absolutely astounding <3. When I first joined the group and submitted my first piece I was absolutely inspired by the love that could be felt through the careful word choices people used. Why? Because they cared about helping -me-. Here is my piece: Alexander the Drake. Which will be a character in the story I will be writing for you guys to critique (When I get up the nerve, still very anxious): And here is the Critique from whispywizbee: And, just want to end with some awesome pointers for how to receive feedback (Just switch out 'art' with 'writing' ) " Be appreciative and respectful of any comments you receive. Even if you already knew, or disagree with, everything they said, always reply to at least thank them for their time and effort. Not only cause they have at least tried to help you, also cause it will also put any more potential commenters at ease, rather than scare them away. It will help to give comments, too. Treat other people as you wish to be treated. Many will return the favour, and comment on your art, too. An extra advantage is that critiquing an art piece, and putting your thoughts about it to words, will also help you getting better at creating art yourself." Having some faithful watchers and friends on here can help a lot – INVITE friends onto these forums (seriously), would love to see more people Don't be afraid to ask. Many people will be glad to help. That doesn't mean you should go to everyone you can find telling them to comment on your deviations (or writings!), but if you see someone offering, don't let the chance pass you by! You have nothing to lose.
  3. Even though I haven't been on here lately, @Jorville told me about 4TheWords, and I rather like it. I tend to agonize over EVERY detail, 4TheWords forces me to type quickly, and express myself in a manner of time that will actually get something done . I don't have time to make a Timeline, map, background story, history...I have to just roll with the punches. Also, might be handy for children learning to write for the first time like my kiddos. It's $4 a month after the demo.
  4. I sort of dropped off the planet :(. My MIL and I were like oil and water but I still didn't take her passing well. Maybe cause the opportunity to get along better is gone : /. ANYWAY! On a much happier note, I'm back around. I will probably lurk around for a bit before I feel back up to giving some good ol' critiquing.
  5. @Jorville @kais @industrialistDragon I think it is beautiful, that for the most part, this conversation has been kept so lovingly civil. In a world today where personal opinions and politics are destroying the harmony of love and friendship...it's a hopeful sign to me that people can have entirely contrary opinions and still be (mostly) respectful. However, I feel the brewing of underlying hostility and would caution peace over war with words in a place that is meant to critique in a way as to be uplifting. If you have more to say, perhaps private messaging would be a more appropriate setting :). @Jorville Babe, I'm so proud to see, that even in the face of adversity that you stand firm in what you believe is right. This can be incredibly difficult when colleagues, friends, and even strangers attempt to coral or use peer pressure to get you to change your social, physical, intellectual, emotional, or spiritual beliefs. Remember, you don't have to bend a knee but always keep your ears open, even for those you feel are in the wrong. This helps with a well rounded personality, and a well rounded writer too! <3 @Mandamon That was some great advice! Helpful, without beating the dead horse. This is NOT how I wanted to start my first day back . But, I always seem to come in when people are quarreling over silly stuff. Anyway, hi! I'm tentatively back, I haven't read anyone's stuff for a bit. Oddly enough, losing my MIL hurt me more than I thought it would : /. What a month!
  6. Sorry about that! Apparently I left 17th Shard open and my toddler decided to type a windy message :3. I did read your story though and will work on a real response this evening. Update: Just wanted you to know that JOrville lost his mother, I did read your story, but I am trying to shield him from the fallout by getting everything planned and done for him. Thank you, sorry for the delay. I'll come back sometime this Saturday to post my thoughts.
  7. The beatings will continue until the book is published and ratings improve.
  8. Ahh, a fresh story. @Jorville, is patience a word used to describe me? Overall, I think this was pretty good. I definitely think you need to think about what -your- voice is as a writer and try to get that in there a little more. I want to feel like I'm there, so make me FEEL it. Also, YAY for first submission. I'm still not sure when I'll be able to write something :o. Never written -anything- before, but I'm thinking about it..
  9. Awesome, I'm glad I stole onto hubbies computer and read your outline, it will make reading this more enjoyable :3. Once again, I tend to just jabber my way through, feel free to discard any suggestions I throw at you, and you don't need to respond unless you want to bounce some thoughts :). This is just for you, so you have something to think over. So I thought this was posted already on the weekend o.O, but somehow it never went through. So this is very late. I blame Rob, Rob was late and it became contagious.
  10. Won't you be mine? Won't you be mine? 
    Won't you be, my neighbor!
    Everyone else has moved away for some reason. I'm not sure if its because I smell like cabbage or the 14 cats I own...

  11. Apparently I can talk forever about someone else's writing but have no ability at all to make my own .
  12. Sure thing! I'm not going anywhere, and I like helping people think things through. Story pong till you find something you love more than you like.
  13. I think I'll check out the podcasts, I know hubby listens to them a lot. I think my major issue is over thinking every single moment I am writing about. I spent two hours after determining how many moons a planet had and started to fret about its seasons and cycles, weather, and how all of this effected everything else before I realized I might be overthinking it to the point of insanity. I think I'll try making an outline type of deal like you did, and then trying to write again later next week when I have my thoughts just generally jotted down :o. Might help, and I'll listen to the podcasts in the meantime.
  14. My main inspiration is you babe . Beating you I mean, at publishing a book first <3.
  15. I couldn't find a board where whining was encouraged so I came in here! I've never actually written anything before. Ever. Other than a paragraph here and there in high-school for whatever and only the bare minimum I had to. I suppose I could count the times I RPed with my BFF, but never a story, or anything more than a few sentences. I don't even know where to start! So I tried to write a couple different fan-fiction like things instead, I already had some fun plot ideas on my computer that I never imagined I'd do anything with. This way the majority of the background for the story was already there. Which went ok, but holy crap this is hard! Drawing is so much easier, how do you guys even do this!?! Then I tried writing a bit of my own thing...and got like a dozen sentences on each. I feel like I spent an hour whispering promises to a piece of paper and left it cold and lonely. It's not going to give me a second date at this rate . It's going to be an eternity before I can submit anything at this rate .
  16. I think both @kais and @industrialistDragon have made some great points. However, I'd like to point out that D has been a prominent character in book 1, and one of the benefits of having very little background with a potentially well regarded character is that when book 2 rolls around you get to expand more on those characters. They're like little hidden gems that were overlooked previously. Personally, I love that D is sort of just a mysterious, graceful and elegant spinster. She could literally grow in any direction. For all we know, the 'bitter spinster' is just a cover for a revenge sworn ex-lover, or she hasn't met the right man/women yet, or a number of other backgrounds could develop as the story progresses without her ever being directly in the limelight. Sometimes the potential we leave untouched ripens into something even better later.
  17. I am here for you guys!
    Just not physically, which is going to make hugging difficult but I'm sure we'll manage.

  18. Nobody taught me any patience, so I logged into hubbies email this morning so I could see what everyone was writing early . I went back and read over what I said and realized I wrote a whole lot of conjecture and did a lot of theorizing, daydreaming and wondering. You don't need to answer my questions or thoughts; I'd much rather be left wondering for when I actually read it. It's just there so you know what my thoughts might be as a reader. I hope it is somewhat helpful. Title: Excellent title. I immediately wonder why AK has -anything- to do with a 'DH'. This intrigue would make me want to pick it up and at least read the back cover for that sneak peek or try at least the first page or two. ---- Challenging stereotypes - R.L.S. likes to say that there are three parts to every story. The beginning, the middle, and the twist. For him, that is the entire plot, but when it comes to stereotypes I love it when someone takes one, has it grow in its environment, and then twists it into something else >:3. I'm not saying to trick your readers, but it never hurts to throw a curve ball every once in a while. ---- Animal Parts - This is great, cause it can have so many consequences. Over farming or poaching, abuse, as well as people hoarding certain creatures, or breeding them for profit. View on pets, theft of pets. And of course, extinction. I love that Archy and Gravedigs are the big pursuits going on. Consider the implications of cannibalism, leftover meat, slave trade, murder and overall diet of the locals. Jails? Notorious for rats in some cases would be an issue if the prisoners could get a hold of one and manage to use it. Of course, it wouldn't be all that powerful if they did manage to (since you already stated that the common kind aren't as powerful). Just some things to consider! I also enjoy that they have to take the time to collect these things instead of magic just being a wave of the hand. ---- Characters - Almost everyone is gigantic. 6'1m, 5'10f, 6'5m, 5'11m, 5'9f. Even P at 5'6f is slightly above (5'9 is average for a male, 5'4 for a female) However, I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with this, you could even make it a part of your story. Perhaps the large amount of meat they eat? or the magic itself? Or maybe big people want to hang with the big people cause its a dog eats dog world out there. ---- Scene one - Has a good start. Directly into trouble are my favorite beginnings because it keeps you engaged. Scene two - J jumps into the fire, and instead of getting burned he sells the world charcoal. I like that he gets caught but still finds a way to turn this to their advantage (if I'm reading that right). I feel strongly that this scene is important in that it will set the tone for J's and C's relationship from this point out. Scene three - This part is important as it defines how these characters think and act to a greater degree. They're planning something, and each one is going to bring an element to the crock pot that will make a good story. At first it sounds like G is taking the biggest risk, hanging with the 'stys & wfs' fresh out of jail when he has a high moral character, but I feel there will be a good balance here since everyone else is at risk of being scrutinized by the monarchy now. Scene four - Now things are getting fun! From what I understand, everyone is planning to back stab G, C probably trusts J too much, J who thinks he's so tough is just going to double cross all of them but might be having second thoughts concerning C, and D who gave her word on behalf of the state may or may not be trying to just get rid of all of them in hopes of restoring her own family title. I feel excited about this alone. Your ability to write these characters and the undercurrents happening without giving too much away will determine whether this story is a hit or not. I would like to note that I'm not seeing a lot of movement from K & P at this point. Scene five - I feel a little cheated that this is the first scene where you start to mention the magic. I'll be disappointed as a reader if you don't immerse us in your unique magic before now, but obviously this is just an outline. Also, a storm? Just when they're plotting away? Terribly convenient. Perhaps you could make it a little less so by having one or two of them having to get in another way? This way, they all don't just waltz in.There are plenty of other workers, they might want the biggest and strongest and turn up their nose on tiny P, or all the positions get filled and someone has to improvise. This is all just conjecture though to help you think, discard as you will. Scene six - J is being put on the spot, any deviation from his course now could lead into himself getting in trouble. In a way, his path is set. Does he feel any guilt? Is he worried D will back stab him anyway? I feel good about the tension here. Your readers are going to assume that J can't possible betray them all! So they will assume he is going to betray D instead. Then you shake things up and everything goes to plan in the later scenes. Scene seven - This scene brings me back to scene 5. Why did they all need to go? Nothing is wrong if they all do. It could be because they want more eyes, or they don't trust each other, need the money or nobody wants to volunteer to be the one stuck cleaning all day so they all have to do it. Just some food for thought. It would also make me immensely happy if one of them stole extra food and pay, and then got chewed out by part of the group for doing so >:3. Moving on to the fight, I feel like with C volunteering to fight G, and also the previous mention that C has a soft spot for him, that there might be a bit of a love story going on here. This could better influence J's personality and his feelings toward both G, jealousy, and C, affection if you wanted. You also stated that: 'J see's the game C and G are playing', Not entirely sure what you mean there, but perhaps that is what you were already going for. I like that you have J questioning things here about the guards, and lack of dogs. That tension is going to make the next scene that much more enjoyable, and your readers will be begging for him to open up to his companions while he proceeds to not listen and lead them to disaster. Scene eight - 'You know it won't work right? It never just works.' - Inquisitor of the Inquisition. Scene 8 and we are in trouble again. All those missing guards and lack of dogs were hidden adepts. I love this. I feel its a good fit in to the more powerful side of magic, before this, we're just seeing ruffians use it. I also love that G is an agent of D. Your readers may have been led to believe that G was a loyal member of the group so long as his morals weren't trod on. They likely have been super worried about him being betrayed. Now they are thrown for a loop when G ends up being far more clever than they assumed. If G smirks at J in the book I'm going to mentally punch him in the face. J is pissed, and if he gets separated from C by G he's going to be worried he's brought her and the rest of them all to their deaths. The questions here is if he's more worried about her, or himself. Scene nine - Enter the boss fight! Que one liners, and fantastic future fan art! Can I kiss the people who made the Forums save writing? Cause my browser just crashed but everything is still here Scene ten - They went from being in jail, to being a team, to being a good team, to getting their asses handed to them and nearly dying. Now the stakes are higher than ever and J is the only one that can take this next step. I'm definitely interested in what J is going to do and I assume it will be thrilling since he is a thrill seeker, but what will happen to everyone else? I worry that this scene is one where its easy to drop the ball. If you're going to get clever, it's going to have to be good. Scene eleven - I worry that this is almost too simple. They just happen to work so well together that the college just gives up all its traditions to let them stick together? If you do this, there has to be some excellent reasoning behind it. I actually think G being gay is funny and works well with the rest of the book if you play it carefully. Especially with my earlier thought that J might be jealous of G and C liking one another. A sudden hard kiss on the lips that is more a quick tease seems more appropriate for the build up. Its a funny way to just say 'I was never interested in her, what were you worried about?' I imagine J would be shocked, and might try to blow it off as the tough guy, or might exaggerate being grossed out (Not cause its gay, cause -G- is KISSING him). Really, he'd just be relieved. I'm not thrilled with him being gung-ho about a kiss with G. Especially when there is already a dynamic with him liking C. I feel it takes away from the build up of J and C's relationship, but if you wanted in the next book for him to be gay maybe you could sex swap C & G but keep the personalities. End it with C (as a guy) taking a chance and kissing J. J is surprised C likes him and not G (as a girl) and C is pleasantly surprised that J likes him as well. That is all up to you and who your target audience is. Sticking with things as they are, I imagine C would be highly amused and would bet my gold that she knew all along. It would be extra amusing if in the next book she assumed the two of them were gay and was still oblivious to J liking her, allowing for another build up of their relationship. Again, I am not seeing K or P anywhere. It's J, G, and C with D watching them. Maybe you are killing them off, or they are background characters or not part of the team directly. Scene twelve - Walking and talking? J is a thrill seeker, and since the book started with trouble, I think you should end it with trouble on a laughing note. Imply the books will continue with J getting in more trouble and his friends with him. J learning something during his training that might make him take off into trouble might work and goes right into the 5 of them going off on a mission.in Scene 11 you say 'four of them as a team', was this a typo? In this scene its back to five. ---- Questions - Stakes are high enough - K & P seem to be absent but their profiles sound interesting. D is kind of a mystery but I don't think we need to know everything about everyone. Everyone else is good. - Setting is 'ok'. It's a city market, jail and an estate/college.but they can be made more interesting with a good plot, and descriptive details. - I like the magic system but don't be afraid to experiment with alternatives. Using the magic should be interesting to the reader but feel natural for the characters. ---- Escape - That is disgusting and brutal. I love it, but you'll have to find a careful balance for how they do the burning, Why not just burn someone alive where they stand if its so easy? Also imagine a black market for fingers all of a sudden. Ewww! And would the city smell of rot in some places? Overall I think your outline is pretty strong. Like you said, you already know that wandering off with the details is your weakness, so try your best to stay on course which is always easier said than done.
  19. I knew I wasn't alone! Spouse's of Sanderfans Unite! And finally! Someone who adores Fluttershy . Cool beans! It's true. Good peoples, but an even better horse. Occasionally an unwanted side kick. I'll see you around.
  20. When my best friend forever and ever transitioned to male we had to think hard on what they wanted to be called. In the end we determined that 'they/them' was better left to its own devices. It got ridiculously confusing, and when they were overused in writing the script became boring. Language is like a living thing. Constantly growing, changing, and expanding. Better to add new words, than remove old ones. Better to add meaning, than detract. With that said, everyone is of course welcome to their own devices. For my bestie and I, we used 'T' and also 'mamsir' during the in-between stage, but you could also use it for anything really. It's better than 'it' we decide (cause toilets are its too). Ti (tee) -- Ti jumped. I called tinn (tin), Tiz lips quirked, That belongs to tiggs, Going by tinzself. We also experimented a bit with O's: One -- Oune (own) jumped. I called Unn (uhn). Oonz lips quirked, That belongs to Onze. Going by oneself. Now that she is a he, we use male pronouns. In the end, I feel that these things seem to stick only within our own circles, or your inner culture you could say. Everyone has a different idea on how to do this and so it isn't sticking well. Personally, I prefer to use something that flows off the tongue. Language is suppose to be a beautiful thing. Just do what works for you, and don't force it. It has to flow naturally.
  21. I'm going through my Quarter Life crisis. It's like your midlife crisis but with less wrinkles.
  22. My bad! You both haven't changed your profile picture yet ^_^. That's what I get for being visual and not reading the names ;).
  23. I have to say, I am really impressed with the game Dragon Age' and their villains. I can't wait for #4! Especially since right from the get go Varric says: "..I like the story where the villain was the man beside you the whole time. The best villains don't see themselves as evil. They're fighting for a good cause and willing to get their hands dirty." Gotta agree, it's my favorite kind of story. I also love Severus Snape, Loki, Scar, Magneto, Vader, and Captain Hook.
  24. I'm a big fan of Zelda. I'd love to see a more realistic version come out to rival Skyrim . If that happens before I keel over from excessive age I'll be super pleased. Speaking of Zelda. I just got the Switch a while back, and have nearly finished Breath of the Wild. I had some misgivings about the art style at first, but it really grew on me.
  25. Good Morning World!
    I say, even though you never respond you heartless sphere.

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