BitBitio

I don't get it.

For well over a year now, I've been on and off on the Shard. An overwhelming amount has changed now that I'm back here, once again. Some of you, I knew for a month, just long to get to know you, and then forget you. 14 days ago marked my second anniversary of joining the Shard. Every time I get back on the Shard, hundreds of new notifications bombard me, but time doesn't allow that I view these.

My life has changed too. When I was consistently on in early 2019, I was a completely different person than I am today. I came to be great friends with many of you, and alas, the me whose words you read today isn't the same person. Hundreds of days, summer days where I find myself hard at work, busy throughout the day, autumn days of school and sadness as winter rolls in, winter days where I sit in the comfort of my home and venture outside only when necessary,and spring days, acting as almost a rebirth, where I grow a year older and school ends. It feels like a never-ending cycle as the years go by, yet I know that time, inevitably, will pass away and change will come. Change that, while good, makes me queasy when I consider it. 

The world has changed. In early 2019, I began to pursue interests outside of the Shard, in addition to the growing pressures of school as the year ended, and as a result the time spent in this community dwindled to meet my needs outside of the Shard. Over the summer, I held several summer jobs and was always busy. And then, I began high school that fall. While I made attempts throughout this period to reenter the magical world, friendly community, and happy place that the Shard was, new challenges and roadblocks occurred. Including COVID-19, which one might assume would allow me more time, yet my circumstances at home result in me having less time. 

For well over a year now, nearly 15 months, I have done my best to rejoin continually, and have consistently found it unviable or not possible. And believe me, I want to.

I hate saying goodbyes. 

But I can't keep doing this, leaving you amazing people with a tiny semblance of hope that someday, I might return with full activity, when in fact, that possibility isn't really a possibility. So, though many of you that may see this don't know me, and won't ever know me, I am saying goodbye. Goodbye to all the members of these forums, regardless of whether you knew me in my time or not. Goodbye especially to those in the Alleyverse, TUBA, and the other various roleplays I participated in throughout my time here. In the various PMs and other places, I always looked at the names of those who hadn't read the PM for a long time and laughed to myself, thinking I would never be one of those people. 

I am. And I know that to many of you, this message will mean nothing, having either moved on, or never having known me. That's okay.

I don't want to lead you on with a false hope, but I do believe that there is a miniscule possibility that one day, I might return in full force. The odds are against that possibility, so it's safer to say I might pop back up occasionally with a little status update or message in a PM. 

So again, I offer my thanks to all of you. It was a wild ride. Stay safe and stay healthy. 

Goodbye.