Mandamon

Members
  • Content count

    2,985
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    5

Mandamon last won the day on February 26 2013

Mandamon had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

1,423 Enefel

3 Followers

About Mandamon

  • Rank
    Complex and Unnecessary
  • Birthday May 26

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    North Carolina
  • Interests
    Practicing and Teaching Karate, Reading, Writing, Gaming, Tinkering
  1. Oh hey, I should probably promote this in here. I have a Kickstarter beginning June 1st to fund the first year of my publishing company, Space Wizard Science Fantasy! @Silk, @shatteredsmooth, @Robinski, and @kais are all participating as well. So if you interested in the twelve(!) books coming over the next year, check it out! You can set the preview to notify you when then campaign starts. https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/spacewizard/64225743?ref=3jrf0s&token=3f3611d0
  2. Oh hey, I should probably promote this in here. I have a Kickstarter beginning June 1st to fund the first year of my publishing company! @Silk, @shatteredsmooth, @Robinski, and @kais are all participating as well. So if you interested in the books coming soon, check it out! You can set the preview to notify you when then campaign starts. I'll post this in the lounge as well... https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/spacewizard/64225743?ref=3jrf0s&token=3f3611d0
  3. Thanks @Bondsmith-Edgedancer! Yes, not an excellent time to start in, at the last chapter of a 90k word book, but thanks for the feedback! I always appreciate catching grammatical errors, A lot of the things you're missing are obviously things that have come before in the story. This will (hopefully) be coming out in September this year, so you'll have a chance soon to read the whole thing soon! Glad the writing came across well. I am always looking to improve my craft, and even though this is a first draft, I've been through it 3-4 times. The time jumps are something specific to this book. I can see how they would be pretty jarring coming in cold! Ha--yeah, this is sort of a metaphor, as interpreted by the local intelligence on this planet. It saw spaceships land (the parents) and the crew (the children) come out of it and cannibalize the ships for parts. But yes, the intelligence is rather creepy, and I'm having fun with the interactions in the second book. Thanks again!
  4. Woo! This is the end of the first book! Part 12 comes in right about 6000 words. I know there were some comments last time about things not completely coming to a head, so let me know what you think of this. I will say this is a much different story structure that what I usually write, and it's been a fun experiment throughout! Some other context: the second book in this series will be coming out about 6 months after this one, and there is already a short story written (in the Distant Gardens anthology) that occurs about ten years after this ending. So let me know what you think, and as usual, any and all comments are welcome: plot, setting, character, grammar, etc. Thanks for all the feedback!
  5. I don't see a problem with it. @Silk
  6. Alright, I've got the last section of Mycelium ready for next week! This one is about 6000 words, but finishes off the book, if people don't mind. I've got some great insights so far, and I know where a lot of sections need to be beefed up. Thanks everyone for reading!
  7. This is another beefy one, all of part 11 at around 9100 words. Things are definitely wrapping up here. Only one more section after this with about 6000 words. Let me know what you think, and as usual, any and all comments are welcome: plot, setting, character, grammar, etc.
  8. Thanks @Warmacky, @shatteredsmooth, and @Sarah B! Sounds like this one reads slower, so now I'm wondering what @kais will think of it. I know they enjoy the sciency parts more. I'll see what Kais says. It might just need some edits. Good point. That will help me figure out what to change. You'll get a big one next chapter! Makes sense. Maybe I need to stagger the first and second parts of this chapter a bit. Glad this worked! I really like writing these characters!
  9. Thanks @Warmacky, @Sarah B, @kais, and @shatteredsmooth! I really enjoyed writing these parts, so glad they're enjoyable. You can rest easy with Al. I decided to give him a break this book ;-) Yep, I can see this. I was going to say Kais' comment might be handled by the next section, but Shatteredsmooth already read it, so I'll need to beef up this arc a bit. Thanks again!
  10. Well, I have another 9000 word chapter. If not one else is going next week, anyone mind if I take two slots again on the 16th?
  11. This is the second half of part 10, and we're getting close to the end of this book! I'm actually under the word count for once. As a reminder, this starts up right after Al goes out dancing in the last submission, and this part largely focuses on building the colony, again. Let me know what you think, and as usual, any and all comments are welcome: plot, setting, character, grammar, etc.
  12. Actually within the word limit this time! I'd like to submit the rest of part 10 on the 9th.
  13. Thanks @shatteredsmooth! Yep. Definitely fueled from...er...events. Lol. Glad you like him! Again, it's really interesting to see who likes which characters. I think between six people responding here everyone has a different POV they like most and least. I hope that means this format is working. Yes, @kais mentioned the same thing. I think I need to bulk the last lines up a bit.
  14. Thanks to @Sarah B, @Silk, @Ace of Hearts, @kais, and @Warmacky! Ha! Yeah, that would have been fun. Not...yet! Great comments on this section. Ji is definitely an optimist, always looking to how she can move tot he next best thing. Tying this more to the kids will definitely happen in the next few sections, but I can add some more here for the emotion. On communal support for A, I think I need to make this clearer and tie it to her stubbornness as to why she's trying to do it all herself. Can do Probably a bad idea, but then the whole colony is at major risk anyway. But yeah, I can adjust this. Check and check. Will address. Yep! It comes up more later as well. They changed when the ships landed on the planet! Yes, specifically chosen. I was using this as a bit of a mental power play from J, showing where she thinks of herself in relation to the others. I'm using these sections as a type of general update to show what's happening at a higher level, but I can up the emotions as well. Hopefully that will make these connect better. Yes, this is something specific to the biomass to enable it to build larger structures. I was assuming it just hadn't finished with the vein they found. There are others around, but much harder to find. I can clean this up. I think I need to dig into this a bit more and up the emotions in the section to get away from the infodump and address Gen complaints more. It won't fully come to a head until much later. With handwavium? Wil address. Part of this is just to keep the Gens busy so they don't have time to revolt or get our of hand. I can make this clearer in J's sections. Noted. I can make it clearer how fast they're running out of materials. Yes, they're sort of NPCs at this point, just because they're so young. But they will play a larger part later, and will also be important in books 2 and 3! It's really interesting reading through the comments on this book in general. Different people like different POVs more, which was what I was hoping. The snapshots of the colony was definitely an experiment on my part, but it seems to be working? The next edit is focusing on upping the emotion and making sure the stakes remain high, so I'll address those points. Excellent comments from everyone and thanks again for tackling this huge section!
  15. I have surprisingly few notes on this! It was a very well constructed story. You have good worldbuilding, exposed piece by piece through the story, the characters are excellent, and the plot fulfills a nice single objective--T getting her cat back. There were a lot of grammar errors and typos in here, so another pass would be good to catch all those, but that's a second draft issue. If you want a place to cut this down just a little, the interaction with the townspeople in the middle went on a little long, but has good tension as to what they will do to her. This can definitely work as a stand alone. It gives plenty of depth to the world and characters. I also love the idea of other stories in this world. Some things that caught my attention were the idea of the Catlords, like Tru. I'd love to see how that works. The townspeople were also interesting, in how they survived. I really liked the Wild West feel of the story though, roughing it out in the apocalypse. I wonder how much wildlife survived this new apex predator though? I'd imagine game is getting scarcer in the Catlands... Notes while reading: Pg 1: "There was no border in the Catlands and even if there was no self respecting cat who would abide them." -- missing a comma and an extra "who" Pg 2: genes -> jeans Pg 18: "since she spoke with Sir." --is this P.? I think this is the first time she refers directly to him this way Pg 19: "could have been her cat." Is this the mother? A little confused.