danex

New Pet Peeve just dropped.

STOP. TALKING. ABOUT. HOW. FAST. YOU. READ.

ESPECIALLY PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVELY 

1. It’s annoying because it’s bragging. All bragging is annoying. This alone isn’t enough to make it an issue though.

2. It’s annoying because it’s completely unverifiable. Basically any other skill or ability can be viewed from an outside perspective. Some can be judged subjectively, others can be measured objectively. There is no way (barring literal eye-tracking software (even this would be flawed though)) to observe reading speed. It’s simply unknowable. Number of words or books means nothing, because guess what? YOU SKIMMED SOMETHING. I promise you, there is at least ONE word you didn’t read in any given book. More likely there are multiple sentences scattered throughout that didn’t entirely register. (This then brings up the semantic argument of “does the reader have to have actually gained any information, or does simply recognizing the individual words really fast count as ‘reading’”) Especially if you’re someone for whom “reading fast” is a point of pride, you’re likely to skim more. Not intentionally, I’m not calling you a cheater or anything. That would be silly, because…

3. I DONT CARE. NOBODY CARES. ITS NOT IMPRESSIVE. IT’S NOT A SKILL. Reading speed is a “skill” that depends on a huge number of factors, most of which are completely out of any person’s control. Environmental factors that could effect focus, genetic factors that affect brain processing speed etc. These things can’t be improved upon. It’s not a skill. (Also, it’s fairly ableist. Like, ADHD and Dyslexic people struggle to read quickly at no fault of their own. Imagine a group of people arguing about who’s the tallest and across the room is someone who has dwarfism.) The one factor in reading that may actually be a skill is reading comprehension, but comprehension generally increases the SLOWER you read soooooo…

4. It’s annoying because of the strange, passive-aggressive, competitive discussion it causes. Every single time reading speed is mentioned, it’s like every person nearby devolves into base-instinct animals competing for the right to mate. I swear, they act like peacocks. Inserting themselves into the conversation, always being careful to not specifically insult anyone who came before them, but making sure their supremacy is known. “Oh you read [long book] in a week? Wow that is fast! I’m a fast reader too, once I read [longer book] in 4 days.” Like omfg we’re all supposed to be more intelligent than this. Stop comparing sizes and move the heck on.

I would like to say that one of the reasons this annoys me so much is because I used to be quite guilty of all of this. Thinking on younger (much younger. (like, 7 years ago)) dannex bragging about how fast he reads makes me violently cringe to the point of disgust. But to you all,  I offer a better way. A slower way. Join me on the enlightened path of non-pretentiousness, and never bring up reading speed ever the heck again.