Archer

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Archer last won the day on December 17 2018

Archer had the most liked content!

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2,297 Steel Inquisitor

About Archer

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    |-/

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  • Website URL
    https://haveibeenpwned.com/
  • AIM
    A bunch of evil beekeepers
  • MSN
    Impossible
  • ICQ
    A very cold lineup
  • Yahoo
    ... asked Horton
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    Wocky
  • Skype
    My position on the curling team

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Canada
  • Interests
    Hi! To quickly get in touch with me, summon me on the TUBA discord or ping me in a post. If you contact me through other means, I will likely not see your message until the weekend. Have a nice day!

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  1. also a joke

    ^ I don't know about you all, but that ellipsis? *shudders* Very scary. (What was he insinuating?!) Prose like that makes me want to cower in fear. All of my votes are going to Argent on this one.
  2. first verse

    Tion smiled when Zura brandished not one, but two knives. You wouldn’t mind if I borrow one of those, would you? He began visualizing his attack, mentally mapping out a flurry of blows that would disarm his opponent quickly, allowing him to focus- Price’s cry interrupted his thoughts. Tion chanced a glance towards the mouth of the alley, taking in the arrival of four burly city guards, three male servicemen carrying spears and their commander, a woman with an expensive-looking rapier in hand. “Alright then, what seems ta be the problem here?” the captain demanded, waving her hand to order the other officers to fan out alongside her, blocking the exit to the alleyway. They advanced slowly, spears pulled back, ready to throw. Tion pointed his thumb at Zura, then Sagitta. “I’m trying to maim him, he’s trying to kill her. Normally I’d ask you to wait until we’re done before butting in, but since you’re here, can I borrow your weapon for a minute?” He lunged toward the closest soldier, his hand grasping for their forearm. However, the man was still ten meters away, so the god simply fell on his face. Surprised, the officer paused, then threw his spear in a shallow arc to impale the prone Tion through the back, just to be safe. It passed through the God of Sensation’s torso like a hand passing grabbing at smoke; it was as if the deity was a hologram. The wooden shaft clattered to the cobblestones beneath where Tion appeared to be, having done no damage. The god stood to his feet, brushing imaginary specks of dust from his sleeves. His assailant, having approached to reclaim his weapon, narrowed his eyes at him. For a moment, both of them were too confused to do anything. The guardsman was the first to recover. Hesitantly, he raised his fist and bopped Tion in the nose. It connected solidly. “Ow,” said Tion, momentarily blinking back tears as he returned the punch, but harder, so his attacker was knocked back a few steps. “That wasn’t very nice.”
  3. joke

    *shuffles in, stealing glances over my shoulder at the shadowy region in the corner behind me as I go* Hello, m-my name is Insert Nam- I mean, Archer, and completely of my own, um, volition, I would like to officially announce that I think that the frightening moderator known as Voidus, The Supreme Overlord of Hemalurgy, is incredibly intimidating and scary. Be sure to say that I've given more people nightmares than that nerdy- oh no, I've messed up. *cue cards flutter to the ground as I burst into a sprint, dashing out of sight* *faint screaming noises can be heard in the distance, then... silence*
  4. Narrator Archer quietly crouched by their spasming body and placed an 'OUT OF ORDER' sign upon their chest.
  5. first verse

    Tion grunted, briefly acknowledging Gati as he lasered in on Sagitta. “Luck ain’t my domain, soldier. But since the gods appear to messing with me today, perhaps Probability’s in on this too.” He made a rude gesture at the rooftops that lined the alley, as if he expected to see the goddess watching them from some hidden vantage point. “There weren’t even any fausterloicks, but somebody can’t take a hint,” he muttered angrily. “Fortunately, Negation isn’t the only one here who can alter memories. Turns out you can also make a human forgetful if you punch them hard enough in the face.” He took a menacing step forward, raising his fists like a boxer. “When I did basic training, they did teach us how to fight with our hands, girl. Consider this your first lesson.” He advanced aggressively, only stopping briefly as he registered the presence of Zura and her knife. “Nice blade, kid. Hope you know how to use it.” Now unsure who to charge, he stood equidistant between the two of them, his eyes flipping back and forth between the two potential threats.
  6. first verse

    The hill, to the eyes of the travellers, came with them. "It's just not okay to- Thom's ***, who did that?" Tion dropped the illusion and looked around. "Which one of you's a 'porter? Geez people, warn a guy before you do that! Where's my stone? It's not here, it's not here..." The god began patting his pockets, searching his trench coat frantically. His breath hitched, he was close to hyperventilating. Finally, his hand closed around a small pebble in one of them, right where he had left it. Squeezing it tightly, he let out a sigh of relief, then spun to glower at the humans. "Never do that again."
  7. first verse

    "Don't they teach you unarmed combat anymore? I think you could wrestle at least three of them before being ripped to shreds. If we use Book Boy as a distraction, you could probably take down a fourth." When his fellow diety began to text, Tion stared at the phone, aghast. It was almost as if Gati wanted to re-reveal their secret. There was some miscommunication going on; Negation's game-plan did not make sense to him. Why do these mortals still know so much? "I don't know what you're talking about," he said very loudly and slowly, over emphasizing each word. "I have never tried to use my instinct to preform such a powerful feat." Now, which would be easier, hiding them, or making them think they're hidden? He elected to attempt the latter. "Oh dear. I've never done something like this for so many fellow humans before!" The zombie boy coughed. Seizing the opportunity, Tion let loose a small surge of Power to warp the sound that came from his mouth, effectively preforming magical ventriloquism. "I believe in you," the boy appeared to say, although his voice sounded more like a two-year old on helium. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, kid! That was just the encouragement I needed to unlock my full potential. Wow, I can feel the Power rushing through my veins! Here we go, everybody!" He extended his magic towards each of the assembled, coaxing their eyes to see the air around them shimmer, then seemingly solidify into a dirt-brown semi-spherical barrier about five meters in diameter that surrounded them completely. He snapped is fingers, and in the center of the mass, he suggested to them all that a campfire appeared, emitting a bright light, but no heat. "Oof," he grunted. "That was so hard. We're now hidden beneath an oddly located and shaped illusion of a hill. This should keep us visually hidden for a few minutes, but I should note that it won't conceal our scents or sounds, and to see outside, someone will have to poke their head out of the barrier, which is actually going to be hilarious to watch..." Task complete, the god began to pace.
  8. first verse

    The God of Sensation grinned. "That's the name! It's funny, they sound so much scarier when you call them that, I can see why they went with that one. It really helps you visualize their flesh rending teeth and gargantuan claws. Rawwwr, I'm going to eat you all, amiright?" Tion chuckled. His left hand, cupped to represent a beast's maw, began pretending to devour his right. The god made small screaming noises out of the corner of his mouth to accompany the tableau. "What?" he said. "The nice lady's got a sword, we'll be fine." He winked at the previously dead boy, and dramatically mouthed at him the words or will we?.
  9. first verse

    Tion had stood, as if in a trance, a little way away from the group for the last couple minutes. Suddenly, he shook his head briskly, and smartly stepped forward to reintegrate himself into the circle. That ought to have been enough time for Gati to do her thing. “Hello,” he greeted them warmly, oblivious to the tension between the party members. “It’s me, Tion! I know, I know, I’ve been away so long you’ve probably forgotten what I even look like-” He paused to give them the opportunity to laugh at his joke, and was only slightly disappointed by the tepid response. “-but I’m pleased to announce that despite the delays, my scouting was entirely successful!” He nodded at Gati, but the expression on their face made him pause. They seemed concerned about something. The God of Sensation made a mental note to ask the individual of indeterminant gender about it later. “Let me tell you,” he continued cheerfully, “there are so many of those beastie things following us right now. Fausterloicks. No, that’s not it. Gati, what were they calling those critters now? Doesn’t matter. You all know those big, angry cat things? There’s at least ten of them sniffing around about a mile back, moving this way at speed.” He smiled at them, exuding a manic calmness that seemed at odds with his dire tidings. As he stood, shifting his weight from one foot to another, he wiped the blood from his fingertips onto his coattails. The recently resurrected boy was staring at him with a confused look on his face, so Tion mouthed we are all going to die soon! at him, by way of explanation.
  10. Hi!

    Hi @fadiay08! You appear to have accidentally double-posted this topic, but you can easily fix that by using the Moderation Actions button to hide the redundant one. Anyway, welcome to the Shard! Obviously, if you were making a cosmere themed Mario Kart game, you'd replaced the shells you throw with confused chulls, but what other modifications would you make?
  11. What's this? Am opportunity to amateurishly poke fun at tCotWR? I can't miss that. (I am so pleased to find that this thread exists. All of you are amazing artists, especially those of you who managed to make something out of the prompt soul. Please, take all of my upvotes.)
  12. Happy... 

    1. Archer

      Archer

      ...birthday. 

      (had to reserve a spot earlier ;)

    2. MetaTerminal

      MetaTerminal

      Means you get two upvotes :P

      Thank you!

  13. Tragically uneaten, the burrito grew cold, both physically and emotionally. As it shivered in Truthless' hand, it began to forget what love felt like.
  14. first verse

    Tion's visage reappeared, as he normally looked, but standing rigidly twenty meters away from the group. He stared straight ahead, unblinking, barely visible in the surrounding darkness. There was blood on the tips of his fingers. He showed no signs of acknowledging the others' presence.