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Archer last won the day on December 17 2018

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2,441 Steel Inquisitor

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    A bunch of evil beekeepers
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    My position on the curling team

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    Hi! To quickly get in touch with me, summon me on the TUBA discord or ping me in a post. If you contact me through other means, I will likely not reply to your message until the weekend. Have a nice day!

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  1. Rook nodded and slid the package of coins over. "My number is written down on the outside of that. Text me when you find him." Deal complete, the big man was almost halfway out the door before he stopped his quick retreat, struck by an afterthought. "I didn't give you my name. You could find it, if you did some digging. Don't. I'll know if you do." And with that, he stepped quietly back into the night. Once he got a half block away down the alley, a second figure, more lithe and small, almost child sized, emerged from the shadows opposite the door he'd left from. They began to tail him, not subtly, but more as an escort to prevent anyone else from following. After a few twists and turns, the two of them parted ways, having never exchanged a word.
  2. Just sliding in to say, cool! You read the wiki! I approve! In the alternate timeline thing we've got going, TUBA remains committed to distributing safe, delicious cookies. However, they're hamstringed by an internal culture of suffocating bureaucracy and love for excessive paperwork, meaning, as some players are working to change, they have lost sight of their altruistic mandates. They're still a big organization, but in this world, that's caused them to be in disarray and disrepute. I think, in practice, the DA is a non-entity. TUBA doesn't have them on the radar, so they aren't actively working against them. Queen's question got resolved, so I'll just say hi again! Welcome to the guild.
  3. Rook grunted non-noncommittally. "You people and your cookies." His beefy fingers pulled open the package and slid out the plastic tray from inside. Instead of the alluded to Girl Scout cookies, two rows of gleaming gold coins could be seen - until he closed his hand over the box once more, hiding them from sight. "I'm looking to trade these... thin mints for some information. The batch is yours if you can enlighten me. If not, I suggest you hang onto them. Spend half to get the intel, and keep the rest for yourself." He leaned forward, expression blank and unreadable. There was no excitement in his voice, no fear, no anger. Just a slight impatience with the man in front of him, and the implicit threat that came with it: don't disappoint. "I seek the location of a man, early twenties, fit, if a little scrawny. Six feet tall, short brown hair with a fringe. Barcode tattoo on his left ankle. Probably wearing at least one pair of lenses. Code name King, though I doubt you'd get that out of him. He doesn't tell the truth very often. Or ever, really." He paused, right nostril flaring, his first sign of emotion since entering the building. "Full name: Kingston Smedry. Do we have a deal?"
  4. Rook smacked his head on the top of the door frame as he tried to enter. He had a frame the size of a fitness addict – or a Pewterarm. He embraced the stereotypes that went with it, buzzing his hair short and wearing dark sunglasses whenever he went out, the kind that were opaque enough to hide his eyes, but you couldn’t see your reflection in. As he crossed the threshold and shrugged off his cloak, his leather jacket became visible. Four white letters were stencilled across its back: L.I.A.R. “Glassweave coat,” he intoned, throwing it down on the nearest tabletop. “Half-shattered now, but its got salvage value. Earth-made, custom dagger pockets. Yours, if you’ll give me a moment of your time.” The mountain of a man flipped his palm up to reveal a small cardboard box he had been carrying. “I hear this is a place to trade services and... goods.” He shook his hand, making the container’s contents rattle a little. “Would you like to buy some thin mints?”
  5. Soon his entire face was covered in hair.
  6. Clang. Clang. Clang. Kingston stopped his crawling to try to look at Eiran. As he did- claaaang- he smacked his head into the ceiling of the tunnel. "Oh, I hope we're in here a while longer! I'm incredibly pleased to report that the path splits ahead, and there's no way of telling the best way forward." He shuffled forward a bit to let Eiran see. As he did, he felt the metal under his knees change in texture, going from a smooth sheet of steel to a latticed grate. It rattled beneath him. "There's actually some light coming from this hatch I'm sitting on, but that doesn't seem important. Now, if you give me about an hour or so, I could use the magnets I carry with me to polarize a very small sword, put it in a bowl of water, and we'd have a helpful compass that would point the way north... you've got a bowl of water, right? I thought I saw one in your coat pocket, please don't tell me that you lost it." Kingston readjusted himself. The metal holding him up continued creak ominously. "Hey Allence," he shouted, voice echoing throughout the space, "ahead of us there's two quite unique features:" "Duct," he pointed at the path to the left. One of the screws holding the hatch he was on popped out and dropped to the ground below. He pointed right. "...duct." He was starting to get concerned about his position. I wonder if this spot is unsafe. I sure hope this grate isn't- "LOOSE!" With a bam, the metal gave way entirely, dumping the Smedry out of the ventilation system to the floor below. He smashed into the ground, rolled to the side, bounced off a wall, and came to a stop flat on his back. He was greeted by the sight of Kumiko and KanMien standing in front of him, in front of the elevator doors. Ding! At that exact moment, the lift's doors slid open. "Don't go in there," Kingston panted, ribs throbbing. "Eiran farted in it."
  7. Hi, I like your snake! 

  8. yo whassup

    1. Archer


      OOOH, you're red tinted coloured blob! Didn't make the connection because of the different pfps. 


    2. Sami


      I am red tinted coloured blob

    3. Archer


      who are you, neon spikes, and how did you hack blob the builder's account 


  9. "How much... you think it'll take?" A distant voice wafted towards Kingston. He stopped to listen. A woman responded, faint also. "Let's look around." "Around?" "Rat bird, I missed you!" As his foe reemerged from the shadows, mottled wings flapping furiously to dive at him, with a sudden clang, the Smedry's foot clamped onto a metal grate. Cold air was blowing out of it, and on the breeze, more voices, disgruntled sounding folk if he'd ever heard them. They appeared to be waiting for something. Relieved, Kingston used a small sword to pull the metal away from the wall, then let both of them fall into the abyss, revealing a squareish tunnel ahead. And in it, a family of scary looking baby flying meekers. "I think the nest of deadly rodents actually improves the air duct exploring experience," Kingston decided. His own words echoed through the chamber loudly. "Oi, speedy side-kicks, I see the light at the end of the tunnel!" Having no other choice, he squeezed himself into the space, and was promptly assaulted by the fangs of many tiny meeklings. "This is fiiiine! Oh, OW, OW, OW, this is very, very pleasant!"
  10. Meanwhile Kingston was clinging to the hilt of a sword, dangling from a wall, millions of meters up in the air. "I don't need HEEEEEEEELP!" he cried. "Help?" echoed back a small voice. The Smedry looked to his right to find a small rodent sitting perched on the rung of a ladder. It had a pair of leathery wings and a single pointed fang, copper in colour, protruding from its mouth. The creature cocked its head quizzically. "I knew that ladder was there," Kingston grumbled, grabbing the rung below the animal before he fell into the abyss. "Ladder." The rat gleefully jumped into the air, landing on Kingston's face. "There!" "Gosh, you've got lovely smooth teeth that definitely don't make you look carnivorous!" Its front fang pushed forward, scratching the front of his Warrior's Lens. "That's cool, buddy, those weren't hard to find. I've got a fang too, wanna see it?" Out of his bag, he pulled a stiletto, which parried the rat thing to the side. It flapped its wings upwards to dodge his next strike, then dive bombed him, scratching at Kingston's fingers. His grip loosened and he fell once more, watching the underside of the creature as it did its proud victory dance above him. "I thought you things were supposed to be meekeeeeeeeeeeeer!" "Kingston?" came a voice from below, faint, but audible. "Nobody here but us Rosharan chickens!" He let himself dive for a minute more, picking up speed. Eventually, a pair of ascending figures came into view. Trusting his Warrior's Lens to assist him in the maneuver, he drove himself into the wall to grab the ladder. He missed, and smacked feet-first into the rock. But the feet stayed stuck to it, holding him in place. "Hey Eiran, do you like my Grappler’s Glass boots that I've known this whole time that I've been wearing?" Archer definitely hadn't forgotten and only just remembered when he checked Kingston's character sheet to see what Lenses he was wearing. "The way out is up there, I saw the light of the exit while I was making friends with the local wildlife." With feigned nonchalance, he began strolling up the wall, a feat which revealed an impressive amount of core strength.
  11. "Definitely!" At first, Kingston couldn’t tell which square he was pointing to. He leaped upwards and let his fist drift into one. It held fast. “Ow, that was pleasant,” he mumbled. Then the elevator jolted slightly, and his head banged upwards. But instead of crashing into the metal ceiling, it pushed through a small, well disguised hatchway. Unfortunately for the Smedry, the elevator was still moving. Quicker than he expected, as he reached his arms through to pull himself up, he popped out into a dark shaft, lit by violent sparks of the scraping metal on rock and a light yellow glow from the top of the elevator itself. Standing on top of the elevator car, he was immediately jostled into the wall and knocked off his feet. “No need to paniiiiic!” he cried down, cutting his hand on the rough shaft wall before he got a grip on the plummeting car. “I have a brake!” Kingston reached his bloodied hand into his bag and pulled out a very sharp short sword, the kind children's parents would never let them keep unless they said it was a letter opener. Grunting, he plunged it into the wall. A second later, the elevator had moved out from under his feet, leaving him dangling from the hilt of a weapon that really wasn’t built for this kind of activity. As it raced away, its occupants would be able to hear him shouting. What he tried to shout were detailed instructions about how to deactivate and reprogram the Silimatic Glass he'd noticed glowing on top of the elevator, obviously locked into some kind of downward propulsion command. What came out was a faint, “This is fine…,” his voice getting fainter and fainter as they moved away. Making matters worse, any occupants with precognition powers might have also had visions of the elevator beginning to constrict in the near future, like the trash compactor of some space-based science fiction movie. “Never mind, I think Star Wars is canon on Alacatraz Earth, I can improve that analogy!” Kingston decided to hang tight and wonder what universe-scrambling events had occurred to make it so that the first alley he came to in the Alleycity would end up being a vertical one. “Seems very practical!”
  12. Kingston couldn't read the writing on the wall, so he said as much, in his own way. "It says 'Pele was here'! Very useful informatioooon!" His words became distorted as the elevator picked up speed. "I appreciate the expeditious service!" he announced, terrified. He was hugging the hand rail on the side of the elevator, feet off the ground, but not squished into the roof yet. The Smedry's ears popped as the elevator continued to plunge. The mutterings about safety mechanisms sounded smart, so he extended a finger towards the bank of buttons that had started the whole fiasco. The lowermost one was a red 'Call for Help' button. He pressed it. The music turned off, replaced by a man's voice playing through the speaker system. "Cy, can you move that box? It's blocking the door." "Hey, nice looking man, can you help us?" Kingston wasn't sure where to talk into, so he just shouted. The voice on the other end continued talking. "Down, please." There was a muffled ding. "So how'd the- wahaaaaaaaaaaaahh!" "I think this is a useful development! I'll keep trying to talk to this man, live!" "Make it stoooooop... Cyroson, save the jello! Oh no, it's too late... push out the-" The recording clicked off. The Justin Beiber remix of a Spanish song faded back on.
  13. "Huzzah, high-score!" Kingston pocketed his pretend phone, greatly confusing the mimes in his gaming server who all had at least a three car lead on him with two laps to go. They began to angrily text him, creating a phenomenon the Smedry usually attributed to phantom vibrations. He instinctively tapped his pocket. "I really need to cut down my screen time." Nodding to the man standing in the elevator next to him, Kingston leaned forward and poked the door close button. Ding! The music immediately changed to a Spanish dub of the song that had been playing. Additionally, the doors slammed shut in front of them, revealing a word scrawled there in red marker. It too was in Spanish. "They've put the exclamation mark the wrong way up," Kingston noted. "Also, this Peligro fellow has terrible handwr-" DING. With a jolt, the elevator began to plummet into a free-fall. "-IIIIIIIIITINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!"
  14. Tion continued to study Last, the way one teacher observes another’s technique. It was an interesting presentation. He seemed almost human with his mannerisms, with subconscious seeming tilts of the head and gestures. And yet, it was an incomplete illusion. He could never be mistaken for a mere human, his form seemed well chosen to set him apart without unnerving those he met. Meanwhile, from across the circle, a lithe black snake was sunning itself in the sand beside a standing stone, unnoticed as it bathed in the sun’s warmth. As Tion talked, its head slowly bobbed upwards, tongue flicking out to taste the air. Two tiny fangs poked out from its mouth. The snake moved forward, into the shadow in front of it. Its cold black scales shimmered as it moved, revealing a grey underbelly along its pencil-thin frame. It wiggled at speed, blazing a trail through the grass. Within a moment it would pass Sagitta, but its beady little eyes were fixed on Tion and the energies radiating out of him. “Yes, we’ve been a little isolated of late. Stuck on an island, you know how it goes. What’s going on in the world? What’s the bigger picture?” the god asked, curiously. @AonEne