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Alderant last won the day on March 6 2018

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587 Dakhor Monk


About Alderant

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    Character Analyst and Theorist

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  1. Hahahaha.....You know, you're totally right. This word is almost exclusively used by Bethesda's Elder Scrolls series (I didn't find that out until you said so yesterday! I'm not very far into Skyrim). The word is not trademarked (I checked), and the fact that this similarity exists is...completely coincidental. The word comes from a name in-world, which is in no way related to Elder Scrolls (I was trying to smith a gaelic sounding word that carried a similar connotation)...but I might have to go back and do some wordsmithing to find something that looks different but feels as correct. Thanks for bringing this up.
  2. Thanks! This is my first time in an actual feedback/critiquing group--most of my previous feedback has been from friends who I had read earlier versions. I think your criticisms/insights are fine. If anything, you're picking up on things no one else has, so that's helpful in and of itself (and having someone read who's on a more liberally-minded side than myself is also helpful for contrast). I'll have to check that link you posted to see if that would help (I generally steer clear of tumblr, the people can get pretty vitriolic). I played a lot with "races" on La'andar to get my own head out of the real world connections (I didn't really build the world with race in mind, that came after), so if the possible colorism does remain a problem through the rest of the story, let me know so that I can address it in later revisions--I'm hoping, though, that as the story goes on it won't be as glaring of an issue as it might appear in the beginning. Curious what gave you that impression? That's actually really important feedback I would like to know.
  3. @kais, I think this draft is pretty good. A couple of notes I had to make things a little clearer: Flyers Your descriptors of the flyers arriving and taking off is an area I am really struggling to comprehend. From the description, it almost seems like they travel through some kind of mechanically-based sand portal (which is kind of neat now that I think on it), the idea that this is a intraplanetary or even interplanetary means of transportation is completely lost on me when Nadia appears or leaves--it's only after the Mella appear that I even realized they were ships. Maybe some descriptors near the beginning to indicate it's a type of ship or hoverbike that Nadia disembarks from would go a long way to helping us frame the scene a little better? Flyers and beetles It sounds like theres some confusion as to why beetles would be combined with flyers...perhaps that aforementioned description of the flyers would help with that? I'm assuming from context that the beetles are faster than foot travel, and the flyers are used to transport the beetles more quickly over long distances, kind of like corralling horses on a train to a certain destination? Mella This section is kind of unclear. Why would Ember let down her guard with the Mella enough to be stabbed, if these Mella are truly the drain on society and the reason for her wife's death? Just a thought I'd had. The stabbing Why did that happen? This has been commented before, I dont really have anything to add beyond what's been said. That said, I think placing Taraniels death closer to the scene in question would have significantly more effect on the reader, because of the reasons you pointed out. Shadows of Self, by Brandon, pulls a similar concept off really well in its opening scenes, and I think reading that (if you havent) or perusing the beginning of that book would be a great source of inspiration for you....not that I'm trying to tell you how to write (heavens, no, you're far more experienced than me). Thoughts and speculation I really like this world you're introducing us to. It seems like you're set up to speak of gender roles and dynamics (which is a topic I'm working on in my book too, haha), and the whole "female only world" brings to mind some interesting questions: How is the concept of "female" addressed by society? You've touched on this a little bit, and what intrigues me is the idea that the settling entity determines sex by chromosomes, not by professed gender. I'm admittedly not an expert on the nonbinary stuff--Im a traditionalist in this regard--but I think a discussion of how, for example, humanities need for reproductive capacity forced these females to be "women" regardless of how they saw themselves, (considering the main character seems to be nonbinary) would be interesting to read. I understand that may not be the narrative you have in mind (and it certainly wouldnt have to be the main focus of the narrative, it could certainly work as a tangential plot or not at all) but it was just something that had crossed my mind while reading.
  4. Hello all! FYI: Content tags are probably mostly irrelevant in these opening scenes, but are a preemptive measure because there might be some things later on in the story, so I don't want anyone uncomfortable with these things to be surprised if/when they appear later down the road. Sorry for the late submission, I wasn't able to get this in before bed last night and this is the first chance I've had. Hope you enjoy! - Alderant
  5. So you probably enjoy games like Oxygen Not Included then, I'm guessing? Games with more resource management and tactical application? I admit, you list a few I haven't heard of here (though I haven't picked up a new game in a while, I've been more focused on the industry itself, rather then the products).
  6. I'm generally not as picky about genres as I am about content (I generally steer clear of sports games and mmos). Usually, I play a fair variety. I prefer games with a deeper story (such as RPGs and Adventure titles, games that require more abstract thinking), but I play "junk food" games on occasion too (like Platformers and party games--games that require little thought beyond technical skill). I have a really bad habit of playing 5-7 different video games concurrently, so progress through them is always slow. Lately I've been playing No Man's Sky. It's fun. Gives my mind something to latch onto when I'm depressed. The other games currently on my roster are Dead Space, NieR: Automata, Final Fantasy XV, Skyrim, and a replay of Halo 4 on legendary (yikes).
  7. Haha, yeah, I find my writing fits into a seldomly utilized niche. Most "horror fantasy" is just fantasy with Cthulhu or vampires/werewolves/ghouls. Which isn't nearly as thrilling.
  8. I like a variety in my vocabulary (plus docket just sounds better than list)
  9. @Severian4Scadrial Thanks for posting so I actually saw the thread. I don't know why, perhaps nerves, but I completely missed that there was an "introduce yourself" thread over here. I'm sure some of you have seen me on the other side of the know, the crazy mental health advocate/#1 Shallan fan who writes huge posts. This introduction is a little different, because you're going to get more of the core of who I am, rather than an eccentricity about what I like. First and foremost, I'm an artist. I do 3D artwork mostly (modeling, texturing, environment work), but I'm hugely vested in the video game industry and have been working toward utilizing my skills as an artist and writer to create my own game. I write as a hobby. In dealing with depression, writing is a stress relief for me, but that doesn't mean I don't take it seriously. I've been building things out for over ten years, developing characters, refining ideas almost constantly while going about the various other aspects of my life. I don't know that I will ever publish--but I have stories I want to tell, and I hope that, in some small way, maybe eventually those stories will help someone else out, even if it's just to show that someone out there "gets it". I can't say my writing is light or simple--my current project is a psychological horror/epic fantasy novel set in a fictional post-medieval world, combining the two genres I really love most. Psychological themes are a huge part of why I write, as well as the hope that I can create a world for my daughters to live in and love like Tolkien and other authors have done; I'm fascinated by a horror concept I call "the horror beneath normality," which is a fancy way of saying that underneath that friendly smile you see everyday might lie some dark and frightening secrets. My writing may not be scary, but some may find it disturbing at times. Fair warning on that. As far as books I read, well, aside from Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson being two of my all time favorite authors, I've read Dan Wells (love his John Cleaver series), Tolkien, RA Salvatore, Terry Brooks, Terry Goodkind (never again), Sabaa Tahir, Steven King, Shirley Jackson...I mean, the list goes on and on. If I were to pick my current favorites, though, I've really enjoyed Sabaa Tahir's Ember series, and am currently reading It (it's really good--pun intended). The most important thing in a story to me, is the character development. How characters change and mature over time. The plot can be boring, or even a little nonsensical, but the characters are truly what make or break a story for me. And along that line of thought, I appreciate those books where character development is interesting to read, where you're unsure which direction a character will go. I love peeling back the layers of a person's mind and seeing the paths they take--perhaps this is why psychological horror appeals to me, why I gravitate toward epic fantasy settings and their politics more than the adventures of high fantasy. Perhaps this is why my own writing is the way it is. Anyway, introspection aside, it's nice to meet you all. Hopefully I don't bore you too much.
  10. A shimmering blade Red carpet that once was white The shardblade shimmers. (Okay, that was weird. I tried to do a ketek haiku. Sorry for the weird addition.)
  11. I don't want to be accused of "congratulating" someone who agrees with me, but I appreciated your post. Thanks. It ties in well to the discussion we had earlier in the thread.
  12. Yes, we're not disagreeing that Taravengian was served by the murders as well. But the primary focus of the act was that it was a moral lesson--she intentionally took Shallan to demonstrate a point, rather than simply take care of a problem covertly, and all to demonstrate the moral ambiguity of such an action. Also, I could be wrong on this point, but wasn't Jasnah targeting Aesudan in the WoR prologue? If so, that was also the night Gavilar was murdered and any thoughts of assassination may have simply flown out the window in light of that event and of finding out the cause of her father's murder. Please provide textual evidence to support your argument that she held back out of love for her brother, I'm genuinely curious. You and I read this differently. That's okay. Kaladin attacks her only after she steam-rolls him several times. In WoR, she exhibits a marked response to Amaram prior to any real conversation, and their eventual confrontation in OB only confirms that reaction. She is thoughtful, but she is impulsive--such as when she spoke with Navani and began the process of setting up a causal before ever even speaking to Shallan. Motive is irrelevant here--the fact that she acted first, asked later is impulsive. They do not have to be mutually exclusive. Perhaps hate is too strong a word as you say, yet again, you are using my specific word choice to infer an opinion I don't express. She does express discontent with religion, and in a higher being dictating the laws of morality. She makes a comment to Shallan in surprise that Shallan doesn't dislike the idea of "being beholden to a man". These imply that Jasnah doesn't like being arbitrarily told what to do--she likes to take her own actions, to act according to her own conscience. The fact that she's actually respectful of those who do believe doesn't mean that she is apathetic to it either. Don't paint Jasnah as innocent here. She belittles him and he gives it back. They mutually attack each other. That said, it's not out of context, considering in the previous chapter we were told through Dalinar's eyes that Jasnah only smiles under very specific circumstances. Again, this was not a dissertation on Jasnah alone, it was a discussion of the both of them, and the context of my argument within that scope was not "out of context." You're right to a degree. Where you are wrong, is that I'm intentionally reducing to paint mine in a favorable light. I'm not. I'm acknowledging that these three are the most prevalent arguments I've seen, and I'm reacting to them now rather than having a series of them following or a bunch of small meaningless reactive comments. Perhaps there is a better way to go about doing this. If you think of one, let me know. Your paragraph here is accurate. In fact, I've made the same points myself. What I was commenting on was the often pronounced sexism that has been present with arguments like this one. Again, these three points are preemptive reactions, rather than explanations of someone else's viewpoint that I don't share. I even said as much, but perhaps again I could have said this in a better way. Eloquently put. Those are the same points I was making, but from the opposite side. Not sure what your point is here--my point was that the text is not explicit in either direction, and you agree, from the sounds of it. One point--what does Syl think Kaladin needs to do? What does Syl push Kaladin toward throughout Oathbringer? Again, you misread my statement. My point of view has nothing to do with this--this was point B when I brought up the original three arguments (points 2 & 3 were eclipsed under point C). This is a great paragraph. I wish you'd had this in your first response. That said, in listing only Syl and Bridge 4 you negate the powerful revelations in the chasm with Shallan that led him to that acceptance in WoR. Without that chasm sequence, Kaladin might have truly lost Syl, for he would never have seen a lighteyes who was like him, and would never have found it in himself to see the good in Elhokar. Context is important, as you said earlier. It wasn't. Don't put words in my mouth. And "callous" doesn't mean "cold-hearted" as I said. In one definition, I see where you're coming from, but if you want to know my intention, it was to state that Jasnah is a bit more hardened and tough with regards to human life than, say, Kaladin or Shallan. That's not what I meant in the slightest. I'm sorry you read it that way, but again, this might be more you having a problem with my tone and word choice, and several other people I know didn't read it the way you did either, I asked. Maybe you know people who read it the same way you did. I think your point is generally more subjective than objective--and if you want to disagree on this, that's fine. I was not trying to be insulting to the character and I replied so. Will? No. Can? Yes. It's a possible outcome, one I was simply addressing is how I think it could go. Again, we could agree to disagree on this point. Again, here we have a difference in approach. By pointing out advisors and her willingness to admit when she makes mistakes and listen to advice, you are enforcing the idea I stated that a tempering voice is a good thing. I'm not stating that Jasnah will by a tyrant on her own--as I've said multiple times, I was explaining a situation in which their characters could work together. Everything you say about these characters individually is accurate! But when taking the possibility of characters being together, I am discussing ways that they could grow together. I'm not saying these things won't happen without the other--just that these are the way things could happen. Again, you misconstrue my statement entirely. People in power often balk at the actions a bodyguard must necessarily take to save their life. Sometimes the bodyguard is overprotective, sometimes they're paranoid. If you want a great example, look at Adolin's initial distrust of Kaladin throughout Words of Radiance, and how he was upset that Kaladin was so involved. This was not a comment as specifically about Jasnah herself, as it was of the nature with a ruler/bodyguard relationship. This point was never in my post. I never said anything about breeding or children. I just don't think Gavinor's important in this arc. That's it. I think his importance (and Kaladin's brother's) is overstated and over-hyped. I'd much rather see how Jasnah does in power with Gavinor as heir-apparent, and as I said, I don't think Gavinor factors very much into the Jasnah and Kaladin potential. Jasnah and Kaladin don't need to be married--Jasnah can be Queen, all on her own. A grab for power by Jasnah was never in my thoughts, and I think on this matter you and I agree. I didn't state opinions were asinine. I stated that an argument was asinine. That's a whole different ballpark. You can attack an argument without attacking a person. This was the very premise of that segment. If I belittled or insulted, such was not my intention. I don't congratulate those that agree with me, though I may be excited when someone does. I'm not so full of myself to do that. And in your paragraph here, you imply I did those very things. That is what I mean by insulting. Your original post did not attack the arguments as your latter did. It was insulting and reactive. Perhaps you and I simply have different forum etiquette, perhaps you and I are just used to different modes of speech. You read way more into my statements than I put in. I think we can safely say on this topic that we will agree to disagree, though. Have a nice day. P.S. That formatting worked well, thanks. It was very easy to look at your statements and react accordingly. I'm genuinely sorry if I caused you offense--such was not the intention, as I said. I appreciate discussion and debate, and when someone agrees with me that is genuinely exciting. I can see how you could interpret it another way, so if you have suggestions as to how I can avoid a situation like this in the future, I'm willing to listen. Thanks.
  13. See, I do the good/bad/right thing too, but I guess my mind works differently than yours 'cause my wheels immediately start spinning and drawing connections between various things. I can't help formulating ideas and analyzing what I read. And I don't "futilely" try to convince myself or others. It's a forum! Forums are about discussion. I just believe that good, proper discussion requires well thought-out and analyzed arguments. Like I said, maybe you and I just see things differently.
  14. Well, they used spears and lances, which covers the same idea (puncturing weapons) but at significantly lower mass-production costs. But like I said, I'm not trying to argue points here, I was just throwing out ideas. Feel free to disagree with me!
  15. Sorry you're so busy! I understand what it's like to be limited by time--I mean, I've been back on here actively for about a week, I work full-time, I have two young children, and I'm building a portfolio for my art career. But I love analysis, so I make sure that when I make my posts that I'm doing a good job and source as much material as I can--because let's face it, analytical discussion without evidence to back it up is really just theory debating.