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About MistbornAlpaca

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    ... That's a sheep, Baaaaaaah!
  • Birthday 11/01/2002

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    Reading (Obviously), Writing, Game Design, Art, and the occasional Movie.

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  1. Q: What's the difference between a violist and a vacuum? A: The vacuum has to be plugged before it sucks.
  2. Thanks all! This really helped. I really like the idea of being dropped in the desert and having to make it back! I don't know why I hadn't thought of that before, but It fits very well in the world and solves most of my problems. So thank you for that @Quantus! Thanks, @kais @Robinski and @Eagle of the Forest Path for all your comments and ideas as well, it's really helped me flesh this out. I still have a couple problems that I'm struggling with, however. So let me explain this a little more. In my world, there are three "classes" if you will, of the magic. With the idea of dropping them in the desert and having to make it back alive, here's what I've got. Once a year, anyone who is old enough and wants a chance to be trained in the magic can volunteer for this trial, but only three of those who make it back alive (so yes it can be deadly) get trained, one for each of the three "classes". Each of the volunteers is dropped well outside the city, and well away from each other. They're then stripped of most of their clothing, leaving them in shorts and a t-shirt (to use modern terms) with no supplies, left to the full mercy of the wind, sun, and sand. They're then given several bags of sand they can choose to carry back if they wish. The volunteer who makes it back to the city the fastest (regardless of whether they carried the sand or not) is trained in the "class" of magic that speed and agility fit well with. The one who makes it back carrying the most bags of sand (regardless of how long it takes them to get back) is trained in the "class" of magic that strength and endurance fit well with. But now we come to my problem. I need a specific way to test intelligence/creativity/cleverness/etc. that's along the same lines as the other two. "The person who makes it back with..." "the person who makes it back having done..." something along those lines. Any ideas?
  3. Hey guys, I'm not sure if I should post this here on in the Writing Excuses forum, but I'll just post it here and you can let me know if it needs to be moved. Anyway, I'm working on this story right now, and I've been wracking my brain for months trying to come up with tests of skill for a fantasy world. All of the ideas I've had either just don't work, or they don't fit into the world. I've submitted parts of this story before, so some of you might remember it. But basically, it's a massive desert world, with only 1 city, which is sustained by a kind of sand magic. And this test is used to sort through the younger population of the city to find which ones should be allowed to learn the magic. The test basically needs to test intelligence, strength, creativity, agility, etc. It can also be multiple different tests. I'm really struggling with ideas and would really appreciate some help if anyone has any ideas.
  4. Urithuru?
  5. This makes me really mad. Until about 3 weeks ago I was only an hour drive from there. Oh well...
  6. YES!!!!!!
  7. Hey all, I'm looking to compile a list of inspiring/insightful quotes from SA. Post them all here!
  8. Agreed! Still love it! Both thumbs up!!
  9. Looks like I'm the first! I'd just like to preface this by saying I haven't read the previous parts, so if my comments are off or confused that's what's going on. I like the Brandon-esque epigraph at the beginning and I feel like it really sets the adventurous tone of the story. I'm assuming both the fading walls and whatever these people are was explained in previous parts. I don't know what age the main character I get the impression she's probably a teenager, and that's how she acts, so if you're going for that good job! What age range is this story for? It feels like mid-grade. It feels to me like they all adopted the name of The Nose much too quickly, but it could just be me. Very good descriptions of mechanical functions and I really get a feel for where they are in space and time. The rivalry between W and the main character feels very much like an elementary school rivalry, which if you're going for mid-grade and the main character is a teenager I think it works great! At the end of page 9 it says, "Later that day, we all had to admit W was right. He made us." I'm kind of confused here. Maybe it was explained in earlier parts, but I think it's just a typo of some sort. I'm also confused on page 13 when it says "lightening after lightening." Maybe I'm just reading it wrong but I'm not quite sure what you mean. I'm a little confused as to how they're hooked onto the beetle. A little more description might be nice. On page 16, "I carefully did not jump up and down and cheer, not only because the tree was not that wide." This is a little clunky. Maybe something like, "I made sure not to jump up and down, and the width of the tree was not the only reason." Okay, on page 18 it clears up how they were hanging off the side of the beetle. It probably mentioned that earlier and I just missed it. Why didn't they think of strengthening the legs earlier? I would imagine they would've thought of that earlier. I'm almost all the way through, and I'm actually starting to sympathize with W a little. I don't know if that's me, or something that you were planning, but I think it adds a good touch, being able to like the main character and W at the same time, while still being able to understand the main character's frustration with W. Overall, good job!! I really like the adventurous tone, and your voice!
  10. Hey all! It's been a while since I've submitted and I'm happy to be back on the boat! Thanks for reading and giving me feedback as always! This was an idea I had for a novel that I actually wrote as a short story for a class I was doing. It's got waaaay too much happening in waaaay too short of a space, so it all happens to fast, there's not enough time to develop many characters, and the ending doesn't feel deserved IMO. Give me everything you've got! But mainly I'm looking for critique on plot and characters. P.S. Sorry I didn't get this out yesterday
  11. I think it was the other way around
  12. Do we need to keep putting things in spoiler tags? It says Spoilers in the thread title.
  13. I agree!! Ebony Maw was great! But they really could've done more with the rest of them.
  14. If @LarkinTyvell isn't submitting this week (which is the impression I got), I think @kais is right that she makes 5.
  15. I know there's already a semi-official Infinity War thread, but I just really want to do a poll to see how everyone would rate this movie.