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About Truthweaver

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    The Mogget
  • Birthday January 31

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    Reading, writing, drawing, bass-playing...and cats

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  1. Hi there! I've been away from RE for a while--life has been crazy--but I hope to be around a bit more often in the future. I'm very new to giving critiques so mine probably won't be as in-depth as you would like, but I'll try my best Overall: This was a pretty good read. I like prologues if the setup is done well, as I feel like it was here. I know prologues aren't in vogue anymore, but I've always had a penchant for them. Conflict was good with a nice buildup. I wasn't quite sure what was going on in the beginning, but by the third page I started to get a handle on it and became more invested. Maybe consider including a bit more explanation at the start concerning what is at stake and what the character's goal is. Yes, this did keep my interest. Two people in conflict with each other is inherently interesting to me, and I read on with the intention of finding out who would get their way. The main question I had regarded the magic. There was some explanation there at the end but I would have liked to know a bit more about how it worked and what exactly P was doing with it when he locked away the magic. As far as I can tell, characterization is good. P feels very mission-driven and ruthless and this came across well during the opening. Your prose is good as well and I think your writing flows nicely. It wasn't a hard read at all. Nothing really jumped out at me here...I think I'll leave this for the more experienced critiquers to address. Count me intrigued! Based on this prologue, I would keep reading. Thanks for submitting!
  2. @Archer Thanks for your support! It means a lot to library staff when our patrons advocate for us. I have a feeling we'll get interlibrary loans back in some way, shape, or form...but probably not as extensively as we had previously. What really bothers me is that they didn't even consult libraries before slashing the budget of our services organization. And to add insult to injury, one of the ministers called them "arms-length agencies that don't have an impact on the day-to-day operations of libraries." Well, our book clubs are pretty much dead now, but thanks anyway for that reassuring statement. On the other hand we get a new province slogan and new license plates! Woohoo...
  3. @AonEne @AonDii I think the best thing would be to raise awareness through social media. The more people who know how this affects libraries, the better chance we have of getting the cuts reversed!
  4. Last Thursday Ontario Library Services got its budget cut by 50%...because of this they've decided to end their interlibrary loan service which let libraries from all over Ontario share materials with each other. This service was extremely important for libraries, especially rural ones with limited collections, and as someone who works in a small public library I honestly don't know what we'll do without it. We used interlibrary loans for book clubs, helping students with research, getting rare materials, etc. It was vital. If any Canadian sharders out there would be willing to sign this petition here and possibly consider sharing it, that would be awesome. Thank you
  5. Why did the enormously wealthy baker decide to retire? She didn't knead the dough anymore.
  6. I really liked this. The pacing was done well and even if there wasn't a lot of background info at the beginning, I was still pulled into the story by the characters' dialogue, which was also done really well. You have a talent for writing natural conversation. pg 3: "...then why did you agree the price?" Should be "to the price." This sentence confused me a J referring to what the girl's family agreed to pay? Or just to the village in general? pg 4: Similar to what @Mandamon said, I'd like a bit more of J's motivations/background to come through. I'm not sure what he's doing yet or what his goal is until we get to his letter. pg 6: The letter clears things up a bit with J, but I'm still unsure what he's done in the past. Scammed some people in the village and "impoverished" them? I'd like to know more about this. I need to mention again how natural the dialogue is and how much I love it, and your writing style in general. I have no more comments, except that this feels like it could be expanded from just a short story, and I hope you work on it some more.
  7. Oh goody, now I can post the bad puns I've been saving up! I once tried to unscrew a lightbulb before it cooled. Watt a mistake. My mom's sister suddenly developed superpowers and became a crime-fighter. The whole city seems to love her, but to me she'll always be an auntie hero. What do you call a giant, humanoid ant that can't speak? A mutant mute ant.
  8. This was a good read and thanks to the well-done pacing, I didn't really notice the extra length. I definitely found it enjoyable and was eager to keep reading past where it ended. The characters were engaging and I like O very much. At first, though, when you mentioned his crest I pictured him as reptilian until the feathers came up. Is he more like an anthropomorphic bird or a bird/humanoid hybrid? O remarking on growing a mustache confused me a bit. The story, however, wasn't confusing at all. O had a clear goal and followed through on it and I understood his reasons for doing so. Nothing jumped out at me about the storyline itself, so I can't think of anything else to mention except that I'm looking forward to reading Part 2
  9. When you start calling your cat Doomslug because you realize she only makes trilling noises, never meows, and keeps popping up in unexpected places.
  10. Today I overheard this conversation: Mom: "I want to see Mary Queen of Scots." Dad: "You can't, she's dead."
  11. Four friends going to a Christmas costume party decide to dress as their favorite composers. The first friend arrives dressed as Beethoven. The second arrives dressed as Mozart, but the third and fourth both show up as Chopin. Seeing this, the fourth friend dejectedly leaves the party. "Hey," says the first friend. "Where are you going?" "I'm going to change my costume," the fourth friend replies. "Don't worry, I'll be Bach soon."
  12. I like this so far! The pacing is good and I found S interesting, but I did find her younger than I think you meant her to be. D's problem is intriguing but as a character he hasn't caught my interest yet. I'd also like to spend more time with S before switching to someone else, just to get more grounded in the story. I agree with what everyone else has mentioned already so I don't have anything new to add there. I enjoyed your writing and would definitely like to read more about S.
  13. Yay, part two! Pg 2 "Then I will take my leave and see if I can as well." It took me a second to realize what J was referring to here, maybe this line could be clearer. The action sequence here read well to me and I could visualize J's movements clearly, so good job! However, I see what the others are saying about how J moved the spear. It's a cool visual, which I liked, but the same result could be accomplished in a simpler way. Pg 3 "By the way, why do you give your guards smoke grenades?" I found that the jump here to the next paragraph was a bit too quick. I was expecting to read J throwing the grenade down. Also, just out of curiosity, why do the guards have smoke grenades? ...with his hand... You don't need this, since gesturing already implies that he's using his hand. "I've informed all the guards..." How did E do this so quickly? Has a portion of time already passed since J's exit? Or maybe I'm just missing something. Pg 4 "lesser paintings of some of the ancient lessors of history" I know what you meant here, but you might consider using another word besides lessors to keep the sentence from sounding repetitive. Maybe inferior paintings? Pg 5 "A nest of iron beams..." I like the imagery here, very nice. Also, I just wanted to mention that the POV changes read very naturally to me this time. The switches feel smooth and expected, so nice work! Pg 8 The build up is great so far, especially in the scene where E is betrayed. Overall I really enjoyed this. As @MistbornAlpaca said, the pacing was great and the POV switches were well done. I agree that the dialogue did feel a bit clunky in spots, but I could follow it and it didn't take me out of the story. Well done!
  14. Overall, I liked where this one is going! Heist stories interest me, and the writing and dialogue were pretty solid. I do agree with kais though, the POV switches were a bit jarring, especially the first one from E to G. The characters sounded similar, but that's something I struggle with too and it can be fixed with practice. The ending was great and the buildup there was very nice, but it wasn't as strong as it could have been through the rest of the story. Limiting the number of POVs could help with that. -pg 6: ...stinging the thief... I was taken out of the story a bit here when G was referred to as "the thief" when you just used "his" for him earlier. -There should be a "the" before interior. -"He wasn't going to blame..." This read like a run-on sentence. -pg11: I find it hard to believe that an un-bid on item is just given to someone. This might make sense, but there should be more explanation. -pg13: "...which he intended to." I don't think you need this. -pg17: Should be "you can't sell it." I'm looking forward to reading part 2!