Blainejstephenson

Alright, thanks. The issues you mentioned, those were next on my editing list. I guess I should have given myself the extra week to edit instead of jumping at the first opportunity to post. Also, I thought I did attach it to the email...? Wait did I attach a link to a drive page instead? Darn that's probably what I did. Ok, I know what went wrong here. I was trying to use a bit of an unreliable narrator through Ben, he thought the guard was alright, but then later on realized what had happened. Not enough/the right info about the facility and other things, and not enough work on making the fight scene fit/flow. Thanks

Thanks, I think that needed to be said. Forgive me for saying that this was a hard one for me to take. Not that I don't see what you're saying, those were, in fact, the parts I wasn't sure of. You'd say not enough setting detail or emotions? (Well, not emotions but reasons to care and relatability and such?) I guess the argument didn't make sense then, Ben's point there was that his dad deluded him into joining. He was lied to. I'd thought I'd made that clear with him saying "You didn't tell me what it would feel like," But I guess I need to be a little clearer. Balancing subtelty and blatantly saying stuff is something I'm working on. Your vote is too subtle. I'd love to hear what tropes you noticed besides what you mentioned.

Thanks for your suggestions! Yeah, page 1, there isn't much funding for simple things, it's a high cost program. Glad that got through. i guess I need to make it clearer that ditching is a very common thing that happens, I'll have to look at that. there is a credible reason why earth isn't destroyed already, nukes were banned by both sides at the beginning after a few were used. That's gonna come up soon. the awkward writing is something I'm trying to fix, it's being stubborn for me. (Honestly I also didn't expect to get in this week, thought I'd have another to edit it) hostage rescue training, I need to do more research on that before I apply it to him, but the girl had a gun pointed at her head, there wasn't much he could have done, at least from what I've seen. Also this might be an odd time to point out that this is a fantasy novel... that needs to be a little more apparent. thanks for your pointers!

So this is my topic for feedback! A note about that... I want to know what you honestly think, but I would appreciate more than just an "I didn't like your character." That's remarkably unhelpful, and as I'm desperately seeking to become more confident with my art, it doesn't help. Please be honest with your responses, but keep in mind that this is a work in progress, not a finished draft. Sorry if I'm seeming strict or harsh, I've simply had too many groups attack me instead of the work.

Good to know! Thanks! And yeah, this chapter is unusually long for me

@Silk Is it ok if my chapter is 5,200 words long or should I try to shave it down a little?

Is there a chance I could submit this week?

Would we then have shards of this evil force? Since Adonalsium was shattered, would that have done the same to the evil force? Unless, of course, they were wrong in that assumption and there is an evil looming force greater than any shard ready to make Odium look fun...

Arcanum Unbound Spoilers There are references in Arcanum Unbound that Adonalsium was a person, including Khryss, who is creating the Ars Arcanum. However, what you have said may have some support... she says that some thought it was the only good option left to them.

My question would be as to what effect that would have on the planets that bore the shards themselves, as many of them have been physically altered by the presence of the shards. Would this remove all spren, and therefore all of the things they affect, such as Greatshells? My fear is that in combining the shards there would be devastation across the worlds as the powers that have shaped and flown through them were suddenly removed. Sel would have an interesting effect, I believe. I think it is entirely possible, as long as the splintered shards could be gathered up, and I could see this destruction being part of the sacrifice to save the Cosmere at some point. Very interesting theory!

So, just a theory, one I'm sure that has been presented before, but what if the 'Ones Above' from Sixth of the Dusk are the scientifically advanced people from Scadrial?

And, I'll get the word doc next time.

Thank you for your feedback! I guess in a world of sci if and fantasy I do need more grounding information. Bianca isn't a guardian, but a fellow prisoner in this. They are in there to be transformed into super soldiers through genetic modification, but I guess I didn't show that well enough. a LITTLE bit of that confusion is necessary, but that's only the part about Mark. well, I guess I have some revisions to do! I have wondered about redoing it. i needed this information, thank you!

Thank you! And that's fine! You've saved me a lot of work!

Hey all! So it's my furst submission! I'm looking forward to seeing what you think, and, if I did anything wrong submission-wise, let me know here as well! ( P.S, my submission is 2314 words long. Forgot that in the title, oops Blainejstephenson