Grimwether

NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! And don't worry, I don't intend to make fridge scenes a thing in my stories after realizing what I had done.

@Asmodemon and @industrialistDragon, thank you both for your honest feedback. I have already set this project aside. I was in a darker place when I wrote this because of the family emergency, and it is definitely a piece of work. I intended to test boundaries of what makes a reader uncomfortable, and I can tell that I definitely hit on some soft spots (and legitimate ones). Reading back over it, I agree with the notion that the prologue isn't necessary to the story, and this is a very poor introduction to the story arc, especially since I set up some things that I don't really intend to touch on later, as well as failing to set up things that I do deem necessary to the overarching storyline. I've been thinking about this ever since I posted it, and I think this is one of those cases where this was done more for my convenience as an author than for the reader. It makes me feel lazy and it seems to be intended for lazy readers who need everything spelled out for them. I hope this hasn't ruined any interest in this project, as I intend on touching on "Jackal King" again in the future, and trust me, it will be more sensitive.

Like Torol Sadeas?

Thank you both for your feedback. This is proving to be invaluable. I fully intended for the king to be hated, because he is a very, very manipulative character, and, as can (possibly) be seen by his reverence of that one god, as well as that one ancestor - especially given the traits that he reveres in them - he doesn't have progressive values. Or even non-progressive values. He's straight-up backwards. This prologue is more of a flavor thing and an experimentation than something as concrete as a rough draft. Still, I can see how opening a story with this kind of character probably won't help me with gaining any readers. The illegitimate son (playing with another trope here) is one of the main characters of the story. This is likely to be the king's only point of view in the series, but I thought it would be a good way to give some background. Honestly, however, I can see how to make this chapter/prologue work at several other points in the story or in future books. I actually already have an agent, but not working with me for this. This is a personal/side project (see above with the experimentation thingy). I can see a ton of mistakes that I made, and I have no idea how I deemed this sub-worthy. I had a family emergency last week that prevented me from submitting, and it kind of spilled over into this week, so I rushed this. How very unprofessional of me. I loved both of your feedback, because it was honest. I can understand why the dialogue and internal feelings of the king came off as wooden - I simply didn't put enough work into it. I got a little lazy. I love that I managed to invoke such strong disapproval of the character - and, by extension, most of the prologue - from you, because that was sort-of-kind-of the intention. I'll be honest. I wasn't trying to tick anyone off or offend someone personally, but I was trying to make him unlikeable. Kris is one of my favorite characters in the series, and I debated placing her as the POV character here. She has legitimate reason to be a mixed-bag of emotions, and I think it could be less malice-conducive to give her a chance to paint this picture. She also has legitimate reasons to dislike both Gwen and Emma (which will be touched-on later), so I'm not going to worry about how that will be viewed as a woman-on-woman hate trope or something. It's the same as if the king were to hate his brother for some reason, or the same as if she were to hate someone besides the king. Not quite the same as her hating the king, because he has a special throne of hatred in her heart. Ah. I'm starting to see even greater reasons why I should give Kris a shot as the POV. And I probably did it again (it being throwing a bunch of stuff out there that may not make much sense). I've decided that this scene, from Kesh's perspective, will be pushed later into the series, as a sort of re-painting of this moment. I will likely first present it from Kristina's perspective. You will probably have a re-draft of this scene to look forward to (or dread?) in the near-ish future. @toomsta It is influenced by India. You are spot-on. What gave it away? Some of the names? The name of the crown, perhaps? I truly am curious as to which elements helped to show this, because, as I said earlier - or at least hinted at - this was an experiment playing with a lot of things (cultural context, misogynist characters, symbolism, worldbuilding). @kaisThank you for the extra work you placed into the feedback by linking and discussing tropes and the meta. Once again, thank you both. I +1'd both of your posts. With the greatest regards, Grim

I'm so sorry! Hopefully this blunder will be my last. I sent a new email with the file attached.

Hey everyone! I am super excited to be doing my first submission for Reading Excuses! I don't believe that anything in here falls under any of the content labels. I hope I did everything correctly. If not, please tell me what I did incorrectly. This is the prologue for a Fantasy novel that's currently about ~160,000 words, and is definitely a work in progress. What I'm looking for is some discussion of the flavor of the story so far, some predictions (because this prologue definitely uses a lot of foreshadowing), and honestly, whether you find this story enticing after the prologue. Most people who browse at a bookstore will only read the first couple pages or chapter of a story before deciding whether or not to keep going with it, and I need to know whether or not this prologue carries the sufficient weight to keep a reader pulled into this world and this plot. General feedback is welcome, as well! Some of the names and terms may be changing, and some will definitely be changing (like the name Exitium), and the full manuscript is copyrighted, so you are free to use names and terms in the feedback category without fear of harming my story or leaving it exposed to plagiarism. With the greatest regards, Grim (Chandler Guy-Currier)

So, just to make sure... I was supposed to mail it to " [email protected] ", correct?

I'm so sorry everyone! I'm going to have to withdraw and go again next week. There has been a family emergency this past weekend, so the work I was going to submit isn't quite ready. Once again, I'm sorry. I will still do my best to critique everyone's work, but I can't make any promises that I'll be able to get to all of it, due to the time constraint caused by the emergency.

I would like to submit next week or the following week, if at-all possible! I'm excited to share, but I'm also fine just critiquing this week if the submissions are full.

Oh my gosh, I didn't know about this! That's awesome!

Hurray for NaNo! I participated in, and won, NaNo November 2015, Camp NaNo April 2016, Camp NaNo July 2016, and NaNo November 2016, but I've fallen a bit out of practice. I didn't participate in either of the Camp NaNoWriMos this year, and I lost NaNoWriMo last month in a crushing defeat... I almost finished, but I fell 4,000 words short. It murdered me.

Hi everyone, I'm Chandler! I'm a huge Brandon Sanderson fan and an aspiring writer. I love music. Love love love it. Here's my backstory.

I have joined the sacred order of the Ooklas Radiant.