kais

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About kais

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  1. I think it’s a great idea! You have my vote!
  2. Sure thing! Message me anytime with questions
  3. Overall I thought this chapter started very strong. Much stronger than the last chapter. In fact, I'm not certain you need the last chapter at all, as I feel like you recapped in this chapter just fine, the events of the last. I was well engaged until everyone got to the council meeting, and then it started to drag. I think because there's no new information presented, it just seems like people are talking without really progressing the plot. My biggest gripe comes from the inconsistency in R. I'd never seen her as outwardly affectionate, and she has a lot of feelings right now about O, who does not usually return her gestures. And yes, that makes sense, but she's doing a lot internal monologue about love and sex that I've just never really seen her do before. She seems like two different people--the cool, in control one, and the wildly passionate one. The two halves just haven't really meshed together, I feel like, since that first book. As I go - that's a really interesting epigraph about the Net. It's got me thinking - pg 2: ah, see, I'm already more invested in this than I was the last chapter - pg 6: the pixie death is excellent. Very engaging - pg 7: and she would not let last night be their last <-- I know I keep bringing it up, but it always seems so forced and out of place. The hand on his shoulder worked. This line seems...very passionate for a person who is very dispassionate in actions and speech. I feel like it would be more in her voice to say something a bit disparaging, while still acknowledging her desires, like she wanted to see more of his sock collection, as offensively colored as it was or something. Obviously not socks but something with a bit more humor to it - pg 10: She’d never heard of the House of Strength manipulated in such a way. <-- there are a number of these instances in the text, where something we already know is presented again. Here, we already had a paragraph about how unusual this manipulation is. This addition reads as redundant. - pg 13: They’d taken so long to get to this point. <-- what point? I feel like I've missed some pivotal relationship dynamic with these two. As fas as I can recall, they were together, broke up for a bit, now see to be back together but O doesn't show much, if any, outward public affection, and R likes to poke fun at his clothing. - pg 14: this lands better: her friend, her lover, would be gone. - pg 17: same sentence you used 'hir' --> joined him - pg 20: nice ending to the section! Ominous - pg 20: why are none of them trying to really talk to the creatures? Since the things talk to them. Was that already tried earlier? Did they give up? - pg 21: a fruit makes a vegetable cooking base? Wouldn't it make a fruit base? - pg 22: brought his hand up to kiss his fingertips <-- when she grabbed his hand and he squeezed it, that worked well. This seems such an overt display of affection from her, especially when he isn't returning it as overtly. It just... jars against the mental image I have of R - pg 25: She’d make certain he slept well tonight. <-- this is an entirely different R, I feel like. This is the most sexual I have ever seen R. It just seems so out of place for in public. I could see her being passionate in private but it seems so out of character here - pg 30: the council meeting is going on too long, I think, without anything of substance really coming out - pg 32: the tension is really down here in the council meeting. There was good momentum when they were traveling but now it seems like the last chapter, with a lot of talking and not a lot of doing - I don't understand the last line.
  4. I'm agented, so let me know if you want to chat about queries, who is good, ratios you should be looking for in responses, etc.
  5. Overall I struggled with this chapter. I'm not certain what its purpose was. It didn't seem to really advance the narrative, except to introduce characters from book two. But I didn't feel like it introduced them dynamically at all, and there were too many of them named (even though I've read all preceding books and should know them!). Likewise, I still feel like the interactions between O and R are not romantic in the slightest. If it's just sex, cool. Yup. That I could see. But the cuddling seems very out of place. Does this chapter need to be here? Could elements of it be put into other chapters? I've been a big fan of R since the first book, but here she seems more like a device to introduce worldbuilding and other characters, rather than a character in her own right. Looking forward to the next chapter though! As I go - wait, is this our first R chapter? Is it picking back up from book two? I'm disoriented. WRS?? - pg 3: I find myself trying to find something to grab onto in this chapter. There's not enough...substance? to invest me in the POV (and I have always loved R!) and I'm confused as to some of the people in this group, where they've just come from (book 2? Did they just jump from book 2?) and where they are. There's too much new, I think, and the plot is pushing us to a new place but I need a minute with at least R, and some emotions maybe, maybe a memory, before I can really sink into this chapter and POV - pg 5: “My apprentice, where is he?” he asked. <-- okay here is where I start to connect. I've always felt drawn to the apprentices, like this was their narrative first and foremost. Here, where they start to worry about the people I feel are the main characters, is where I start to connect. - pg 6: I LOLed at the ankle line - pg 7: The random thoughts about wanting to be with O, from R, continue to seem very random. I do not get a sense of attraction between these two at all. It was strained from what I remember from book 2, as well. I just have a hard time believing they are a couple. They act more like mentor/mentee than anything else
  6. I'll second this. You make good connections on Twitter, and can learn a lot about the industry As far as the spreadsheet goes, @Snakenaps, I wonder if you aren't overthinking it? It doesn't really matter if you know who the big five are or not. You can't get to them without an agent, generally. An agent spreadsheet would be the best use of time, and maybe a small/mid sized press spreadsheet then too, if you don't want to go the agent route. I'd say keep it small and digestible.
  7. Chapter 1, again! Now with some semblance of plot and hopefully a bit more voice. Hoping to start moving through the chapters this time, as the book is about 3/4 drafted. This is meant to be a fluffy fantasy romance full of silly tropes, but with adventure, too. It may or may not hit the mark on this. All comments welcome!
  8. Oh that’s right! We made it canon!!
  9. Officially? No. Unofficially? There were three maybe? We each took a character from our main story at the time and mashed them into scenarios together. It was hilarious
  10. We are overdue for another RE character crossover....
  11. My edited chapter one is 5400 words. Would it be okay to submit in one piece, since we don't have many subbing this upcoming week?
  12. I don't even know what to do with this information
  13. @Snakenaps your crits are amazing. Thank you! You gave me a chuckle. I've fully overhauled the chapter, and will be submitting it through here next week. The blackberry thorn issue has been resolved, hopefully. I aged J down a bit but M is still forty, still grey haired, and still the heroine I'm tired of not seeing in fantasy romance books. I edited this scene. As many pointed out, it didn't make sense. Now he just yells 'GAH' because now, he's just being pelted with blackberries themselves. I haven't introduced the magic of the world well enough to make this fly, it seems. Will edit. My favorite part about fluff fantasy romance is the plot convenience. This is here because of course it is. Just like there will be the mandatory ballroom dance scene, because of course. And someone's dress will malfunction, of course. I figured velvet curtain being a none-too-subtle metaphor for the way the plot will go, would be funny. Hopefully not too many people stumble on it and its more comedic than anything I died. I've tried to clean this part up. a few others flagged it as well I've added PLOT in this next revision, so motivations have changed. Hopefully it's still as ridiculous as this motivation, while being a bit easier to achieve in a single book I'm hoping I brought her out more in this new draft! Strong voice is critical in chapter one and I don't want to flub it. Thank you so much for the read and the very amusing comments!
  14. I AM EXCITED! Overall Generally I found that a very satisfying ending, especially the last chapter and a great end line. Some minor nitpicks below. M remains the best, and I like the detail you gave E. Also good emotion there from Q, in regards to M and his son. I'd be well ready to go into the next book with an ending like this, especially as the Q/M relationship continues to evolve. Of course, I had hope that E would join the team. Going to just carry that hope on. Unlike the others, I liked the android line. I remembered M's feelings over losing 80, and I liked the plane addition, too, though there were a number of other wrap ups they could have done, as well. Was there a reason that particular one was wrapped up? Is that woman a player in future books? As I go - pg 4: A news broadcast on a national network had included his name, present location <-- I'm confused. The one above didn't have that information, right? What is he talking about? - pg 4: oohhhh, wait. I got it. Check - pg 6: oh nice work on that line with E maybe looking for T's hand! - pg 6: of Quack’s <-- typo?? - oooh wait, POV switch. I see - pg 9: I LOLed at 'half-queer' - pg 9: I love M - pg 10: I love the biplane gift, but how do they have that much money? And if they do have that much money, why do they work at all?? - pg 10: shaking loose shoulder-length platinum tresses which blew about in the chill breeze <-- this is definitively not M's POV. Sounds like Q - also... If M bought this very pretty android... I'd think she'd have a lot of smug feelings about it and would be watching Q's response carefully. I want to read about it! - pg 12: I guess that answers some of the money questions, but again, why work if they are so loaded? - pg 13: Her feet are TINY if she is that tall! How does she walk?? I'm 5'6" and my feet are 10.5, for reference. Now that's large, true, but 8-9 would be normal for that height for sure - LOVE that end line!!