IvoryRoad

Will it ever turn up in the BYU Bookstore?

What really caught my attention most was how Jek was sent to assassinate Shallan and her family, but not Talshekh. if she existed in the story at this point. Which she may very well not have. Hehe. It's been a while since I read WoK, so correct if I'm wrong when I say Shallan's father was involved with the Ghostbloods. I wonder what, exactly, they're doing, and why Talshekh's family needs to die. And Brendan, I thought the bit on the roof was written in a confusing way, but I got the impression that he just climbed up. And Shinovar is completely protected by mountains from highstorms - it doesn't surprise me that they can build tall wooden palaces. Might be hard to defend in a siege, though.

I have collected 4 bee/wasp stings in my life. I'm allergic, but not in the bloating-up epipen-needed way. I got stung on my left hand for #3, and the hand became at least twice its normal size. That was the worst... I think the allergy has diminished, though. Most recently, I was hiking in South Carolina and got stung on the calf. The swelling was much less intense, although for me that basically means it didn't make my leg look like a balloon. Basically, what happens now is I swell in a circle the size of a large orange around the sting, the swollen area becomes stiff and hard, and then it itches like crazy. The sting doesn't go away for two weeks. The effect is like a supersized mosquito bite, which I am allergic to also in a similar - although much less dramatic - way. It really made living in Florida a pain at times. I've developed a bee-sense. I'm extremely proficient at detecting and evading the little creatures.

I hate rats. Some people freak out about spiders - I've always thought they were a bit freaky looking, but I don't have any problems killing them. No, what really freaks me out is rats. I cannot stand the creatures. It makes me shiver thinking about them. I'm like Indiana Jones' dad...

Yeah, I know. I was being intentionally hyperbolic. Y'all are cool kids. Hehehe. *palm rubbing* Actually, I like this quite a bit. A few minor quarrels (cwutididthar?...i...nevermind)- I feel like "There was coin to be had" is some kind of cliche. Not that I could actually tell you where I heard it before. As an alternate possibility, I could be clinically insane. "Although the patron yelled his request, Vlasa could barely hear him over the off-key singing that was happening near the hearth." This feels like the sentence is more complex than it needs to be. The "although" is, I think, unnecessary, as well as the sentence structure that results from it. I'll try a little rewrite: "Vlasa could scarcely hear the shouted request over the off-key singing that was happening near the hearth." I also feel an inexplicable desire to come up with a more descriptive verb than "happening", but none come to mind right now, so I suppose it'll do.

Harrumph. I'll test it on some family/friends. Anyone else got a line for us?

GAH! Understand me. IT CANNOT BE AN ARROW. OTHERWISE I SHALL BE ANNOYED. It must be a quarrel. Not because it's super important to the story, but because I don't want arrows. ALL I WANT IS VALIDATION...

It's on my USB drive! But I'm on a new laptop and I don't have Office yet so I can't access the file. I should get Office within the week and then i'll slap it up here for y'alls enjoyment.

I think with context, it should be fairly simple to understand after a certain point. I spent the first few chapters of TWoK trying to figure out what the devil a spren was supposed to be, but eventually I got an idea. Meaning, if I describe it as "a sharp, fletched quarrel", the clues should nudge the reader to think "Oh, like an arrow", but it should still maintain individual identity, because it has differing features when compared to your standard fantasy arrow. Note, also, that this only has to work in the prologue, because once the main character is introduced to them, there's an "instruction" sequence that goes over the weapons and the quarrels in some detail. This is the only scene where we see them used before then. You might notice, I've grown rather fond of "quarrel". I'll quarrel for quarrel all day long.

Yeah, that's typically a problem I have at the beginning of a work. I try too hard. Actually, I specifically chose to call it a quarrel. The weapons they're using have very little in common with your standard bow and arrow, other than the fact that they both fire fletched, sharp projectiles. They're more in the vein of crossbows in terms of power, and I'm pretty sure "bolt" or "quarrel" is the proper term for a crossbow projectile. In my mind, an arrow has not nearly enough power to punch laterally through a thick wooden barricade, unless it's falling from above. Not sure where the tense error was, but maybe it'll be easier to fix after cutting out the adjectives... What I was trying to get across is that he was behind the wall, but looking over, so he was exposed. Then he drops back into safety. Maybe I should say "drop back below" or something in that direction, indicating downward movement.

"Aaron Barille didn't even have time to comprehend the steely blur that hurtled toward his position before it blasted into the thick wooden barricade that served as his cover, spraying his face with a cloud of wood chips." This is a line from the prologue, which actually has little to do with the tale's main character at this point, but the events in the prologue will form a major plot development later. The context: "Aaron Barille didn't even have time to comprehend the steely blur that hurtled toward his position before it blasted into the thick wooden barricade that served as his cover, spraying his face with a cloud of wood chips. The cruelly thin quarrel penetrated the wall, burying itself up to its precision-forged fletching, coming within an inch of his sternum. He promptly dropped back behind the barricade, swearing at no one in particular, and belly-crawled to the left." It's not as unique an opening as I generally prefer, but it pretty much has to open like this for the plot to work properly. I'd appreciate any advice on sprucing it up a little.

The first statement is debatable. Vin was more skilled in combat overall, though this was a side effect of her close link to Preservation, but even Vin maintained that Kelsier had manipulated Steel and Iron better than any allomancer she had ever seen. Elend, I think, would actually go down quite easily. Brute strength is not enough to win, and I never got the impression that he was anything more than a marginally skilled allomancer. Actually, Dalinar acknowledged that Adolin was the best with the Blade and that no one could match him in a duel, but Adolin also said at some point that Dalinar was at home in the Plate in ways that no one else was. It's pretty even-handed, although Adolin is younger, I'll concede that. This isn't a one on one scenario. This is a four-man brawl. I don't think Kelsier should even be allowed to use any metals he didn't know existed before the end of FE. You don't exactly need a lot of time to slaughter large amounts of people with a few minutes of atium. No matter how skilled they are. An atium burner is quite nearly invincible to even one who is familiar with its effects, let alone Wax, Szeth, or Dalinar, who have never heard of such a metal. It's not just about the gun. The havoc he can wreak with his steelpush + weight is awe-inspiring (see climax of AoL). That, I think, is the sole factor that elevates Wax to the level of the others. I'm not certain how much force is required to break a plate. In TWoK, Dalinar gets hammered repeatedly by footmen with weapons, smacking him over and over and over until pieces crack. Obviously, a lot of force, but then again it's extremely difficult to hit the exact same spot on the armor over and over again, particularly in a combat situation where you're panicked about your imminent death at any possible moment at a flick of the shardblade.The point is, the net force is dispersed across the armor. Bullets have a much more concentrated force at the point of impact, something I think is precisely the tool to use for breaking Shardplate quickly(apart from your own Blade, of course). In the writeup I did, standard bullets gave Dalinar pause, but they weren't dramatically damaging. But once Wax loads a Pewterarm Hazekiller round and slams a megapush into it, Dalinar gets quite a wallop. Another key factor to remember is Dalinar's limited mobility compared to the other three. Apart from enhanced jumping, Dalinar is tied to the ground, while all three of the others may fly this way and that, Wax and Kelsier needing metal anchors, Szeth needing literally nothing but stormlight. When Szeth fought Gavilar, it was in close quarters. He didn't have nearly enough room to maneuver so as to keep out of Gavilar's reach. In an open arena, Shardbearers are extremely disadvantaged. I tried to balance this in the writeup by including buildings for cover, but there is no such thing as a perfectly fair scenario for everyone. Welcome to the forums! Sorry if I seem harsh, but these are just opinions.

Anyone interested in seeing my write-up? I tried to be fair, but inevitably someone's favorite character will not act in a way that they may wish they had. Such is the nature of a fanfiction...

Lol true that. I don't really have much of an excuse to be spending money on eating out at all. It's not TOO often, though...

I'm going to do a write-up of this battle as I see it. No one will know of the others' capabilities at the beginning, but they all know that the others are extremely dangerous, so they play it cautiously at first, trying to get a feel for things. The arena is a little town in the Roughs. Not much metal, but a bit, and some decent maneuvering possibilities and vertical movement, and some cover for the more CQC oriented people coughDalinar. I'll post it up, too, if you like. Obviously I already know who will win, but this could potentially swing many directions based on luck or certain decisions being made without context.