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bobsaveg

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About bobsaveg

  • Birthday 07/31/1989

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    One of many
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    Male
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    Sci fi fantasy books,xbox, and computer games.

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  1. Thanks. now that you mention it. The line does seem out of place and mentioning them earlier would get you wondering more. Now where to splice in something about the shackles. As for more this scene popped into my head while reading a book sample and I have not made any real definitive rules to the magic system or much more then just a basic plot. I'll add what I can later though thanks
  2. sorry everyone I totally left off the ending of the scene I fixed the post for you
  3. So I have been trying to write hooks for the beginig of books and this is just one of my test samples lte me know what you think and please feel welcome to leave feedback sorry I fixed it i had left off the end in a previous version The Agency Tombs Free Agent When I was younger I once found a young snake while playing in the hills near my home. I thought it was Skybelly which are very rare, practically harmless, and valuable once grown. Named for the light blue markings on their underside, they closely resemble another more deadly serpent, the Golden Mouth, who look identical to a Skybelly except for the bright golden skin on the roof of their mouths. I cared for my pet, kept him hidden, kept him safe. I was careful to always stay one step ahead of him, for he often tried to escape from his cage. As he grew I tried to anticipate his strength, always making his cage bigger and stronger to keep him in. Despite my efforts I was not overly concerned when I found he had escaped, after all he was harmless and I would find him eventually. I went into the woods in search of food for my lost pet hoping to entice him back onto his cage. When I returned home I found... Death. My sister lay in mothers lap near the chicken coop her skin gray and cold, a patch of it near her hand blackened and swollen, a basket of broken eggs lay near her, mother slumped unnaturally over her, as if her back had lost all rigidness. She too, was ashen and dead. On the ground near her in the dirt lay my father's walking stick with some sort of golden liquid near its end. I then saw the frantic marks their boots had left in the dirt. My mother running from the house and another set of larger prints coming from and then returning to the house in a rush. My father's tracks. I walked hollowly towards the house following his trail. When I reached the back door it lay broken off its hinges. Entering our kitchen I saw blood on the floor and counters, a bloody knife lay also on the floor. Father's boot prints now bloody, lead into the living room. It was there I found him laying over the table with a belt tied around his arm. His arm, it was covered in blood and looked to have been slashed multiple times. He was dead. Now I was alone. Who could have done this!, my heart cried, but my head knew the answer. I had seen the blackened skin before. I made my way back to the chicken coop. My footsteps heavy and my heart even heavier. stepping into the coop I saw my pet curled into a corner trying to fit a whole chicken down its throat. After sensing my presence it vomited it back up revealing the gold at the roof of his mouth. It then began slithering towards me, sliding over another dead chicken to reach me. Holding out my hand my pet slid up it curling around it twice before I picked up the rest of him with my other hand. Holding him before me I felt such a fool this was my doing, it was my fault. How could this happen. In that moment my pet flicked it's forked tongue out. I don't know why but that act made me so angry so furious that I felt a great rage build up inside me. Die! I commanded Just die! I began squeezing the snake with all my strength and it began to writhe in my grip, but no matter how hard I squeezed it still lived. You will die! I didn't speak the words I felt them, with all the force of my soul I willed them into the snake. The shackles my father had placed upon my wrists for as long as I could remember Shattered. The snake instantly went limp in my hands. In surprise and disgust I dropped it to the ground. It was not until years later when a new pair of shackles bound me that I realized, I was the snake. My family had kept me hidden, protected me, kept me safe. Because of me they died and now I have been set loose to the world. Now I am Bound again to a new home, a new master, and I am his new pet. He thinks me a Skybelly, but has brought a Golden Mouth into his home instead. For I will not be chained. I will be a Free Agent.
  4. Could you upload it in a iPad friendly format I can't open the attachment
  5. so If you look at the above post I moved the whole story so far so you could get it easy if you have not been following this thread. thanks for reading
  6. So for those new to this thread who don't want to read back through everything in order to piece together the story this is the whole story so far along with its magic system Gift of bones magic system Rules Shifters can only die in their real body Shifters can only age and grow in their real body Shifters can only reproduce in their own body A Shifter can manipulate any part of their body except the bones Shifters cannot perfectly copy someone else unless that person is dead and they have their bones shifters can build then cover frames with their flesh to control. These can be made from metal wood whatever and are only limited in size by the amount of flesh need to operate them. Using their blood shifters can create a room or "closet" that they keep their "frames" in. These frames can be accessed by the shifters powers from anywhere allowing them to change into any of their forms. No other shifter can access another's closet unless they have absorbed some of the others blood. There is a time delay when changing between forms. This time delay does not exist if changing to or from their original body. Shifters can't get sick unless they want to and have near perfect memories. Their real bodies do not scar, all harm inflicted on the flesh is healed. Bones can be broken and limbs lost though. Gift Of Bones.docx GiftOfBones.docx (2).pdf
  7. Alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll Right so I wrote some more over the holidays and here it is
  8. "What are you doing?" "Staring into the void." "Why?" "So that I might glimpse oblivion." The word your looking for is stuck
  9. Do you ever find that you have a scene in your head and you want to write it or get the story to that point, but you have to write your way there and it is taking for ever, like "man I have to write half the book just to get to this scene!" Oh BTW I like your stories, I usually call my friend or brother during work and we swap stories ideas back and forth and it is fun, I read your pieces and it felt like my brother was telling my another one of his cool ideas. As for advise I am no author so I can't critique anything I just hope you make one of them into a full novel. Any mistakes I saw would easily be fixed once you wrote the full story and iron out any bugs that did not fit the whole story, also a good editor would help with any other crap that I don't understand. I wish you good luck and gods speedy fingers on the keyboard.
  10. Yes the real one does heal but also if you change out too many bones from another body it becomes difficult to fully copy their body.
  11. Oh that's good I have never thought of that but now that I have the answer is no they do not if a "frame" gets broken then it needs to either be repaired in some other way or it junk. But it would be easy enough to replace a broken bone with a piece of carved wood, or wrap the broken bone with metal.
  12. Thanks for your post, but actually ceramic pots were widely used around the world in primitive cultures for cooking, they take a long time to heat up but once they do it requires very little additional heat for them to maintain temperature. Much like a caste iron Dutch oven. However you are right in that the way he put it up on bricks above the flame wouldn't work, he would have to put it down in the coals and surround it with flame in order for it to actually boil. Thanks I'll make the necessary edits. This is so nice it's like I get a whole team of editors helping me weed out the bugs thanks guys Either way I'm glad you bothered to read it thank you and I'll try and hurry to get some more written
  13. Alright Thank you everybody. I have another page or so of the story it is kinda choppy I want to fill it in with more details later, maybe in a rewrite, but for now I am just trying to advance the plot and move the story along for you guys. I know how I want the plot to go it is just a pain making up all this stuff getting there you know. ha ha ha sad face and tears.
  14. In their original bodies no, not completely, they can mimic a lot of the physical appearance, Chest, legs, ext, but actual gender no. Now If a shifter pics up the body/ bones of someone from he opposite gender then yes everything would be the same, and physical they would have a different gender, but be unable to reproduce. Now I'm not trying to make a political statement here or anything, that's just how the magic system works.
  15. Yes very much so, this is one of the main plots in the book and also one of the weaknesses for Shifter women, Literally for nine months they are very killable and the amount of changes they can do to their pregnant body is limited also. Due to this many shifters tend not to reproduce at all. Another reason why there are so few of them
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