And out of nowhere...
I'm a Sentient Awakened Object. On your level now, Clearcut!
Thanks, everyone who gave me upvotes. I'm saving a giant mushy you-all-rock-and-the-Shard-has-changed-my-life for my one year anniversary (I haven't even been here a year yet? Wow, feels like so long and yet so little at the same time...), but again, thanks.
CELEBRATION TIME COME ON!