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  1. @Kidpen @The Forgetful Archivist
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  2. "Yes!! YES!!!!" I'VE CONTRIBUTED TO THE PLOT BY USING A PUN!!! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!! MWAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!" Truthless yelled, suddenly rising into the air, and beginning to glow. After rising up about ten feet, Truthless grew even brighter, until he was impossible to look at, and then with a flash, he was gone.
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  3. Well, I am now officially, a college student. So, as of Monday, I may be slightly less active, so as to keep up with classes. I'll try to keep up on my RP obligations though, so fear not.
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  4. “We made a mistake,” said one arbiter. “A mistake that won’t happen again. The loss of the Head Arbiter is regrettable. We need to stop this threat.” A rememberer, dressed as a simple scorpion, sidled up to a group of costumed people. Several people agreed with the statement, and the scorpion found himself nodding as well. He felt so out of place, so uncomfortable in the room full of such important people. He was a simple rememberer, given the chance to attend a masquerade now that he finally had a day off work. “Did anyone actually see what happened?” A few shook their heads, but most just didn’t reply. A few of them found solace in knowing they were wearing masks. Maybe they could avoid being targeted if they remained anonymous. Especially if they didn’t get involved. The scorpion was content to just listen. He rarely had the chance to be involved in such discussions. No one was being direct in their conversation, so he felt lost. His mind drifted away, back to his home where a canvas sat drying. It was almost complete. His masterpiece. The painting that would make his name known among the greats. Maybe even as well known as Han ShuXen. “I don’t remember seeing the scorpion there last night. Maybe you know something about what happened?” A few among the crowd chimed quiet agreements. His attention was drawn back to the present, and is eyes grew wide. “My- my apologies,” they stammered. “I had work that needed completing last night. “Did you know someone would be killed last night? Is that why you didn’t show?” “No. I don’t even know– What did happen, anyway?” It was too late. Self-important people had decided the Scorpion’s fate. One signaled for a few guards to remove the scorpion, and several walked away. “Wait!” One person stepped forward, attempting to stop the guards. “Why would he show up at all if he were guilty? Surely, he must be innocent. At least for now.” The scorpion felt hope surge within him. Maybe there was still a chance. But no. No one was left to hear the plea for mercy. His fate was decided. His masterpiece would forever remain incomplete. Who would remember him? --- So many feathers. The captain of the guard shifted her ridiculous costume, causing a few of the feathers to fall. She was a Striker, not some festival-loving arbiter. However, the emperor had insisted she blend in. There was a threat, and she had to stop it. Even if it meant dressing like an ostrich. The crowd shifted constantly as important people within the Rose Empire, disguised behind masks and robes, jockeyed for better positioning. It was worthless, really. They didn’t really know the person behind the mask. She felt someone nudge her side, and she jumped. A tall man was standing behind her. The emperor. He was given away by his bearing. How did I lose track of him so easily? The captain hated that he, too, insisted on being anonymous. While she knew it would be “You’re supposed to be blending in,” he whispered. “Your majesty.” She bowed her head slightly. “With all due respect, my job is first to protect you and everyone here.” “Which might be difficult if you are spotted. Go. Pretend to be one of us for an evening. It’s actually quite relaxing to be someone different for a while.” Without fanfare, the emperor moved along to another group of people. The captain sighed, and shifted the feathers of her costume again. At least it moved easily. The emperor was right. Besides, his word was law, so mingle she must. She plastered a smile onto her face, which would be barely visible underneath her mask, and moved toward a large group. There was one among them who seemed to be glancing nervously around. Maybe this would be a good time for questioning, especially with the amount of drink that was making its rounds. A man in a white porcelain mask intercepted her, giving her a slight bow. “Captain.” Her hand went to a dagger hidden in the folds of feathers, but she smiled. She pitched her voice up slightly, trying to sound more feminine. “You must have me mistaken, sir.” “No, I’m quite certain.” He stepped closer. “Your mask doesn’t cover your eyes. No one else is quite as aware. No one else watches like you.” A chill ran down the captain’s spine. Something was wrong with this man. He was a Grand, yes. Probably an arbiter. Is he the one I’ve been hunting? She didn’t respond, so he continued. “When we bring down the Heritage faction, you can still have a place with us. Strikers would be invaluable.” She scoffed. A captain would not turn traitor so easily, especially not when the arbiters of the Heritage faction had done so much for her family. “We’d rather die than do it your way. They are under my protection.” “It is sad you won’t be able to protect them much longer.” She drew her dagger at his words, but in a flash, he rammed something hard and cold between the feathers of her costume. They did not provide nearly enough armor, and the blade slid easily between her ribs, piercing her heart. “Who will protect them now, I wonder?” He tore the dagger away and melded into the crowd. The captain collapsed to the floor, her heart beating out of rhythm. The blood stained the feathers as she took a final, shuddering breath. Amethyst Scorpion was lynched! They were a Rememberer for the Heritage Faction. Fuchsia Ostrich was killed! They were a Striker for the Heritage Faction. Vote Count: Amethyst Scorpion (4) - Chartreuse Penguin, Coral Swan, Cream Tuatara, Magenta Albatross Chartreuse Penguin (2) - Fuchsia Ostrich, Indigo Weasel Emerald Falcon (2) - Mauve Crocodile, Melon Dingo Player Count Revealed Rules and Roles Rule Reminder: PMs are open No vote minimum Tied lynches will be decided at random and one person will be lynched This cycle will close Sunday, September 15th at 11 a.m. PST ***WARNING: I may or may not be online at the time the turn ends. No votes or actions after 11 a.m. will be considered valid. The new cycle may be a bit late in getting posted.***
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  5. the gem archive has been transcribed and catalogued there has been a full debrief of everybody and full sharing of information at least among the leadership Navani has figured out how to make perfect spheres They have new storm tables the number of Radiants has risen But some things are less clear Has Shallan come clear about the Ghostbloods? What has Navani done with Nergaoul?
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  6. Why subject me to the punishment of having a voice in my head? I should punt you outta here! Although you may yet still have some good punchlines... Look, this fighting is giving a pungent odor to my headspace. If we don’t soon reach a punderstanding, I fear that soon chaos in my brain will reign. It will be punstoppable! Punfortunately, I don’t think that voices like leaving heads. I’ve heard it’s very puncomfortable for them. They claim that when other voices talk about it, they use far too many punderstatements. Getting you outta my head is going to be quite a pundertaking. And I’m not being punny about that. You guys can be quite punpredictable. I may even have to resort to acupuncture. Pudamentally it sounds like a bad idea, but it sometimes works rather well. Although there is a chance it will harm the punctionality of my brain...
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  7. When you get bored in math class and your reaction is to fill a whiteboard with Sanderson quotes and terms over the course of a few days. (I had to start bringing reference materials because I'd run out of things I had memorized. I did some after school once [surprising the robotics club], had a special corner with all the AV guilds I could think of, and had to stand on a lot of chairs and desks. Some people actually added a little - there was some random not-Sanderson stuff, but someone added The King's Wit to my list of Hoid names [can't believe I forgot it] and complimented me. Someone else asked if I had a coppermind [to which I said that I didn't, but I did have unsealed goldminds if they needed health].) I'll try to get pictures, but I can't do it in one unless I'm standing across the room and then you can't read it
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  8. Truthless are more bananas still. Soon he became, the Banana Knight.
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  9. FT drew upon his chromium reserves, as per the prophetic words spoken on page 736 by ToS, and, luckily, became a cognitive shadow and escaped to a higher narration plane.
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  10. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah BOING aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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  11. From the album: The Longest Thread (Misadventures)

    Man, it has been a while since I have uploaded art and this doodle was, uh, Phar too good not to post, if you'll excuse my pun.
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  12. These have actually given me an idea- specifically regarding the “the Luck fails” part of an arc- if it’s only her that is lucky, maybe having the cost of her being too reliant on it gets someone else hurt in her stead- a kind of wake up call that it’s not all about her
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  13. TheyaresocuteandIneedmorePharpleaseandalsogivethemcuddles!
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  14. The luck doesn't work all the time. at the midpoint of the story, have the main character rely on her luck to solve a problem, and have her fail utterly. Perhaps this trait could be tied in with a character arch. for the first half of the story, she could rely on her luck to solve problems. at the midpoint, her luck fails her when it matters most. So for the rest of the story, she is trying to solve problems without taking any chances. during the third act, she could be put in a situation where she must rely on her luck once more. She could go from a character who always trusts the roll of the dice since, more often than not, the odds come up in her favor, to a character who is terrified of relying on luck. In the end, she must come to terms with the fact that sometimes she must rely on chance. Just a thought (Edit) one of the most common and effective ways to take bad writing and making it work is to tie it in with the themes of the story. Shrek and One Punch Man are good examples of this. In Shrek, the protagonist is an oger who has lived a simple and lonely life and is suddenly forced out of it and into the world of fairy tale knights and princesses. so while crude humor is usually a big no-no in writing, it works for Shrek because of the crude humor ties into the story thematically. One Punch Man is about an overpowered superhero who can defeat any enemy, no matter how powerful with just one punch. while overpowered protagonists are usually bad writing, the show is great because it is more about the protagonist's inner conflict. the main character is bored with life because he does not have any challenges or obstacles that he can't easily solve with a single punch.
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  15. I found this on Facebook and thought it worth sharing.
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  16. I've got "This is Me" As Sung by Hoid. This is always more fun to me if I get to actually sing the thing, so I recorded my version and anyone who wants to can download it! This is Me (Hoid's Version).m4a
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  17. An often forgotten use of Awakening is to forget. The Shardcast discussed this on the Five Scholars episode but the confusion inspired me to post my theory on this. The commonly assumed answer is a type of self awakening that creates a copied portion of the soul with Breath, that overlays on the real soul (like Forgery) and effectively excludes that memory. Well at least that was my previous theory and I think others. Go with it if you will. But as always I like the out-of-the-box ideas. We know that Awakening is unusual in that it can be powered by any investiture. (Relevant part in italics) We also know this from Vasher keeping his Divine Breath secured with Stormlight. You may already see where I'm going. It will use any investiture, including your own soul. So I propose that the Command to forget is simply a Command that makes the awakening draw on the investiture that makes up that part of the spiritweb that contains that memory, as fuel. What the Awakening achieves is irrelevant. What's relevant is that you no longer have that memory because the investiture that comprised it is eaten. Kind of like...you guessed it...hemalurgy. Well And in case you wonder how memories could be investiture, a Keeper does just that, converts memories into investiture to put into a metalmind. TLDR Awakening can feed on any investiture so the command to awaken, like excising part of the spiritweb like hemalurgy does, is a command that fuels itself with the investiture that the part of the spiritweb that stores that memory is made from. Footnote If memories are cognitive not spritual, my backup argument is that even if they're cognitive the cognitive aspect is for now made of investiture so it would be that instead of using the investiture in the spirit web as fuel you use the investiture that comprises that part of the cognitive aspect that forms the memory. Either way you're removing the memory by removing the investiture
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  18. This is just for fun! Please don't attack
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  19. John's backhand slammed her into the wall. The wall burst as he raised his claws, and bullets exploded around her, grazing her ribs, striking her shoulder, and tearing her coat to shreds. The Stormlight she held quickly healed her wounds, but it didn't stop the flashes of pain. She cried out, voice inaudible over the sound of bullets, as a tall man in amberite armor threw her across the room and out of the newly created doorway. She struggled shakily to her feet as the man turned back to her. His voice was familiar, and through her shock she vaguely realized that he was Lord Arkos, the Ghostblood leader that had joined her guild. "I... No, I'm fine. Thank you," Aln answered. She tried not to look at the insect corpses that littered the room behind them, or the fabrial that lay discarded. "I'm sure you have just saved my life."
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  20. Greetings Highlords, Highladies... Brightnesses all! I stumbled across The Final Empire in my local bookstore last year whilst looking for a new and intriguing series of books to get my teeth into during a period of extended sickness. I had never heard of Brandon Sanderson before and, despite the old addage, I totally judged a book by its cover and was sold immediately on the premise written on the UK edition cover "What if the Dark Lord won?". I scurried home eager to dive into a new world of fantasy, completely unaware of what was in store for me. I read the prologue and the first few chapters and was completely and utterly blown away by the characterisation, world-building, grounded magical systems and so on... so I promptly set down my book with a resigned feeling of "Oh no, here we go again" and returned to town to purchase the other two books in the series as I knew this was something special. In my defense, not wrong, but little did I know how deep the rabbit-hole truly went! I devoured Mistborn Era 1, then decided to read Elantris to see where it all began (from a published works \ bibliographical sense) and noticed thematic similarities, connections, the same dedicated attention to detail and fantastic cast of characters. I, like all of you before me, had discovered the Cosmere. I was hooked, but like taking the first few rubs of firemoss, I was still naive as to what would happen next. I found Brandon's website. I found to my delight that there were MORE COSMERE BOOKS. I read Mistborn Era 2. I read Warbreaker. Amazing. Outstanding. Could it get any better? Then Stormlight dropped from the heavens and its four almighty tomes that comprised Book 1 and Book 2 proceeded to give me as comprehensive an emotional roller-coaster as I had yet experienced in my 31 years of life. I had to have more... like waiting for Pullman or Pratchett (RIP ) or Canavan, the itch just begged to be scratched. As luck would have it, I was fortuitous enough to have finished SA2 to find that Oathbringer was also available for me to purchase immediately. Such a weighty and majestic hardback I have never before held in my hands! The rest is history. I began cross-reading, lurking on these forums, reading annotations, deleted scenes... you all know the drill! What I find is something so fascinating, so brilliant, beautiful and compellingly powerful within his works. His ability as a writer to speak to the many facets of my own mental health issues has helped me immeasurably over the past year. His ability to give me back feelings and emotions I had long buried and the pervading hope that everything is going to be ok has, without question, saved my life. For that, for him, for his works I am eternally grateful. I look forward to continuing this journey with you all and hope to further expand my own knowledge and understanding in Brandons works, and by extension my own growth and healing, by participating in this board. Your patience in reading my intro post is greatly appreciated and I hope to get to know many of you better in time! Life Before Death Strength Before Weakness Journey Before Destination ~Atrias~
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  21. Nope. I'm only at 8. If I find out I'll let you know
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  22. @shatteredsmooth thanks so much for commenting! I always recommend listening to the audio track because it changes the meter, etc. of the lines pretty significantly, but Mandamon mentioned tripping on the line break in this one too, so something to look at. I actually really like that set of lines too! Glad to know it's not just me. Yeah. Maybe I can do something on this with the "self-help" line that nobody likes. Might also try to work something into the end of the chorus... Your comments have definitely been useful! I knew this would be outside of some folks' comfort zones, but I really don't get any sort of feedback on my songs unless someone makes a point of commenting on one after a show or something, so if you're ever stuck on what to say even a listener reaction along the lines of "this resonated/didn't resonate with me" is useful. If nothing else, it gives me a better idea which songs I should be considering for the final cut of an album.
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  23. @shatteredsmooth sounds good. Who else do we have for Monday?
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  24. One cannot run forever. She couldn't tell where one monster ended and another began. The claws, fur, tentacles and the shriek all melded onto one. Some of it reached out to cover the tunnel walls around her, overtaking her as she ran. Running wasn't working... wasn't working. Her breath was coming in gasped, her legs wouldn't hold up for much longer, she had run so far but they still followed! A low moan escaped her mouth between gasps for air, her hand reached out to wrap exhausted fingers around the hilt of her sword. She slowed, then stopped, they roared around her, alien limbs writhing in victory. She drew her sword and set her feet against the stone floor. "Fight me!" This is my story, it isn't fan fiction of anything, it's just where my imagination took me today, hope you guys like it!
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  25. jmcgit Compared to Oathbringer, how much Szeth are we going to see in the book? Brandon Sanderson This one, probably less Szeth than Oathbringer. Mostly, because we're going to get his big plot in the next book. There's some cool Szeth stuff in this still, but we're looking more like first book Szeth rather than third book Szeth, where I give him his own micro plot in book 3. jmcgit I was kind of imagining, he's like the first character expected to die in the first five books. Brandon Sanderson He starts in jail, in book four. Because Dalinar told him to go there. DragonCon 2019 (Aug. 31, 2019)
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  26. I like your style! It's really cute.
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  27. So, I wouldn't necessarily say that this character's luck 'fails', rather that the character's luck puts them where they need to be, but not where they want to be.
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  28. Man, I'm so glad nothing ever happened to Myla, I can't believe she got a happy ending /s
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  29. Those are fantastic! I love Adolin's hair, although I did have to zoom in to see Renarin's glasses. Maybe I'm just blind.
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  30. I like it a lot! I pictured their skin a bit more pale, but that's just my take
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  31. Just to confirm, this will still count as 'meeting' them and testing against your Charm, but it might be a better way of getting to know a few gods, as your Physique score might help you here in a physical game . Thanks for the kind words, Rushu. Just to point out, only one vote this Day, I'm afraid, so I'll be taking Develop Religion as it's first, unless you change it. I will post the next Day in two days time. At this point, basically just Sunday-Sunday for a Day, I guess :P.
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  32. 10/10 best meme on this whole thread
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  33. So I did this for a Spanish project, but it was for a bunch of non-Sanderfans so I had to keep it simple. If you haven’t read WoA there’s a slight spoiler if you can catch it.
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  34. So, comments: (page 1) - "that these “fits” you wrote about are not malicious in any way" - this implies that the fits are acting in a malicious way, so are kind of sentient, or someone deliberately is send them to attack Ma. 'Harmful' is a more passive word. (page 2) - "The entire tunnel was vibrating!" - I would quite like this sensory input on page one, to have the immediacy of the train right at the start of the chapter, considering it was right at the end of the previous one. - "Get away from the tracks!" - Excellent urgency. Even thought that train is not loud loud, Ma knows it will be down on top of them really fast. - "it’s only a matter of minutes before it passes" - So, this is the nitty gritty again of the train. I like how you've dealt with it up to this point, and I like you are quoting concrete (approx.) timescale. I just need to advise you on what that is... Okay, (1) I'm not a railway engineer, so this is going to be really seat of the pants, and is going to be really approximate, and only to give a flavour; (2) it's a really complex subject depending on train performance, load, number of carriages, etc., in other words (3) it's only going to be sufficiently convincing to engineers and scientists, maybe even train enthusiasts such that they convinced enough not to question it!! The number of variable is pretty bewildering, and I'm not going to go anywhere near those (see first link below, which is where the graph images come from). The second link below is an actual train braking distance calculator, but I can't quite get my heard around it without reading the paper behind it, which is pretty massive, so not going there! I find that graphs tend to tell at least a thousand words, to paraphrase the old saying, so lets stick to them. https://www.arema.org/files/library/2011_Conference_Proceedings/Simple_and_Efficient_Train_Braking_Algorithm_for_PTC_Systems.pdf http://railsigintl.com/tools/BDist/ Distance to Target (DTT) seems to be about the speed you want a train to be going at a certain point (signal). This graph show deceleration from three different speeds at current position. None of these speeds is high. The actual speeds seem to be ~43, ~34 and ~31 mph. I'm pretty sure a train will still mash a human body at 43 mph, so lets consider that as the starting point. For this train, which I think is a big freight train, so very massive with lots of momentum, is taking almost 3 miles to come to a halt. I gather that your train is much shorter, 3 or 4 carriages? But the engine has the same braking 'power'. Even so, I just don't see that the thing can come to rest in much less than a mile (so 1,728 yards). But, the train itself is maybe 150 yards long? It still puts the back of the train a fair distance away. I think trains go slower in tunnels, for safety and risk reasons. The train above in the graph that is doing 31mph also seems to stop in 3 miles, which implies to me it is not braking at the the same rate as the 40mph train. The second graph shows the train stopping from 40mph in 38 seconds. I think that suits, but it's the distance that's bothersome. I think in the end, as long as the train isn't stopping on a sixpence, that you play up brakes screeching and the train travelling some distance (at least 300 / 400 metres, it probably will be believable enough, even for readers who know enough to question it. (page 3) - "tromped behind him" - still too slow, for me. 'stomped', 'paced' would sound a bit faster. (page 4) - "No way the train is going that fast" - okay, I'm not doing the research on this, but obviously the suction is real. I suspect it does happen at low speed too, but would it pull someone off their feet? I'm willing to go with it. There's also a kind of sonic boom as it comes out of the tunnel. (Not applicable in this case, I presume). (page 5) - "is going to leave her soul light shining" - Now, did you say you'd changed it so her light doesn't coalesce before the train passes, but has done before now? (page 6) - "clack-clack" - I think it could do with a few more instances of clacking on the pages preceding the train arriving, just to keep the stress up. I know it's balance, but I think it could be tipped more towards the train. At least one on each page, I would think, then increasing. (page 7) - Z's thought really are rambling. Some of them are good, but others distract me from the tension of the situation. The drawing feels like a slow, relaxing thing, and therefore out of context here, to me anyway. - "clammy and wet with perspiration" - clammy and wet are kind of mutually exclusive, I think. (page 8) - "(Mama) [No my girl" - The different brackets, I'm not quite sure what they're doing. Kind of confusing. - the paper is a neat idea, I see how it connects to the pad now. - "blorst" - what on Earth is this? And the backslashes? There is punctuation all over the place in this chapter. I'm trying to decide if I like it or loath it. Part of me definitely loathes it, bit it's the other part I'm worried about - "She opened her eyes just as the train passed" - I wonder if I'm too close to this now. If the train is travelling at the lower speeds shown in the graphs above then maybe it could take that long to reach them. I need to do the math. Let's say the train is travelling at 40mph, fast enough to mash someone up if it hit them, probably fast enough to be noisy depending on the type of tracks. 40mph = 18 metres per second. Let's say they've been pootling about getting into position for 5 minutes = 300 seconds. So, the train would need to be 5,400 metres away travelling at that speed. Can they hear the train in the tunnel when it's 5.4km away?! That seems like a loooong way to me. If it was me, I'd be editing down these first eight pages to get them down as tight as possible so it really feels like they are not going to make it. There's still quite a bit of raffle, it seems to me. - It's way better definably, but I'm not totally satisfied yet. Sorry for prattling on, but I think a good proportion of engineers will scrutinise this pretty closely. Now I'm off to see what happens once the train is past them (page 9) - "cut into three sections--cars" - Forgot this: fewer cars, quicker deceleration, I think. That's good. - "Her soul lantern is about to coalesce" - Oh, okay. I'm not sure I know what this is. Foreknowledge would have been good. It's good tension though. Also, I'd suggest that R is more likely to be less wordy when shouting urgently. Wouldn't he more likely shout 'It's going to coalesce'? We already know what 'it' is. - Oh, wait. It's the difference between soul light and soul lantern? In my mind, those are pretty much interchangeable terms, hence my confusion. (page 10) - "ear splitting shriek of metal on metal" - I like this description. I think before it started almost immediately that the train passed? The problem I have here is that it sounds like the clacking is almost gone. So, when the train is past, the clacking disappears really fast, but when it's approaching it takes eight pages to get there. I think there is still a pretty large inconsistency in that. (page 11) - "it’s probably some sort of mechanism" - This goes without saying, I think. Also, I don't think it's clear that she's talking about automatically. But anyway, why would it only lock if something happened? Surely it would be locked all the time, for security reasons, if the God King or senior staff use it? (page 12) - "it’s blue flame" - 'its' obvs. (page 14) - "To Z’s eye, she could not tell" - These two expression don't work together, IMO. After the first one, normally would come a definite statement, e.g. "To Z's eye, the thing was solid gold." OR just the second expression, e.g. "She couldn't tell if it was solid gold, or not." - "Wait,” he said. “She’s awake. Look.” - This is wordy phrasing, compared to just "She's awake," which feels like a more natural thing to say. - "strange as it sounded to be comparing a skin color to food" - And yet she compared the person's skin colour to sickness, doesn't that seem strange to her too? - "The flap of the topcoat hanged unbuttoned" - There was an instance of this earlier and I wasn't going to bother but this should be 'hung'. Sorry, I really don't intend to be arsey, I just think it sounds bad. Here is the extract from the Oxford Dictionaries online... USAGE - In modern English hang has two past tense and past participle forms: hanged and hung. Hung is the normal form in most general uses, e.g. they hung out the washing; she hung around for a few minutes; he had hung the picture over the fireplace, but hanged is the form normally used in reference to execution by hanging: the prisoner was hanged. The reason for this distinction is a complex historical one: hanged, the earlier form, was superseded by hung sometime after the 16th century; it is likely that the retention of hanged for the execution sense may have to do with the tendency of archaic forms to remain in the legal language of the courts. https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/hang (page 15) - "now bathed in plausible deniability" - I don't understand. Surely there's nothing to deny, and no way to deny it. The woman knows the story. How is there any plausible deniability? - "could be no other than" - This was pretty melodramatic, IMO. Bit over the top phrasing, like dah-dah-DAHHH. (page 16) - "sitting on it backwards" - What is this? Is she trying to be cool? Down with the kids? I never liked this, it's so posy. The only instance I can think of it being useful is for a gunslinger to get a clean draw in a saloon, although they then have the back of the chair between them and their antagonist, potentially. - "Not like this candle" - the same sentence there is reference to 'that candle'. Sounded a bit weird going from this to that, when repetition of the same word can add good emphasis. - Nice thought about her having the best S/L ever. I like that, good voice for her age, and really builds the tension for this reveal. (page 17) - "or who teaser he back when" - 'teased', typo. - "Out with it already!" - It's a good reveal at the end: I did not guess that, but I think Z's internal monologue just before the reveal really gets in the way of it. It's like we have to wait for her to say hurry up before the General can say the thing. It's clunky, IMO. Overall Good chapter, I like the changes to the earlier sections although it still have my issues. The scene in the train is good. There are hints that they are in trouble, and yet Z is being well treated. Then the reveal: boom! One thing struck me as odd, which was that I never understood why the train screeched to a halt after the scream. I'm still thinking it hit someone, and yet they must have seen Z's S/L flaring. So, who screamed out? Good work, IMO. Another edit could really nail it, I reckon. <R>
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  35. Ok, I'm not the only that thought this. This is spot on how I reacted, but I've only been married 6 years. Maybe that is another song? One where you sing about love and toasters? That aside, I do think @kais had a good idea about the small things love can do. I could read two or three at once. It took me almost two weeks to get to this time, but that was more because I procrastinated actually commenting because I was worried I wasn't going to give useful feedback. I'll procrastinate less with the next one.
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  36. Alright, I've had this open on my desktop for two weeks and every couple of days, I stare at it and try to figure out what kind of feedback to give. I've never written a song before, and my musical knowledge is limited to beginner piano lessons and a few summers of being in the chorus for musicals because I wanted to be in the play with my friends but didn't have enough singing skills to actually have a part in a musical. I tried to approach it like a poem, but I've always been terrible at workshopping poems. So, here goes nothing. I love the concept of the song. It's cool to see something that almost deconstructs other love songs, something that is about more realistic, every day love. I like the allusions to other songs. I got a little tripped up when reading through "Love won’t help me reach... of its griefs" but I have not yet actually played the audio track. "...discover my best self" was probably my least favorite line. Something about it sounded like it belonged in a self-help book or something. However, this is subjective, and may be just my weird reaction to the phrase "best self" or maybe that is what you are aiming for. "But every night my peace ...fuss is all about" was fantastic and probably one of my favorite lines in the song. :-)
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  37. Someone watching a sharder leave: I didn't think it would end this way. Me: End? No, the journey doesn't end here. Leaving the shard is just another path. One that we all may take. The white blue home page of this website shuts off, and all turns to black glass... then you see it! Someone watching a sharder leave: What? Mac? See what? Me: New hobbies... and beyond. Different friends, and another beginning. Someone watching a sharder leave: Well, that isn't so bad. Me: [smiles] No... no, it isn't. Props if you get the reference.
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  38. There's in-world debate on the matter. I personally believe they all still go to the beyond, but it doesn't seem like we have a definitive answer.
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  39. More of this: (Photo credit: amy_simba on Instagram)
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  40. 1 like
  41. “Because I asked,” Shadow struggle some more.
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  42. I. NEED. MORE. ENTRIES. OF. STAR’S. JOURNAL!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!
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  43. Eeeee! It's finally done! I'm really proud of myself... Here's Come Alive, as sung by Kelsier to Vin. Enjoy!
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  44. Here's From Now On, KR edition. Comments and constructive criticism welcome Spoilered for length, and a couple of Major OB spoilers
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  45. Guys, i'm finished and quite frankly i think Raoden is a perfect fit for this song, so without further ado A million dreams as sung by prince Raoden
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  46. Do you see my hat? No? That's because I have thrown it into the ring.
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  47. 16. Being comedy relief is to your benefit as you'll get powerful plot armor
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  48. I am reaching, but I fall And the stars are black and cold As I stare into the void Of a world that cannot hold I'll escape now from that world From the world of Jean Valjean There is nowhere I can turn There is no way to go oooooooooooon!!!! Javert opened his eyes. He was drenched. His coat was dripping with muddy water, and behind him flowed the Seine. He felt cold. Was this...Paradise? A man stood before him, wearing a crisp black and silver uniform. Dark of skin, a pale scar on his cheek. Authority radiated from him, and Javert straightened instinctively. Javert frowned. “Who are you?” “You know me.” And… he did. Instinctively. He had never met this man before, but…somehow... “I threw myself off a bridge.” “And I restored you. A drowned man only needs the proper ministrations.” “Who are you?” “You, Javert, revere order, do you not? You follow the law of your society to perfection. This attracted me, though I fear that emotion has clouded your ability to discern. Your ability to...judge.” Judgement. “You are...Justice?” “Herald of Justice, though not of your world.” “Why save me? Was my torment not enough?” “These words are foolishness, said Justice, unbecoming of one who would study beneath me.” “...Study?” He squeezed his eyes shut, remembering that terrible, terrible choice that had torn him apart. “I want to be judged.” “I watched you pursue a breaker of the law, tireless, relentless. Your dedication to your personal code is one to be admired. You kept your word to the law with perfection - the only genuine beauty left to the world. I judge you, and have found you worthy of the Skybreakers.” “The...skybreakers?” “Come along. Your training begins immediately.”
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