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  2. Whew. This is great feedback. I'll try to keep this in mind as I go, but part of the problem is simply I don't know what questions to ask. Thanks for the support. These are really good questions. Thanks! That's also a good question, one I hadn't fully considered. I've tried to reduce and fix this in the revision. I got used to using certain terms in the plotting/drafting stages and forgot to properly introduce all of them. Yeah, I've discovered I have some issues with setting the scene properly. I have trouble recognizing scenery in real life, so I'm working to fix this in the revision. This is probably more likely a failing on my part. But that's a good question to consider. Noted. Though, I'll ask: what defines "medieval-like speech"? That seems to be the most interesting part so far. Trying to fix this in the revision...I feel like the focus is off here. Sorry, I'm not sure what that means? P is MJ. A is Warden. But yes, that could distinctly be clearer. I'm wondering if I should write this segment from A's viewpoint instead. It'd take out the use of the magic system in the prologue, but it might be a little more of an engaging intro. Thoughts? I draw inspiration from many places. The lifestream is one of them, though the similarities end here. You'll probably pick up on a few little nods to my influential sources throughout the novel. Thanks! Probably next week or the week after. I think I'm going to do a test run of writing this same scene from A's perspective, P is clearly not working at this stage for a number of reasons.
  3. I've never tried that updated version. I know it introduces some form of job system, which could make things interesting, but i'm not sure hwo that would work. it seems like it would drastically change some of how the game plays.
  4. “Nope. What about you?”
  5. You've earned it ten times over with what I put you through
  6. main plot

    KanMien looked at Mac and Lusk. "We'll also need to set up secure communication channels between our guilds," they said. "Currently if we need to talk to each other we need to seek each other out in person, which is time consuming and not reliable."
  7. Ah, I see. I didn't read it with a sense of irony, I just read it straight. Yes, I saw it as I read on of course, but it's still odd for me that no one else seemed to think it was odd to eat with a prince. Ah. Well, I think you just need to come out and define that when you first use the term 'off hand'. I think with something like this, because it's so specific, just come out a straight on tell the reader what this means.
  8. main plot

    Mac spoke up “The DA can shut down the vortex and study it to see what it’s purpose was. If we discover what the vortex can do we will be able to better predict what plasmacore was intending to do. Also, if anything goes wrong, DA scientists are most likely going to be able to handle it due to our enhanced durability We will look into using the alleys as a method for evacuations as well, though it may take some time for the alleys to be set up in a safe way.”
  9. Today
  10. no.you have gone too general for the whole answer.
  11. Yeah, but you could draw a circle around the eclipse and have the bind points connect. Then go with lines of forbiddence on the sides. Only problem is according to the rules of the tournaments, when your first circle is breached you lose no matter how many you have inside
  12. Yeah, you could draw it before hand in like a "Chaulking Creation" and draw it as quick as you can. Then you just click and drag and it redraws it for you. In the same time you drew it on the creation menu. In the creation menu you can specify the speed, strength, and health based on the drawing where you identify the parts, either legs or claws or teath or a shell. Size would also help with health. Overall detail adds a overall buff to all stats!!
  13. Hello all! Second to last entry! It's almost at 6000 words because I added a few in edits (of course). This one focuses on everyone who wasn't in last week's chapter. I could probably split this into two, but I sort of like how everything rolls up to the end. Let me know what you think. In addition, I'd like to know if the timeline on M's section of the chapter makes sense, and if you can fit it into what is happening in the rest of the book. Alright, rip it to shreds! As usual, all comments are welcome. Previously: E coaxed S out of his room after a strange chime went off. The maji are interested in S's new house. R got some information from a source, and M wants to restart the Society. R reveals the location of the Coalition's headquarters, but can't get there, and everyone is called to the Assembly, where the Coalition unveils an ancient being. E and R discuss the revelation, S visits the Eff in a private audience, and M continues recruiting. Re manages to meet with the coalition, learns E and I's true species, and confronts E. E trades herself for I and S takes I in. The rest of the cast gathers at the wall, and meet the Eff. They learn some new things, then the chime stops as something comes through the wall. We go back to E, who discovers the Coalition's headquarters, and meets some new, strange friends. Back to S and Co at the wall, who finally find out what the chime was all about. We drop in on M, who showed the new two-house recruits what's he'd been doing. Meanwhile, S and I go through the wall with WW, and find out what's on the other side. E learns about her species from the others, and fends off an assault. Re observes one of the LC attack the Eff, but discovers a way to create a portal to their base. Meanwhile, S and I explore the new facet with WW, and meet the ruler of that facet. M and co start work on the Device, and E learns more about the L.C. S and WW go to a new House, and Sam learns about a surprising ability. We switch to R and Co, who are infiltrating the LC's headquarters, where they come across a room of surprising artifacts.
  14. “Fair enough,” Rob said. “You don’t have plans to go with anyone?”
  15. That's just what we think is the second one. I think so too, but there is no evidence at all. Just a bunch of hunches.
  16. No it doesnt. It says right next to it. "Disputed, Citation needed"
  17. Mind-blown.....
  18. I don't remember when and where a quote would be, I just remember always thinking that the Nightwatcher is the second Bondsmith Spren, and Coppermind backs me up here.
  19. I don't recall that ever being in any of the books, could you quote it? Im not arguing, just asking. I do have many different theories with bondsmiths and Storm father, nightwatcher, and the water one with a bunch of faces are the three being one of them. Also i thought maybe the third one could be a corrupted bondsmith that bonded with odium but that one is probably the farthest from the truth. Also, maybe the third one could have a partial bond to both honor and cultivation spren. Maybe acting as the moderator for the other 2 bondsmiths. Makes sense since they are supposed to unite. And if one is working with each influence stuff could get messy.
  20. I might be wrong but I believe Nightblood would just start sucking his Investiture: the metals he is burning but also all he has stored in his metalminds. It would take longer than compared to a person with 'normal' amount of Investiture but it'd kill him sooner or later (and I'm not even talking about his age).
  21. The Stormfather himself confirmed it, as I recall.
  22. main plot

    Lusk stood silent, watching as communications between the guild began to increase and more information and discussions of tactics began to spread around the restaurant. Lusk smiled. At last, the meeting was getting somewhere. He listened to Lita, about how she told that the appearance of an alliance could make things worse, and it was better to do it covertly. Another high-ranking DA member said a private alley network for evacuations could be possible. Great. Alleys were all around the city anyway, using them as a way to evacuate would mean more refugees could evacuate, faster. TUBA seemed to have information beyond what Lusk had expected, and it all seemed to be due to that future-seer of theirs. A powerful resource indeed, and Lusk made it in his notes to update the Ghostbloods’ knowledge on TUBA’s arsenal. The information was sparse, but it was new, and Lusk appreciates that. The talk of spren spying got him slightly nervous but the future-seer again relieved his worries. “So, to conclude,” Lusk said, as the center of discussion had begun to shift from tactics to who needed to be out on a leash and who was or wasn’t lying. “The DA will assist with evacuations, the Vortex must be shut down at highest priority as the future-seer said, and we must keep our alliance secret to misguide Lord Ajax. In fact, if their spren know about this meeting, it might even be in our best interests to pretend that it went terrible. Furthermore, we will need scouts in other cities to search for Ajax, and more researchers near the Vortex so we can learn how to shut it down in a non-destructive way.” He clapped his hands together. “Is that all?”
  23. How do we know that?
  24. Taylor Kitsch!! He looks gruff enough and his eyes are slightly almond shaped. He did a great job with ghe attitude in John Carter
  25. No, we already know that the Nightwatcher is one, and she's of Cultivation, not Honor
  26. Maybe the 3 bondsmiths each bonded to a manifestation of Honor? On physical (the highstorm) one cognitive (the storm father) and one spiritual (Honor himself, or maybe Ishar)
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