QuirkyGrandpa Posted May 25, 2018 Report Share Posted May 25, 2018 4 hours ago, Robinski said: Awesome! Thank you so much for reading, and these very extensive comments. I love it I do have the slight problem that I said I would submit this week, and it's Friday , however next week's roster is full so, I'm going to come back here after I've submitted (horribly late, but quite short) and reply, but you might wish to consider what I'm about to post and see if it answers any of those question... Sure thing! I'm not going anywhere, and I like helping people think things through. Story pong till you find something you love more than you like. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski Posted May 25, 2018 Author Report Share Posted May 25, 2018 (edited) 16 hours ago, QuirkyGrandpa said: Can I kiss the people who made the Forums save writing? Cause my browser just crashed but everything is still here Ha! You probably broke it with that post--2,200 words!! Edited May 25, 2018 by Robinski 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuirkyGrandpa Posted May 25, 2018 Report Share Posted May 25, 2018 4 hours ago, Robinski said: Ha! You probably broke it with that post--2,200 words!! Apparently I can talk forever about someone else's writing but have no ability at all to make my own . 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski Posted May 26, 2018 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2018 14 hours ago, QuirkyGrandpa said: Apparently I can talk forever about someone else's writing but have no ability at all to make my own . Lol. We'll see about that 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski Posted May 26, 2018 Author Report Share Posted May 26, 2018 So, where the heck do I begin... at the very beginning, of course. (It's a very fine place to start, I believe.) On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: I went back and read over what I said and realized I wrote a whole lot of conjecture and did a lot of theorizing, daydreaming and wondering. No problems with that. Theorize all you like, and I will sift and borrow and improve the outline On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Excellent title. I immediately wonder why AK has -anything- to do with a 'DH'. This intrigue would make me want to pick it up and at least read the back cover for that sneak peek or try at least the first page or two. Super. I can't ask much more of the title. I have this issue of another gent who has a story going with that title. His seems to be an Urban Fantasy--mine's got an actual kingdom!! Anyway, for purposes of drafting, I'm going to stick with it. I have spitballed alternatives, but haven't found a better one. I think it makes the potential for confusion even greater that mine would be a supertitle, which makes it look even more like a follow-up to a story called 'AK'. Anyway, I'll press on for now. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: I'm not saying to trick your readers, but it never hurts to throw a curve ball every once in a while. We'll see. I'm not sure how much of a twist I've got in this one, other than G being revealed as an agent of a 'secret society'. I'll write it out and see how it goes. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: This is great, cause it can have so many consequences. Yeah, I hope I can do it justice. Having searched through Goodreads and with G**gle, I'm not overly concerned about the other instances of bone magic that I've encountered. Either it does not seem central to those stories, or it is a different setting and mode of use. My story being gritty and dealing with practicalities of the magic, procurement of bones and also environmental effects (not overblown magical ones), I hope will make my story different, and compelling for different reasons, such as those you note. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: I also enjoy that they have to take the time to collect these things instead of magic just being a wave of the hand. Yes, this is very important to my story, but as someone (there are so many people on here at the moment--it's great ) said, there is a danger of it all just taking too long--it is a novella, after all--I need to be careful to balance cost of magic and pace of story/action. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Scene two - J jumps into the fire, and instead of getting burned he sells the world charcoal. I like that he gets caught but still finds a way to turn this to their advantage (if I'm reading that right). I feel strongly that this scene is important in that it will set the tone for J's and C's relationship from this point out. Lol, and YES! This is sooo, important for the tone of the story, and will be included in my next submission, being Part 2, so I'll be fascinated to get everyone's reaction to those scene(s). On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Scene four - Your ability to write these characters and the undercurrents happening without giving too much away will determine whether this story is a hit or not. I would like to note that I'm not seeing a lot of movement from K & P at this point. I love your analysis of this. No pressure on me then!! Really though, this sort of theorising is very valuable to me at this early stage. I've not said a lot a out K & P in the outline, true, and I'd be lying if I said they were main characters, but clearly they need still to be rounded, interesting, and to contribute. That's my aim with them. I have some background for P that I hope will achieve this. K is less rounded, but I hope to discover more about him as I go. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Scene five - I feel a little cheated that this is the first scene where you start to mention the magic. I'll be disappointed as a reader if you don't immerse us in your unique magic before now, but obviously this is just an outline. No, that's a given, 'we' need to see the magic pretty early, consistently, and to entertaining effect. That is high (top?) of my to-do list. It is just an outline, and already out of date. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Scene seven - It would also make me immensely happy if one of them stole extra food and pay, and then got chewed out by part of the group for doing so... Lol. This is very much in character for one of them. I can't remember where or if I mentioned it, but there is a short story with these characters (3,500 words) that I submitted a few months back. It is now outmoded, as I have changed various details between then and now, but it does sort of work as a character sketch of the four 'm/c's. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Scene seven - Moving on to the fight, I feel like with C volunteering to fight G, and also the previous mention that C has a soft spot for him, that there might be a bit of a love story going on here. This could better influence J's personality and his feelings toward both G, jealousy, and C, affection if you wanted. You also stated that: 'J see's the game C and G are playing', Not entirely sure what you mean there, but perhaps that is what you were already going for. I like that you have J questioning things here about the guards, and lack of dogs. That tension is going to make the next scene that much more enjoyable, and your readers will be begging for him to open up to his companions while he proceeds to not listen and lead them to disaster. Love this assessment. I will mine it shamelessly in the lead up and writing of this scene. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Scene nine - Enter the boss fight! Que one liners, and fantastic future fan art! Yes, please On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Scene ten - I'm definitely interested in what J is going to do and I assume it will be thrilling since he is a thrill seeker, but what will happen to everyone else? I worry that this scene is one where its easy to drop the ball. If you're going to get clever, it's going to have to be good. Noted! On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Scene eleven - I worry that this is almost too simple. Not after your analysis it's not!! But anyway, note what you say, and I will try to keep it all in mind. Yes, I must strive to pass the Clever Challenge. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Scene twelve - Walking and talking? J is a thrill seeker, and since the book started with trouble, I think you should end it with trouble on a laughing note. ... you say 'four of them as a team', was this a typo? In this scene its back to five. Yeah, by this time, I suspect the outline will be hanging on by its fingernails. I'm seeing it as a musketeers thing, or a Suicide Squad thing, in that I'm not sure they really will see G as a true member of the team, a la d'Artagnan / Joker, since he was D's man all along, but I'll see how it plays out. On 24/05/2018 at 11:03 PM, QuirkyGrandpa said: Also imagine a black market for fingers all of a sudden. Oh yeah... Simply excellent comments, thank for all the ammunition <R> 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robinski Posted May 31, 2018 Author Report Share Posted May 31, 2018 @industrialistDragon, I must apologise for forgetting to come back and respond to your most-appreciated comments on the outline, which I remembered instantly when I saw you had commented on Part 1. On 25/05/2018 at 1:54 AM, industrialistDragon said: Regular people... can just simply not find anyone in their social circles attractive. Can be forced out of the marriage pool against their will by social or societal pressures. Can decide marriage isn't worth the baggage that comes with it. Very well put, and more like what I had in mind that asexuality. On 25/05/2018 at 1:54 AM, industrialistDragon said: Sometimes I think older women characters get made into spinsters/maiden aunts as an excuse to put little thought into their backgrounds. If they were never married, then there are no pesky husbands, exes, children, or other connections to worry about, plus the author doesn't have to worry about fitting the woman into society and thereby can elide the issue you mentioned about women "of a certain age" becoming invisible... Of course she's not prominent, she's a spinster! I fully intend this character to have background, and not hidden background either. In the same way as with K and P, I've not really given much in the outline, but it's swirling around in my head and I will do my best to get it on the page. My intention is to make her a good character regardless of sex or sexuality. On 25/05/2018 at 1:54 AM, industrialistDragon said: Personally, I'd make my spymaster the lady who throws the best parties... Great comments, on a little discussed issue. Very helpful indeed. Thank you, ID 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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