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If Alcatraz were a movie......


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I was listening to the Alcatraz audiobook, and I started brainstorming about how fun it would be to have an Alcatraz movie.

Asides. Alcatraz has a lot of asides, especially in the beginnings of chapters. It would be fun to set these up like Kuzco's asides in The Emperors New Groove, only there would be more of them. It would also be cool to have random ones in the middle of a scene where Alcatraz has to explain something.

What do you guys think? How would you like to see Alcatraz as a movie?

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(fade from black into the set of the first chapter. ALCATRAZ is strapped to an altar of outdated encyclopedias with a masked executioner standing over him)

(record scratch)

(freeze frame)

ALCATRAZ. (voice-over) Yup, that's me. I bet you're wondering how I got into this situation. Well, let me start from the beginning...

(epic music as the camera zooms out to reveal the title screen. The title shatters and the camera zooms back into ALCATRAZ'S home)

ALCATRAZ. (voice-over) I've had bad luck since I was born, for example, my name is Al. Under normal circumstances, that would have been an okay name, but my parents must have had a cruel sense of humor. My name isn't Alfred or Alfonzo or even Allison. My name is Alcatraz. Alcatraz Smedry.

(ALCATRAZ stops doing a voice-over)

ALCATRAZ. (he holds a lightbulb in his hands carefully. The lightbulb explodes) Whoops.

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  • 8 months later...

Whoever did the movie would have to be careful not to make it too slapstick. It's a fine line to walk, with Alcatraz being all stoopid and cracking jokes throughout, but with the undertone that he really did go through some stuff. And you'd have to be careful to not make the narration too constant or annoying, 'cause that would just be frustrating.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I almost think a television show may work better, since the meta-narration may be too much for one sitting. If it was stretched out over a couple of episodes, or one long season in which there are breaks, I think it would be okay. It's like the Deadpool problem. Deadpool is great in small bursts, but any longer and the charm wears off. But honestly, I'd take any medium. 

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