Mental Health Awareness

[Tesh]

You probably all know that October is breast cancer awareness month. That's great. Next month is mental health awareness month. 

And this is a big deal to me. Depression falls under this category. I do experience high functioning depression. I know people who's depression is much much worse than mine. And guys, don't just go around saying you have depression if you're just sad sometimes. I constantly just have this feeling of not belonging, like no one cares, and like I'm completely alone. I have a really good friend who has serious depression, and one of my oldest friends thinks she has high functioning depression as well. (Yes, Kaladin has extreme depression).

Another one is Multiple Personality Disorder. (MPD, or DID Dissociative Identity Disorder). This is where someone basically has several different personalities, with different characteristics, and things like that. (I believe Shallan actually has this, or at least experiences something a lot like it).

Yet another is Obsessive Compulsion Disorder. More commonly known as OCD. Guys, this is a mental disorder. It isn't simply extreme perfectionism! Do not joke about having OCD. It's really serious. It's when everything has to be perfect in someone's life, or else they experience extreme anxiety. And more. I'm far from an expert, but I know the gist of it. I have another family member who has this. It's not good. I would suggest doing some research on it, though. 

Now Depersonalization/Derealization. This is a less heard of disorder, even though a lot of people experience it. Only two percent of people who experience this actually have a mental disorder. About fifty percent of the population experiences feelings of this in their life. Sometimes it lasts for minutes, other times, years. And yet others, a lifetime. It's when a person experiences extreme detachment from reality, the world around them, and even their thoughts. It can be caused by many things. The most common one named is abuse. The reason I care so passionately about this one, is that I've been experiencing it for the past two months. It feels like much much longer. I feel like I'm watching everything through a window. I don't know if I actually have the mental disorder, I'm just sort of trying to get through this school year. 

I have a friend who wanted me to add autism and Gender Dysphoria to this list. I'm going to add schizophrenia. I'm not going to go deep at all into any of these, but I will do something.

Autism. (This month (April) is actually autism awareness month). Autism is not what you might think. Many people have it, (1 in every 59 males, 1 in every 189 females). And some don't even know. People who have autism often have a speech impediment early in life, don't like being around other people, and can become very attached to objects. (One of my sources).

Gender Dysphoria is when a person feels like they should be the opposite gender, or in other words, that they feel strongly that their gender does not match their biology.

Schizophrenia is really hard to spell. But it is also a life long disorder, that effects about 1% of the population. Symptoms can include hallucinations, trouble with thinking and motivation, and lack of motivation. (Source).

Guys, mental disorders are a real thing. None of us can explain the full extent of it. I really like these two things:

 "What's depression like?"

 " it's like drowning. Only you can see everyone else around you breathing. "

And:

 "Explaining to someone what a mental disorder is like is like trying to explain colors to someone blind."I

All of that is copied from my profile. This stuff now, I'm writing from scratch.

We need to raise awareness for these things. They are serious. Every one in four people is going through some form of mental illnesses. And the people who aren't... Let's just say they can be downright inconsiderate. Some members of TUBA really took my post to heart. Several of them have changed their profile pictures green, the color for mental health awareness. We have also added things into our signitures, explaining. 

So, spread the word.

And if you have a type of mental illnesses you'd like to be added to the great list, speak up. Or if you have or have had a mental illness, and you are willing to share some, if not all, of your story, that would be amazing. 

It's time to stop hiding in the shadows, alone. We can be in the sun, together, and stronger. We can make a difference. This I promise. Even if it's just for one person, it counts. 

If you know someone with a mental illness, though, and you haven't experienced it yourself, don't say you understand. It doesn't help. What helps most, and I speak from personal experience, is just being there. Nothing more. Nothing less. That's all it takes.

Is anyone else willing to help?

Spoiler

Don't put any of the stories outside of the Shard. Respect people's privacy, please.

 

Edited May 5, 2018 by Tesh

[AonEne]

I have minor mental health issues; most are really weird and probably can't even be counted, though others probably can be. Something I've been holding back on sharing is this thing I've got with words. In my head, some words are just matched. Kind of and sort of being examples of this, as well as concrete and cement and tons of others. If I say one, I have to say the other. If I hear one, I have to say the other. If I see one - you get the picture. I classify this a mental disorder because it's to the point where I just do it instinctively. If I tried to hold back, I don't actually know if I could (mostly due to thoughts being hard to control) . It's not fun. This strange "matching" thing manifests itself in other ways too, but this is the biggest. 

Almost everyone on here will probably have worse stuff than mine. I don't know what this might be or what category it might fall in. But to me, it's serious. I know it sounds really stupid, but to me it's not. 

I am here for everyone wanting hugs. (We need a hug emoji. Like really need.) 

[Kaymyth]

A few things:

What Shallan has isn't DID, but something else that manifests in a similar way. She's developing different personas in order to handle the extreme compartmentalization of her emotions. It looks similar from the outside and can easily be mistaken for DID, but it's a completely different issue altogether.

Autism is not a mental illness, but rather a difference in the physical wiring of the brain. This is generally referred to as "neurodivergence" rather than a mental illness. (ADHD also falls under this category.)

Now for my stuff:

I actually talked a bit about this in one of the JordanCon panels, but I do have a mild form of OCD. A lot of people like to joke about how OCD people "must have the cleanest houses" but that manifestation is by no means universal. Some people have a compulsion to clean or an anxiety about germs, but certainly not all of us! I tend to need both sides of my body to be "even" which means I'll do stuff like measure my steps so that my feet hit the carpet the same number of times before moving to linoleum, or chew my food equally on both sides of my mouth. And I'm really good* at disguising this so that people don't notice I'm doing it. I also tend to silently count my steps in sets of eight, but that's a byproduct of many, many years in marching band that never quite shook itself out of my psyche. If one arm touches something cold, I have a desire to touch the other one to the cold so that they feel the same. So the compulsions can totally be weird and nonsensical, and not necessarily a way of making everything neat and orderly and perfect.

That said, if you ever play Ticket To Ride with me, I will straighten the trains at some point. Sorry. I'll try to resist most of the game, but eventually my resolve will crack and it will happen. Deal.

In my case, I'm capable of suppressing the compulsions, but doing so causes me stress. If I'm already under stress, the compulsions get stronger and indulging in them actually helps ease that existing stress a little bit. Just the simple act of color-sorting M&Ms and then quietly eating them two at a time (one on each side of my mouth, of course) can chill me out a bit.

I also experience social anxiety where it can be difficult for me to approach people, especially in crowds, if I do not have a specific thing to talk to them about (and even then, if I don't know them, I'm likely to come off as weird and awkward). So if you ever see me at an event, please, feel free to approach me. Once that initial ice is broken and I have convinced my brain weasels that the person does indeed actually want to talk to me, I'm fine.

 

* I told my husband about talking about the "even steps" thing after I got home from con. He looked at me in mild surprise and said, "I didn't know you did that." We've been married for 7 years.

[AonEne]

6 minutes ago, Kaymyth said:

I tend to need both sides of my body to be "even" which means I'll do stuff like measure my steps so that my feet hit the carpet the same number of times before moving to linoleum, or chew my food equally on both sides of my mouth.

If one of my feet steps on a sidewalk crack, I have to step on a crack of the same-ish width with my other foot. Is my matching thing the same as or at least close to OCD? Because I honestly don't know.

*hugs @Kaymyth*

[Kaymyth]

20 minutes ago, AonEne said:

If one of my feet steps on a sidewalk crack, I have to step on a crack of the same-ish width with my other foot. Is my matching thing the same as or at least close to OCD? Because I honestly don't know.

*hugs @Kaymyth*

I do the same thing. Some days after work I'll deliberately move to walk on the textured part of the sidewalk that's meant to warn vision-impaired people that they're near the parking spaces just so I don't have to focus on which foot just hit a crack. It all feels the same there.

But for me, it extends to really stupid levels. Like, come on, brain - different colored tiles on the floor at the airport do not feel the same. Stop trying to convince me that they do!

Edited To Add: basically, it's a matter of extremity. One or two minor things, eh, it's not really something to worry about. My OCD tics could get very limiting if the urges were to get stronger to the point of being overwhelming. I can resist them, but most of the time it's easier and less stressful to just channel them into something that people don't notice.

[Rebecca]

45 minutes ago, AonEne said:

If one of my feet steps on a sidewalk crack, I have to step on a crack of the same-ish width with my other foot. Is my matching thing the same as or at least close to OCD? Because I honestly don't know. 

I do the same thing actually, but it’s not too bad or serious or anything. I don’t really have to do it if I’m not looking at the floor because I can’t see the cracks, or if I get really distracted. That’s mostly what it is for me; the cracks on the floor. Like, it has  to be an equal amount of different kinds of cracks or lines I stepped in with each foot in about the same spot of the foot. Sometimes it can be like tapping my foot or fingers too. If I do it with one foot/hand, I have to do it the same amount with the other. However, it not that bad, and doesn’t cause me stress or anything.

Anyways, I super support this thread and think it’s really cool that we’re doing this.

Edited April 27, 2018 by Rebecca

[Kidpen]

2 hours ago, AonEne said:

If one of my feet steps on a sidewalk crack, I have to step on a crack of the same-ish width with my other foot. Is my matching thing the same as or at least close to OCD? Because I honestly don't know.

*hugs @Kaymyth*

I do something similar. I have to step over every crack on the sidewalk with my right foot unless I deliberately don't. I'm confident that I don't have a mental condition though. I think it's just a habit.

I support this thread though. You may notice my mustache is now dark green.

[Tesh]

The reason I said not to joke about having OCD other than a family member having it, (it's really bad) is that my math teacher says he has it. He doesn't. He's just a perfectionist. He thinks OCD is just being too have everything perfect, straight, and in the right place. He also said that everyone has some level of OCD. I know this is not the case. If we ask had a mental disorder, it wouldn't be considered a mental disorder, because it would be normal. Yes, we do all have a bit of perfectionism. But that's not OCD. By blood just sort of runs cold, and I freeze up whenever he mentions it. I tried talking to him about it, but that didn't work. But the thing is, now half of the middle school say they have OCD. 

I do have some habits that could be linked to OCD, but it's just small things like I have to eat skittles, fruit snacks, M&Ms, veggie straws and things like that, from the darkest color to the lightest. I also used to walk really strangely to avoid the cracks on the side walk. I've mostly gotten over that one. But if one of my hands are cold, the other one has to be. Just little things like that.

And thanks for the support. We can do this.

[Elenion]

I don't have an explicitly-diagnosed mental disorder or neurodivergence, but when I was younger I showed some of the symptoms. When I learned to talk, I had a speech impediment so severe that I was barely intelligible to my parents and completely unintelligible to anyone else. It took me a year of speech therapy to correct, but luckily we caught it early enough so it's not noticeable in my voice. I also had the tendency to, when I was excited, begin to jump up and down and flap my arms. You may have seen the behavior that I'm referring to. I would not realize I was doing it until someone pointed it out to me. This too went away with age and practice. I have moved since then, and so people have no idea that I once exhibited these tendencies unless I tell them.

6 hours ago, Kidpen said:

I do something similar. I have to step over every crack on the sidewalk with my right foot unless I deliberately don't. I'm confident that I don't have a mental condition though. I think it's just a habit.

I support this thread though. You may notice my mustache is now dark green.

When I'm watching my feet, I try my best to take an even number of steps on each sidewalk slab, unless I purposefully take an odd number and even it out with an odd number on the next one. I think the line between mental disorder and strange habit is that habits, like mine, can be turned off.

[Gancho Libre]

Anyone know how to change my pic green? I 100% support this. I have several symptoms.

[Tesh]

1 hour ago, Gancho Libre said:

Anyone know how to change my pic green? I 100% support this. I have several symptoms.

@Archer would be a good person to ask. 

[Archer]

@Gancho Libre

Archer's Guide to Making a Green Profile Pic: 

1. Paste your picture into Microsoft Word. Click on it, then click 'Format' (shows up on your toolbar). On the left, some options appear. Click 'colour', then choose a green one. Screenshot, crop, upload. If it's too big, zoom out when you take the screen shot do that your picture quality is lower. 

2. Paste your picture into Microsoft Word. Go to 'Insert', 'shapes' and make a square. Put the square over your picture. Then click on the shape and under the format part of your toolbar you'll see the fill and outline options. Click on the 'fill' drop-down, then 'more fill options'. Click on a green, then change the transparency so that your pic will show through behind it. Screenshot, crop, upload. 

3. Filters. Some programs have green filters. 

Edited April 28, 2018 by Archer

[The Forgetful Archivist]

2 hours ago, Gancho Libre said:

Anyone know how to change my pic green? I 100% support this. I have several symptoms.

I am more than happy to do it if you want a bit more pizazz than a green filter 

On 4/27/2018 at 2:53 PM, Kaymyth said:

I tend to need both sides of my body to be "even" which means I'll do stuff like measure my steps so that my feet hit the carpet the same number of times before moving to linoleum, or chew my food equally on both sides of my mouth.

I do this too, its kinda comforting to know that I am not the only one. 

[Elenion]

@Gancho Libre Figured I'd save you some time, so here's a green-on-black and a white-on-green version:

 

[Voidus]

Thanks for posting this Tesh, it's a really important issue that affects so many people, and yet there is still this widespread reluctance to talk about mental health. Depression is the cause closest to my heart, though of course all mental health issues need far more support than they currently receive. 
I know some of the programs in Australia that provide some amazing support for people suffering and to promote awareness so any Aussies who are interested, please check out BeyondBlue and RUOK they're some really fantastic programs.
For people in other countries, I'm sure there are similar programs or if not please consider making a small push in something local. I think RUOK day is a really simple awareness program, it wouldn't need a whole lot of set up or funding, just some dedicated people willing to learn and teach and listen.
If anyone is curious feel free to PM me.
 

Links for anyone who wants to (And is financially able to) donate:

Spoiler

https://www.ruok.org.au/donate

https://donation.beyondblue.org.au/one-off-donation

https://donation.beyondblue.org.au/monthly-donation?freq=monthly

 

[Yvainnie]

So I don’t believe I am writing this adn it will probably sound stupid so just please try not to laugh at me. Btw does my profile pic counts as green or do I need to get it greener?

Anyway, my head is a mess and it has been this way since I can remember. Doctors said there are several different issues including schizophrenia. Basically I have a lot o things going on in my mind. Best picture it as some kind of platform like at railway station full of people, noises, sounds, songs and memories. In my head I constantly replay all the worst moments of my life including abusive father, almost raping, drug use, friends betrayl etc. And all these people in my head still remind me stuff like this or songs I know or just random thoughts. They all just talk to me or show to me constant stream of things and in real life I can not really focus on anything. I do have brief flashes of focus when my mind is clear and "all those people work togeher" and then I just cant remember what I did but usually it is something good like in school I either used to have F because I just couldnt focus or I passed exams with perfect A but I didnt remember a thing I wrote or said. If I try to ignore mess in my head it becames louder and it is screaming at me but I cant tr to controle it because when I am trying to catch up with everything that is going on I just loose myself there and in real life I have a problem to do anything, to move my body. Like I want to stand up and go get a glass of water but I cant because there is just so many things going on. Usually and fortunately it will pass in couple of seconds or minutes.There are so many things I cant even write it down. I know it is just in my head but it is overwhelming. I would like to have calm and peace but I dont know how. Sometimes I catn sleep because my head wont let me.

[AonEne]

I'm so sorry. 

*hugs @Yvainnie* 

And I think any green is green enough. 

[Yvainnie]

@AonEne Thank you

[Tesh]

6 hours ago, Yvainnie said:

So I don’t believe I am writing this adn it will probably sound stupid so just please try not to laugh at me. Btw does my profile pic counts as green or do I need to get it greener?

Anyway, my head is a mess and it has been this way since I can remember. Doctors said there are several different issues including schizophrenia. Basically I have a lot o things going on in my mind. Best picture it as some kind of platform like at railway station full of people, noises, sounds, songs and memories. In my head I constantly replay all the worst moments of my life including abusive father, almost raping, drug use, friends betrayl etc. And all these people in my head still remind me stuff like this or songs I know or just random thoughts. They all just talk to me or show to me constant stream of things and in real life I can not really focus on anything. I do have brief flashes of focus when my mind is clear and "all those people work togeher" and then I just cant remember what I did but usually it is something good like in school I either used to have F because I just couldnt focus or I passed exams with perfect A but I didnt remember a thing I wrote or said. If I try to ignore mess in my head it becames louder and it is screaming at me but I cant tr to controle it because when I am trying to catch up with everything that is going on I just loose myself there and in real life I have a problem to do anything, to move my body. Like I want to stand up and go get a glass of water but I cant because there is just so many things going on. Usually and fortunately it will pass in couple of seconds or minutes.There are so many things I cant even write it down. I know it is just in my head but it is overwhelming. I would like to have calm and peace but I dont know how. Sometimes I catn sleep because my head wont let me.

Yes, you profile picture works. We're not picky.

I've never known anyone with schizophrenia, so, quite frankly, I didn't expect it to be that bad. 

And I just realized last night that I have experience a lot of hallucinations, mostly when I was elementary school aged. The three most prominent times this has happened, are these: the first time I remember was about seven years ago. When I was little, I would listen to hymns as I fell to sleep. But one night, the music didn't turn on, and after a few minutes, a talk by President Monson turned on. I thought it was a new CD. I listened for about fifteen minutes before it cut off in the middle of a sentence. I Then realized it wasn't a CD. Another time, I was laying in bed, at about nine, and I heard my dad say, "Goodnight, I love you," so I said I love you too, and turned, but no one was there, and the door was closed. Then a few years ago, we were staying at a hotel, I heard a violin playing. So I went to my mom and said, "do you hear that violin?" She said she couldn't hear anything. I have had a few visual hallucinations, not just auditory. For example, once a few years ago, when I was about six, I saw a grey rabbit on the floor of my bedroom, and it was spinning around, really fast, and it looked like it was glitching. And now I hear noises like doors opening, and footsteps, when no one's home. I can never tell if they're real, or just my mind. It's terrifying, honestly. But that's why I always sit next to the stove, where the fire poker is.

When I experience these things, I can't tell if they're real, or not. The thought of hearing and seeing things no one else can is just... Terrible. Or I could get used to hearing doors opening, and if the house actually was broken into, and I just thought it was another hallucination, and I just ignored it, that would be really, really bad.

[Yvainnie]

1 minute ago, Tesh said:

Yes, you profile picture works. We're not picky.

I've never known anyone with schizophrenia, so, quite frankly, I didn't expect it to be that bad. 

And I just realized last night that I have experience a lot of hallucinations, mostly when I was elementary school aged. The three most prominent times this has happened, are these: the first time I remember was about seven years ago. When I was little, I would listen to hymns as I fell to sleep. But one night, the music didn't turn on, and after a few minutes, a talk by President Monson turned on. I thought it was a new CD. I listened for about fifteen minutes before it cut off in the middle of a sentence. I Then realized it wasn't a CD. Another time, I was laying in bed, at about nine, and I heard my dad say, "Goodnight, I love you," so I said I love you too, and turned, but no one was there, and the door was closed. Then a few years ago, we were staying at a hotel, I heard a violin playing. So I went to my mom and said, "do you hear that violin?" She said she couldn't hear anything. I have had a few visual hallucinations, not just auditory. For example, once a few years ago, when I was about six, I saw a grey rabbit on the floor of my bedroom, and it was spinning around, really fast, and it looked like it was glitching. And now I hear noises like doors opening, and footsteps, when no one's home. I can never tell if they're real, or just my mind. It's terrifying, honestly. But that's why I always sit next to the stove, where the fire poker is.

When I experience these things, I can't tell if they're real, or not. The thought of hearing and seeing things no one else can is just... Terrible. Or I could get used to hearing doors opening, and if the house actually was broken into, and I just thought it was another hallucination, and I just ignored it, that would be really, really bad.

With hallucinations it is difficult to say which is true and which is not true but I find that it do help a lot to just accept it is like this and I am like: "yes this is hallucination, thank you, next" I do not tell anyone but I do not lie if someone asks. Just be bored by hallucinations works. And if you can not say if it is one or not just assume it is and let it happen. Honestly when I read Sanderson Legion I often wondered if he is not schizophrenic, because he cas describe it so well. 

[Just a Lifetime]

I like this initiative.  If I've done things right, my profile pic should now be green and I should have a signature with a link here.

Folks perusing this thread might appreciate this mental health discussion between Pat Rothfuss, Thera, and Travis McElroy.  Pat seems to be organizing annual discussions of this sort, but the second (with Matthew Mercer and Holly Conrad) now seems to be down from twitch (where I watched it a few months ago) and not (yet?) up on youtube.  Emily Davis's Two Extremes series of "Stories About [Her] Life With Bipolar Disorder" might also be useful.

I hope all the links this post don't come across as spammy.  I'll wrap up with just a couple more: one last video on "7 Ways to Maximize Misery" that I heard about from Rothfuss's assistant Amanda, and this page that was recommended by Rothfuss's 'Activism Team'.

(When I started to write this post, I honestly had no idea how Rothfuss-obsessed it might make me look.  I haven't even gathered the courage to read The Slow Regard of Silent Things yet!)

On 4/27/2018 at 3:45 PM, AonEne said:

I don't know what this might be or what category it might fall in.

It sounds maybe a bit like echolalia, though I'm certainly not qualified to say with any authority.  I just happen to have browsed to that Wikipedia article (from the one on Asperger syndrome) a couple of weeks ago.

[Snipexe]

I think this is a wonderful initiative, and I will change my profile to green a soon as I have the time. However, at a later time in May I may choose to change it back to grey. This is because May is also Brain Tumor awareness month. I personally have not had a brain tumor. My mother however has had two. The first one, she had when I was two, and my sister was three months old. During the surgery to remove it, there were complications resulting in her having to relearn how to talk, write, and walk. Before the surgery she was able to dance, and run. After, she permanently lost the ability to do so. This was the way I grew up, and I don’t know anything different. About 7 years later, her tumor came back. This time, thankfully the surgery went fine. Brain Tumors have had an impact on me my entire life, and so while I’m definitely going to support mental health month, if I change my icon to a grey theme, that’s why, not because I’m being disrespectful

Tl;dr I’m going to change my icon color, but may change it back

Edited April 30, 2018 by Snipexe

[AonEne]

3 hours ago, daschaich said:

It sounds maybe a bit like echolalia, though I'm certainly not qualified to say with any authority.  I just happen to have browsed to that Wikipedia article (from the one on Asperger syndrome) a couple of weeks ago.

.That Wikipedia article utterly intimidates me. What in the absolute what. You'd need to go to college and major in something medical to understand that. 

Edit: No offense, just in case

Edited April 30, 2018 by AonEne

[Voidus]

Echolalia is repetition of words that other people say so I don't think that's quite the same as what AonEne was describing, I'd say a form of OCD maybe? but I'm also not exactly an expert.

[Gancho Libre]

Thanks, @Elenion !