Help with expressing a character. . .

[Tariniel]

I have this character in the book I'm writing that is mute. (BTW if anyone here is mute or knows someone that is I would really appreciate some pointers, as I've basically been treating him as any other character, only he never has external dialogue. The magic system allows for a voice-in-your head sort of thing, which is how I added conversations to make his scenes more interesting, but he's a long way from perfect.) Now, expressing this in a conventional setting would be quite simple; everyone talks, he doesn't. Where I'm running into problems is because he's part of a clergy where they communicate in signspeak, a language using only hand motions. Practically no one in his scenes communicates verbally. I'm having trouble finding a way to convey that he's different (since he actually cannot speak, whereas everyone else is silent by choice) without coming out and directly telling it to the reader . . .

It's crucial to his backstory that the reader knows he's mute. If anyone can help brainstorm on ways to show this rather than tell it, it would be a great help

[Yezrien]

I think the voice-in-your head thing might be a problem. If he can communicate that easily, he's basically not mute. He isn't significantly different from other people because he doesn't have to work around his disability. The signspeak is the same; it creates a situation where his disability doesn't matter.

In other words, I think you've made life too easy for him. I recommend severely limiting the use of the telepathy (perhaps restrict it to certain people), and force him to interact with lots of people who don't know signspeak. Make his muteness an obstacle for him, which he can only partially overcome. Show his frustration and sadness. Watch The Shape of Water.

Also, sign languages are often grammatically different from spoken language. For example, if you want to express "I am going to the store today," the actual signs you make might just translate to "me go store today." It would be interesting if the signspeak scenes were actually written that way. That doesn't specifically help with this problem, but it would be cool.

 

[Tariniel]

2 hours ago, Belzedar said:

I think the voice-in-your head thing might be a problem. If he can communicate that easily, he's basically not mute. He isn't significantly different from other people because he doesn't have to work around his disability. The signspeak is the same; it creates a situation where his disability doesn't matter.

Okay, I see where I could have explained myself better. The voice in only in his head--there's no telepathy involved in this world. What I meant was that the mental conversations he has occasionally with the Voice fill in the gaps where a normal character would have dialogue (which I find to be one of the things readers skip to, as it's inherently interesting.)

I'm also aware of the fact that I'm undercutting his disability, but that's actually what I was going for. I want him to be similar to the other clergy members, while in regular society he would stick out like a sore thumb. The fact that he conceals his muteness among a silent clergy is somewhat of a plot point. Which explains why I need to convey it clearly...

Edited March 30, 2018 by Tariniel

[Yezrien]

Okay, that makes more sense.

Can you tell us why the other clerics take vows of silence? Because maybe they're corrupt, and they don't take their vows too seriously; they talk when they're alone, and occasionally they let a word or two slip in public. The true mute doesn't because he can't, but people will assume that he's just the most pious of them all.

But if he's actively hiding the fact that he's mute, do you need to convey that he's different? You can convey it to the reader through internal monologue, but it seems like it shouldn't be expressed much in-world.

[Tariniel]

1 hour ago, Belzedar said:

Because maybe they're corrupt, and they don't take their vows too seriously; they talk when they're alone, and occasionally they let a word or two slip in public. The true mute doesn't because he can't, but people will assume that he's just the most pious of them all.

Right, I'm working with this assumption already, though not necessarily from the corruption angle

1 hour ago, Belzedar said:

But if he's actively hiding the fact that he's mute, do you need to convey that he's different? You can convey it to the reader through internal monologue, but it seems like it shouldn't be expressed much in-world.

That's what I'm having trouble with...it doesn't lend itself to internal monologue either... (not unless I literally have him think about the fact that he can't speak, which would make no sense. He's lived his entire life being mute and hiding it. There's no reason he'd think of it now)

What I thought of doing was have someone nearly discover his secret (they kill mutes, in this society) and convey it through his reaction. But I used that as a plotpoint later on--where it fits much better--and would rather not move it...

[Tariniel]

Oh, and the priests are silent because the religion is built around a still god and a man who never spoke. Things kind of evolved from there, plus the addition of the signspeak which comes from other cultural aspects. 

[Merrickz]

What is the cause of his muteness if you don't mind me asking because if he doesn't have a tongue that may be a way to reveal that he can't speak, e.g. he appears different when eating or someone notices when his mouth opens. 

If his muteness is caused by something else (e.g. birth defect causing him not to have any vocal chords) then maybe you find out by him not making a noise when he should, e.g. he hurts himself and there's not even a grunt of pain (Admittedly I am not mute and don't know whether you can make a noise or not if you have no vocal chords)

 

[Tariniel]

On 3/30/2018 at 4:56 PM, Merrickz said:

What is the cause of his muteness if you don't mind me asking because if he doesn't have a tongue that may be a way to reveal that he can't speak, e.g. he appears different when eating or someone notices when his mouth opens. 

I haven't worked on this just yet, but I wanted to stray away from making it too obvious a physical defect. So maybe something more concealed, like the vocal cords you mentioned. Though a sound wouldn't be enough to clue the reader in, I don't think...

On 3/30/2018 at 2:13 PM, Belzedar said:

But if he's actively hiding the fact that he's mute, do you need to convey that he's different? You can convey it to the reader through internal monologue, but it seems like it shouldn't be expressed much in-world.

I think I've hit upon why I don't want to have the 'someone threatens him with their discovery of his muteness' as the method of character expression. My instincts say that would feel too much like cheating the reader; I want to have the reader know that he is mute before the blackmail plotline comes into play. I think this is both more interesting and increases the suspense, rather than the feeling of "well, how was I supposed to know this?"

That still leaves me with how to believably insert this into the character's inner monologue, however...

Edited April 2, 2018 by Tariniel

[Yezrien]

Here's a simple solution: flashbacks. They don't have to be full scenes or chapters, but he can easily reminisce (internally) about previous experiences where his muteness was more impactful. He could think about how much nicer his current station is.

Or, simpler still, you can just tell the reader that he's mute. This is one of those cases where show-don't-tell might be more trouble than it's worth. I'm not saying you, the omnipotent author, should address the reader directly. You can just create a situation where it makes sense for him to think about it. Like this:

Quote

He tried to refrain from smiling to himself as his sleeping roommate mumbled nonsense. "Elephants," the poor lad kept saying, and something about broken glass.

This was what every cleric in the Silent Order lived in fear of: the transgressions of the night. Even the most devoted follower of the Wordless Way could not control himself in sleep. It was every cleric's destiny to arise, every morning, stricken with terror that they had unwittingly broken their vow of silence during the night, and damned their souls forever.

Except me, he thought. Sometimes it pays to be a true-mute.

I'm inventing terms and making some assumptions about the world, but you get the idea.

Edited April 2, 2018 by Belzedar

[Tariniel]

That is interesting, @Belzedar... I had thought along similar lines, but your example gave me something concrete to work with. Let me try writing it out and see if it fits. Thanks!

Edited April 3, 2018 by Tariniel

[Yezrien]

Glad I could help!