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[OB] Write a scene for the one year gap


aemetha

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I’m terrible at writing and this may be borderline fanfiction/soap opera, but maybe someone can put my thoughts into a short story.

So here’s the gist: Shallan/Radiant is happily married to Adolin, but Veil isn’t.  Veil still swoons and crushes on Kaladin whenever he’s around.  Veil and Kaladin have an affair.  Shallan, feeling extremely guilty confesses to Adolin what happened.  Adolin, being Adolin is extremely hurt and angry at first, but still loves Shallan, so he forgives her.  But then, bum bum BUM, Shallan is pregnant.  Adolin says that no matter what, whether the child is biologically his or Kaladin’s, he will raise it as his own.  But then the twist, the baby is born without a spec of blond hair, and one light eye, and one dark eye.

If someone wants to run with this, feel free!

Edited by N006+ard4life
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Kaladin swept through the halls of Urithiru, franticly searching for Dalinar. Syl flew along beside him with a worried expression.

" This is really bad Kaladin..." She said

" I know. Storms! Where's Dalinar!" Kaladin burst into the conference room with a pentuple lashing, sending the door through the glass wall. " Dalinar! We have enimies in the tower!" Dalinar stood up aburbtly, cutting off the Azish ambassador who had been talking.

" Is it what we feared?" Dalinar questioned

" I'm afraid so sir. Bridge 4 is gearing up as we speak."

" Sound the alarm," Dalinar ordered. " We have acne..."

*Back in black starts playing as Bridge Four walks out into the market in slow motion. They all put on aviator sunglasses simultaneously, Kaladin in the lead, Syl a giant Acne Begone tube*

" Let's hunt some zits boys!" Kaladin exclaimed. They began to fly through the markets scanning the crowds for infection.

" Sir, it's worse than we thought," Teft cut in, " We have to cleanse the whole crowd.

" So be it." Kaladin began to lay waste to all around him. A solid stream of white cream coating the crowds.

" I think it's working!" Suddenly he heard a boom. Fearspren laced the clearing, people began to run. 

" I - It's HUGE!" Lopen screamed. Syl looked to Kaladin

" The Words, Kal." Kaladin knew what to say this time. He knew he could do it.

" I will protect all against acne." Kaladin bellowed in triumph. A thunderclap sounded, Kaladin filled with power.

" These words are... Accepted," The Stormfather said hesitantly.

" Let's pop some zits..."

 

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These are great. I'm worried some of this will get stuck in my head cannon! Anyway here is my pathetic attempt at a scene.

Jasnah sat alone in Urithiru’s library. She had sent the scribes away that have been busy transcribing the last of the recordings from the gems Renarin had discovered. 

She had already listened to most of the recordings. 

“Something is here. Something wrong. The Lightweavers feel it too and say they have a plan” 

She was still amazed the Knight Radiants of the past had the forethought to create an alternative method to record their history. Did they somehow know it would be millennia before this place was discovered again?

Her mother was still hard at work discovering Urithiru’s secrets. She believes the entire structure is a giant fabrial. The recordings seem to verify this conclusion but there is more.

Deep in thought she was completely oblivious to the new arrivals in the room. A man with a scared face wearing the finery of a high prince. With a chicken on his shoulder? Behind him two men in green and yellow waited at the door, Sadeas livery. Obviously a henchman of Ialai. Despite Dalinar’s protest to the contrary that storming women will need to be dealt with.

Good evening Queen Jasnah the man said with an exaggerated bow.

Jasnah cursed her guards under her breath for allowing the intrusion. Those storming bridgemen are worthless.  To whom do I owe the thanks for this disruption of my solitude?

Ah I apologize my Queen for the intrusion. I have requested a audience with you for a month now to no avail and felt this the only way to discuss an important matter with you.

What do you want?

Forgiveness my Queen. Allow me to introduce my self… The man was cut off mid sentence by the site of a shardblade mere inches from his throat.

Oh I see you already know who I am the man said as his chicken hissed at her.

Jasnah hissed back, give me one reason why I should not kill you where you stand? She had spotted the mans signet ring. More importantly the a symbol on it, three intersecting triangles. The symbol of the Ghostbloods.

I have information my Queen, information you need.

You people tried to kill me!

Fortunately for the both of us an unsuccessful attempt my Queen. Please I am clearly unarmed and no threat to a Knight Radiant of your skill, you needn't have even summoned your blade to dispatch me before I would have time to blink.

Talk chicken man!

First allow me to introduce my self properly. My name is Mraize and as you rightly guessed I am a member of the Ghostbloods. I do apologize for our overzealous attempt on you life. You see at one point our goals did not entirely align and you were an obstacle if you will.

They align now and I am supposed to simply forget you tried to kill me?

Uh yes and no to your first question said Mraize. While our goals may not completely align currently they are no longer quite as conflicting now that the preverbal larkin is out of the bag. To your second question forgiveness is what I seek or at the very least a reprieve long enough to explain our actions before you turn me in to a crystal statue.

The man had a point Jasnah thought. If she felt threatened in the least she would have not bothered summoning Ivory, he would already have been dead. Ok I will allow to explain yourself Mraize. By the way what is your name? Mraize is a title.

My name is not important but if you prefer you may call me Hunter.

Now you sound like Wit Jasnah said.

Wit? Oh Hoid! Yes we do have a mutual acquaintance. I’ve never actually meet the man in person but we do travel in the same pack so to speak.

On with it my patience is growing thin!

Right. We know you have captured a couple divinities.

I’d hardly call them divinities retorted Jasnah.

That’s right you wouldn’t would you. Never the less you are barking up the wrong rockbud with your plan for them. They are a very valuable asset though if used correctly.

Are you bargaining this information for my pardon of your crime? Why would I trust you?

I do not need your trust just your cooperation and access to the Heralds. As an act of good faith I have another bit of information you may find interesting. Your ward Shallan, I know her as Veil which is an appropriate name for how she hides her secrets. 

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13 hours ago, Ookla the Leyspren said:

*story of Kaladin becoming the new Highprince*

That's... Actually so brilliant. Not only does Kaladin become the leader of his own Princedom, not only does he go from slave to Highprince Knight Radiant (zero to hero, huh), but we know Alethi to be a very competitive group. Even if Rock did give the killing blow, it's fair to say Kaladin beat Amaram, the previous Highprince, in a trial of combat. 

And absolutely, who better to discipline Sadeas' troops than the man who made Squires out of Bridgemen. What a complete turn about, I love thinking of the implications.

I feel like this is one of those things, where if this doesn't happen, I'll be really disappointed. damnation. 

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Storms thought Ado. This was not going well. In only a few short months since they took possession, Urithiru had become the murder capital of Roshar. Even chasing away the unmade hadn't prevented this latest outbreak of violence. Three nights it had gone on now. Brutal violence. Darkeyes no doubt, the wounds were inflicted with blunt weapons, a lighteyes would have used a sword. Blunt or sharp though, it hadn't prevented the assailant from hitting his victims hard enough to spill a lot of blood.

Ado bent down to examine the closest corpse. Same as the others. Not a single clue as to the identity of the assailant. Wait. What was that? As he watched the man exhaled softly, almost imperceptibly. For the last time. Storms! If he only just died, with that wound the assailant must be close. Very close! There was only one way out of this maze of alleys, and Ado hadn't passed anyone as he had moved in the opposite direction to the flow of panicked residents. Whoever had done this, they were close... and trapped.

Ado carefully drew his sword and glanced around. Ado was a tenner, he rarely had opportunity to celebrate the fluke of birth that made him a lighteyes, no, Ado worked for a living. Still, on this night Ado was grateful for the length of sharpened steel his status afforded him. Against an unarmoured foe armed with a blunt weapon his sword was an edge he would likely need before this night was out.

There, the alley at the back. It's the only place with enough concealment to hide the assailant. Ado cautiously approached, careful to take a wide berth around any corners that might be used to ambush him. He reached the entrance of the alley, but the dead end in the distance was shrouded in darkness. "I know you're in there. Throw down your weapon and come out with your hands where I can see them." he called.

"Busy! You come down here instead." came the upbeat reply from the alley. The closeness of the buildings and the way the night air carried the sound made it impossible to pinpoint where the voice had come from.

Should have known not to hope this would go down smoothly thought Ado. "Look, I'm not walking down a dark alley chasing a murderer." he called, "Either you come out and surrender to me now, or I'm quite happy to wait for the rest of my squad to arrive and we'll fill that alley so full of crossbow bolts you'll need a windrunner to stick your body back together for the funeral".

"Okay" the reply came.

"Okay what?" asked Ado. "You're coming out? No sudden movements!".

"No, okay to the other thing. With the crossbows." said the voice.

Storms, storms, storms. Ado had been bluffing. He'd been patrolling alone, his squad had no idea where he was. "Look, enough people have died tonight. What's it going to take to get you to surrender to my custody?" he asked the formless darkness at the back of the alley.

"Well. Do you think you could come down here and answer a question for me?" came the reply.

"And then you'll surrender to my custody?" asked Ado.

"Yes, I think that would be okay." the voice replied.

Ado glanced back of his shoulder. Help would not be arriving, and if he walked away, tomorrows murders would forever be on his conscience. The choice was no choice at all. He slowly moved into the alley, allowing his eyes to adjust to the darkness with each step. Halfway into the alley he began to make out shapes, and a little further down he was able to make out yet another corpse in the depths of the alley. Turns out he'd been wrong, the assailant had used a sword, they just didn't bother to take it out of the sheathe. Standing hilt outward from the gaping wound in the chest of the corpse was a sword, a shardblade in fact. Ado still couldn't make out the assailant though, where was he? "What's the question?" he called.

The voice replied in his head, "Would you like to destroy some evil today?".

Edited by aemetha
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20 minutes ago, Necessary Eagle said:

Do any of you have accounts on AO3, fanfiction.net, sites like that? Because most of these are good enough that to upload as actual fanfics. Heck, I'd help beta the SPaG if anyone wanted.

I'm kind of considering it. Would want to have a bigger story to write first, though.

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27 minutes ago, Necessary Eagle said:

Do any of you have accounts on AO3, fanfiction.net, sites like that? Because most of these are good enough that to upload as actual fanfics. Heck, I'd help beta the SPaG if anyone wanted.

I don't even know what those things are :unsure:.

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59 minutes ago, Necessary Eagle said:

Do any of you have accounts on AO3, fanfiction.net, sites like that? Because most of these are good enough that to upload as actual fanfics. Heck, I'd help beta the SPaG if anyone wanted.

This is actually a great idea! I think SA fandom is more active on AO3. I promise to leave kudos.

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I do have an account on fanfiction.net (Visvissy), I'm not very confident when it comes to planning and executing the writing of a story though. I can write scenes just fine for some reason though.

Edited by Vissy
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1 hour ago, Necessary Eagle said:

Do any of you have accounts on AO3, fanfiction.net, sites like that? Because most of these are good enough that to upload as actual fanfics. Heck, I'd help beta the SPaG if anyone wanted.

I've got a problem.

I've watched a lot of Brandon's online lectures about how to write cool stories, gotten excited about it, have wanted to sneak into his lectures some time (I live locally to BYU) and maybe find a writing group of like-minded people who want to improve their writing skills.

But heck, I'm 42 years old, I've got a wife and 4 kids, a demanding career writing computer software, and a side business preserving my memories of when I was a kid.  When could I possibly have time to get serious about developing my writing skills enough to write a serious story?  It just doesn't seem possible.

Nevertheless, with that being said, somewhere inside of me is a dream.  This dream is to write my own story and have it actually be _good_.  It doesn't have to be incredible, just good enough that people who read it nod and say "You know what, that wasn't bad.  I enjoyed that.  You had some neat ideas and took the story in a cool direction that I wasn't expecting."

If I'm going to invest more time into this, I would definitely not be messing around writing fan fiction, I'd do something original.  Fan fiction has the problem in that you are writing about copyrighted characters and so you can never become too successful or the lawyers will have to shut you down.

If anyone has any suggestions for how I can move forward (slowly) to achieve my dream, let me know.  Maybe some kind of online writing group of people who go really slowly (ie are adults with kids and don't have much time) ?

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20 minutes ago, Matt O said:

 

If anyone has any suggestions for how I can move forward (slowly) to achieve my dream, let me know.  Maybe some kind of online writing group of people who go really slowly (ie are adults with kids and don't have much time) ?

Go for it! I am a SAH Mom with 4 kids under 5 and my experience is that you can always carve out a little time for writing.  When I started taking it seriously I pretty much stopped watching TV (except with my husband and that was more about us time than the shows), and wrote instead.

As for how to find a writing group, I did an online writing course and formed a group from there. I suspect if you look in your local area you could find groups that gather too. I don't think having people at the same stage as you matters, I have people in my group half my age and one who is already a full time published author and it's great!

Off topic, sorry folks :)

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1 hour ago, Necessary Eagle said:

Do any of you have accounts on AO3, fanfiction.net, sites like that? Because most of these are good enough that to upload as actual fanfics. Heck, I'd help beta the SPaG if anyone wanted.

I am considering it. I have always avoided fan-fiction because it is hard enough finding time to write my original projects. But writing on here has been so much fun, and I spend enough time fan-fictioninf in my head anyway!

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Fan fiction has never attracted me as much as writing my own thing (though I really wanted to get the Kaladin-becomes-highprince scene out of my system), and yeah... what shall I say. Right now I'm attempting to build a new periodic table, mostly to have an anchor for my magic.

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Queen Jasnah sat down at her desk after a grueling day in the presence of the high princes. She continued her ongoing process of searching through folder after folder of policies that had been documented by the scribes under Elhokar's reign.

"Does this...does this paper say that Elhokar...abdicated the throne?" 

Navani nodded. "He told me this decision was made during the Battle of Narak. The family that kept him safe feared for the repercussions of harboring an Alethi king."

Jasnah raised her eyebrows. "This document is missing a key piece of verbiage. Notice line four, clause seven. It states that the King would abdicate his throne on this date, the same day as the Battle of Narak...but there is no part in this document that states when he would return to the throne. It is an open-ended document."

"Was Elhokar's official seal stamped to this document?" Navani questioned.

"Yes, I..." 

Jasnah was cut off as the door slammed open. But the person on the other side wasn't walking on the floor.

Lopen stepped through the doorway while walking on the ceiling, crown fused to his head using Adhesion. 

"Hello ladies. Goncho is ready to rule."

 

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"The Plan is" Ivory said.
Glancing at Ivory who was on the table inspecting a sphere filled bag Jasnah replied. "I know, it is dangerous Ivory, but I fear that this is of such strategic importance that a calculated risk must be taken. There has been something we've been missing all along about this place, about the very nature of how the Fused seem to have endless Voidlight—about how the whole fabrial city is like a gem without it's stormlight— and I believe I know where to start looking."

"But is this wisdom, unreliable she is"

"Shallan is unreliable, but the greater risk is being alone and isolated down there. We have no idea what we will find."

"Ah, yes, wisdom this is" Ivory said, his shimmering features reflected in the sphere that he had taken from the pouch and held in his hand. "A good soul, this is."

—new scene—

Shallan walked down the corridor to where the main cistern of Urithiru was located and was ashamed to feel nervous! With her marriage to Adolin she was now one of the most important Brightladys in all of Roshar, but every time she thought of Jasnah she felt like a child who had gotten caught sneaking sweets. Pattern hummed nervously from her skirt.

"Shallan, Mmmm – do you know why Jasnah wants to meet with you, it seems mmmm, a peculiar request"

"No, but you know Jasnah, always taking lots of time to tell everyone what her plans are. She's the least secretive person in all of Roshar, you can never get her to shut up about what she is doing, and why she's doing it."

"MMmmm. Sarcasm." Pattern hummed contentedly.

Shallan saw her, standing at the edge of the giant pool, lit by the green light of Mishim and her heart jumped into her throat. Storms, how could she even think she was a Radiant, compared to this woman she truly was a child. Radiant can handle this, Shallan thought, but no, she pushed that thought down. I have to do this myself, for some reason I know that this is important.

"Good, you're finally here, late as usual I see. Did you bring the items I requested child?"

"Umm, yes. I have my sketchbook, a large portion of the Royal Emerald reserve that were just infused, and one of those new panrials that Navanni has been making. Umm, might I ask why we are here at this inconvenient hour of the night, you know Brightness there is an easier way to get a drink of water."

Jasnah clucked in her throat, "Now Shallan, you really must guard that tongue of yours. I guess you do deserve an explanation."

Shallan waited. Oh Jasnah! This is some sort of test, why does she always have to be testing me like this. Can I wait patiently for her to give me the explanation, why yes teacher Radiant, thank you teacher Radiant, what a great lesson this is. As the minutes stretched by, Shallan's cheeks were barely even flushed with anger, and she only drew a single angerspren, that really could have been a bit of spilled wine at her feet.

"Good," Jasnah said. "This is a very dangerous mission we are going on Shallan, I needed to ensure that you could control yourself when required. We are going to a place that probably hasn't been visited in over 2,000 years. Our journey will be fraught with peril, and I had to know that I could rely on you to Control yourself."

"We are going to explore the deepest mystery of Shadesmar, the point where the sea of beads extends to its most unfathomable depths."

Then Janah hiked up her divided skirts and stepped INTO the cistern, Shallan gaped. What in the world is she doing?

Feeling like a fool, Shallan followed her in. She immediately began shivering as she stepped into the icy waters with coldspren falling around her like blue cyrstaline snowflakes, shattering apart and reforming. She followed Jasnah and let go of her skirts as the water was now well above her waist. She stopped when Jasnah turned to her, standing in the still water, her torso mirrored in the green moon lit surface of the cistern.

Jasnah touched the surface of the water, stormlight spread out from her palm in crystalline branches, until the whole surface of the cistern was glowing, a single luminescent mirror of stormlight. From the edges of the pool stormlight spread upwards, like a viscous fluid flowing the wrong way, curving in on itself until they were completely enclosed in a glowing dome of Stormlight. Then the dome collapsed in on itself, and for a brief moment Shallan could see the black sky of shadesmar with its strange cloud formations superimposed over the dark evening sky, Mishim's pale light lost in the light of that strange sun.

When her vision cleared, Shallan saw that she was on a small obsidian island floating high in the sky of Shadesmar. Jasnah straightened her skirts, which were also some how dry, infuriating woman, and approached Shallan with a solemn expression.

"This is something I have been planning since before we arrived at Urithiru. I had suspicions from my forays into this Realm that its greatest mysteries might lay within its greatest depths. That trite, poorly researched book you picked up in Kholinar had some interesting conjecture that were in keeping with some of the thoughts that I myself have had. We, Shallan shall be trying to find one of the keys to our victory over the voidbringers. I have perhaps said too much already, what is essential for you to know is that I have made certain discoveries but I lacked the wherewithal to test them, so against the urging of my spren, I have decided to...trust you."

"Uhh, thanks," Shallan said, and again had that feeling of being a mouse before a mink.

"That painrial that I asked you to bring, hand it to me". Jasnah held her hand out distractedly as she scanned the horizon. Shallan, for the first time chanced a glance over the edge of the floating platform of glass and immediately pulled back from the edge. Storms, she thought, even with the amount of stormlight we have in these emeralds, a fall from this height would probably kill us. Could the bloody pulp of a body splattered like a fruit against a wall be put back together again, even with stormlight? She shivered and fished the painrial from her satchel and handed it to Jasnah.

As Jasnah held the device, Shallan noticed that the form of the actual painrial was fuzzy and indistinct, and that it almost seemed to be vibrating in multiple planes simultaneously.

"Take a memory of this device Shallan, and draw it for me"

Without thinking Shallan took a memory, but storms, that memory HURT. She could feel the wrongness of the image that she had captured as the rapid succession of states of the device tried to assert there reality. She grabbed her head and fell down onto the black glass, and grabbing her sketch pad she drew. She had to get this memory out of her mind, she sketched feverishly, tears leaking down her cheeks as the wrongness of the image beat at the inside of her skull.

Finally the pounding within her head stopped, she set her charcoal down and looked at her sketch. In twisting, scratched lines she had drawn the painrial as series of vertical bars swirling into a central point, like the bars of prison collapsing into a singularity. Most shocking of all, she had drawn the pain spren, as it manifests in the pyhsical realm, as a hand. But there was something terribly wrong, the hand was stripped of flesh. It was a sinewy claw shown in multiple different states, beating, scratching and tearing at the vertical bars of its prison.

"Stormfather!" Shallan said, "It's a corrupted spren! Fabrials corrupt spren!"

"I have long suspected that this would be the case,"  Jasnah said, still surveying the shadesmar sky. "I do believe our use of fabrial technology has given Odium access to many knives at our backs. I have studied a real soulcaster in Shadesmar, it does not exhibit this chaotic vibration of form that our modern fabrials do, we have done a terrible thing imprisoning spren, Shallan. And I fear we will pay a terrible price for this."

 

---end part 1----

More to come when I have more of my work done.

 

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17 minutes ago, hoiditthroughthegrapevine said:

 

"I have long suspected that this would be the case,"  Jasnah said, still surveying the shadesmar sky. "I do believe our use of fabrial technology has given Odium access to many knives at our backs. I have studied a real soulcaster in Shadesmar, it does not exhibit this chaotic vibration of form that our modern fabrials do, we have done a terrible thing imprisoning spren, Shallan. And I fear we will pay a terrible price for this."

 

I think you've hit upon something that the books seem to be foreshadowing: that capturing spren to make fabrials work isn't a Good Thing.

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